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[NT] I want to be deprogrammed

ygolo

My termites win
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Aug 6, 2007
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5,981
I don't want a sex drive at all.

Sexual Attraction Among Humans | Serendip's Exchange

Sexual Attraction Among Humans
Diana Fernandez

Being a heterosexual female, in the twenty first century, I pride myself on the fact that I take people at more than face value, that I appreciate human beings for their character rather than for their looks. I scoff at women who proclaim that they will not date a guy unless he has substantial material assets, a broad back, and good breeding. Yet why do I find myself making conversation with physically attractive males while blowing the off more unattractive ones? Why does my head whip around when I see a man in a Porsche? Why do my male friends all have the same prerequisites for the perfect female despite race and ethnicity: perky breasts, slim waist, and full lips? Despite most people's lofty notions of equality, and beauty being in the eye of the beholder, we are all susceptible to certain physical, and material traits that make some humans more desirable than others. Perhaps we cannot punish ourselves for our weakness when we see beautiful and successful people, part of the answer lies in the biology and evolution of humans. Males and females have different standards for a desirable mate, and we share many of these characteristics with other animals in the animal kingdom, yet these instincts are inherent for a reason: reproduction.

"As unromantic and pragmatic as it may seem, nature's programming of our brains to select out and respond to stimuli as sexually compelling or repelling simply makes good reproductive sense"(1) . Recent studies have indicated that certain physical characteristics stimulate a part of the brain called the hypothalamus, which is followed by sensations such as elevated heart rate, perspiration, and a general feeling of sexual arousal. So what visual queues instigate these feelings of sexual arousal in men? How does it differ from what women find attractive? "A preference for youth, however, is merely the most obviously of men's preferences linked to a woman's reproductive capacity"(2). The younger the female the better the capacity for reproduction, hence attributes that males find attractive and contingent on signs of youthfulness. "Our ancestors had access to two types of observable evidence of a woman's health and youth: features of physical appearance, such as full lips, clear skin, smooth skin, clear eyes, lustrous hair, and good muscle tone, and features of behavior, such as a bouncy, youthful gait, and animated facial expressions"(2) . Cross-cultural studies have found that men, despite coming from different countries find similar traits attractive in females. Men's preferences are biologically and evolutionarily hardwired to find signs of youth and health attractive in women in order to determine which females are best suited to carry on their gene, and legacy. Healthier and more youthful women are more likely to reproduce, and be able to take care of the children after birth, hence ensuring a perpetuation of the male's gene.

Scientist's have also been establishing that scent plays an important role in deeming females attractive. At certain points during their menstrual cycle women produce more or less estrogen accordingly. During certain times thought the menstrual cycle their sent can be more or less appealing to males. "A research team reports in the Aug. 30 NEURON that the brains of men and women respond differently to two putative pheromones, compounds related to the hormones testosterone and estrogen. When smelled, an estrogen like compound triggers blood flow to the hypothalamus in men's brains but not women's, reports Ivanka Savic of the Karolinska Institute in Stockholm"(3) .

Men are not the only ones subject to biological predispositions in deeming attraction. "Women are judicious, prudent, and discerning about the men they consent to mate with because they have so many valuable reproductive resources to offer"(2) . Men produce sperm by the thousands, yet women produce about 400 eggs in their lifetime, and the trials of pregnancy and child rearing are long and arduous, hence their preferences and what they find sexually attractive in a male are based more on security and longevity of relationships. Athletic prowess is an important attribute to most women that hearkens back to the beginning of man. An athletic and well-muscled male is more likely to be a good hunter hence provide for a family. Large and athletic male can also provide physical protection from other males.

I was speaking to one of my male friends the other day when he mentioned that when he was in a bar speaking to an attractive girl, he always lied about his profession, telling them he was either a lawyer, doctor, or investment banker. What do all of these professions have in common? Money. Women are attracted to a successful male because this is indicative of his ability to provide for a family. This is a desirable trait that is shared by females thought the animal kingdom. "When biologist Reuven Yosef arbitrarily removed portions of some males' (Gray shrike, a bird that lives in the desert of Israel) caches and added edible objects to others, females shifted to the males with the larger bounties"(2) . Yet a man has had more than just the resources to attract a female, he also has to be willing to share them. Women tend to be attracted to more generous men because this is indicative of how they will treat them in the future, a man cannot withhold his resources from a female and their offspring.

Sexual attraction does have biological and evolutionary traits. Yet humans do have the ability to transgress the standardization of what is attractive. The topics that I touched upon can vary from person to person, yet are all inherently a part of the human species. We are not fully beyond the basic drives of our biological and evolutionary makeup, yet not all of our desires for a sexual mate are purely physical and material, there is always the mysterious capacity to fall in love and maintain a lasting relationship with one other person.
 

velocity

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yea, but without any hope for actualizing those urges.
i think it's a fair enough substitute. :D
 

Atomic Fiend

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I doubt that. Then I'll just have a completely frustrated sex-drive.
It's sound as that ship has sailed am i correct? Sorry ygolo, I hope you don't feel this way in the future, I hope you don't have reason too.
 

Gengar

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Is it the fact that a sex drive makes you seem shallow that you want to lose it?
 

ygolo

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It's sound as that ship has sailed am i correct? Sorry ygolo, I hope you don't feel this way in the future, I hope you don't have reason too.

Not completely frustrated. No.

But I'm just sick of the hot girl, rich guy dynamic.

Is it the fact that a sex drive makes you seem shallow that you want to lose it?

Kinda, and it makes me do stupid things. Really stupid things. No, I mean, really stupid things.
 

velocity

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But I'm just sick of the hot girl, rich guy dynamic.
let the world do what it's gonna do. if you want something different, go for it. if you want those girls, go through the correlated motions.

Kinda, and it makes me do stupid things. Really stupid things. No, I mean, really stupid things.

so what you are actually saying is you want to keep the sex drive but learn how to control its manifestation better :D okay man, why didn't ya say so?
 

ygolo

My termites win
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let the world do what it's gonna do. if you want something different, go for it. if you want those girls, go through the correlated motions.

What are the "corelated motions" for compassionate, friendly women? and how do I make myself attracted to them instead of the more predatory types?

so what you are actually saying is you want to keep the sex drive but learn how to control its manifestation better :D okay man, why didn't ya say so?

It seemed simpler to not have a sex-drive. But I suppose your way is more practical.
 

velocity

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What are the "corelated motions" for compassionate, friendly women? and how do I make myself attracted to them instead of the more predatory types?

lol. oh come on, don't lament your attraction to excitement. it's what makes you - ygolo! or maybe there is something within you that changes these good-natured women into beasts of prey? (doesn't sound like such a bad deal to me) oh the psychological theoretical possibilites! *wanders off in contemplation leaving ygolo bewildered*
 

ygolo

My termites win
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lol. oh come on, don't lament your attraction to excitement. it's what makes you - ygolo! or maybe there is something within you that changes these good-natured women into beasts of prey? (doesn't sound like such a bad deal to me) oh the psychological theoretical possibilites! *wanders off in contemplation leaving ygolo bewildered*

*bewildered*

I'll find a nice tame introverted girl to be with thankyou...and she will have a nice tame introverted guy.

Enough with this excitement.
 

Colors

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I don't know, ygolo. I think I have about normal-low levels of sex drive normally, and to be honest, it's kind of boring. I want to have that passion! I want to do illogical things sometimes! I'm envious of people who feel that sort of driving attraction to others. It's a direction, albeit even sometimes an incredibly foolish one. Just because the results aren't optimal doesn't mean you don't learn/gain something from a experience, right?

Though if you really want to know, exercise pretty much eradicates any sexual tension I have. Don't know if it'll work for you.
 

norepinephrine

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I doubt that. Then I'll just have a completely frustrated sex-drive.

YouTube - Hedwig and the Angry Inch - Makeup (Wig in a box)

I have to admit there's something interesting about watching a group of 18-or-so-year-old guys in one's living room belting out "I put on the make-up.. turn on the eight-track.." in harmony while they're paying no attention, really, to what they're actually singing.

Sometimes I miss those boys. Pity life forced them to grow up.

Ygolo, it is possible to put one's libido on hold - at least as a female. I'm assume it's possible for males as well.

But it will reappear at the most inconvenient times.
 

01011010

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What are the "corelated motions" for compassionate, friendly women? and how do I make myself attracted to them instead of the more predatory types?

Women are objectified for their bodies.
Men are objectified for their money.

You shouldn't be surprised that it happens to you in return.

Equating compassionate and friendly with plain, is a big mistake. Plain girls can be just as materialistic and predatory. They just lack the amount of opportunities, because they don't possess the superficial assets.

I've seen unattractive people commit heinous acts against their partners, same as good looking people. Perceived attractiveness isn't an indicator of character. People are wired to look out for themselves, regardless of looks. Those with beauty, just have more in their arsenal to manipulate with. On the other hand, it's something you can recognize more easily. When an ugly person tries to use you, they have to be more clever. Better to be with the devil you know...

Most people won't have your best interest in mind. Period. It seems better to be with an attractive, but flawed person. Than an ugly, flawed person. At least, you're getting something out of it. As opposed to the same problems, while lowering your standards at the same time.
 

forzen

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Sex drive doesn't make you shallow, it makes you human. It is only a inconvience if you don't have a readily source to extinguish the craving.
 

Totenkindly

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Sex drive doesn't make you shallow, it makes you human. It is only a inconvience if you don't have a readily source to extinguish the craving.

Sex drive for guys (triggered by testosterone) can be channeled into other activities and is the driving for in their taking initiative in approaching women, so it's usually not a great thing to not have one... it serves a good purpose.

But yeah, finding images of sex flashing through your head all the time when you want to be thinking of other things would really suck.

cutting the peen off should do the trick

I doubt that. Then I'll just have a completely frustrated sex-drive.

Yeah, it's like trying to stop yourself from vomiting by removing your mouth. (Lousy idea.)
 

Athenian200

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I know what you mean. I don't think I really have one myself, but seeing it in other people... makes me see them as animals. Especially when coupled with the downright creepy worship of family as something of ultimate importance, to which everything else should be secondary. They're like cult members who've finally gone off the deep end in so many ways, yet they're the ones people think are normal and healthy.

It really hurts the most to see its impact on creative, intelligent people. I often feel like I'm watching them slowly having parts of themselves removed and replaced with cheap plastic substitutes, finally ending with their brain and heart. :sad: Everyone else was already made of plastic and had the same form to start with, but the best people started off as human, and got pressured to destroy who they were, turning themselves into what everyone else was.

This... is why I don't spend time with people. It hurts too much to watch them lose themselves to that pressure to see things a certain way, and value certain things unconditionally. To just act... with no conscious mind or heart remaining in them. Only shadows of their true consciousness that occasionally cause them pain but are dismissed as nothing.

I just hope you manage to be one of the few who seem to end up having everything replaced with metal instead of plastic (thus rejecting their way). They at least retain most of what made them themselves, though a bit more distorted, rigid, and mechanical. Because the flesh always goes eventually... and most choose plastic.
 

forzen

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I know what you mean. I don't think I really have one myself, but seeing it in other people... makes me see them as animals. Especially when coupled with the downright creepy worship of family as something of ultimate importance, to which everything else should be secondary. They're like cult members who've finally gone off the deep end in so many ways, yet they're the ones people think are normal and healthy.

It really hurts the most to see its impact on creative, intelligent people. I often feel like I'm watching them slowly having parts of themselves removed and replaced with cheap plastic substitutes, finally ending with their brain and heart. :sad: Everyone else was already made of plastic and had the same form to start with, but the best people started off as human, and got pressured to destroy who they were, turning themselves into what everyone else was.

This... is why I don't spend time with people. It hurts too much to watch them lose themselves to that pressure to see things a certain way, and value certain things unconditionally. To just act... with no conscious mind or heart remaining in them. Only shadows of their true consciousness that occasionally cause them pain but are dismissed as nothing.

I just hope you manage to be one of the few who seem to end up having everything replaced with metal instead of plastic (thus rejecting their way). They at least retain most of what made them themselves, though a bit more distorted, rigid, and mechanical. Because the flesh always goes eventually... and most choose plastic.

Errrr...humans are animals. Sexual drive is a necessity in the survival of the species. If we didn't have it, it would be a dissaster as fewer people will procreate and we would have a law to mandate and pair people off to make sure its being done. Then we would have issue on being force to do something we don't want to do.
 
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