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[INTP] How to seduce an INTP...

Wild horses

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Oct 25, 2008
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Well don't they make funny, INTP appealing jokes with wide eyes an insane laugh that lasts just that one second too long??
 

norepinephrine

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Jun 10, 2008
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I guess it also depends if you just want to get them into bed... or if you're hoping the seduction might lead to some kind of dating relationship... If an INTP has sex with you on a regular basis, does that mean they actually like you? Hmmm... It could be more difficult to coax them into a relationship without scaring them back off into the woods...

On a regular basis? It may be safe to assume they don't despise you.

OTOH - "the woods are lovely, dark and deep.."

I'd hold out for the promises - we don't dispense them lightly.
 

sandwich

New member
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Nov 27, 2007
Messages
103
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INTP
How to seduce an INTP in 3 easy steps:

- Stand or sit next to them. Appear thoughtful.
- After a few seconds, say "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?".
- Reel in the catch.

I do not think that will work. My mind is usually never thinking about sex even if their is a lady in my presence.

Ha! I might be thinking about sex, but the likelihood that I'll realize someone is next to me is slim to none. Then if they start talking? :huh:
 
L

Lasting_Pain

Guest
Ha! I might be thinking about sex, but the likelihood that I'll realize someone is next to me is slim to none. Then if they start talking? :huh:

I see where you are coming from. My brother scared me have the time because I did not realize he had come into my room.
 

souffle

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Apr 9, 2009
Messages
124
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I have an issue here. I like an INTP, but my issue is not seducing him, but maintaining his interest. He made his interest in me pretty obvious end last year and at the start of this year, but then when I asked him out, said he didn't want to date at the moment cos he's too busy with schoolwork this year (we're both in our final year of high school, different schools though), "but as soon as exams were over, I would definitely be saying yes." Thing is, I only see him once a week, and I'm worried he'll just forget about it, lose interest. So far, I just call him every now and then asking if he wants to catch up if he's not too busy (both times I've asked him so far he has been busy, though). So that's my way of reminding him I'm still interested and hope he contintues to feel the same way. I guess it's all I can do right now, eh? After all, pushing him is apparently a bad strategy for INTP's. Still, the temptation to try and persuade him through some sort of logical argument to go out with me NOW is very strong... I shall try to resist.

But yeah, that's an interesting thought. How do you keep them once you've reeled them in?
 

Grungemouse

Widdles in your cream.
Joined
Feb 5, 2008
Messages
577
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5
But yeah, that's an interesting thought. How do you keep them once you've reeled them in?

From experience, I've learned that if the person is being distant, I would want them all the more than if they were being forthcoming. Most people like stability in a relationship, whilst that bores me stiff after a while. I'm not saying I like insecurity in a relationship as such, but a bit of dynamics and uncertainty. I'm probably being too vague. I think what I'm trying to say is that if the relationship maintains a constant level of security and stability, it gradually fades into the scenery and I'm back to my normal, absent-minded self. If the relationship has occasional spontaneity and dynamics, it's still within my focus.

I'm not saying that stability would make me want to leave the relationship, but it would cease to be in my interests, in the same way that a new house plant for the hallway eventually blends into the background with everything else in the home. If you're comfortable with your INTP floundering off most of the time and then toddling back again, then that shouldn't be a problem.
 

Verfremdungseffekt

videodrones; questions
Joined
Apr 23, 2009
Messages
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Well. Just from experience, I can relate that all of my entanglements to date have been a result of gentler-than-usual stalking. (The overt stalking causes me to run for the hills.) In each case I was initially a bit scared and put off, though over a long period of ingratiation I grew to appreciate the girl. Then... well, it never ends well. Somehow, every single time it turns out I was just being objectified. She wasn't actually interested in me; just wooed by the mystery and my mother's dominant genes. Mystery gone, off she toddles. Lovely!

Each time, my filters get a little finer. I had, for instance, an interesting experience about two months ago. For the first time ever, I was immediately struck by a woman. First real conversation we had, in a cafe around the corner. It was about vocabulary; she was studying for a grad school admissions exam, and dropped in "grandiloquent". I mentioned that this happened to be on my words-you-keep-forgetting list, under the words-to-use-more subheader. Directly beneath it, I said, was its sister, "breviloquent". She asked what that meant; by the time I replied, she had already worked it out. As she left, she spun on her heel to report that, going by some studies she had read, it was no bad thing that my brain keeps sublimating so much information.

I... wasn't immediately sure how to react to this exchange. She was gorgeous, and she dressed like an Edwardian adventuress. I don't normally notice these things! She was also quite brilliant. I think that's what I noticed first. I spent the weekend wondering what came over me. I had become a completely different person, in her presence. My posture, my voice. It was like I had been watching myself from a distance. Eventually I wrote it off as a fluke.

A few days later, I was in the cafe when she entered. We started to chat about the history of the Western playing card, and... well, it wasn't a fluke. The third time I saw her, I asked for her phone number. Which is about as out-of-character as I can imagine.

She sent me an email -- and her diction! Oh dear. For half an hour I could hardly breathe from giggling! Her word choice and syntax were astounding.

A while later, I asked her out to see a movie, to which she readily agreed -- yet she took forever to close up at work. I kept coming up with alternate options, which the hour kept brushing aside. Eventually I suggested ordering a pizza and watching a DVD; she invited me over to her place to watch Hitchhiker's Guide. Afterward, we sat on her kitchen counter for an hour, talking about sociology and the effects of game design on the subconscious. She brought up as many points as I did, and had about as many epiphanies.

Maybe a week after that, we went out for sushi. She was stressed out about other things in her life, and was a bit prickly. And fair enough. I tried to be cute, and she shrugged. Then she started to irregularly ask me pointed questions, that made me feel like I had to justify myself. At a cafe I pocketed my change after buying a cup of hot chocolate, and had to give a detailed breakdown of my tipping practices. It... I mean, I tip when it's obvious I'm supposed to. I just, I didn't think about it.

The real killer was in the restaurant, when she seized on my aversion to mushrooms. I don't understand why I'm so often questioned on this, but she did -- and she made the same snap assumption that... well, my last romantic partner made. She with whom I had messily separated only a year ago, and who was prone to snap assumptions.

I've got sort of a body horror thing with mushrooms. It's complicated, but suffice they just freak me out, and I don't want anything to do with them. She made the immediate conclusion, however, that I would not eat mushrooms because, as she put it, they "grow on poop". And she would not hear otherwise!

When we would go to other people's houses, and I would turn down mushroom dishes, she would even offer this as an explanation. This would, of course, cause them to argue with me because, as an explanation it makes no sense. And I'd have to tell them that it wasn't true -- which would royally piss off my partner, because I had contradicted her.

This is the way she was. She was, I believe, an INFJ. She would come to the most bizarre conclusions about my motivation, then would become angry with me because the reasons she devised for me didn't make any sense. And then she would become furious when I would try to explain my actual reasons, however gently I did it. She would tell me to stop yelling at her, even if I was speaking in a calm, offhanded way. It seemed that any contradiction, any conflict, was criticism of her as a person.

Of course, it's just in retrospect that I notice any of this. While I was in the relationship, from day to day I was half manic, trying to figure out what she needed, and how I could give it to her. Any trouble, I took as a personal failure -- a conclusion with which she heartily agreed! Yet she never helped me much, and she'd grow angry if I asked her outright. By the end, I was kind of a husk. It's taken about a year to start to feel like myself again -- the way I did years ago. My creativity is starting to return, even. I thought it was gone for good.

So I mentioned to this girl that I don't eat mushrooms. Her response? "Why, because they grow on poop?"

...

I... Well, she allowed me to explain, anyway. But whatever it was that had so compelled me before, that alien enthusiasm -- it was gone, as if it had never been. We were polite the rest of the date; I walked her home, then we parted ways.

I've avoided her since then. I understand all the factors in play; I know how complicated moods can be, and I know she wasn't at her best. I don't have anything against the girl. I just... have no motivation to talk to her. And I've plenty of more pressing things to think about.

So oh well. We'll see if I can finish these articles before the end of the month.

EDIT: Good lord, that turned out long.
 

souffle

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From experience, I've learned that if the person is being distant, I would want them all the more than if they were being forthcoming. Most people like stability in a relationship, whilst that bores me stiff after a while. I'm not saying I like insecurity in a relationship as such, but a bit of dynamics and uncertainty. I'm probably being too vague. I think what I'm trying to say is that if the relationship maintains a constant level of security and stability, it gradually fades into the scenery and I'm back to my normal, absent-minded self. If the relationship has occasional spontaneity and dynamics, it's still within my focus.

I'm not saying that stability would make me want to leave the relationship, but it would cease to be in my interests, in the same way that a new house plant for the hallway eventually blends into the background with everything else in the home. If you're comfortable with your INTP floundering off most of the time and then toddling back again, then that shouldn't be a problem.

That's very interesting. But yeah, I think that's normal, for everything in life really. New things are always more exciting than old things. The novelty wears off.

When you talk about the relationship getting boring if there's too much stability and security, do you mean 'stablility', or do you mean 'routine'? If the relationship was stable in that it was commited and loyal, but didn't fall into a routine, daily scheduled kind of pattern, instead staying spontaneous, would it still have appeal? Is it the commitment of being in a stable relationship or how routine the relationship is that would bore you?
 

souffle

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.
EDIT: Good lord, that turned out long.

Haha, that's okay. If someone's really interested in INTP's (like people reading this thread would be.. :)) they won't mind reading your tale, I'm sure. Just could you filter from the whole experience in general some advice for us all?
 

Verfremdungseffekt

videodrones; questions
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Righto. Second draft distillation time.

There are a few phases, each with its own lessons. I'll try to interrelate them as well as they'll allow. Keep in mind I'm just talking about myself here, but much of this may be more broadly applicable.

I am really, really bewildered when people show attraction to me, especially without obvious reason. This isn't a self-image thing; I'm fond of my appearance, I deliberately dress well, and I know that I'm bright and creative. What I don't get is the attraction thing. It weirds me out, because that's not generally how I look at the world. If a person has a pleasing face or manner, I may notice on some level. Normally I'd have to sit and focus on her to come to a decision, though. And then I'll shrug. Well, that's nice, I'll think.

I'm out to be inspired. As excited as I am when people respond to the ideas I've put a bunch of time and energy into, I'm sent head over heels when someone leads me down a new avenue that I hadn't noticed, leading to either a revelation of my own or a spontaneous revelation on her part, that I can trace and absorb into my own worldview.

For me, social interaction is all about expanding my perspective on the world. Anything, anyone that can give me this, and simultaneously validate my own observations, captures my undivided attention. Ideally, both she and I will become bigger, better, wiser from our interaction.

So it takes a profoundly unusual person -- a person excited by abstract and unusual concepts, and who can relate whatever she learns to her own individually developed perspective about the nature of the world -- to knock me wholly out of reason and caution, in the sense that people typically think about romance. In thirty years only one person has ever done that, and for everything she had going for her, she inadvertently ruined it by raising my self-preservation alarms.

It's not impossible to burrow into my graces, given enough time. Just be there and be sincere for long enough, and affection (if not outright desire) will start to drip out all over. But there are two big walls to get past: a lack of innate romantic compulsion, and a deep sense of skepticism toward others and their potential motivations. Why, I ask, is this person talking to me? What does she want? You have to show me that you aren't just here to use me for something that I can't begin to comprehend.

[Aside: one of my closest friends right now is a girl (ISTP) who works at the cafe around the corner. I've known her since late 2007, but it took us over half a year to formally introduce ourselves -- and then most of the rest of the year to see each other outside of that environment. Then there were a few months of fretting over why she kept calling me and complimenting me and touching me. Now that we've clarified where our feelings stand, we've become very goofy together.]

I'll do everything in my power for a person in my confidence, simply because it never occurs to me not to. But the slightest hint that I need to justify myself, as eccentric as I may be, and I become an iceberg. I expect honesty and transparency and a deep earnestness in everything, because that's what I spend most of my energy trying to offer. And it does take so much energy!

So you can imagine how offended I become when this dedication is questioned, or this unspoken contract of innocence is breached. It's just... icky. And I don't have the leftover energy or wherewithal to deal with it.

Well. That was fairly long again! I think it may clarify a bit of that trademark INTP reticence, though. And it may suggest a few pitfalls to avoid.
 

Salomé

meh
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^Profoundly agree with all of that. Especially the energy part.

I wish I could be more tepid, but I only seem to run hot or cold. And hot just takes too much energy.
 

Eruca

78% me
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Nov 14, 2008
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That was pretty awesome Anderack.

I agree with you. I find a unique world view so attractive in a potential partner. But even if someone doesn't stand out as an individual they will still have something to offer, some theory or belief, if you can get them to open up.

I am surprised that you take such care over your appearence when you are not interested in the appearences of others and attracting them. As far as I'm concerned looking good's primary function is to get me sexy times. :wubbie:
 

Lady_X

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Righto. Second draft distillation time.

There are a few phases, each with its own lessons. I'll try to interrelate them as well as they'll allow. Keep in mind I'm just talking about myself here, but much of this may be more broadly applicable.

I am really, really bewildered when people show attraction to me, especially without obvious reason. This isn't a self-image thing; I'm fond of my appearance, I deliberately dress well, and I know that I'm bright and creative. What I don't get is the attraction thing. It weirds me out, because that's not generally how I look at the world. If a person has a pleasing face or manner, I may notice on some level. Normally I'd have to sit and focus on her to come to a decision, though. And then I'll shrug. Well, that's nice, I'll think.

I'm out to be inspired. As excited as I am when people respond to the ideas I've put a bunch of time and energy into, I'm sent head over heels when someone leads me down a new avenue that I hadn't noticed, leading to either a revelation of my own or a spontaneous revelation on her part, that I can trace and absorb into my own worldview.

For me, social interaction is all about expanding my perspective on the world. Anything, anyone that can give me this, and simultaneously validate my own observations, captures my undivided attention. Ideally, both she and I will become bigger, better, wiser from our interaction.

So it takes a profoundly unusual person -- a person excited by abstract and unusual concepts, and who can relate whatever she learns to her own individually developed perspective about the nature of the world -- to knock me wholly out of reason and caution, in the sense that people typically think about romance. In thirty years only one person has ever done that, and for everything she had going for her, she inadvertently ruined it by raising my self-preservation alarms.

It's not impossible to burrow into my graces, given enough time. Just be there and be sincere for long enough, and affection (if not outright desire) will start to drip out all over. But there are two big walls to get past: a lack of innate romantic compulsion, and a deep sense of skepticism toward others and their potential motivations. Why, I ask, is this person talking to me? What does she want? You have to show me that you aren't just here to use me for something that I can't begin to comprehend.

[Aside: one of my closest friends right now is a girl (ISTP) who works at the cafe around the corner. I've known her since late 2007, but it took us over half a year to formally introduce ourselves -- and then most of the rest of the year to see each other outside of that environment. Then there were a few months of fretting over why she kept calling me and complimenting me and touching me. Now that we've clarified where our feelings stand, we've become very goofy together.]

I'll do everything in my power for a person in my confidence, simply because it never occurs to me not to. But the slightest hint that I need to justify myself, as eccentric as I may be, and I become an iceberg. I expect honesty and transparency and a deep earnestness in everything, because that's what I spend most of my energy trying to offer. And it does take so much energy!

So you can imagine how offended I become when this dedication is questioned, or this unspoken contract of innocence is breached. It's just... icky. And I don't have the leftover energy or wherewithal to deal with it.

Well. That was fairly long again! I think it may clarify a bit of that trademark INTP reticence, though. And it may suggest a few pitfalls to avoid.

:wubbie: so very cool.
 

ring the bell

New member
Joined
Jun 10, 2008
Messages
332
Righto. Second draft distillation time.

There are a few phases, each with its own lessons. I'll try to interrelate them as well as they'll allow. Keep in mind I'm just talking about myself here, but much of this may be more broadly applicable.

I am really, really bewildered when people show attraction to me, especially without obvious reason. This isn't a self-image thing; I'm fond of my appearance, I deliberately dress well, and I know that I'm bright and creative. What I don't get is the attraction thing. It weirds me out, because that's not generally how I look at the world. If a person has a pleasing face or manner, I may notice on some level. Normally I'd have to sit and focus on her to come to a decision, though. And then I'll shrug. Well, that's nice, I'll think.

I'm out to be inspired. As excited as I am when people respond to the ideas I've put a bunch of time and energy into, I'm sent head over heels when someone leads me down a new avenue that I hadn't noticed, leading to either a revelation of my own or a spontaneous revelation on her part, that I can trace and absorb into my own worldview.

For me, social interaction is all about expanding my perspective on the world. Anything, anyone that can give me this, and simultaneously validate my own observations, captures my undivided attention. Ideally, both she and I will become bigger, better, wiser from our interaction.

So it takes a profoundly unusual person -- a person excited by abstract and unusual concepts, and who can relate whatever she learns to her own individually developed perspective about the nature of the world -- to knock me wholly out of reason and caution, in the sense that people typically think about romance. In thirty years only one person has ever done that, and for everything she had going for her, she inadvertently ruined it by raising my self-preservation alarms.

It's not impossible to burrow into my graces, given enough time. Just be there and be sincere for long enough, and affection (if not outright desire) will start to drip out all over. But there are two big walls to get past: a lack of innate romantic compulsion, and a deep sense of skepticism toward others and their potential motivations. Why, I ask, is this person talking to me? What does she want? You have to show me that you aren't just here to use me for something that I can't begin to comprehend.

[Aside: one of my closest friends right now is a girl (ISTP) who works at the cafe around the corner. I've known her since late 2007, but it took us over half a year to formally introduce ourselves -- and then most of the rest of the year to see each other outside of that environment. Then there were a few months of fretting over why she kept calling me and complimenting me and touching me. Now that we've clarified where our feelings stand, we've become very goofy together.]

I'll do everything in my power for a person in my confidence, simply because it never occurs to me not to. But the slightest hint that I need to justify myself, as eccentric as I may be, and I become an iceberg. I expect honesty and transparency and a deep earnestness in everything, because that's what I spend most of my energy trying to offer. And it does take so much energy!

So you can imagine how offended I become when this dedication is questioned, or this unspoken contract of innocence is breached. It's just... icky. And I don't have the leftover energy or wherewithal to deal with it.

Well. That was fairly long again! I think it may clarify a bit of that trademark INTP reticence, though. And it may suggest a few pitfalls to avoid.

I relate to everything you say. Welcome to the forum!
 

jenocyde

half mystic, half skeksis
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Hmm, I'm starting to get you guys. Maybe I'll go and get one of you guys. I've heard good things in that sex thread...
 

JocktheMotie

Habitual Fi LineStepper
Joined
Nov 20, 2008
Messages
8,491
Righto. Second draft distillation time.

There are a few phases, each with its own lessons. I'll try to interrelate them as well as they'll allow. Keep in mind I'm just talking about myself here, but much of this may be more broadly applicable.

I am really, really bewildered when people show attraction to me, especially without obvious reason. This isn't a self-image thing; I'm fond of my appearance, I deliberately dress well, and I know that I'm bright and creative. What I don't get is the attraction thing. It weirds me out, because that's not generally how I look at the world. If a person has a pleasing face or manner, I may notice on some level. Normally I'd have to sit and focus on her to come to a decision, though. And then I'll shrug. Well, that's nice, I'll think.

I'm out to be inspired. As excited as I am when people respond to the ideas I've put a bunch of time and energy into, I'm sent head over heels when someone leads me down a new avenue that I hadn't noticed, leading to either a revelation of my own or a spontaneous revelation on her part, that I can trace and absorb into my own worldview.

For me, social interaction is all about expanding my perspective on the world. Anything, anyone that can give me this, and simultaneously validate my own observations, captures my undivided attention. Ideally, both she and I will become bigger, better, wiser from our interaction.

So it takes a profoundly unusual person -- a person excited by abstract and unusual concepts, and who can relate whatever she learns to her own individually developed perspective about the nature of the world -- to knock me wholly out of reason and caution, in the sense that people typically think about romance. In thirty years only one person has ever done that, and for everything she had going for her, she inadvertently ruined it by raising my self-preservation alarms.

It's not impossible to burrow into my graces, given enough time. Just be there and be sincere for long enough, and affection (if not outright desire) will start to drip out all over. But there are two big walls to get past: a lack of innate romantic compulsion, and a deep sense of skepticism toward others and their potential motivations. Why, I ask, is this person talking to me? What does she want? You have to show me that you aren't just here to use me for something that I can't begin to comprehend.

[Aside: one of my closest friends right now is a girl (ISTP) who works at the cafe around the corner. I've known her since late 2007, but it took us over half a year to formally introduce ourselves -- and then most of the rest of the year to see each other outside of that environment. Then there were a few months of fretting over why she kept calling me and complimenting me and touching me. Now that we've clarified where our feelings stand, we've become very goofy together.]

I'll do everything in my power for a person in my confidence, simply because it never occurs to me not to. But the slightest hint that I need to justify myself, as eccentric as I may be, and I become an iceberg. I expect honesty and transparency and a deep earnestness in everything, because that's what I spend most of my energy trying to offer. And it does take so much energy!

So you can imagine how offended I become when this dedication is questioned, or this unspoken contract of innocence is breached. It's just... icky. And I don't have the leftover energy or wherewithal to deal with it.

Well. That was fairly long again! I think it may clarify a bit of that trademark INTP reticence, though. And it may suggest a few pitfalls to avoid.

Very well said Aderack! I agree with pretty much everything! Oh and welcome to the forums.
 

Tallulah

Emerging
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Feb 19, 2008
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6,009
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Allow me to 95th Aderack's post. Finally someone puts into words the weirdness that is an INTP's attraction barometer.
 

Fluffywolf

Nips away your dignity
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I mostly support Aderacks' post. Ofcourse there's much more to us then just that but those are all arguements I can most definatly relate too!

The only thing I deal with differently is that I don't really feel bewildered at someone being attracted to me. I used to, in school or as a teenager. That said, I don't tend to put much stock in that. And thus usually don't respond to it.

Most girls I do get into, are usually the girls that don't have that awkward attractedness, but where there was a genuine, interesting conversation with first. And after that first non-awkward conversation, I often go "Ohhh.. I really like that girl." and it's not until after that the awkwardness starts ( :D ).

But some girl getting all mushy and atracted right away, I tend not to get interested in at all.
 

jenocyde

half mystic, half skeksis
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^^sounds very ENTP (or at least like me), fluff.
 
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