Agreed!
I haven't seen much INTP shadow mode in the ESFJs I'm friends with, but I've had some experience with ESFJ shadow mode in INTPs, and it's a
bitch to be around (as in the part of your post that I bolded). Completely out of nowhere, everything becomes a personal insult, everything becomes part of a conspiracy against them, everything becomes a sign that they are unloved and unappreciated -- and if you try to reason with them, they will assume that they know what you're going to say, and cut you off.
Of all shadow modes that I've been around, I consider that one the hardest to deal with, and the most hurtful to people on the receiving end, because it's so
personal.
(Edit: It's possible that it isn't quite so bad with other INTPs... and I really hope that's the case, because I haven't experienced anything milder.)