[Ne] Help me Help you

[ThatsWhatHeSaid]

Okay, so really, I'm starting this thread for two reasons:

1. I like to practice giving people advice. It's a way for me to play with seeing reality, which is Ne.

2. I can't remember what 2 was. I like helping people? I don't know. I've wanted to start an advice giving thread for a while but realize that a) I'm probably not fully equipped and b) it sounds like I'm ripping off Hustler. Truth is, I dispense advice at other sites on the net and have been doing it for years. So whatever.

So here's how it works. You ask me a question and I'll tell you what I think. Then other people will probably tell you what they think, then this thread will die, because I definitely don't have the same presence Hustler did, but I'll do my best, anyway. What kinds of questions will I entertain? I'll entertain all questions with the caveat that I don't know the answers to most things, am probably not the wisest -- eh, I'm for sure not eh wisest poster on these boards -- but I have collected some insight and will do my best for the 2-3 weeks that this threads lives on for. So hit me up. What's on your mind? What're you struggling with? How can I help you?

 

[Siúil a Rúin]

I am glad to see you started this thread for the following reasons. You show an ongoing interest in other people and show the ability to think outside your own box to explore how other people think on their terms, rather than projecting everything from a narrow center of self. You are a broad enough thinker to be able to address a wide range of people and behaviors by understanding core issues and how these are expressed through a wide range of personal nuance and complexity. This thread is also a natural extension of who you are.

One issue I face right now is becoming taxed from working long hours for people and coming home weary of people. I am trying to find ways to recuperate so I can go back into work with positive assumptions to interact with people. I am rather introverted, but do sincerely like working with people. I get worn down by mothers who stand by and let their kids wreck my stuff (some of it kind of valuable), or people expressing entitlement issues, or having to calm people down who jump to negative conclusions. When I feel good my natural position is to generally like people (although I don't trust them entirely), but when I get tired then my mind focuses on what made it tired and wearies of people. I try to eat snacks during my marathon shifts which helps my blood sugar, but i also need to recuperate.

 

[ThatsWhatHeSaid]

I am glad to see you started this thread for the following reasons. You show an ongoing interest in other people and show the ability to think outside your own box to explore how other people think on their terms, rather than projecting everything from a narrow center of self. You are a broad enough thinker to be able to address a wide range of people and behaviors by understanding core issues and how these are expressed through a wide range of personal nuance and complexity. This thread is also a natural extension of who you are.

Thank you! That was nice to hear.

One issue I face right now is becoming taxed from working long hours for people and coming home weary of people. I am trying to find ways to recuperate so I can go back into work with positive assumptions to interact with people. I am rather introverted, but do sincerely like working with people. I get worn down by mothers who stand by and let their kids wreck my stuff (some of it kind of valuable), or people expressing entitlement issues, or having to calm people down who jump to negative conclusions. When I feel good my natural position is to generally like people (although I don't trust them entirely), but when I get tired then my mind focuses on what made it tired and wearies of people. I try to eat snacks during my marathon shifts which helps my blood sugar, but i also need to recuperate.

My gut tells me that the solution is to learn how to recuperate while you're at work, not just when you leave. To do that, you need to find a groove that is sustainable and functional. By "groove" I mean a combination of healthy attitude, feeling, realistic beliefs, and smart responses to stressors that allow you to do your work competently and deal with human drama fluidly without depleting yourself. That groove isn't something you have to weave together, since my belief is that it's always there but just gets covered up occasionally. So the question becomes: at what point does this groove start to disappear and how to we steer around that? It could be at the point of conflict, or it could be before, even expecting to become depleted.

To figure that out, I think I need a little more information.

1. What line of work are you in?
2. Can you walk me through the process of you getting depleted? You can use any or all of the 3 examples you provided of kids breaking things, entitlements and calming people down. What I'm curious about is how you respond to conflict, how other people react to your response, and how you respond to their response. It seems like you're expending a lot of mental and emotional energy on these conflicts. My guess would be that you're either trying to fix people or having to restrain yourself because of the job situation. Do either of those ring true? (Before answering this, read over the next question, since it might help you see things more clearly.)
3. Imagine someone else dealing with your work stressors but NOT getting depleted. How do you imagine they would react differently? What do you think they would feel like throughout the day? How would they deal with disappointment or depletion? How would they feel walking into work? What types of expectations would they have for themselves and for others? Finally, where do you differ from that person?

 

[nightning]

For toonia:

To expand on Edahn's idea on recuperating at work. Why not set things up so you aren't worn out as much? Put up some personally boundaries as to how much antics you can take from the kids and their parents and what you can't tolerate.

I keep on getting the feeling that you're a saint when it comes to being nice to everybody. Perhaps tell them up front that there's only so much you can take and you've reached your limits?