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[ENTJ] How do you pursue an ENTJ?

BlackCat

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I need some suggestions. I've been talking to someone for a little while that I met over the net that lives nearby. It was on a website for match-making, I've pretty much typed her as ENTJ or possibly ESTJ, but she said she loves deep conversations and theory. So I'm going with ENTJ. She said she went on there for "friends" but also mentioned "meeting someone."

Any suggestions? Anything would be appreciated.
 

Rangler

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Meet her for coffee or drinks. Talk about your ideals, mix in a few personal stories, and tease her a bit. Ask for opinions. Don't be hurt by disagreement, she will disagree just to test you. Keep cool. Appreciate the input even if you don't agree. In fact if you don't agree, say so and why. Find a way to tell her your attracted to her because of her sharp insight.

If she likes you she will smile and start to tease you back.

I like INFPs myself so don't be nervous.

Best of Luck!
 
G

garbage

Guest
Welp, I'm after an INFP myself. So let's help each other out :)

The thing about the dynamic between me and this girl is that there's an obvious attraction to each other's personalities, but there's a bit of a gap. I think I'm used to girls spilling their guts, but with more introverted types, it's difficult to determine what questions to ask or what subjects to bring up to get the best picture of them. Your web profiles can be a huge head-start on that.. you'll have a general picture of each other going in, which might help avoid some of the initial awkwardness.

(.. at least, it seemed awkward to me that there are actually lulls in our conversations sometimes, but maybe it doesn't bother the INFP as much. I just didn't want to monopolize the conversation, which is a tendency of mine..)

You can find a way to get her to show some sort of competency in some area. After she brought up the topic of her schoolwork and being worried about an upcoming test, I ended up tutoring her in a subject that I know very well, which made me feel good that I was able to do something for her.

I, for one, also love what I do, and I've made a significant investment in my career. I can rattle on for hours about my work.. perhaps she's the same way.

I usually take things very quickly in relationships. With her, I'm taking things much, much more slowly than I usually do, but I feel as though it's going to pay off.
 

01011010

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INFP and ENTJ sounds like the worst possible match.

First dates should always have the option of being brief and inexpensive. Someone mentioned coffee, if the establishment serves juice and other beverages (in case she's not a caffeine consumer), you should be good. Hopefully, you survive. Good luck.
 

BlackCat

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INFP + ENTJ is pretty much amazing, it just requires two people who aren't emotionally retarded. I'd say my worst possible matchup would be an unhealthy ESFJ, followed by an unhealthy ESTJ.

greed: So you guys want to know about us eh? I usually "spill my guts" when I meet someone I plan on keeping in touch with.
 
G

garbage

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INFP + ENTJ is pretty much amazing, it just requires two people who aren't emotionally retarded.

Yeah. ENTJs have a tendency to be insensitive pricks until they've learned that that doesn't work. If they haven't learned that lesson, there's gonna be problems. But they also tend to learn pretty quickly, but sometimes even that comes too late..


I hope you don't mind me making my comments in the thread rather than in our little conversation.. I can't help but organize my thoughts in the thread here :)

My INFP's cute social awkwardness and shyness are qualities that help form the whole picture of what I'm attracted to in her, somewhat of a detached but anchoring quality. I don't mind making all the moves in this relationship, but I also wouldn't mind if she initiated something. I just don't expect her to, and I'm completely fine with that. As I said, it just means that I have to tone down my usual very direct nature :) I know the male/female roles are somewhat "reversed" in your case, but personalities are personalities.. the same approach would probably apply.

I met her at a dance and then asked her out for coffee.. the implication was clear, that I wanted to try to get to know her better because I saw potential. In your case, she might appreciate you just asking her; she very well could initiate from there if you end up setting up the first meeting.

If she's anything like me.. if she's interested in you or becomes interested in you, she'll take at least a shallow approach at researching you. That might mean looking over your web profile as another tool to get to know you as a person. It doesn't mean that you have to impress her online or put up a lot of detailed information.. but such research just gives us more to work with. We love using resources to their full capacities :)

Once I found a profile of hers online, it just allowed me to make more sense of her as a person, and now I know better of what we can talk about which will allow me to make even more sense of her. You all can be pretty mysterious sometimes ;)

Something else I've noticed is that she tends to apologize a lot. For example, when I tutored her, I ended up finishing up minutes before my class started and she apologized.. from my perspective, I was the one who made the choice to help her and I accepted the paltry consequence of potentially being late for my class. I got a lot of satisfaction out of helping her. I don't find it annoying or anything.. I just felt bad that I made her feel guilty.


I'm sure I'll come up with some actual questions for you later.. thanks for your offer to help!

(wow.. lots of smileys..)
 

Kangirl

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INFP + ENTJ is pretty much amazing, it just requires two people who aren't emotionally retarded. I'd say my worst possible matchup would be an unhealthy ESFJ, followed by an unhealthy ESTJ.

It works for me and my INFP, and I wouldn't describe either of us as 100% emotionally sane. ;)

Advice for an ENTJ woman would be to be direct and ballsy, but open-minded. I like cockiness in men if they can back it up.
 

BlackCat

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Thanks, Kangirl. That helps.

greed: All INFPs apologize too much and for everything and nothing. It's a fact. We are mostly afraid of rejection hardcore, we don't want anyone to hate us because of something we did. Thus, apologizing.
 

Venom

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1. healthy ESFJ + ENTJ isnt THAT bad (basing this on a good ESFJ platonic friend)... worst romantic match i could think of would be ESTJ or ISFP


2. i think ENTJ ENFP is a faaaaar better match than INFP... the ENTJ is likely to just be WAAAAY too intense for most introverts...
 

Udog

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It works for me and my INFP, and I wouldn't describe either of us as 100% emotionally sane. ;)

Advice for an ENTJ woman would be to be direct and ballsy, but open-minded. I like cockiness in men if they can back it up.

Is/was your INFP cocky? In what was did he win you over via cockiness, if at all?

In areas of insecurity, what about him 'made up for it'?
 

Kangirl

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Is/was your INFP cocky? In what was did he win you over via cockiness, if at all?

In areas of insecurity, what about him 'made up for it'?

He can be cocky. But he can also whine about being the lamest person in the whole world. It depends on what mood he's in (and oh, he has many moods, and they change with the wind). The thing that made/makes up for it (besides the fact that I don't necessarily view insecurity as a 'flaw' - most normal people are insecure about something) is that he's very good at his job. He's quite a traditional guy in that way - he derives a sense of self-worth from his work, and takes it very seriously. And to my mind, he is very, very good at it, and it's a source of pride for me as well as it is for him.

I was answering the question more in a what-to-do-before-a-relationship-is-established kind of way. My INFP, when he was pursuing me, came off as more cocky than he really is. Very confident, extremely dry wit, piss-takey streak of cruelty etc. When we got together and he felt safer, he let more of his softer sides show. And by then I belonged to him and there was nothing he could do to change it. :yes:
 

Udog

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I was answering the question more in a what-to-do-before-a-relationship-is-established kind of way. My INFP, when he was pursuing me, came off as more cocky than he really is. Very confident, extremely dry wit, piss-takey streak of cruelty etc. When we got together and he felt safer, he let more of his softer sides show. And by then I belonged to him and there was nothing he could do to change it. :yes:

Ah, a very good strategy. That's one thing I like about many ENTJs, from what I've read and seen from them. As long as the INFP can prove their worth (and developed INFPs can do that in many different ways), they won't shun our unadulterated Fi when we finally let it show.
 
G

garbage

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Ah, a very good strategy. That's one thing I like about many ENTJs, from what I've read and seen from them. As long as the INFP can prove their worth (and developed INFPs can do that in many different ways), they won't shun our unadulterated Fi when we finally let it show.

An INFP's natural humanitarian streak is well enough to "prove" themselves to me.. it's just something that I greatly value, myself.


Incidentally, are INFPs always so modest about their own interests and abilities?
 

Udog

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Incidentally, are INFPs always so modest about their own interests and abilities?

Our modesty is only surpassed by our awesomeness. :yes:

Actually, FiNe makes it so that even when we do really well, we can still see ways we could have done it better. So we end up always comparing ourselves to an artificially high water mark, and then punishing ourselves (emotionally) for falling short. I didn't realize until my mid-twenties that most people don't hold me to the same standard I hold myself.

Also, I often have a hard time simply 'taking the damn compliment'.
 

Kangirl

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Ah, a very good strategy.

On his part? Yes, it was. Very successful. I'm his b*tch. :D

He also can't take a compliment unless I tie him to a chair, gag him, immobilize his head (so he can't shake it 'no') and scream it in his face. Which I'm generally too lazy to do.
 

ReadingRainbows

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I need some suggestions. I've been talking to someone for a little while that I met over the net that lives nearby. It was on a website for match-making, I've pretty much typed her as ENTJ or possibly ESTJ, but she said she loves deep conversations and theory. So I'm going with ENTJ. She said she went on there for "friends" but also mentioned "meeting someone."

Any suggestions? Anything would be appreciated.

Aside from the personality typing - watch out for net dating sites.
It can be great or it can suck.
(thinks about the rude obsessive guy who still calls and texts her after she ending it after a week of just dating)
 

Udog

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He also can't take a compliment unless I tie him to a chair, gag him, immobilize his head (so he can't shake it 'no') and scream it in his face. Which I'm generally too lazy to do.

Hahaha. That would actually be pure psychological torture! Tie him up, and then instead of calling him horrible things, start forcefully complimenting him. That would make me squirm, big time.

Out of sheer curiosity, what does he do for work? I'm keeping this in the thread, since being passionate about your work is clearly one of the ways to win over an ENTJ, so I consider it still on topic. Yes-siree.
 
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