• You are currently viewing our forum as a guest, which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community, you will have access to additional post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), view blogs, respond to polls, upload content, and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free, so please join our community today! Just click here to register. You should turn your Ad Blocker off for this site or certain features may not work properly. If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact us by clicking here.

[MBTI General] Analyzing the social skills of all the introvert types

Cypocalypse

New member
Joined
Jan 26, 2008
Messages
252
MBTI Type
eNtP
Enneagram
4w5/
I decided to post this on the NT board since this perspective is coming from an INTP.

Anyway, did any INTP here (without prior knowledge to MBTI) feel that even among the realm of the introverts, you're still a maverick? Like a subset within a subset?

I think, that I'm among the few INTPs who acknowledge a not-so-good ineterpersonal skills, and is actually trying to do a compromising self-help about that. MBTI helped me a lot in understanding various differences among people, and I specially took note and got a better understanding of how I compare with the other introverts.

Anyway, some thoughts on how I (an INTP) compare with the other introverts in terms of people-skills.

ISTJ - Easy to find. There's quite a number of them. Possibly the only introvert archetype I'm having trouble interacting with. My DAD is an ISTJ, though on the more healthy side. Though two ISTJs I've met really irks me.
These two ISTJ guys are boyfriends to my two female ENFP friends.

Basically, they have little grasp of the outgoing ENFP life. Gets jealous quite easily. Compared to an INTP, they probably even have more trouble expressing their sentiments. At least the INTP has the vocabulary flair generated by their Ne although it may not necessarily be emotional in nature.

They will hardly acknowledge their lack of communication skills, and even if they do, they will not act in a compromising manner and would still want to do things in the context of what they see fit. Must be an Alpha Male SJ mentality thing.

I swear, if they ever piss me off again, I'll flirt with their girlfriend, Ne style. Not that I'm necessarily implying that I'm attracted to my two ENFP friends, but if you're an insecure ISTJ, and you'll ever land yourself with a very attractive, charming ENFP girl, and you'll realize that they're hounded with guy friends, if you're not emotionally secured on that situation, then save yourself the misery and don't get one.

Though I would like to say that these guys have better work ethics. That's basically it.

ISFJ - Basically the profile of my girlfriend. Good work ethics, like an ISTJ. Much like an ISTJ, I observed that an ISFJ's circle of friends and acquatances involves people having the same disposition (e.g., corporate status). They will not exert any effort in getting to know people of a different stature (e.g., a different line of career). They get easily intimidated by people they perceive belongs to a higher elite class (ISTJ's also believe in this chain-of-command thing, only that they believe they're somewhere on top), but generally, they have good social skills, not because of actual skills per se, but because xSFJs are easy to find. They're quite a majority.

ISTP - One of the archetypes I like the most. Sociable, anti-J (just like an INTP). Lives in a very unstructured, improvised life. Not really articulate verbally, but is very very STREET SMART. Seriously, I should hang out with more of them. They're able to make a living in the context of P-structure, able to multitask various unconventional lines of work. If you're an INTP who hates J, for life, you can maybe work on your S to some extent and learn from how ISTP folks do things. They're very good in offering help for mapping out a P oriented career.

INFP - The one I know is really unhealthy. Basically, he's kinda like an INTP that collapsed under the weight of his sentimental baggage and his Fi fails to provide a cushioning effect. INTP can have that baggage too, but Ti is a great neutralizer. He's smart in the sense that his Ne seems to be always on full throttle, though Fi often leans him towards a more pessimistic outlook. If only developing Ti can eb taught easily, I would sincerely wanna help him.

ISFP - I don't think I've met one yet.

INFJ - I know a very handful of them. None of them appears to be attractively charming (physically. Because probably they're not too concerned over their looks), but they have this empathic lure that will probably make you instantly go past beyond your aesthetic desires and easily admire them for what they are. Being an INTP, I think I immediately connect with an INFJ without so much doing a careful thought. They just do connect deeply, without them realizing it.

INTJ - I know only a single one. Not as strong as me in terms of character. But maybe because he's still young. Strikes me to be a boring and flat as an ISTJ, but because of his Ni, we communicate well. He easily picks up the ideas I'm presenting, though between me and him, he's the more passive talker.

INTP (my archetype) -- I doubt if I've ever met one in real life. The closest one is probably a charismatic ENTP. After getting myself knowledgeable about MBTI for a few years, I've realized one major thing about INTP and sociability-

--Ti is probably the most antisocial cognitive process. It makes everybody looks stupid. I still don't know any person in real life who appreciates this. Ti is something I've learned to not assert too much in communication. One has to accept that not everyone can think sensibly, and they shouldn't be corrected all the time, otherwise your Ti will just put you in a bad disposition.

Ironically, Ne is probably the most charming cognitive process and can even attract the sensors. Ne is the humor generating process, the catalyst for flirtation, and for a perceiver, this function quite possibly assures a more promising career outlook more than Ti can ever do.

I think for an INTP charisma, depends on how Ne and Ti fare up with each other, and seriously, over the past few months, I've decided to not introvertedly think (Ti) things too much. By doing that, Ne gets to have a better breathing room. Ironically, I realized that one can't strategize in developing Ne. You don't overthink Ne.

_________________

Basically, I just wanna know how introverted NTs here deal with their people issues. Or do even try to work at it, at all. Personally, I hardly post lengthy things like this anymore, in concerns of intellectualizing things too much.
 

Herr Strabenhauser

New member
Joined
Feb 13, 2009
Messages
9
MBTI Type
INTP
I'm an INTP myself so that's what I'll best be able to comment on. I agree with your assertions regarding Ti and Ne, and after years of being socially retarded I've realized that I need to use Ne almost exclusively to deal with other people. I agree that Ti is very antisocial, and if I sit around thinking out the social situations I'm presently participating in I tend to get misunderstood completely because people generally don't react as much to what I'm saying as to how I'm saying it, body language, facial expressions and other clues. For example, several people, women in particular, have actually told me that they find me intimidating - probably because of that focused, unchanging Ti stare. I also failed to realize that people can take all sorts of things personally despite my neutral intentions, so I've learned to send out "acknowledgment signals" and gestures to indicate that no, I don't hate you!
 

Lady_X

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 27, 2008
Messages
18,235
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
784
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
just read the bit about the istj's and enfp's so far...but i just had to respond with...
a068.gif
 

Lady_X

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 27, 2008
Messages
18,235
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
784
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
interesting...so i thought you might state who you percieved to have the most developed social skills out of the introverts...but you didn't. do you have an opinion on that? i'm guessing infp/isfp...but i don't have enough real life examples to go on.
 

01011010

New member
Joined
Jun 22, 2008
Messages
3,916
MBTI Type
INxJ
INTJ - Strikes me to be a boring and flat as an ISTJ, but because of his Ni, we communicate well. He easily picks up the ideas I'm presenting, though between me and him, he's the more passive talker.

Basically, I just wanna know how introverted NTs here deal with their people issues. Or do even try to work at it, at all.

Eh, we seem to get that wrap. His enneagram might be self preservation. I've noticed instinctual variants seem to play a big role in the 'type' of INTJ.

It depends. If it's business or meeting with a lover's family, I suck it up. It's strategically to my advantage for those people to like me. So, I can charm. Otherwise, I'm very stoic. I go out of my way to avoid speaking with others on a day to day basis. I've been known to just walk away from strangers without a single word exchanged on my half. I dislike expending unnecessary energy for small talk.
 

groovejet02

New member
Joined
Jan 9, 2009
Messages
199
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
5
... I've realized one major thing about INTP and sociability-

--Ti is probably the most antisocial cognitive process. It makes everybody looks stupid. I still don't know any person in real life who appreciates this. Ti is something I've learned to not assert too much in communication. One has to accept that not everyone can think sensibly, and they shouldn't be corrected all the time, otherwise your Ti will just put you in a bad disposition.

Ironically, Ne is probably the most charming cognitive process and can even attract the sensors. Ne is the humor generating process, the catalyst for flirtation, and for a perceiver, this function quite possibly assures a more promising career outlook more than Ti can ever do.

I think for an INTP charisma, depends on how Ne and Ti fare up with each other, and seriously, over the past few months, I've decided to not introvertedly think (Ti) things too much. By doing that, Ne gets to have a better breathing room. Ironically, I realized that one can't strategize in developing Ne. You don't overthink Ne.

I agree. My friendships usually involve me being quirky, funny, spontaneous, joking, etc. There are very few people who know of my over-analytical side and my obsession with learning. The moments when I have indeed shown this other side are usually met with discouraging reactions. My mom, for example, thinks I'm being arrogant when I express my views on a subject. My classmates come to me when they have questions with their assignments, but rarely invite me to a party of whatever. The person that I can really be tough-minded with is my INTJ best friend ... we would stay up all night arguing a topic (and even then we would switch gears and be all shallow and easygoing the next day).

That said, is Ti so repulsing? I agree that Ne is a great function and even I myself enjoy it a lot (when my Ne is in full gear, I don't feel the weight of the world on my shoulders. I am fun and silly). BUT my intellectual life means A LOT to me. If given the opportunity, I would like to one day share it with some people (best friends or partner, etc). Is that impossible? :sad:. Are INTPs Ti function alienating because the world as we know right now is devoid of any rational inquiry, of curiosity?
 

groovejet02

New member
Joined
Jan 9, 2009
Messages
199
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
5
Follow-up: the few people who don't feel hostile to my over-intellectual side tend to admire it but I don't find this comforting. I don't want praises damnit. I want them to critique my arguments, and most of them just don't :(

The times when I feel absolutely high is when I learn something by someone or when I'm engaged in a debate with them but these moments are rare.
 

MrRandom

New member
Joined
Jul 19, 2008
Messages
151
MBTI Type
INFJ
ISFP - I have one as a friend. He's a very lonely dude. He's not able to connect with most people. His old friends seem to abandon him little by little. He desires a lot more social contact, but he seems unable to get it. I've never met any other person so emotional; in fact, that was not a compliment. His world crushes apart every other day and I'm there to pick up the pieces. He takes zero advice from me, but always later admits that I was right (as I was seeing the situation objectively). That pattern is starting to become annoying.

ISTJ - I know great many of them: acquintances, friends, my best friend, my father, relatives... Their social skills range from very poor to very good. Quite a bunch of different people. They all act very proper in social situations and I personally think they should relax a little bit... one ISTJ friend asks for permission for anything he wants to do in my house. Come on, you don't need to ask your friend for permission to sit down!

INFJ - I've read quite the opposite to what the thread starter said. The article said that INFJs actually care very much about their looks due to their biggest fear (fear of rejection). Also, I've taken note (possible false one) that many INFJs seem to have slightly special facial features (unrelated to looking good or bad, just slightly different). I believe INFJs are social chameleons, so they can be social and charming if they want to.

INTJ - I know only one. His social skills are a combination of boredom and negative provocation. At his best behavior, he is just boring. At his worst, he is hurtful and drives people insane (I'm not the only one, and I take pleasure in knowing that...). I do like him, but there's a limit to it... which essentially means I'll never like him more than I currently do.

--Ti is probably the most antisocial cognitive process. It makes everybody looks stupid. I still don't know any person in real life who appreciates this. Ti is something I've learned to not assert too much in communication. One has to accept that not everyone can think sensibly, and they shouldn't be corrected all the time, otherwise your Ti will just put you in a bad disposition.

This is very familiar to me. Happens to me all the time. I'm not completely sure how it works, but according to a typology book I'm reading our tertiary function is often used defensively (in an immature way). Ti is my tertiary function... I suppose it could mean I downgrade other people's intelligence when I'm on the defense (or annoyed, etc). For example, I really care about my mom, and I'd like to like her a lot, but it's very difficult, because I'm constantly annoyed by her poor concentration, poor memory and poor reasoning. Interaction with her is so much repetition, repetition, repetition. I can't stand that. It makes it really difficult for me to like her even though I'd like to. Sometimes I lash out at her uncontrollably, and she doesn't have a clue that it's because I'm so frustrated with her poor cognitive abilities. With you dominant Tis this feature is probably constantly on, just in a controlled manner?
 

Lady_X

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 27, 2008
Messages
18,235
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
784
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
that was interesting to read mr. random.

the istj i know is very sociably conscious...very proper...always with impeccable manners and appropriate behavior and knows exactly how to behave, exert himself in social situations. he's very introverted but can put on his extravert face because he knows it's what is appropriate.

the two infj's i know just seem like this deep sea of knowingness...it's a weird exposed feeling but i love it.
 

Kalach

Filthy Apes!
Joined
Dec 3, 2008
Messages
4,310
MBTI Type
INTJ
It depends. If it's business or meeting with a lover's family, I suck it up. It's strategically to my advantage for those people to like me. So, I can charm. Otherwise, I'm very stoic. I go out of my way to avoid speaking with others on a day to day basis. I've been known to just walk away from strangers without a single word exchanged on my half. I dislike expending unnecessary energy for small talk.

:nice:

Me old Mam (probable ISFJ) used to say, when I was young, I could be very charming... if I wanted to.

Everyone's over-rating their social skills.

I have an ISFP neighbour. Comparing him to me, he's gregarious. He has people come to visit and is a very, very laid-back host that other people like.

INTPs? Charming? You guys are all pricks. Very willing to offer negative reinforcement if you've Ne'd an "I don't like this guy" feeling about someone.

As for my social skills, no one comes into my house unless there's sex involved. Outside the house, I hang out and talk to strangers.

But I'm blunt, easily bored, demanding, and more driven than cheerful when it comes to actual smiling.

Who's going to have social skills if they're not big on Fi, have an S backbone, or have Fe somewhere in their make up? And this whole topic reeks of Fe.
 
G

Glycerine

Guest
INFJ - I know a very handful of them. None of them appears to be attractively charming (physically. Because probably they're not too concerned over their looks), but they have this empathic lure that will probably make you instantly go past beyond your aesthetic desires and easily admire them for what they are. Being an INTP, I think I immediately connect with an INFJ without so much doing a careful thought. They just do connect deeply, without them realizing it.

haha, physical attractiveness is not type-related. :D The INTPs that I've met, I like a lot though.
 

Jeffster

veteran attention whore
Joined
Jun 7, 2008
Messages
6,743
MBTI Type
ESFP
Enneagram
7w6
Instinctual Variant
sx
ISFP - I have one as a friend. He's a very lonely dude. He's not able to connect with most people. His old friends seem to abandon him little by little. He desires a lot more social contact, but he seems unable to get it. I've never met any other person so emotional; in fact, that was not a compliment. His world crushes apart every other day and I'm there to pick up the pieces. He takes zero advice from me, but always later admits that I was right (as I was seeing the situation objectively). That pattern is starting to become annoying.

Ahhhhhhh :laugh: Yeah, I can see a lot of myself in that. The annoying thing on this end is that people often seem to think we want to be alone all the time. I've rarely got invited to parties and stuff and have heard as the reason "Oh, we figured you wouldn't want to come. You're always doing your own stuff." The thing is, I will always find something to do - boredom is death, but I actually love being included and invited in things and love it even more if there is some opportunity to show off my talents in some way.

But yeah, my laid-back aloof attitude about things tends to make people think that I don't care whether I'm included in what they're doing, and I'm not very good at expressing that I do care, so the cycle tends to continue.
 

prplchknz

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 11, 2007
Messages
34,397
MBTI Type
yupp
Ahhhhhhh :laugh: Yeah, I can see a lot of myself in that. The annoying thing on this end is that people often seem to think we want to be alone all the time. I've rarely got invited to parties and stuff and have heard as the reason "Oh, we figured you wouldn't want to come. You're always doing your own stuff." The thing is, I will always find something to do - boredom is death, but I actually love being included and invited in things and love it even more if there is some opportunity to show off my talents in some way.

But yeah, my laid-back aloof attitude about things tends to make people think that I don't care whether I'm included in what they're doing, and I'm not very good at expressing that I do care, so the cycle tends to continue.

holy cow I relate to this post very well. of course its the only post I've read in the thread off to read the rest

*ps we need a smiley that has a sword raised herioicly that would make this post complete*
 

Jeffster

veteran attention whore
Joined
Jun 7, 2008
Messages
6,743
MBTI Type
ESFP
Enneagram
7w6
Instinctual Variant
sx
holy cow I relate to this post very well. of course its the only post I've read in the thread off to read the rest

*ps we need a smiley that has a sword raised herioicly that would make this post complete*

We shall call it Fi Sword! It will heroically slay the T dragons!

:fisword:

Dang, it didn't work. :cry:
 

CrystalViolet

lab rat extraordinaire
Joined
Oct 24, 2008
Messages
2,152
MBTI Type
XNFP
Enneagram
5w4
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
I've been known to just walk away from strangers without a single word exchanged on my half.
I have a confession to make. I've done this too. Which is why I get called arrogant. If they have nothing to say that I deem worth listening too, I won't engage.
 

blanclait

New member
Joined
Oct 7, 2008
Messages
305
MBTI Type
ENTP
I can say I have good social skills. I can get along with many types of people, and for some reason there are always some people who take interest in me. Even when i don't make any moves.

of course in return theres always someone whos pissed at me for something. Usually they are the typical extrovert feelers. And they try so hard to bring me down or try to kinda pick a fight. But it's too damn amusing most of the times.
Which even annoys them more.

i swear i'm a natural born troll.
 
Top