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[INTJ] INTJs & social approval

Cenomite

Systematic chaos
Joined
Nov 30, 2008
Messages
623
MBTI Type
ENTP
The INTJs I know couldn't give two shits what most people think about them. I like that.
 
Joined
Sep 18, 2008
Messages
1,941
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
512
Instinctual Variant
sp/so
Don't care unless it's professional.

Sometimes I think that if I'm too well-liked, I'm not focusing on what needs to be done, but what people want. I then make corrections to my behavior.
 

Cindy

New member
Joined
Jun 26, 2008
Messages
36
MBTI Type
INTJ
When I was really young I placed zero value on social approval (my parents also placed no value on it).

When I was in my early teens I was feeling lonely and wished I had more of it because I felt like the odd one out and like there was something wrong with me.

At some point I decided life was too short to spend alone and I wanted some real friends to share my life with - and I successfully got working on that. I decided that there was nothing fundamentally wrong with me and people just needed to deal with who I was and get over themselves. Some people liked this attitude which was better than no-one lol. I think thats when I began making friendships with other 'Thinkers' because until then the 'Thinkers' weren't friendly enough and made me feel rejected but now I didn't care/supressed these feelings. Lucky for me cos now I have some really awesome life long 'Thinking type' friends, some of which are female INTJ's.

Now I wish I had more of it because it would help me professionally.
Before a career path I had found ways to adapt and not care about it.
Unfortunately I haven't excelled career wise like most INTJ's so I feel like I lost out on all fronts.
Nothing has been easy for me (bring out the violins already).

It angers me when people who mean well try to get me to conform just because there is more people like them on this planet than there is like me. Since I've learnt more about my type I find myself saying things like 'thats because your an extrovert and I'm an introvert. And then they say I'm not an extrovert and your not an introvert. I make them take the test and what do you know they come up extroverted.

As I now have many really good friends loneliness isn't a concern and nor really is social approval, except career wise. Also I would definatly be repulsed if I had too much of it. I think having a lot of social approval means you aren't being honest with yourself and others.
 

Darjur

New member
Joined
Oct 26, 2008
Messages
493
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
5
If it's positive, I'm happy. If it's negative, I don't care.
 

Jwill

New member
Joined
Jan 6, 2009
Messages
85
MBTI Type
INTJ
Hmm, I think it's always nice to have social approval. It makes life easier. It helps further your goals. When I was growing up, I would kind of suck up to the teachers who were influential in the faculty, and I would try and act as "human" as possible around them so that I could get good referrals and recommendations for college. As for the crappy, incompetent teachers, I treated them like scum, gave my sarcasm full rein, and...so on. Their social approval didn't matter to me at all.

Anyway, I like approval, but I'm used to not being well-liked. INTJs have really strong self-confidence and really strong wills, so this social disapproval doesn't make us feel sorry for ourselves. It just makes us a little apathetic. So what if that person over there thinks I'm cold-hearted and doesn't "get" me? I'm used to it, and I get me.

As for the know-it-all friends who fish for compliments: I really, really hate when people do that, mostly because I used to do that as an insecure child. I think that's the sign of an immature INTJ. Maybe, if they're young, they'll grow out of it. I think most healthy INTJs do.
 

DigitalMethod

Content. Content?
Joined
May 4, 2008
Messages
970
MBTI Type
INTJ
What I don't get is how people can allow compliments from customers to change their mood. I mean my dad seriously gets ecstatic if he gets a compliment from a customer, ecstatic to a pathetic level ecstatic.

Compliments from customers should be viewed as "you met the standard."
 

Lexicon

Temporal Mechanic
Staff member
Joined
Sep 28, 2008
Messages
12,342
MBTI Type
JINX
Enneagram
5w6
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
The INTs I know personally couldn't care less about social acceptance.
They seemed happy when understood and/or appreciated, though.
Compliments/criticism didn't seem to phase them.
 
Joined
Jan 22, 2009
Messages
69
MBTI Type
InTJ
Enneagram
5
Who gives a **** about social approval when your INTJ? We know people better then most anyway
 

pecan111

New member
Joined
Feb 2, 2009
Messages
61
this whole thread really embodies the INTJ style to me..

few words usually, right to the point...thinking, rational....

I have an ex SIL and she is the biggest social hermit. I think she would have you believe that she nevers needs others. Sorry, but she is incredibly lousy with people and can't sustain any relationship. Its always on her terms and I gave up a long time ago. She doesn't care, so why should I. Its kind of sad but since its her style, so be it. She does have one "friend", but its more like she is a lapdog that must do her master's bidding. The friend ALWAYS comes to her house, ALWAYS does the work in the "relationship", etc, etc. Now that makes me sick...that woman is barking up the wrong tree to me(i see her as being pooped on constantly), but its her life and she will do what she wants with it.

As much as I enjoy talking with an INTJ, I generally get the feeling that they think they always know more, and know better than I. I noticed this a long time ago...almost like its what they AREN't saying that is yelling at me, rather than what they are. Even though I take notice of it, it generally doesn't cause me any concern anymore. I figure they are on a journey like the rest of us and they will have what is meant for them, just as myself...
 

Splittet

Wannabe genius
Joined
Jun 12, 2007
Messages
632
MBTI Type
INTJ
In our individualistic culture people underestimate the degree to which they conform, and indeed it seems like INTJs are not an exception, perhaps even among the types who underestimate it the most? Evolution has made humans at their core social beings. Social rejection leads to heightened brain activity in the same areas as physical pain does, and the #1 characteristic of happy people are meaningful and honest relationships with others, and self-esteem correlates highly with how people feel others perceive them. Social approval or disapproval affects INTJs like all types. Maybe INTJs are not as easily depressed by social disapproval as some other types, but it will influence them, if not consciously, then subconsciously, and it will make happiness difficult to achieve.
 

INTJMom

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 28, 2007
Messages
5,413
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
5w4
In our individualistic culture people underestimate the degree to which they conform, and indeed it seems like INTJs are not an exception, perhaps even among the types who underestimate it the most? Evolution has made humans at their core social beings. Social rejection leads to heightened brain activity in the same areas as physical pain does, and the #1 characteristic of happy people are meaningful and honest relationships with others, and self-esteem correlates highly with how people feel others perceive them. Social approval or disapproval affects INTJs like all types. Maybe INTJs are not as easily depressed by social disapproval as some other types, but it will influence them, if not consciously, then subconsciously, and it will make happiness difficult to achieve.
Very well said.
And I agree.
 

Kalach

Filthy Apes!
Joined
Dec 3, 2008
Messages
4,310
MBTI Type
INTJ
I called a co-worker a bitch yesterday. She can't be anything other than a royally unbalanced ESFJ and she constantly fucks up meetings with noise, noise, whiny noise--and gets away with it because usually no one can stand up to this noise--so when I heard it starting up at yesterday's meeting, and knew it was going to derail yet another timetabling session, I said, "My God, you're such a bitch! Don't do this!" She's about twenty years older than me.

Social approval.





Not that it did any good. The juggernaut looked askance for all of half a second and then kept on rolling, baby.
 

Sinister Scribe

New member
Joined
Oct 11, 2008
Messages
62
MBTI Type
INTx
Enneagram
5
I tend to seek approval from a select few people (mostly fellow INTJs and ENTPs, oddly enough). INFs tend to offer their approval whether I want it or not and I don't care about what anyone else thinks.

I think it's mostly because I've been told so often in the past that I'm a failure at whatever I do because I'm not very social and whatnot that I seek approval. But it's only from certain people... and it's only from the people about whom I care and who generally fall under the NT category.

I was also raised in an SJ household.
 
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