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[INTJ] INTJ Women - How to get to them?

Sphare

New member
Joined
Jan 27, 2009
Messages
4
MBTI Type
INTP
Not sure if there's a thread started on this.

But here goes. Lately I've developed some feelings for an INTJ girl. She's a high achieving perfectionist, striving for her law degree, playing in golf tournaments worldwidel, getting top grades, etc. Is there anything I can do besides beating her in everything that she cares about?
 

Nocapszy

no clinkz 'til brooklyn
Joined
Jun 29, 2007
Messages
4,517
MBTI Type
ENTP
Beating her might not be the best... I mean, yeah that's a good strategy.

But for clarity when you say "beating her in everything she cares about" do you mean that you're going to try to learn all these things -- pro-golf, law, and grades -- to where you can consistently one up her?
 

GargoylesLegacy

Kickin' Ass since 1984
Joined
Oct 29, 2008
Messages
1,399
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ESTP
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8w9
Wasn't there already a thread like this? "INTJs and affection" or that other one. Hm, not sure anymore how it is called.
Anyways.

We INTJs are impressed by honesty and directness. We like smart people; we like if we can have time for ourselves (so if you are a stalker, you should forget about it); we...oh wait. I just saw you are an INTP. INTJs and INTPs are like family anyways. They are much alike. INTJs are just a little more organized (the J makes us); INTPs a little more open and chaotic (the P).

So, to get to an INTJ you should make sure you can leave them the space they need; you should be able to finish the stuff you start (no procrastination); you should be able to keep stuff clean / organized; try to be decisive; respect their events, routines and habits. If you can do this, it's all good. Try to impress her with knowledge and honesty. Then it could most likely work out.
 

DigitalMethod

Content. Content?
Joined
May 4, 2008
Messages
970
MBTI Type
INTJ
Generally speaking:
Most INTJs have a desire to talk about feelings, with the people they are close to.
But most INTPs don't find that pleasurable.
 

pippi

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Sep 6, 2008
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735
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xxxx
You don't have to beat her, I'm sure she'll be happy to beat you.

Ok I'll be serious, what are you passionate about? Show her that part of you. You don't have to be good at the same things she is, impress her with what you are good at instead. INTPs usually have lots of random knowledge crammed in their heads, let her in there.

Ignore the poster before me, INTJs do NOT like to talk about feelings.
 

ed111

New member
Joined
Sep 9, 2008
Messages
426
MBTI Type
INTJ
As a conquerer of INTJ women ;) I feel that I am in a good position to give you some advice!

- pretend you're an INTJ;
- do not make her late for appointments etc. This might be a problem for you as an INTP. I recommend buying a pda and using it;
- buy her flowers. INTJ women, like all women like some romance. Although she may seem like a cold blooded bitch, she'll melt if you make bold romantic gestures;
- use correct spelling and grammar;
- don't argue the point on technicalities: this might prove to be annoying;
- ensure your pad is neat and tidy: she probably can't abide a mess.

I hope some of these ideas help you. Good luck!
 

Uytuun

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Apr 19, 2008
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1,633
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nnnn
So, to get to an INTJ you should make sure you can leave them the space they need; you should be able to finish the stuff you start (no procrastination); you should be able to keep stuff clean / organized; try to be decisive; respect their events, routines and habits. If you can do this, it's all good. Try to impress her with knowledge and honesty. Then it could most likely work out.

This sounds a bit scary. Stay yourself. You might want to take into account that we're not very spontaneous etc., but please don't just try to be like her (both from a pragmatic point of view: you'll probably fail, INTJs enjoy confidence in who you are and if you have to change for her, you're probably not the best match and from an ethical point of view). From what I've heard a lot of INTJs procrastinate and are chaotic in their living spaces - it depends on the person.

Generally speaking:
Most INTJs have a desire to talk about feelings, with the people they are close to.
But most INTPs don't find that pleasurable.

Hmmm, I don't know about that one, really. Maybe not the Fi way, but they do talk about it. And I agree with the owl, talking about feelings is always difficult, especially in person.
 

GargoylesLegacy

Kickin' Ass since 1984
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Oct 29, 2008
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1,399
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8w9
- pretend you're an INTJ;
Hm, okay so I know I can't speak for all the INTJ girls but I'd rather like somebody to be honest and "who he is" than pretending to be something he is not and me finding out in some odd, twisted way in the end. :shock:


Uytuun said:
This sounds a bit scary. Stay yourself.
I didn't want to say that he should change for her. I was saying what he should be able to do. If he can't, then INTJs might not be the thing for him. That's all.
 

ptgatsby

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Joined
Apr 24, 2007
Messages
4,476
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ISTP
As a conquerer of INTJ women ;) I feel that I am in a good position to give you some advice!

Heh, as someone who married one;
- pretend you're an INTJ;

Be something that intrigues them. Being an INTJ would not be the first step.

- do not make her late for appointments etc. This might be a problem for you as an INTP. I recommend buying a pda and using it;

Truth. Much truth. In fact, find ways to make her on time for her appointments.

- buy her flowers. INTJ women, like all women like some romance. Although she may seem like a cold blooded bitch, she'll melt if you make bold romantic gestures;

Romantic, maybe. Flowers? Hell no. Effort and attention are rewarded in general, but make sure it's the right thing for her.

- use correct spelling and grammar;

Depends, but since she is in law school....

- don't argue the point on technicalities: this might prove to be annoying;
- ensure your pad is neat and tidy: she probably can't abide a mess.

Both of these fall under reasonable. Argue, but don't argue to the point of conflict. Be neat, but not ultra neat. INTJs tend to be reasonable... or at least, the ones you want to have around are :yes:


You'll have to know a lot more about her and see what distracts her from her tasks at hand. Sounds like an over-achieving type, which means she doesn't have room in her life for you (or anyone). That's a tough thing to fight, because even if she tries, INTJs tend to... prioritize and discard distractions. You'll be there when she needs the comfort, but otherwise, she'll tend to focus on other stuff, when you'll count as a distraction.

This works both ways though. Once you are together, she'll consider other things a distraction from you, and you'll be pretty high up on the list. :D That's nice too.
 

DigitalMethod

Content. Content?
Joined
May 4, 2008
Messages
970
MBTI Type
INTJ
Generally speaking:
Most INTJs have a desire to talk about feelings, with the people they are close to.
But most INTPs don't find that pleasurable.

The key here is people they are close to.
I am sure he isn't that close to her yet.
I was just making a statement pointing out a possible future issue that might arise if they get into a relationship.

I have to agree with what Gargoyles said.
Don't change yourself, it will probably be picked up on, and make you less trustworthy in her eyes.
 

nightning

ish red no longer *sad*
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Apr 23, 2007
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3,741
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INfj
The key here is going with the flow. Try something and watch her reactions... make adjustments as you go along.

There's more to a person than type... Just because she's an INTJ doesn't mean she'll behave exactly like another INTJ.
 

Edgar

Nerd King Usurper
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Oct 25, 2008
Messages
4,266
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Instinctual Variant
sx
Not sure if there's a thread started on this.

But here goes. Lately I've developed some feelings for an INTJ girl. She's a high achieving perfectionist, striving for her law degree, playing in golf tournaments worldwidel, getting top grades, etc. Is there anything I can do besides beating her in everything that she cares about?

Well, you can try being good looking, charming, affluent, witty, and make all the moves (but not too fast, because she might get suspicious).

If you do all of that, she'll be like a pudding in your arms.
 

ThatsWhatHeSaid

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May 11, 2007
Messages
7,263
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INTP
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5w4
Lets see. INTJ, INTJ... *thumbs through notebook* Ah yes, INTJ:

* Make fun of her in a playful way
* Challenge her at the stuff that she's good at
* Find stuff you're better at than she is and rub it in her face
* Avoid talking about your feeling, as she has none and can't relate
* Buy her creative, semi-useful, ornamental toys and gadgets
* Make her something thoughtful

That'll be $5 for the best advice you've ever received, ever.
 

MacGuffin

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Apr 19, 2007
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10,710
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xkcd
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9w1
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Challenge her to some complex game.

When it's her turn and she's deep in thought, club her and take her back to your cave!

Simple!
 

Kasper

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May 30, 2008
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so/sx
As a conquerer of INTJ women ;) I feel that I am in a good position to give you some advice!

- pretend you're an INTJ;
- do not make her late for appointments etc. This might be a problem for you as an INTP. I recommend buying a pda and using it;
- buy her flowers. INTJ women, like all women like some romance. Although she may seem like a cold blooded bitch, she'll melt if you make bold romantic gestures;
- use correct spelling and grammar;
- don't argue the point on technicalities: this might prove to be annoying;
- ensure your pad is neat and tidy: she probably can't abide a mess.

I hope some of these ideas help you. Good luck!

I no longer want an INTJ woman :coffee:

Challenge her to some complex game.

When it's her turn and she's deep in thought, club her and take her back to your cave!

Simple!

This seems like the best option.

Seeing as you're INTP and she's INTJ can you be absolutely certain you're not already in a relationship but neither of you realise this?
 

Misty_Mountain_Rose

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Joined
Jul 21, 2008
Messages
1,123
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INTJ
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4w5
As a conquerer of INTJ women ;) I feel that I am in a good position to give you some advice!

- pretend you're an INTJ;
- do not make her late for appointments etc. This might be a problem for you as an INTP. I recommend buying a pda and using it;
- buy her flowers. INTJ women, like all women like some romance. Although she may seem like a cold blooded bitch, she'll melt if you make bold romantic gestures;
- use correct spelling and grammar;
- don't argue the point on technicalities: this might prove to be annoying;
- ensure your pad is neat and tidy: she probably can't abide a mess.

I hope some of these ideas help you. Good luck!

:dont:

Lets see. INTJ, INTJ... *thumbs through notebook* Ah yes, INTJ:

* Make fun of her in a playful way
* Challenge her at the stuff that she's good at
* Find stuff you're better at than she is and rub it in her face
* Avoid talking about your feeling, as she has none and can't relate
* Buy her creative, semi-useful, ornamental toys and gadgets
* Make her something thoughtful

That'll be $5 for the best advice you've ever received, ever.

Edahn you make me nervous LOL I agree with the first one... definately NOT the third.

Challenge her to some complex game.

When it's her turn and she's deep in thought, club her and take her back to your cave!

Simple!

This is probably the best advise on the whole thread thus far...

Seeing as you're INTP and she's INTJ can you be absolutely certain you're not already in a relationship but neither of you realise this?

:rofl1:


I can't speak for the other INTJ's, but I've never fallen, I mean really fallen for someone unless they were my friend first. For a long time.

I like the safety of hanging out with someone where there aren't all these expectations and worry about 'when should we kiss', 'when should we sleep together' etc etc etc. If I can hang with someone and be comfortable around them, and eventually feel able to let my goofy side out around them something happens in me without me really realizing it. Where, in a 'relationship' and dating, my mind would constantly be weighing the pros and cons and looking for flags, as a friend I find I'm more accepting of the persons faults (by a long shot). While I've been busy spending time doing things together that we have in common... it eventually leads to the seed of 'I wonder if we'd be good in a relationship... we get along so well...'
 

GargoylesLegacy

Kickin' Ass since 1984
Joined
Oct 29, 2008
Messages
1,399
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ESTP
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8w9
Be yourself. I'm serious.
Yeah, seconded. Be yourself = being honest; and we are just well-known for being that ourselves. That's why I don't agree with people telling to "pretend being an INTJ". So not good. Unless you wanna piss us off really badly. :shock:
 

ed111

New member
Joined
Sep 9, 2008
Messages
426
MBTI Type
INTJ
Being yourself is the best advice. It's something my mom always told me and it's true. You can't force these things: if it's meant to be it'll happen.

The stuff I mentioned earlier works for me, because that IS me - I wouldn't have to try to do those things.

NB. Being romantic does work, but if you're going to buy flowers don't get them from a garage. It's better to show that you've spent some time, effort and thought on the romance, such as planning a weekend away or a meal out. What won my INTJ girlfriend over was when I sent her a card with a poem I'd written that contained a hidden message (it was acrostic) - she liked that!
 
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