[INTJ] INTJ Women - How to get to them?

[Uytuun]

You kinda make it sound as if it's her fault you've put in ridiculous amounts of energy.

Peguy is bitter, but his experience remains. INTJs are not necessarily easy to romance or be in a relationship with. But they might be pretty amazing.

Perhaps you should make your intentions clear and give her some time to ponder them.

 

[Beorn]

You kinda make it sound as if it's her fault you've put in ridiculous amounts of energy.

Peguy is bitter, but his experience remains. INTJs are not necessarily easy to romance or be in a relationship with. But they might be pretty amazing.

Perhaps you should make your intentions clear and give her some time to ponder them.

I think on some level I'm blaming her because I'm predicting my own failure. I mean if we do develop a relationship I'll be proud of how long I stuck it out and all of the feelings I've dealt with over the past few months.

I can't make my intentions totally clear right now. I'm kind of in a cooling off stage. Her schedule is hectic over the next few weeks so I'm holding off from asking her out on anymore dates. I'm just trying to be a good friend. But, as soon as I think I can have a really serious conversation with her about my intentions without totally overwhelming her I'm gonna do it.

 

[Uytuun]

GL

 

[Sphare]

Thank you for all your posts I deeply appreciate all the help.

Hahaha, I'm pretty sure we're not 'in a relationship without knowing it'. I'd be pretty happy if we were. At the moment, I'm just going to take it slow with her and try to be helpful in any way.

Good luck to you Beefeater; I think if we're determined to do it, we'll get to their hearts one day (as long as we don't become stalkerish).

 

[Misty_Mountain_Rose]

You can forget about her now, thus saving yourself the trouble and just move on with your life. I regret not taking that course of action.

Awww Peguy... On behalf of all the INTJ's who've been asses...

Thank you for all your posts I deeply appreciate all the help.

Hahaha, I'm pretty sure we're not 'in a relationship without knowing it'. I'd be pretty happy if we were. At the moment, I'm just going to take it slow with her and try to be helpful in any way.

Good luck to you Beefeater; I think if we're determined to do it, we'll get to their hearts one day (as long as we don't become stalkerish).

Stalkers do have that certain je ne sais quoi...

 

[GargoylesLegacy]

You know guys, somehow I don't like how a few people make us INTJ look like monsters. Because we are not all the assy type.
Also I must honestly say that I am a little sick about people who hear "Person x is an INTJ" get all distanced.
I just though I should add this for the sake of all the non-typical INTJs on this forum and the world.

 

[ptgatsby]

Peguy is bitter, but his experience remains. INTJs are not necessarily easy to romance or be in a relationship with. But they might be pretty amazing.

Pssh... INTJs are easy to romance... Like all IxTx, they are just a bit more... frictiony... than the alternatives, but that's about as far as "type" can go, and even that is very weak. Obviously very disagreeable (very T) people are going to be a strain on a relationship, but the spectrum of Ts is pretty broad, even as far as that goes.

Pretty hard to see who is more "frictiony" in my relationship, heh. I'm pretty sure it's me

The complaints that people are mentioning could describe any generic relationship issue, down to the letter. It has nothing to do with type. If I had a dime for every "I put in so much work into this and she just didn't (x)" that I've heard...

 

[Sphare]

You know guys, somehow I don't like how a few people make us INTJ look like monsters. Because we are not all the assy type.
Also I must honestly say that I am a little sick about people who hear "Person x is an INTJ" get all distanced.
I just though I should add this for the sake of all the non-typical INTJs on this forum and the world.

You're right. Out of 5 INTJs, only one of them is assy. The rest are fine and I'm pretty close to them as well.

 

[chelsea_june]

Lets see. INTJ, INTJ... *thumbs through notebook* Ah yes, INTJ:

* Make fun of her in a playful way
* Challenge her at the stuff that she's good at
* Find stuff you're better at than she is and rub it in her face
* Avoid talking about your feeling, as she has none and can't relate
* Buy her creative, semi-useful, ornamental toys and gadgets
* Make her something thoughtful

That'll be $5 for the best advice you've ever received, ever.

Haha, this is brilliant and I agree.

 

[nottaprettygal]

I can't make my intentions totally clear right now. I'm kind of in a cooling off stage. Her schedule is hectic over the next few weeks so I'm holding off from asking her out on anymore dates.

So you've already asked her out? Did she say no?

For me, there really does not need to be a long wooing process. . . or any wooing at all. I know right away when I like someone, and in most of my relationships, I have done something about that annoying feeling. Sometimes it has worked and other times it led to rejection.

I only avoid questions of my feelings or going places with somone if I can tell that they like me, and I do not feel the same way.

 

[Petite Etoile]

You know guys, somehow I don't like how a few people make us INTJ look like monsters. Because we are not all the assy type. Also I must honestly say that I am a little sick about people who hear "Person x is an INTJ" get all distanced.
I just though I should add this for the sake of all the non-typical INTJs on this forum and the world.

i agree! i don't think anyone i know would describe be as having monster-like qualities. I tend to be very blunt with people which seems to turn away a lot of people but once anyone actually gets to know me, i am actually a very caring and sensitive person (if i like you anyway)..

Not sure if there's a thread started on this.
But here goes. Lately I've developed some feelings for an INTJ girl. She's a high achieving perfectionist, striving for her law degree, playing in golf tournaments worldwidel, getting top grades, etc. Is there anything I can do besides beating her in everything that she cares about?

I think everyone has given pretty good advice. but as far as the whole 'be yourself' thing.. definitely be yourself, but if you can try to intrigue her in some way do it. I think when anyone is pursuing someone they try to impress them somehow to get their attention. So, i'd say DEFINITELY be REALLY honest, and try to start intellectual conversations that interest her. i don't know about the whole beating her in everything she cares about.. but if you do that don't be all conceited about it. & good luck

Here's a question: "When is a good time to ask an INTJ what her thoughts and intentions are regarding me?"

similar to what other people said, try to get close to her as a friend first. when you feel like she's opening up and everything, just come out and ask, don't beat around the bush.. i think that would sort of make me try not to laugh too.

 

[Beorn]

So you've already asked her out? Did she say no?

Actually, she started it all by hitting on me and then asking me to take her running. Then I took her out once for coffee and once for dinner. Ever since things have been absurdly busy for the both of us, but we've been messaging back and forth.

 

[Uytuun]

Pssh... INTJs are easy to romance... Like all IxTx, they are just a bit more... frictiony... than the alternatives, but that's about as far as "type" can go, and even that is very weak. Obviously very disagreeable (very T) people are going to be a strain on a relationship, but the spectrum of Ts is pretty broad, even as far as that goes.

Pretty hard to see who is more "frictiony" in my relationship, heh. I'm pretty sure it's me

The complaints that people are mentioning could describe any generic relationship issue, down to the letter. It has nothing to do with type. If I had a dime for every "I put in so much work into this and she just didn't (x)" that I've heard...

Thanks for the reality check.

I'm thinking that what I had in mind when posting were certain gender-related expectations and theory. Always theory. Wait, I did it again...*goes and does something non-stereotypical*

BTW, I seriously doubt people really see us as robots or monsters - it's a fun myth, though. Gotta keep the plebs in line. Oops.

 

[Hendo Barbarosa]

You can ask when she thinks __ is appropriate in a relationship. How does she view the progression of a relationship. What does she think about ___.

It might be better to not try to pin her down with "how do you feel about ME" She might prefer to answer in a more general manner.

::applauds INTJ comprehension levels::

 

[runvardh]

Ok, so I figured the friend thing was self explanitory, but whatever. It wasn't meant to be a flirt phrase, though I'm sure that's how most people are reading it (the joys of text lacking context). Think of some one asking it in a neutral and flat type of expression (or lack there of), then evalutate it. Also, I'm not in the habbit of just asking any girl - I need to have a suspicion first.

 

[clamsters]

if she asks you to go running together. as an INTJ, i'd say thats green light 90%.

 

[Wonkavision]

Seeing as you're INTP and she's INTJ can you be absolutely certain you're not already in a relationship but neither of you realise this?

:yim_rolling_on_the_

:yim_rolling_on_the_

:yim_rolling_on_the_

 

[Beorn]

So any tips on how to respect her need to study and yet be assertive when it comes to asking her out on dates. I don't think I want to do the "play it by ear" thing anymore.

 

[01011010]

"Being yourself" is tricky advice because there is a good chance that she won't like you if you are yourself. There's also a good chance that she won't like you if you try to be someone else.

So. . . you're screwed.

Depends on the goal.

If it's a fling, pretend. If it's potentially serious, be yourself. If she doesn't like who you really are, you will never make it long term anyway. You don't have to share or agree on everything to click romantically. Besides, she would most likely want you to have your own life and interests. A clone is boring.

 

[nightning]

You know... I read the title "how to get to them" as in "how to get them annoyed". That one's easy to do.

But to stay on topic, to "get to them" first thing you need to do is to get them to notice you. If they're thinking intently about something, toss them a curve ball. A possibility/factor that they didn't think of themselves... then they'll start thinking about that... and if that line-of-thought is in anyway useful to them, they'll attribute it to you. Big plus for you.