[INTJ] INTJ Women - How to get to them?

[nottaprettygal]

Be yourself. I'm serious.

Yeah, seconded. Be yourself = being honest; and we are just well-known for being that ourselves.

Being yourself is the best advice.

"Being yourself" is tricky advice because there is a good chance that she won't like you if you are yourself. There's also a good chance that she won't like you if you try to be someone else.

So. . . you're screwed.

 

[Geoff]

There's a good chance she won't know if she likes you, too.

 

[nottaprettygal]

There's a good chance she won't know if she likes you, too.

I think that she would know. . . however, there's a good chance that she won't know what to do if she likes you.

 

[Geoff]

I think that she would know. . . however, there's a good chance that she won't know what to do if she likes you.

A quote from an IRL friend of mine, an INTJ (sadly, male, in this instance) :

"Why is it when I approach people that I like, that they look at me like I just beamed down from the mothership?"

 

[GargoylesLegacy]

"Being yourself" is tricky advice because there is a good chance that she won't like you if you are yourself.

Well, that can always happen. But we'd rather be with somebody that is at least honest than with somebody that is a cheater. I mean the honesty gets people already some bonus points.

 

[Geoff]

It's probably not a requirement unique to INTJs.

 

[nottaprettygal]

Well, that can always happen. But we'd rather be with somebody that is at least honest than with somebody that is a cheater. I mean the honesty gets people already some bonus points.

What do you mean by "cheater?" So if someone is trying their very hardest at the beginning of a relationship to put their best foot forward, they are somehow fake and dishonest?

Because I understand the nervousness and stress that comes with getting to know someone you really like, I let a few jittery lies slide. I'm not going to speak for all INTJ women, but I understand the need to wear a mask when meeting new people. It's just a way to keep your guard up until you decide whether or not they are worthy of letting it down.

If one is still lying years into the relationship, well. . . that's a different story.

 

[GargoylesLegacy]

What do you mean by "cheater?" So if someone is trying their very hardest at the beginning of a relationship to put their best foot forward, they are somehow fake and dishonest?

No, if you just show your best that is not cheating. But if you start to be something you are not, just to impress sombody or to get better chances. I have had some experiences with that. And in the end peole would blame ME for "having to change". I never told them to do so. They just tried to make me believe they were like they acted. Long story short: it's this that I mean; and not somebody working hard on a honest level. If people want to change for their own sake, that is always fine with me. But not just to have better chances.
Masks are okay, but only to a certain degree and for a certain time, as you pointed out already.

 

[runvardh]

Here's a question: "When is a good time to ask an INTJ what her thoughts and intentions are regarding me?"

 

[GargoylesLegacy]

Here's a question: "When is a good time to ask an INTJ what her thoughts and intentions are regarding me?"

I'd say whenever you want - if you can take it. Because you can be sure she will give you a honest answer. And you might not like it.

Also you shouldn't ask that too often. Just saying.

 

[Laurie]

You can ask when she thinks __ is appropriate in a relationship. How does she view the progression of a relationship. What does she think about ___.

It might be better to not try to pin her down with "how do you feel about ME" She might prefer to answer in a more general manner.

 

[runvardh]

I'd say whenever you want - if you can take it. Because you can be sure she will give you a honest answer. And you might not like it.

Also you shouldn't ask that too often. Just saying.

That's the thing, I'd be asking it that way for the honest answer. Pain is pain, but I find the truth doesn't hurt for as long. Idealy, I'd want to ask her before I allowed myself any serious feelings towards her which would mitigate a lot of the emo crap.

 

[runvardh]

You can ask when she thinks __ is appropriate in a relationship. How does she view the progression of a relationship. What does she think about ___.

It might be better to not try to pin her down with "how do you feel about ME" She might prefer to answer in a more general manner.

See that's why I worded it as thoughts and intentions; I figured they would be less threatening than feel which is a grey mess with any type.

 

[Laurie]

Oh my gracious INFP and INTJ. Wow. The strength in that relationship would be that the INTJ is not going to be "offended" or as "sensitive" as the INFP.

I'm not sure an INFP taking pain from an INTJ would be the route to go. You are not working to either of the strengths there.

 

[runvardh]

Oh my gracious INFP and INTJ. Wow. The strength in that relationship would be that the INTJ is not going to be "offended" or as "sensitive" as the INFP.

I'm not sure an INFP taking pain from an INTJ would be the route to go. You are not working to either of the strengths there.

I hope this clarifies things:

Idealy, I'd want to ask her before I allowed myself any serious feelings towards her which would mitigate a lot of the emo crap.

 

[Misty_Mountain_Rose]

Here's a question: "When is a good time to ask an INTJ what her thoughts and intentions are regarding me?"

If she's on these forums... she's probably thinking to just use you for sex.

Kiddin. ... although, if someone worded it like that: "...thoughts and intentions are regarding me" I'd probably resist the urge to giggle and then make a smart ass remark about only entertaining thoughts of ravaging them...

You'd be best to time the question when you're both in a serious conversation or intimate-ish mode. If not, she's probably bound to crack jokes.

 

[BlackCat]

From what I've observed most NT women like it when someone is just being themselves. I've run into a couple (literally 2) INTJ women, they really enjoyed it when I was myself. They liked to talk about their philosophies with me, and I enjoyed it too. Seems like a great combination if you aren't offended by bluntness (which I actually like bluntness, it gets things done).

 

[GargoylesLegacy]

That's the thing, I'd be asking it that way for the honest answer. Pain is pain, but I find the truth doesn't hurt for as long. Idealy, I'd want to ask her before I allowed myself any serious feelings towards her which would mitigate a lot of the emo crap.

Well, some INTJs take quite some time until they would call you a friend, so it is probably going to take even a bit more until she would consider a relationship. INTJs go from "stranger" to "friend" and then "boy/girlfriend possibilty". Well, most of them at least.
So, if you ask too early, she might just say "How can I know yet?" and if you are very unlucky it will bother her, since we aren't exactly too happy about people trying to hit on us in a "normal" way. *cough*

What you are gonna need is quite some patience. I know how it is if you want to know really badly. And I also know it can be difficult to have patience with that, but you should take that time.

However, if you are already friends with that girl, then go ahead and ask her carefully. That means that you shouldn't make it look like some cheap flirting. If you can manage that, it's all good and you will get your honest answer. =)

 

[Sniffles]

Lately I've developed some feelings for an INTJ girl. She's a high achieving perfectionist, striving for her law degree, playing in golf tournaments worldwidel, getting top grades, etc. Is there anything I can do besides beating her in everything that she cares about?

You can forget about her now, thus saving yourself the trouble and just move on with your life. I regret not taking that course of action.

 

[Beorn]

I'm in the midst of chasing an INTJ female law student right now. Its a frickin' marathon. I've already put in ridiculous amounts of thought and energy into trying to establish a relationship... and probably the best thing I've done so far is restrain myself from putting all that energy and thought into action. Its been really hard trying not to bowl her over with my INFP emotional gooey-ness.

Its a lot of effort to put out without knowing if anything will come of it.

I keep wondering if I shouldn't just take Peguy's advice.