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[MBTI General] Best of both worlds. INTJ Dad, ESFP mom.

Nickels

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Jan 5, 2009
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85
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ENTP
I feel that truly intelligent people are well rounded, not specialist. Not saying that some one who is a specialist is unintelligent in any manner. Just that the more well rounded you are the better off you are.

I have always prided my self in the ability to switch, to change on the fly, the very essence of "P", there is no right or wrong, only shades of gray. Small changes in plans are no big deal, if there is a plan, its always a lose allocation of ideas, never something written in stone.

However I was raised with 2 very opposing forces in my life as a child. That had very different views on right and wrong, black and white. Shades of gray.

I would like to discuss the psychological effects of being ENTP, being raised by an INTJ, and an ESFP.

Naturally from a young age I had schedule, not any schedule mind you. But my fathers strict and rigorous schedule. Only looking back now as a man do I realize how strict it really was. From a young age my father instilled in me the importance of reading, math, science, exercise, diet, finishing the job you start, schedule, being on time, and most importantly how to control people.

We started young, at the age of 7, my father bought me a Chess set and went about teaching me how to "play the game".

Any one who knows an INTJ very well will understand the importance of Chess and large scale strategy. My father gave me tips on how to control my teachers, my class mates, my siblings and my mother. The never ending goal was to teach me that I could get what I wanted, most of the time, but at the same time tricking the other person into thinking that's what they wanted as well.

Only now as an adult do I fully understand the depth of the things he taught me at such a young age. How it effects everything I do, I have this underlying strategic system that dictates my every day actions. This is more or less like the televisions in George Orwell's 1984, I can turn it down, but never off. This code of conduct could more or less be seen as my moral compass.


The world is a game and most people are pawns, some are kings and queens. However I believe it is the INTJ's that play, not the pieces them selves.


Now, couple this man with the most typical ESFP woman you can imagine. Fell in love at 15, abortion at 16, married a few times, new places, new towns, new people, did you do anything new today? How about we try something new, or eat someplace new? We can go on vacation somewhere we've NEVER BEEN BEFORE?! doesn't that sound exciting?

With my mothers lacking Ni function she never really seemed to understand anything I was saying...ever. But we(my INFJ brother and I) were put through the rigorous system of newness my mother decided was necessary for children. All the while I would get to practice my "chess game" with all the new kids I got to play with. And although I never really got along well with her growing up, other than the obvious MBTI reasons why we didn't get along, I always thought her advice from a young age was stupid and worthless. Always about how to interact with children, or how to deal with situations. Where as when I went to my father for advice I would find practical uses for just about everything he said. Her advice always seemed to be filled with concern for others "feelings" something INTJ dad and I never really discussed. Feelings, other peoples and our own were something foreign, other than his nightly kiss on the forehead before bed, until I turned 10. Then as dad said "its time to cut that shit out son, your not a kid any more"

ESFP mother thought it would be a good idea to take INFJ brother and I to church on random sundays. When I would come home, INTJ father would ask me what the service was about, I would tell him, then he would go through our Bible and point out all the hypocrisy with in the church service. He did this every time our mother took us to Church, so she eventually stopped taking us.

I learned from her how to deal with those less intelligent than you, but who hold more power over you. It is a difficult task that I think most ENTPs take a very long time to learn. Growing up I hated this fact, how I could find logical reasons why it was a bad idea to do what ever the hell my ESFP mother wanted to do, yet she still seemed to pull her trump card on us that " life's not fair and sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do" usually I would do what every the hell I wanted to do anyways, but that is besides the point.

She taught me the importance of experiencing through the 5 senses. That not all of life was just about ideas and the hypothetical. Keeping an eye about you and yours and certain other things only an ESFP mother can teach. Really keeping my feet on the ground while my father kept my head in the clouds.



So The real question is how have your parents MBTI helped shape your world. I am an ENTP however I understand the values of ESFP and INTJ very well.

Lets go to a new place and control every one there? Seems reasonable for the ENTP with the INTJ father and ESFP mother eh?


P.S
One of my favorite games to play as a child would be to find another child I disliked, and to see how many children I could use to make his or her life a living hell. I was a pretty terrible kid.
 

Edgar

Nerd King Usurper
Joined
Oct 25, 2008
Messages
4,266
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sx
Best of both worlds. INTJ Dad, ESFP mom.

So your mom is a slut and your dad is a jaded asshole?
 

Nickels

New member
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Jan 5, 2009
Messages
85
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ENTP
So your mom is a slut and your dad is a jaded asshole?


Yeah Id say being married to the same man for 30 years is pretty slutty. Every one makes mistakes. And as an INTJ I'm sure you do just a bit of controlling of the masses. Also my father publicly is the nicest man most people know. However its another side of him I get to see. I don't think ANYONE has ever called my father an asshole or thought such a statement. Guys just to good at getting you to believe your getting what you want.
 

BlackCat

Shaman
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7,038
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9w8
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sx/sp
Wow. It was a great read, thanks for sharing.

As for my childhood, I was an only child (INFP). My mom is an ENFP and my dad is an ISTP. What you have here are two very different styles of love. My mom would tell me she loved me and give me emotional support, while my dad would carry on a decent conversation about whatever I had on mind (didn't mind my Ne acting up as I was developing), would provide me with physical things to make me happy (to this day I remember when he got me a super nintendo for my 9th birthday and how he smiled when I opened it), and I could just generally "get away" with my dad. My mom would often smother me, and I was thankful my dad was a fellow introvert. He would take me to places (quiet places) like the mountains to hike, or a day trip to the woods. Things like that.

I learned from my dad how to use most every tool there is (ISTP stereotype I know) and I would help him with his projects. He also taught me how to play music (he is a professional drummer, been doing it since he was 8 and he is now 54.). My dad didn't really teach my anything like yours did, but he was there for me when I needed someone but not my smothering mom. I guess he taught me to be a good person, I wanted to treat my dad well because he treated me so well.

As for my mom, I think she taught me how to deal with people. She is over emotional and worries about everything and nothing all at the same time (very annoying.). She would often have her friends over or want me to make new friends when I didn't really need them, so I learned how to talk to her without offending her.

My parents divorced when I was 3. I was traded around, mom on weekends and dad during the week. My dad got remarried to an ESTJ a few years later (an extremely unhealthy one at that). This is where I was really tested in life, to deal with my opposite. I was basically forced to develop my inferiors (Si and Te) in order to effectively communicate and get my way (which was usually what I felt was right). The only thing I can really thank my step mom for other than making my life a living hell for 7 years, is balancing me out cognitively, indirectly assisting my inferior development at a young age. I usually blame this for how assertive I am and how I use my inferiors (which is a lot, this is thought to be unusual.).

There's mine. :D
 

Darjur

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Oct 26, 2008
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My childhood was pretty similar.
INTJ dad, ESFP mom.
Just and an ENFP sister.
 

Nickels

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Jan 5, 2009
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85
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ENTP
My childhood was pretty similar.
INTJ dad, ESFP mom.
Just and an ENFP sister.


Ah add an INFJ brother for me. Makes things a little weird sometimes. Was your childhood really pretty similar? If so in what ways? I'm rather interested to compare considering the similarities with in our upbringing.
 

Darjur

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Ah add an INFJ brother for me. Makes things a little weird sometimes. Was your childhood really pretty similar? If so in what ways? I'm rather interested to compare considering the similarities with in our upbringing.

I had a similar upbringing designed to stimulate me, thought in different ways.

My father thought me the basics in several ancient languages, taught me a lot of history, electronics, engineering, physics, biology, chemistry, carpentry. He also taught me absolutely everything I currently know about metallurgy and various other materials, how to manipulate them and the like as that was what his degree was based on, I used to go to his work and help him around there and he basically told out loud everything he was doing and why he did it.
We used to make mini rockets, radio controlled airplanes, I think I still have a miniature 3 legged robot we built on my shelf, that keeps falling every 10 or so steps because we couldn't figure out how to balance it's walking pattern, all of these come from his father who had a double major of electrical engineering and mechanical engineering. We also made small bombs, which were kind of a blast to detonate.

The only real family tradition we have is the older generation are to teach the younger generation what they know. Lithuania as a whole is a culture where intelligence is considered to be the highest value.


He mostly thought me the academia, the only form of teachings I got from him on how to control people was a very mechanical crash course on expressions, eye-movements and a way as to how to present myself and a fairly in depth teaching of diplomacy, not to control people, but to get out of trouble when I'm in it and that has been probably the most useful thing he has ever taught me.
He generally used to take me to auditoriums, lectures, presentations. He used to constantly give me what we refer to as "mind benders", the first being the infamous Rubik's cube ending with a random form of competition, be it with cards, chess, or something like that.

Although, I wouldn't quite say that the relationship with my mom was like yours thought.
My mother is lecturer of Linguistics. She basically taught me the arts, she taught me how to play the piano and the violin, also taught me how to draw, sculpt, how to speak officially, write/read. I do have to say thought, she does annoy me greatly with her reliance on "chit-chat" and traditions. We do have great debates on the subject of traditions thought. I think my father installed the position that "Because I say so" is not an answer.
I did have great trouble with her thinking that I'm a bit "too secluded and autistic", where she would arrange situations where I should "socialize with other my age" as to which I usually took the approach of exist, stage left.



Needless to say, I had nearly no social life till I was well into my teenage years. Personally I see a lot of similarities and differences here, but I guess we both had "unusual" childhoods.

Oh yes, me and my sister used to beat the shit out of each other until I became ~7 after that I was both stronger, larger and faster than her. (She originally had a 5 year advantage on me.) From the start of my teen years thought, we have a great relationship.
 

hommefatal

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Apr 11, 2009
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I certainly feel both INTJ and ESFP in me pretty much. Though I'd say my mum is an ENFJ and my dad is an ISTP.
 

Nocapszy

no clinkz 'til brooklyn
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Jun 29, 2007
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it's interesting to see that so far, you've typed all men in your family/friends as N and all women as S.

this is very interesting.
 

Nocapszy

no clinkz 'til brooklyn
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ENTP
wait what the fuck? this thread is old balls.
 

thisGuy

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Mar 14, 2009
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dads ENTx and moms ISFJ

sure made each others lives hell but made for a very strong and well rounded team when it came to raising kids

nature made me ENTP
nurture gave me a fairly well-developed Fe and Se and whatever else that shit is which i cant identify
 

Blank

.
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5w6
So. What does an INTP represent on a chessboard?
 

Blank

.
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Oh really? I heard that it was more accurate to be a queen's rook because we'll just sit there all day long until something causes us to move.
 

thisGuy

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Oh really? I heard that it was more accurate to be a queen's rook because we'll just sit there all day long until something causes us to move.

yeah but the rook is nothing but brute force...eliminate anything in its way like it was out for a stroll...it does have a few tricks like the castle move...also the rook is used to protection for everything else. if the rook stands guard, nothing can actually get past it without having to kill it. the rook can extinguish anything in its way from its spot to the either side of the board in all four directions regardless of how far the enemy piece is

knight has the most unorthodox look and the most unorthodox move of any other piece...intps are like that...thinking and thinking and thinking and when they move, they move to the weirdest spot ever (in the L way that the knight does). the knight can never ever protect anything else...its just used to move forward and confuse the opponent thru by the implication of strategy...its a hit or a miss. from the center of the board, the knight can, at most, attack 8 spots

holy shit...whyd i just type that much for chess...i havent even played the game in over 10 years
 

paintmuffin

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May 14, 2009
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Creepy. I too am an ENTP with an INTJ father, ESFP mother, and INFJ brother! Things turned out a bit differently, though. Maybe I mistyped them.

My dad doesn't use people as pawns; rather, he prefers to rely on himself and stay out of the business of people in general. Could your father be ENTJ? Mine hates the idea of social interactions. Thinks it makes things much too complicated. Maybe he's ISTJ. I don't know. He taught me not to worry so much about politeness and appearances and just made sure I make good life decisions. My mom, on the other hand, being an F type, often yells at my dad for being impolite to her friends or having irrational views on social situations as a whole, and she's always pushed me to have as much fun as possible and be nice to people (as long as she doesn't have to drive me anywhere!). The result was: me, a lazy, logical joker determined to be the best at everything with as little work done as possible. Dunno where my brother got his INFJ, though. He seems to take my dad literally for the most part and yet developed a mama's-boy F from the overcoddling my mom sometimes provided.
 

invaderzim

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Oct 4, 2008
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:sadbanana:
I'm glad I haven't met you in RL.

Anyways, my mom is an ENTJ and my dad is an ENFJ.
Both are drama queens. I love them. They took out anyone that was against me and I lived a very sheltered life.
 

ed111

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Sep 9, 2008
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Congratulations, this is an excellent thread.

My father is an INTP and my mother an ISTJ.

Both of them are introverted although my mother was best at socialising.

My father had an intense interest in technology. As a child he used to try to enthuse me about some electronic gadget or other. However, because of his method of delivery and the extreme detail and excess of information he'd provide I generally found my mind drifting elsewhere. But, without him I doubt I'd know as much as I do now or have such a great interest in computing. He was a very kind person and was generous with his time. He would think nothing of spending hours helping someone with a problem. He did not have any business sense or leadership capability. It was definitely my mother that made the decisions, but my father would procrastonate. He was extremently untidy - his garage was literally full of stuff like old computers, electronic circuit boards, parts for machines etc. I told him he was my hero and that I could not grasp how he seemed to know so much about so many subjects. He was very humble. He would tell me how smart he thought I was and how he could not do some of the things that I appeared to do naturally. He seemed to think I was fast. I didn't understand it at the time but now I suppose it's because I'm a heck of a lot more decisive.

My mother is very introverted. However she was rigourous in her attention to dates: birthdays, wedding anniversaries etc. She always sent cards to people, even if she really didn't like them because I suppose she thought she had to. She still tells me to be careful now and is overly worried about my wellbeing. She instilled in me the need to be polite, to be punctual, to take care of my appearance (or at least to look smart), that it is important to eat well, that I 'should' do things, that I do as I were told because she said so. She loves me very very much to the point of smothering me. But she sure did look after me well!

I have a younger sister who is INTJ. Suffice to say we get along well, as we have a similar sense of humour. We don't discuss feelings much. She is smart and learned from my mistakes, although my parents never saw much promise in her. She is extremely strong willed and organised and through this has managed to exceed anyones expectations. I think she's great!
 

INTJ123

HAHHAHHAH!
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Messages
777
MBTI Type
ESFP
hmm interesting. Mine was the same but opposite gender types.

I'm an INTJ or INTX, I believe my father is an ESFP, and my mother I believe is an NT, maybe even INTJ. This created the odd dynamic of the woman wearing the pants in the house, at least thats kind of the way I saw it.

I don't have much to say about them since our family was so dysfunctional and most of the time I was being raised with my brother by a mexican nanny.

The most important things I learned from my parents wern't from taking their advise, but by observing their behavior and seeing the positive or negative consequences, and understanding why these things happened.

Long story short though, esfp dad cheated on intj mom and they divorced. BUT I didn't really blame him because I believe my mother didn't show him enough affection(being the intj that she is), so he went elsewhere to get it. This ultimately showed me the importance of working on my weaknesses, it can bite you in the ass later in life.
 

jenocyde

half mystic, half skeksis
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This ultimately showed me the importance of working on my weaknesses, it can bite you in the ass later in life.

That sucks, but it's great that you learned from someone else's mistake and not your own. That's one thing you can be grateful for, for sure.

I was raised with unhealthy ESTJs all around - narcissistic mother, sociopathic stepfather, maniacal older brother. This was the house of anger. My parents cheated on each other constantly, but would have blow out fights when they caught the other one doing it. No one ever wanted to come over to play with me - they were terrified, and they wouldn't have been allowed to anyway. As much as they stomped around about order and control, no one took an interest at all in me as long as I appeared to be doing what they told me to do. For instance, as long as I got up for school and left on time, and then came home before they got home from work, I was never questioned. I didn't go to school for months one year and they didn't know because I would keep the same schedule and I stopped bringing home report cards at age 8. No one asked me anything, no one taught me anything. They never engaged me in conversation because they said that I was "too damn inquisitive". They would yell at me to stop reading all the time since it wasn't practical.

They both worked constantly, and traveled for their jobs, so I had very limited interaction with them. I was only spoken to when disciplined, or when I needed something. And I preferred it that way. My stepfather would give me anything I asked for just to get me to stop talking. I remember going to elementary school with hundred dollar bills regularly just because he didn't know what else to do with me. No one ever asked me what I spent all that money on week after week. Usually, most of it went to pay my brother off for not telling on me for something or the other. I was always up to something (you can see in the NT child's play thread).

I never felt the need to argue with them, or openly rebel. I learned quickly that they like the appearance of submission but don't really understand that a word does not equal a mindset. When they caught me smoking at age 11 (thanks to my punk ass tattletale brother, of course), they went crazy. After they calmed down, they forbid me to ever smoke again. I said ok and then just continued to smoke for years and years. They never noticed and never asked, they just assumed I obeyed. The only things that they truly took time out to make sure I knew: my mom drilled the importance of independence and self-reliance over and over again; my stepdad forced me to have endless tennis and golf lessons so I could "succeed in the business world". I was a very happy child, which totally baffled them. I think they saw me as idiotic because I smiled all the time. I saw humor and contradiction in everything they said or did, and it amused me.

They are very big on tradition and huge family get-togethers at the appropriate times, even though no one ever gets along and it always ends in tears or bloodshed (not even kidding). Every holiday, without fail. And even now, a week before every holiday, I still get that "reminder" email.

I can't even begin to describe to you how much I hate authority and arbitrary rules. Totally scarred for life.

It wasn't until my sisters (ENTJ and xNFJ) were born that things got interesting. I just bucked, ignored and manipulated the system until one day I just picked up and left, shocking everyone. But these girls faced it head on, fearless. The xNFJ by always talking to everyone about her problems, which was a cardinal sin in my parent's eyes. She would talk to friends, parents of friends, guidance counselors, gym teachers - I swear she would talk to a park bench. This would infuriate them. She is very stubborn and would take an incredible amount of "discipline" and never crack. She would just continue on, passively resisting them because of the "principle". She never hid anything from them - she did everything out in the open and forced them to deal with it and accept it. This wore them down and somehow tamed them. She has a manipulative control over them.

Then the ENTJ came along and took no shit from anyone. That girl was a fearless adult from birth. She really tested them, and still does. No matter how much she has to go through, she never stops until she gets her way. Even though she could have it with much less effort, she challenges them to "prove a point" that she can't be controlled. I couldn't be bothered with all that. They are invisible to her - just mere stepping stones on her path to wherever she needs to go. And while she loves my other sister, she doesn't respect her and feels that she is too "preachy". Strangely, she defers to me though. If I tell her to stop doing something, she will stop in an instant - without question. But for the most part, the 3 of us are as thick as thieves.
 
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