[NT] Is this honorable?

[runvardh]

Yes, he was being a shit and I would have strung my brother up for something like that. That said, I keep reminders of things like this around so that I could cancel the account before the renewal e-mail came out. Never leave money hanging, someone will aways come to grab it.

 

[Moiety]

Principle often masks hurt feelings. People feel less justified talking about matters of feeling, whereas matters of principle are considered more lofty subjects of conversation.

This is why people get things in writing! It's like the game of telephone. I think I am saying one thing and you think you are hearing another. Language is so limited. Spell out the expectations and be very clear. Sounds like this situation was not very clear from the get go. Your brother may be an ass, but it is certainly not clear to me without making some assumptions.

Principle doesn't mask hurt feelings. Principle is there to ensure no one gets hurt in the first place. It's funny that you mentioned the game of telephone, because I don't know how you are interpreting my comments but let me make it clear - I don't think it's the end of the world or anything.

I don't think revenge it's the way to go either. It's about trust. Substitute didn't ask his brother for help on a whim. He could have asked anyone but he asked family. For a reason. Because he trusts (I think) his family.

If my brother told me he was blameless I'd be pissed. It's not like I'd stop talking to him or anything, but I'd be pissed. Of course Substitute isn't blameless, but that's not really the point.

 

[substitute]

Yeah it's interesting that though it was an ENFP that ripped me off, it's another ENFP that's now saying the stuff I relate to most lol

Or articulating the things I can't... /emotional retard

I know there are logical measure I could've taken, but I didn't because I guess I foolishly trusted my brother and so didn't think they'd be necessary. After all, if he definitely wanted me and mom to take care of EVERYTHING to do with the account, why did he keep the financial stuff going to his email? Why didn't we question that? Because we trusted him.

I guess I sorta feel like it's sad to feel like you HAVE to be on guard and getting things in writing when dealing with your own family. Naive of me I know... but that's how I usually dismiss my feelings, saying they're naive and unpractical and biased and not worth acting on... so when 'devils' make me feel shit by sticking to the letter of an agreement but going against its spirit, I too often let it slide because I don't consider my own feelings valid by default.

That's why I'm interested in this situation as a 'specimen' for me to start learning how to discern how to weigh my feelings and when and how to act on them. I'm finding that total dismissal of them being the default reaction can lead to people conning me and getting away with it.

 

[substitute]

Geez, I've just spent the last hour on the host's website and still haven't found out how to cancel!!

What I have found out though is that the account resembles what mom and I agreed to years ago very little indeed!

What started out as mom and I paying for just our domains and extras, paid from my bro's bank account, now has been put into my step dad's name (texted him, he didn't know), it has several other domains and packages added to it involving names I recognize from my bro's social circle, it's paid for by one of his friend's credit cards... and nowhere on any of it is my brother involved EXCEPT as the contact email address for the bills to be sent to.

Does that smell fishy or WHAT???

 

[jenocyde]

Your brother is definitely being duplicitous, no question about that. The groceries, the timing of the bills and now this? Ok, just print out everything that you found and the next time the bill comes around, you and your mother should refuse to pay it based on the recent facts. This has been going on long enough!

How much money it is doesn't matter - the fact is that it is your money.

But after all of this, I hope that you keep him at an arm's length...

 

[jenocyde]

Also, make sure to tell him that you tried to cancel it yourself but couldn't navigate the system. Since he was the one to set it up, ask him to cancel it...

This way the onus is on him if yet another bill comes in for this whole thing! (at which point, you would then refuse to pay...)

 

[runvardh]

Hmmm.... Don't listen to me too much, I don't trust most of my family members a millicent as far has I can throw them. That is, unless it still provides data you find relevant.

 

[substitute]

yeah I just discovered I can't cancel it myself anyway, you have to start a cancellation process which involves answering messages and sending back forms that are sent to the principal account holder's address - my step dad who lives 300 miles from me!

 

[runvardh]

yeah I just discovered I can't cancel it myself anyway, you have to start a cancellation process which involves answering messages and sending back forms that are sent to the principal account holder's address - my step dad who lives 300 miles from me!

*sigh* one of the benefits of growing up as the big brother - the little shit grows up to fear and respect you. :SaiyanSmilie_anim:

Even when he gets big ripply muscles bigger than yours

 

[substitute]

actually my brother and I didn't grow up together... from when I was 5 to 23 I only saw him twice. we were reunited about 8 years ago and getting to know him now I feel like I'm getting to know Joe Fagin!!

 

[jenocyde]

Seriously, cut your losses. You don't need ppl like that in your life.

 

[Jack Flak]

Deleted last post, WRONG THREAD! lol

 

[substitute]

you what Jack?

edit - oh, haha, I see

 

[INA]

Seriously, cut your losses. You don't need ppl like that in your life.

x 1000

 

[Jack Flak]

you what Jack?

I think iSpy slipped, I clicked on the wrong thread and thought that post was about something entirely different. So, never mind, carry on!

 

[Qre:us]

The time came and he forgot, but I let it go, gave him the money, and was stuck with another year of a useless email account.

I was surprised as I had completely forgotten

So in fact, I suspect that it was simply that he forgot to either cancel it or remind me and my mom, and is now using the 'it wasn't my responsibility' ruse to absolve himself of blame.

What do you think? Am I unreasonable to feel conned?

So, he forgot. Then you forgot. Then he forgot.

about the account and at the time the bill came in, he didn't tell me a word about it or check with me, before renewing my domain. I didn't even know until I found out this evening that I'm stuck with it for another year.

You knew that the account was becoming a burden. So, when this happened:

But he kept the financial administration (ie bills!) as going to his email address.

...why didn't you just ask him to transfer the bills to your account? And take on the responsibility for all managament of the account (including its cancellation) on yourself?

My brother holds that he's blameless because, as he says, he gave us the passwords and it was up to us to cancel the accounts if we wanted to

He has a point. If it was that much of a burden to you, then, your forgetting is more of a point than his forgetting...as it is YOUR account.

If you want something done right, do it yourself. Otherwise, I don't think it's honourable to complain when you've failed to take actions at key points during the evolution of this situation.

It seems to me, you both are playing the victim card and shuffling the blame on the other, because neither of you want to admit that it all could have simply been avoided if forgetfulness didn't occur (on either of your parts).

 

[substitute]

Ummm, as pointed out, it wasn't MY account, it was my mom's account, and I couldn't just take control of it because a lot of other people were involved and would want to know why me, since half of them are people I don't know.

I have taken actions at the key points, the only action I could take was to ask the person in control of the account to do something and then remind them several times. As I explained, it wasn't possible for me to do it myself. The only reason I forgot about it later was because I assumed he had done what he said he would do, and so put what I thought was a defunct and closed account, out of my mind.

 

[Qre:us]

The only reason I forgot about it later was because I assumed he had done what he said he would do, and so put what I thought was a defunct and closed account, out of my mind.

Why would you assume this the second time around, when you said that he forgot the first time around, and that you 'let it go' that time?

 

[INTJMom]

Geez, I've just spent the last hour on the host's website and still haven't found out how to cancel!!

What I have found out though is that the account resembles what mom and I agreed to years ago very little indeed!

What started out as mom and I paying for just our domains and extras, paid from my bro's bank account, now has been put into my step dad's name (texted him, he didn't know), it has several other domains and packages added to it involving names I recognize from my bro's social circle, it's paid for by one of his friend's credit cards... and nowhere on any of it is my brother involved EXCEPT as the contact email address for the bills to be sent to.

Does that smell fishy or WHAT???

So at this point it IS looking like you've been conned.
It was inconsiderate of your brother to not pay you back for the food.
He doesn't appear to be a person of his word.