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[NT] Hurt feelings and NT's

Priam

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That seems odd to me. Yelling and rage all seem like mechanisms used when you are upset (UPSET = HURT FEELINGS?!?! maybe...you tell me)

But I don't claim to understand the nt mindset at all. Probably the hardest types for me to understand actually.

Yelling and raging out of frustration doesn't imply that the PERSON is important to me, but rather that the POINT is. Someone doesn't get my VERY IMPORTANT, VERY SIMPLE POINT and that's a major pet peeve. My feelings aren't hurt if they still refuse to get it, only my remaining faith in the intelligence of humankind. Once it becomes obvious that there's nothing I can say to change their minds, I walk away without looking back.
 

Chris_in_Orbit

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When the alpha is challenged and they snarl and bite and claw at the challenger, are his feelings hurt? When presidential candidates go into a frothy rage on the podium, are his feelings hurt?

We are comparing NTs to animals are we?

However, you make valid points. :)


I think a lot of you are assuming that in the case that someone challenges your intelligence, they are wrong and you are right. How cute it that?:D

So, lets say, I do challenge your intelligence, show you that you are incompetent in comparison to me, and that you will never be as smart as me. What would you do in this, quite unlikely, case?
 

entropie

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I think a bunch of these NTs claiming not to get their feelings hurt are a bit full of it. I know too many NTs that will go ablaze with fury if you insult their competence or even hint that they might not know what they are talking about. Of course they could just be immature, who really knows.

Absolutely right, but I wouldnt call it immaturity, just lack of knowledge
 

Darjur

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We are comparing NTs to animals are we?

However, you make valid points. :)


I think a lot of you are assuming that in the case that someone challenges your intelligence, they are wrong and you are right. How cute it that?:D

So, lets say, I do challenge your intelligence, show you that you are incompetent in comparison to me, and that you will never be as smart as me. What would you do in this, quite unlikely, case?

I'd suck it up, be a tad bit pissed.

Sleep in the library for a few nights and destroy you in the morning.
 

Haphazard

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We are comparing NTs to animals are we?

I think it's the most accurate comparison.

So, lets say, I do challenge your intelligence, show you that you are incompetent in comparison to me, and that you will never be as smart as me. What would you do in this, quite unlikely, case?

You can't show that to me. The only way to show that would be to kill me right then and there, and in that case, I wouldn't be feeling anything because I'd be, well, you know, dead.
 

Amargith

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:peepwall:

I'll be back in the morning to check on you guys. Enjoy :devil:
 

Simplexity

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We are comparing NTs to animals are we?

However, you make valid points. :)


I think a lot of you are assuming that in the case that someone challenges your intelligence, they are wrong and you are right. How cute it that?:D

So, lets say, I do challenge your intelligence, show you that you are incompetent in comparison to me, and that you will never be as smart as me. What would you do in this, quite unlikely, case?

Study something else.
 

Chris_in_Orbit

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I'd suck it up, be a tad bit pissed.

Sleep in the library for a few nights and destroy you in the morning.


You can't show that to me. The only way to show that would be to kill me right then and there, and in that case, I wouldn't be feeling anything because I'd be, well, you know, dead.

Thats a good attitude to have methinks. If I got raped by someone's absolute intelligence, I would bow down to them for the rest of my life.

Study something else.

Exactly what I would do!:cheese:
 

Chris_in_Orbit

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Absolutely right, but I wouldnt call it immaturity, just lack of knowledge

Well, what do you think: does an NT get more mature with more knowledge or less mature?

I have a friend, who I must admit is pretty damn smart (NT) and another friend who has what i would call average intelligence (SFP i think)

But I notice they handle information differently. The NT seems to hoard the information and hold it over someone's head. He acts like he's so great because he has mastered a subject and will laugh at anyone who knows less than him. The SF will share her knowledge even if its not alot. Its really endearing, I wonder how often NTs exhibit this behaviour though
 

Salomé

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But, by and large, NT's rarely have self-esteem problems.. so that trigger is usually never activated. And we tend to be guarded, so we don't let a lot of people in close enough to hurt us.

Does that seem accurate to the other NT's here?

Guarded, yes. But I think self-esteem can be a problem for my type.

I've been thinking about this recently. NTs don't respect feeling, as a rule. Their own of that of others. They squash it and numb it and ignore it and ridicule it. But of course it doesn't go away, it just surfaces in unhealthy ways.

Not all feeling is created equal. As you can see from this thread, they will tolerate rage/indignation/frustration in themselves before they will allow that they can be hurt. Allowing someone else to hurt you impinges on your autonomy. It suggests that you are not in complete control of your environment - that would never do.

Personally, what hurts me is when ppl that are close to me, that I expect to understand me, don't. Especially, if they impute bad motives to me, because of that misunderstanding. Also, I find manipulative/dishonest behaviour hurtful. I'm more likely to allow myself to experience this as anger though.


EDIT
Chris_in_orbit said:
Well, what do you think: does an NT get more mature with more knowledge or less mature?
Maturity and knowledge are not correlated, IMO.
 

Not_Me

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That seems odd to me. Yelling and rage all seem like mechanisms used when you are upset (UPSET = HURT FEELINGS?!?! maybe...you tell me)

Anger and hurt are not the same, in my opinion.

Taken to the extreme:

Upset ---> anger ---> violence to perpetrator

Hurt feelings ---> tears ---> no longer feel affection towards perpetrator
 

Anja

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Often anger is a masking emotion. There is something else laying beneath it. My guess is that it would take a great deal of probing for an NT to recognize that.

I think in the case of women vs. men, women are more apt to show hurt when they are angry.
 

entropie

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Well, what do you think: does an NT get more mature with more knowledge or less mature?

I have a friend, who I must admit is pretty damn smart (NT) and another friend who has what i would call average intelligence (SFP i think)

But I notice they handle information differently. The NT seems to hoard the information and hold it over someone's head. He acts like he's so great because he has mastered a subject and will laugh at anyone who knows less than him. The SF will share her knowledge even if its not alot. Its really endearing, I wonder how often NTs exhibit this behaviour though

I guess when it comes to feelings an NT should be advised. Like for example a newbie in the military needs to learn the rules of the troop.

Regarding your question: NT arrogance isnt really an intention. Sometimes it can seem that way that all the information gathered is presented like it is the natural thing ever. On the other hand if you are really sure that it was meant to be arrogant, kick his ass. Because then the NT is crieing for help (or a kick in the ass).
 

musicheck

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I'm definitely of the opinion that fear of being hurt is behind a lot of NT callousness.
 

Not_Me

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Often anger is a masking emotion. There is something else laying beneath it. My guess is that it would take a great deal of probing for an NT to recognize that.

I think in the case of women vs. men, women are more apt to show hurt when they are angry.

I almost never feel anger, so I don't really understand it. Sometimes I fake it for it's counter-intimidation value if someone gets angry and displays bullying behavior.

As for hurt, it can only happen from betrayal; if someone does something to shatter my belief about how much they value me. Since I have no expectations for strangers, they could never hurt my feelings. I suppose it's different for feelers?
 

Spartacuss

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Often anger is a masking emotion. There is something else laying beneath it. My guess is that it would take a great deal of probing for an NT to recognize that.

I think in the case of women vs. men, women are more apt to show hurt when they are angry.

Or maybe there's nothing to "recognize" and others want to impute hurt if it satisfies their shallow understanding of the NT in question.

Like most NTs here have indicated, hurt and anger are very different and result in different reactions. I may become caustic and condescending when angry, but hurt brings on withdrawal. And the opinions of strangers or of people I hold in low esteem are not likely to hurt me in the least.
 

Kasper

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Dishonesty and harsh words from those I care about can have the ability to hurt me. If I don’t care about you never gonna happen, worst case scenario I write you off.

So bottom line, we don't have to worry about hurting you guys, till we actually know you and even then it's not that easy.

Yuppers.
 

entropie

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Dishonesty and harsh words from those I care about can have the ability to hurt me. If I don’t care about you never gonna happen, worst case scenario I write you off.



Yuppers.

You really need to put starbuck back there. Really ! :D
 
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