[NT] Hurt feelings and NT's

[Amargith]

Ok, so its already immensely clear that the feelings of NF's are easily hurt. But since you guys are no robots, or so I've been told, I'd imagine that your feelings can get hurt too, no matter how much you try and protect them.

So the question becomes..when does someone hurt your feelings and how? Coz we're so used to NT's joking around about being touchy feely and how it does not affect them, that I sometimes wonder if it makes us sometimes too careless with your feelings.

Banter in this thread is of course to be expected and no problem, just plz, indicate when you're serious and not, using an emoticon (I know, I know) or some other indication. I still have trouble seeing what's humor and what's furreal with NT's I don't know.

 

[oasispaw]

i'm not an NT, but my boyfriend is. we've been together for over a year and i have yet to offend him. he's really good at dealing with my emotional outbursts though, that whole rational thing...

good thing is that i can go to him with just about any complaint, even if it's about him, and he's cool with helping me fix it or whatever.

 

[ThatGirl]

My feelings dont generally get hurt, and even if they did, I probably wouldnt recocgnize.

 

[Amargith]

So not even an NF in full fury about the fact that you stepped on their toes with what was meant to be a playful comment, can hurt you at that moment for calling you a coldhearted, cruel person?

 

[JocktheMotie]

Sometimes. But since they're not part of our regular behavior or rationalization it really doesn't have any effect on our interactions and other people probably wouldn't notice.

 

[INA]

I don't think that we don't get hurt; it certainly happens, though we generally don't cling to that as much as some other types. I'd say rather that we don't get offended quite as easily, but that's different. Especially for the more individualistic varieties of NT, insults not specifically tailored to the NT target can be like water off a duck's back.
Sometimes the attempt to hurt is so obvious that we can't help but laugh at it. When someone who should know better does it, it's even worse when they choose poor weapons: "It hurts that you don't know better than to try that after all these years!!" Accidental success.

 

[ThatGirl]

So not even an NF in full fury about the fact that you stepped on their toes with what was meant to be a playful comment, can hurt you at that moment for calling you a coldhearted, cruel person?

Honestly, I could probabaly see their possition in some way. But if there wasnt any connection or it wasnt true at all, I'd just think they were an idiot.

 

[JocktheMotie]

can hurt you at that moment for calling you a coldhearted, cruel person?

Actually something like this probably won't hurt, ever because we'd most likely take it as a compliment, and what you're really trying to say is "Man your logic and cool-headedness is so awesome and refreshing I wish I could do that but I can't because I'm an emotional mess."

If our feelings get hurt it will most likely be if we try to make a contribution with our limited control of our feelings and we think when exposing ourselves it goes unnoticed or unappreciated.

 

[ThatGirl]

If our feelings get hurt it will most likely be if we try to make a contribution with our limited control of our feelings and we think when exposing ourselves it goes unnoticed or unappreciated.

ok, I've done this yes

 

[Night]

It's somewhat difficult to penetrate my outer emotional layer.

Chances are, if I don't know you, there's little you can do to leave a longlasting stain on my psychology. Short of hurting someone close to me, it's hard for me to receive emotional pain from strangers.

Family members/friends have additional access to otherwise-protected areas of my psychology. As I've aged, I've been able to better balance/restrict the level of access I afford others.

Forgiveness for minor offenses is pretty easy. I've noticed that I tend to create a profile for important people in my lives -- essentially, the portfolio itself contains a ledger of past offenses/positive behaviors paid to me/others I care about.


Getting "hurt" is different for everyone. I don't know if my behavior reflects a "typical" NT or not.

It's just what works for me.

 

[Misty_Mountain_Rose]

Ok, so its already immensely clear that the feelings of NF's are easily hurt. But since you guys are no robots, or so I've been told, I'd imagine that your feelings can get hurt too, no matter how much you try and protect them.

So the question becomes..when does someone hurt your feelings and how? Coz we're so used to NT's joking around about being touchy feely and how it does not affect them, that I sometimes wonder if it makes us sometimes too careless with your feelings.

Banter in this thread is of course to be expected and no problem, just plz, indicate when you're serious and not, using an emoticon (I know, I know) or some other indication. I still have trouble seeing what's humor and what's furreal with NT's I don't know.

I don't generally get my feelings hurt much... usually I either see the offending statement as something that I need to resolve (either about a situation or about myself) and proceed accordingly... or I assume the person doesn't know what they're talking about and don't pay any attention.

Those rare times when I DO get my feelings hurt, it doesn't tend to last long. The only people who can really hurt me to the point of crying would be family members or close friends who I feel should support me in something but they don't.

 

[nozflubber]

So not even an NF in full fury about the fact that you stepped on their toes with what was meant to be a playful comment, can hurt you at that moment for calling you a coldhearted, cruel person?

lol that's not gonna hurt an NT.... it's likely to be an amusing and entertaining thing for a stoic person. I'll confess outright that when this does happens, I actually feel glad I could have an effect on said NF.

I think many INTX men get hurt when they are overlooked for social events that they would gladly like to be a part of, but don't know how to assert said desire.

 

[Simplexity]

So not even an NF in full fury about the fact that you stepped on their toes with what was meant to be a playful comment, can hurt you at that moment for calling you a coldhearted, cruel person?

No not really. Those things are usually deflected. It has to be more of a long term brewing crisis for it to really kick in. But it's a hard thing to sort of read because somebody attacking me personally like that usually doesn't have an affect it has to be more action oriented. I think the hurtful things have to be more far-reaching and perpetual. You also have to take into account the wall and barrier that a lot of NTs have especially introverted ones, you sort of have to be inside to have a more sizable effect. I tend to get a lot more worked up about illogical things than cruel things so if you have a balance of both then you can get a reaction out of me but it has to be strongly bounded to the former.

 

[ThatGirl]

I dont like when people assume I'm cold hearted and cruel

 

[INA]

I dont like when people assume I'm cold hearted and cruel

Nor do I. But I'm inclined not to take it seriously when they're obviously just lashing out.
*besides, it's better for my plans that they imagine a fluffy bunny instead*

 

[EcK]

I think what would hurt most people's feelings just make me smile. I enjoy it and see it as a new toy or a part of that dance we call life.

 

[Lady_X]

hmm...i don't think i get hurt that often! unless i count you as one of my people...you know...the people i have love for.

do you amargith? like from a stranger?

 

[ThatGirl]

hmm...i don't think i get hurt that often! unless i count you as one of my people...you know...the people i have love for.

Isnt that everyone, all the time?

 

[Lady_X]

uh..no...not at all. random people don't count.
people i have in my phone usually...you know.

 

[Amargith]

hmm...i don't think i get hurt that often! unless i count you as one of my people...you know...the people i have love for.

do you amargith? like from a stranger?

People can hurt me, the first time they meet me, yes. It's one of the reasons I ask these questions. I'm trying to remedy that.