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[NT] Hurt feelings and NT's

GargoylesLegacy

Kickin' Ass since 1984
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Oct 29, 2008
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ESTP
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8w9
I would have said the status messages were calculated and intended to hurt.
Heh, well too bad I am not a normal person then. Because all it did was telling me that he is not worth my friendship. Too bad for him. People who try to play mindgames with me screw up anyways. =P

There, OP, you got a live example of how one of the NTs works thru this. :D
 

Amargith

Hotel California
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and it is very much appreciated *grin*
 

Tallulah

Emerging
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Feb 19, 2008
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6,009
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INTP
There are people I do have some decent and even intimate conversations with online, but the relationship has always been fluid, and sometimes when the conversation is spent, it just drops and we don't talk for weeks/months. (Usually this is more with T sorts that I experience this ability to drop without much hurt feeling. It's not like we are no longer "friends" but it's just understood that life has moved on and we're in different paths and they need their freedom and I need mine and we don't engage anymore.)

Yeah, or sometimes it's not so much that we've moved on, as that NTs in particular don't always feel the need to talk to their friends every single day--for me, I just feel like if we have a connection, we might get busy with life or we might not have anything specific to talk about for a while, but then one day you'll get the urge to talk about something in particular with that person. Part of it is feeling secure enough that we're friends, we like each other, nothing has changed. But part of it is feeling like we need a reason to talk--otherwise it's just small talk, which is not an NT's favorite thing in the world.

I love the rep comments/visitor profile wall for this purpose, too. Sometimes you just want to make small contact without having a big, "So! How is your life?" convo.
 

Kaizer

sophiloist
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I've realized that its most probably Ne that lets us persevere etc.

EDIT:

when compared with how ENTPs seem to deal with impromptu situations their leading Ne versus our leading Ti seems to show, at least, the apparent (greater? better?) dexterity and deftness of their resulting innate sociability.

Also, the connection between the point made in the OP and this, might be clearer when seen in the light of the comparison between Ne+Fi (ENFPs) versus Ne+Ti (ENTPs) & Fi+Ne (INFPs) versus Ti+Ne (INTPs) when it comes to F stuff .
 
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Winds of Thor

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Ok, so its already immensely clear that the feelings of NF's are easily hurt. But since you guys are no robots, or so I've been told, I'd imagine that your feelings can get hurt too, no matter how much you try and protect them.

So the question becomes..when does someone hurt your feelings and how? Coz we're so used to NT's joking around about being touchy feely and how it does not affect them, that I sometimes wonder if it makes us sometimes too careless with your feelings.

Banter in this thread is of course to be expected and no problem, just plz, indicate when you're serious and not, using an emoticon (I know, I know) or some other indication. I still have trouble seeing what's humor and what's furreal with NT's I don't know. :peepwall:

It's really hard to offend me...I can take either side of the argument..so loose with the theory of each side..it can be creative seeing the possibilities to resolve problems and often is..this open-endedness to leave options open allows things to be improved so everyone can come along and see.
 

Totenkindly

@.~*virinaĉo*~.@
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... But part of it is feeling like we need a reason to talk--otherwise it's just small talk, which is not an NT's favorite thing in the world.

Yes, that's a chunk of it.

I can do small talk with new friends, because the freshness of the relationship is driving my enthusiasm. If it's people I already know, the small talk has trouble holding my interest for long if it's not in context of some bigger picture.

Still, I sometimes feel bad... like if I cared, I should be talking more and keeping in closer contact, I just have nothing pressing to say.

(And I have gotten that bitching point from SF friends. Meh. Thinking I was insensitive because I didn't regularly invest time to make small talk or reciprocate their small talk adequately enough. Sigh. I understand their expectations; I just don't know how much is reasonable for me.)
 

Amargith

Hotel California
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Actually, Jennifer, I understand that. I get the same from my SF friends. Although I love making connections and talking to people, I don't like small talk that much and I suck at keeping in touch. I tell my new friends this in advance, so they don't get disappointed (and I also explain them why this is the way I am). I love deep, one-on-one conversations, but I just suck at the 'maintenance' part of the relationship.
 

jenocyde

half mystic, half skeksis
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I love deep, one-on-one conversations, but I just suck at the 'maintenance' part of the relationship.

I love to *do* things with my friends, not talk about things. I rarely call anyone unless I'm doing something that they might be interested in (and I'm always doing something!)

If friends are really having a problem, I'm the first one to listen (and try to solve). But otherwise, I like to skip the small talk, as well as the deep talk. I definitely bond by sharing experiences.
 

redsox44344

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Jan 6, 2009
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It is possible to hurt my feelings, but it won't really bother me. Plus even if insults geared to hurt my feelings are thrown at me, I probably wouldn't care, so unless its the exactly right thing at the exact right time, it probably won't bother me in the slightest.
 

Ulaes

loopy
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its too easy for me to unravel anyones insult into the helpless pile of yarn than it is.
then their feelings are hurt. hmm.
the only things that get me are truths i wasnt aware of. in otherwords, revelations, such as a betrayal.
 

Ulaes

loopy
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i should also add that if someones insult is valid ill just accept it in a civil manner.
 

Simplexity

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I think I have certain areas that I really don't appreciate being insulted on. The problem arises in not reciprocating and getting in a nasty little spat on those things. I usually withhold, but sometimes it doesn't happen. I can be pretty hot then and confrontational and I would need some kind of resolution, reaction, or conclusion from the other person before I calm down. It's usually performance or action based things that really irk me.
 

AOA

♣️♦️♠️♥️
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You know, I've been feeling a little 'off' lately.

... think it's the weather.
 

Terian

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Jul 20, 2008
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NeTi
The most recent example of my hurt feelings would be when someone who I was having a discussion simply gave up. For the rest of the conversation, she just said, "Yeah. Okay. Sure." It wasn't that she gave up, it's that she didn't care. She couldn't care less about my point of view. She simply thought I was too aggressive and she retreated. That both made me very frustrated and hurt (this is someone whose respect I have been trying to earn), and a little angry. Of course, I don't show it. But honestly, I define people by their thoughts. Everything about a person comes from their thoughts and beliefs. When you don't care about what I have to say, or what I think, you're telling me that you don't care about me, and that pisses me off and I get resentful. As an ENTP I desire recognition, and that was the ultimate slap in the face.

And yes, I do hold grudges, if I've been hurt a significant amount. I never act on them, but they do last a while.
 
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When you don't care about what I have to say, or what I think, you're telling me that you don't care about me, and that pisses me off and I get resentful.

I was just going to post something to this effect. Except I don't make myself vulnerable to most people, so when I'm talking with someone for any length of time I've probably decided they might actually care about what I say. If I'm telling a story and they suddenly act dismissive or bored I know I've failed at being interesting or worthwhile to someone who matters to me and it doesn't feel good.
 

Terian

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I was just going to post something to this effect. Except I don't make myself vulnerable to most people, so when I'm talking with someone for any length of time I've probably decided they might actually care about what I say. If I'm telling a story and they suddenly act dismissive or bored I know I've failed at being interesting or worthwhile to someone who matters to me and it doesn't feel good.
QFT

If I'm talking about something I really don't care about, and they obviously don't care about it either, I'll just change the subject or stop talking and think nothing of it. But if I am voicing my opinion, or explaining something I find facinating and they shut me down, I'm not happy and I put up a few more walls the next time I speak with that person.

EDIT: This all applies to the few people that I desire recognition from. Most people I couldn't care less about.
 
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