[NT] Assertiveness...

[The Ü™]

Do something DIFFERENT, and outside of your normal comfort zone. That could prompt a change

But as I said, I feel like I'm being watched, under constant surveillance by a force telling me I'm not allowed to leave my comfort zone.

 

[miss fortune]

Then tell it to Fuck Off

You'll never get anywhere in life if you don't do things that make you uncomfortable or challenge you to step outside of the norm for you... come on and grow a set! It's the only way that you'll get anywhere!

 

[The Ü™]

I dunno, maybe I'm just paranoid.

 

[miss fortune]

*slaps Uber*

Get over yourself and just act without thinking first- it's the most liberating thing you can do.

 

[ThatsWhatHeSaid]

What are ways to gain self-respect?

I mean, I just feel trapped. I just rehearse the assertiveness in front of the air. I can't confront people because part of the problem is that I don't have power over anyone.

If you're rehearsing in front of the air, that's actually really good, because you already know what assertiveness looks like. You might need power over people to change them, but don't need power over people to be assertive. Assertiveness has to do with expressing yourself more than with getting people to change. Besides, actually speaking up for yourself will force people to start listening more. Like I said before, you just have to risk expressing what you're already thinking. I've seen you do it before on these boards.

Like everyone else said, it doesn't mean you have to be aggressive. In fact, I don't really think that's in your nature. It just requires that you speak up on your own behalf and correct moments of disrespect. You can do it tactfully and honorably.

Regarding self-respect...it's a tough call because I don't always identify it. Practicing speaking up for yourself, even though it's scary, is a great way to build some self-respect. Have what I call a "fuck that shit" attitude when people try to dismiss you and advocate on your own behalf. Start there.

 

[Night]

I dunno, maybe I'm just paranoid.

Everyone is afraid, Uber.

Fear doesn't go away -- even when you're confident. You just can't let it cut you. You have to act in spite of it.

Everyone fears.

 

[Amargith]

Start realizing that there are plenty of people who like you and will not kill you for stepping out of your comfort zone, hell, some of us are trying to get to you step out of it There is no Big Brother watching you and you will not be executed if you come out and play

Even if you get told of, chances are that the person who did so, will next time not react to you the same way, as they will forget the confrontation fairly quickly. Also look behind the 'critiscism'. Who are they? Why did they react that way, and is there something you can do to respect who you are while not repressing yourself

 

[ThatsWhatHeSaid]

Uber. You're an NT...design a plan that forces you to take small steps to confront your fears more and more. Like, you have to interact with 3 people a week. Make it into a game so it's fun rather than a chore.

 

[Anja]

This is a good start, right where you're at, Uber. Sorta where everybody starts. Nothin' too strange about that.

 

[Totenkindly]

This topic seems as surreal as a topic where someone is trying to ask for help on how to be decisive.

 

[Nocapszy]

Why do you want to be assertive Uber?

 

[ThatsWhatHeSaid]

Moved and retitled.

I changed it back. Happy, pippi? Heh.

 

[Atomic Fiend]

You try it, realise the benefits outweigh the cost, try it again, feel that it's not scary anymore, and then voila! it's second-nature.

This basically.

 

[Maverick]

What are some methods you have used to help yourself become more assertive? How do you train yourself effectively?

a) Follow Maverick's orders
b) Assertiveness is about *honesty*. Practice saying what you think, want, believe once a day using "I" statements. Ex.: "I don't agree with your idea", "I think I'm awesome, to be honest", "I think the PC market offers a palette of entertainment that is more mature than that of console games, considering the complexity of products and average age of gamers", "Excuse me sir, I was before you in the line". Oh, and insulting/annoying people is not assertiveness, it's being lame. Assertive people don't need anyone - annoying someone is a sign of need.
c) Eliminate the beliefs you have about people's responses if you are assertive. Some people will like you, others won't. The important is that you get to be authentic!

 

[The Ü™]

Moved and retitled.

I changed it back. Happy, pippi? Heh.

Just curious, what was it retitled to? I missed it.

a) Follow Maverick's orders
b) Assertiveness is about *honesty*. Practice saying what you think, want, believe once a day using "I" statements. Ex.: "I don't agree with your idea", "I think I'm awesome, to be honest", "I think the PC market offers a palette of entertainment that is more mature than that of console games, considering the complexity of products and average age of gamers", "Excuse me sir, I was before you in the line". Oh, and insulting/annoying people is not assertiveness, it's being lame. Assertive people don't need anyone - annoying someone is a sign of need.
c) Eliminate the beliefs you have about people's responses if you are assertive. Some people will like you, others won't. The important is that you get to be authentic!

Well, I don't have a problem with expressing my own opinions on things. I have no problem with asserting myself towards my deeper desires. I've repressed them because everyone told me it's impossible, but now I have nothing.

Right now, I don't have any underlying ambition. I just want to make up for the things I never got to do growing up. And I can't assert myself.

I just feel powerless against the world.

 

[ThatsWhatHeSaid]

"Tease Uber until he fights back." Not that people were teasing you, but I thought it would be a nice experiment to show you that you're quite capable of being assertive.

 

[miss fortune]

Uber, if you come across in real life like you sometimes do on the site you don't even project any form of confidence to others, in fact you can come of with an emotionally clingy, attention demanding vibe.

Like Maverick said- you've got to be comfortable with yourself. That means you've got to like you for who/what you are without feedback from other people. Like Coco Chanel, you've got to beleive that you're worthwhile until everyone else decides that you are as well.

Quit asking others for attention, give and you shall receive. Don't do things for shock value, you'll just alienate yourself farther than you already feel alienated. Ask other people about thier interests, or don't bother at all. Unless they're genuinely interested they don't want to hear about it (they're just being polite!). Just a few tips.

Sure- other people are scary. Most of them are just as scared of you as you are of them, so get over yourself

 

[Chemgrl82]

Anytime I waver in whether to assert myself or not, I usually say about one sentence to myself - "It's always better to just assert yourself, get it out there and be honest." My J takes it from there and out it comes.

I guess this is the easy part for me. The tricky part is mroe on the lines of "How do you keep things in so well?"

Sigh.

 

[The Ü™]

Quit asking others for attention, give and you shall receive. Don't do things for shock value, you'll just alienate yourself farther than you already feel alienated. Ask other people about thier interests, or don't bother at all. Unless they're genuinely interested they don't want to hear about it (they're just being polite!). Just a few tips.

I've never been curious about other people's interests, really. Which is why I need to use my somewhat esoteric interests to get others to be curious about me.

 

[miss fortune]

I've never been curious about other people's interests, really. Which is why I need to use my somewhat esoteric interests to get others to be curious about me.

Tell me how THAT'S working out for you....

You must give to receive, socially speaking. If you're not interested in thier interests they have no reason to try and be interested in yours. You can't just demand from others, because eventually they'll get tired of giving without receiving and you'll end up all alone.