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[NT] Assertiveness...

Amargith

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you're never curious about why other people work differently than you? Why they see the world the way they do? :)
 

The Ü™

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you're never curious about why other people work differently than you? Why they see the world the way they do? :)

I've never been interested in people that way. If anything, I'm more interested in teaching others about my interests. It makes me feel smarter than them.

And I also tend to get jealous when another person shares my interests because it makes me feel less powerful. But I'm guessing that's pretty normal.
 

miss fortune

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no... most of us learn that sometimes you're up and sometimes your down.

Show interest and receive interest.

Teach and be taught.

Sometimes the most power you can have is in making others feel powerful.

The world is not centered around you, and if you think it is you have an unhealthy perspective on things and probably don't like yourself much. Unhappy people think that everything relates to them, happy people realize where they fit in.

what do you want to be? happy and a part of society or unhappy and isolated? It's your choice.
 

Amargith

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I've never been interested in people that way. If anything, I'm more interested in teaching others about my interests. It makes me feel smarter than them.

And I also tend to get jealous when another person shares my interests because it makes me feel less powerful. But I'm guessing that's pretty normal.

Uber, that's coz you don't feel comfortable with yourself and I guess you feel a need to prove yourself because of that. But it can be quite interesting to get someone elses perspective on something and can seriously alter your own as you learn something new this way. In the end, you cannot believe that you know everything. And that's alright, there are other people who can tell you this stuff, you just have to be open to it :)

As for the powerstruggle, you need to realize that just because you know something more about a topic, it doesn't make you have power over them. They will always know something about another topic that you have no clue about. And it works vice versa as well. I know it's been said before, but you credit others power they wouldn't have normally. You're just handing it to them although you clearly don't want to :)

And believe me, those that do believe that that's the way to gain power and feel this 'powerful', are often very lonely as their view is shared by few.
 

Fiver

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Are you afraid that if you assert yourself to certain people and in certain situations, you will be showing your true self?

And then, even more importantly, that they will reject that true self (which is much worse than them rejecting your scary mask.)

Everyone is afraid of this. The only thing that truly abates this fear is to completely accept your self (your strengths, weakness, as noted above, but also all of your past successes, failures, fears, the things you wanted to do but didn't growing up, everything).

When you accept yourself, you "are comfortable in your own skin" and everyone who interacts with is able to see this. Freedom from your fear of rejection allows you to become more interested in other people -- not so wrapped up in yourself --- and that makes people more interested in you.

When you live without fear, you actually become a refuge and a comfort to other people.

Uber, many people here can feel that there is fear and insecurity behind your bravado. And they care about you whether you think you want them to or not. There is a lot of wisdom in this thread.
 

01011010

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I'm interested in how people deal with it. How people gain the confidence to stand up to people rather than constantly rehearsing it. How they change their thought processes to become more assertive.

I believe I'm correct most of the time. I also believe people should treat me with respect. I won't tolerate anything less, and I rarely have problems with confrontation.
 

Synarch

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I believe I'm correct most of the time.

The problem in the social sphere is that everyone believes they are correct most of the time. Otherwise, we would believe something else, which seems more correct to us.
 

Usehername

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Uber, I think you have more strengths inside you than you realize.


Have you considered that when you're measuring yourself against others, that everyone else is an "other"? Thus there should be several multiples of skills that an "other" has that you don't?

You don't need to be competent at everything to enjoy life and find your place.

You do need to get out there and gain experience like every person has whom you view as assertive and confident. Experience is another word for "seeing first-hand how to fail." :) We all have dropped the ball several times in our adventures outside of TypeC; it's not just you, Uber. Even the ENFJs. :yes: I think you should try something new every day. Try a new street to walk down, a new type of store to browse through, a new person to make small-talk with, a new facial expression (smile!), etc.
 

01011010

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The problem in the social sphere is that everyone believes they are correct most of the time. Otherwise, we would believe something else, which seems more correct to us.

The difference is, I really am right. :D
 

The Ü™

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Uber, I think you have more strengths inside you than you realize.

I can't even find them.

You don't need to be competent at everything to enjoy life and find your place.

Actually, I think I do.

I don't know. I think the semi-core of my fear is reminiscent to a teenager who doesn't want to be caught by his parents while doing hobbies or hanging out with friends. If I do things with other people, then my privacy will be put in jeopardy.
 

Fiver

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Actually, I think I do.

I don't know. I think the semi-core of my fear is reminiscent to a teenager who doesn't want to be caught by his parents while doing hobbies or hanging out with friends. If I do things with other people, then my privacy will be put in jeopardy.

I'm not sure I understand. Caught doing what?
 

The Ü™

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Nothing in particular, but you know how some people don't like the humiliation that goes with their parents seeing them with their friends or doing a hobby.
 

The Ü™

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So, I left my apartment and went for a walk on the bike trail. That lasted about an hour and forty-five minutes. I guess the clock on my cell phone allowed me to be more specific.

While it feels calm when I'm out there and my mind felt clear, the only place I had left to return to is home, where I get stuck in the same rut as always, taking months to gather up the drive to do the same thing again.

I don't think I was ever built for a routine lifestyle. What I think I need is constant change so that I don't get comfortable.
 

LucrativeSid

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You know, I've never thought that I was the toughest guy on the block, nor have I ever seemed that way. My assertiveness in hard situations is simply the result of realizing that I've got to do it, and then doing it, regardless of how I feel or how I may look.

I just do it. After years of that, it's become very easy in most cases. But even now, if it's hard, I just do it anyway. The price of not asserting myself is far too high.

I've never felt ashamed that it was hard for me when it was, and I've never wanted to be different. You don't have to be superman to assert yourself - you just have to be -- yourself. If you're going to be a weakling, be an assertive weakling. That's how you'll gain your confidence. You have to earn respect from others by doing that. They won't just automatically bow down and listen to you. Who cares what they think of you as long as you're making your stance and standing your ground? You don't have to appear to be a big, scary, and confident man to make them listen you.
 

Josephine

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Becoming assertive:

You should just force yourself to do it the first few times. It'll get easier and easier after that. Whatever it is that you've been putting off, the best way to deal with it is to just dive right in. It probably won't be as hard as you think, and many other people will be less competent than you. The dozens of possible things that you've imagined that could go wrong probably won't even happen. You'll be screaming and panicking inside as you go to do it the first few times, but it will get much easier.
 

MacGuffin

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I have a problem with being assertive sometimes. A lot of it is that if I am assertive, that invites people to become involved/assertive with me. I prefer to be an observer.
 

EcK

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I think he's kidding :|
C'mon fellow ENTP, ur fucking with us : P, i'd so do that.
or not ? You have me all confused!! bad uber, BAD!
 

wolfy

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I've never been interested in people that way. If anything, I'm more interested in teaching others about my interests. It makes me feel smarter than them.

And I also tend to get jealous when another person shares my interests because it makes me feel less powerful. But I'm guessing that's pretty normal.

That's because more of your ego is invested in your level of expertise than your ability to learn.

You're saying teaching but you mean telling.
 
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