[MBTI General] Mindmates - how far will you go?

[booyalab]

Subjective experience makes it more likely to be a romanticized notion, not less.

How the hell does that work? The second you experience something, it is no longer just a "notion", much less an idealized one. And when have we not been talking about subjective experience with regard to "mates"? Are there any other kinds of human relationships than ones which can be experienced subjectively?

If it is a real/consistent concept, one should be able to grasp it without experiencing it.

What are we talking about again? Oh yeah, relationships.

Just because there isn't a dictionary definition, doesn't mean we shouldn't be able to pinpoint what it is, and what makes it different (if anything) from other connections.

I've pinpointed what it is. I guess you're on your own since you don't seem to like Kiersey's definition or anyone else's.

 

[booyalab]

What's the difference between a 'mindmate' and a 'soulmate'? We're all talking about the same thing: mutual recognition, intimacy, relationship.

Yeah, you were talking about the same thing. I wasn't. NTs and NFs bring different strengths and weaknesses to a relationship. That's all that the mindmate, soulmate monikers are supposed to convey.

 

[Salomé]

I've pinpointed what it is. I guess you're on your own since you don't seem to like Kiersey's definition or anyone else's.

I do like Keirsey's definition. Go back to the start and read what I said about it before making comments that make you look ridiculous.

I really don't understand the hostility. I'm just seeking clarification. And I'm not alone it that. Several people in this thread have written the idea off as nonsense. I'm at least open to trying to understand it. I think I have as good an idea now as I ever will.

 

[tnem]

So maybe the connection is the same for all temperments but the NT (who is unable to convey their emotions into adequate words) would describe it as a mindmate whereas the NF would describe it as a soulmate?

Thank you for this, the quote, the entire thread. It has been illuminating. I have been grappling with the idea of 'soulmate' but it gives me the willies. Mindmate. It's perfect.

It's the same on the mm thread on INTPc. Those who've experienced it get it. Some of those who haven't experienced it can't imagine what it would be like and therefore conclude it's BS. *shrug*

Agreed. Until recently I'd have had a hard time believing it.

Regarding the concept/definition of a mindmate: you'll know it when it hits you. There's not always a good way to generalize or provide a synopsis of something that's so very personal on a forum. It will vary from person to person in the way it was defined, but if it happens, you'll know because it will seriously fuck with your mind.

Yes. It did at first. It was overwhelming. In a good way, though. Being understood is alway appreciated, but being understood and understanding the person in exchange? Being equals in every aspect of a relationship? It's sublime. Unreal. Overwhelming. It is amazing.

 

[Chemgrl82]

Yes. It did at first. It was overwhelming. In a good way, though. Being understood is alway appreciated, but being understood and understanding the person in exchange? Being equals in every aspect of a relationship? It's sublime. Unreal. Overwhelming. It is amazing.

Soooo.... how far would you go?

 

[tnem]

As far as I needed to go, chemgrl82!

 

[celesul]

I have met one person so far who really is a mindmate, but he sadly lives in a different continent. So, I've never met him IRL (I met him on this forum, actually, but he didn't stay here for long). It was rather amazing to meet someone like that. While there is a good chance that if we actually ever met IRL, we'd want to date, the most important thing is a good friendship, an intellectual connection.

I am usually unable to assume that someone will understand my logic (or even vocabulary, but he, who is not a native english speaker, is one of the best at understanding it, better than most english speakers my age), but he can follow my logic, which leaps around, and we are both insanely curious. I think that he's also an NT, but probably an INTP. Both of us have a bit of uncertainty over our types...

For me, a large part of a friendship is the intellectual banter and curiosity, so I figure any eventual relationship will have at least a bit of that, and with luck, be a true mindmate. I think it's what an NF would call a soulmate, but the interaction is different from the NF ideal. I don't think it has to be romantic, but I'd bet it can easily be romantic, especially if circumstances work towards it. But truly, if my friend got a girlfriend, my biggest concern would be if she would be jealous or take too much of his time.

 

[InsatiableCuriosity]

I have met one person so far who really is a mindmate, but he sadly lives in a different continent. So, I've never met him IRL (I met him on this forum, actually, but he didn't stay here for long). It was rather amazing to meet someone like that. While there is a good chance that if we actually ever met IRL, we'd want to date, the most important thing is a good friendship, an intellectual connection.

I am usually unable to assume that someone will understand my logic (or even vocabulary, but he, who is not a native english speaker, is one of the best at understanding it, better than most english speakers my age), but he can follow my logic, which leaps around, and we are both insanely curious. I think that he's also an NT, but probably an INTP. Both of us have a bit of uncertainty over our types...

For me, a large part of a friendship is the intellectual banter and curiosity, so I figure any eventual relationship will have at least a bit of that, and with luck, be a true mindmate. I think it's what an NF would call a soulmate, but the interaction is different from the NF ideal. I don't think it has to be romantic, but I'd bet it can easily be romantic, especially if circumstances work towards it. But truly, if my friend got a girlfriend, my biggest concern would be if she would be jealous or take too much of his time.

I have been very fortunate in my life to have had two mindmates. The first died of cancer at the age of 32 a couple of years ago and I was simply devastated. He lived on the other side of our vast country but he had never married.

My other mindmate I have withdrawn from when he married a lass who was young (18) - not because I resent her or anything like that but because if I put myself in her place I would have been VERY uncomfortable with my husband having such a close relationship with another woman.

I must touch base with him because it has been a couple of years and I don't want to lose contact altogether.

If another mind mate happens to fall into my life I would consider myself extremely fortunate

 

[Redbone]

I agree. You'd need to evaluate the crappiness of the relationship independently of a third party. The grass can look greener really easily if you're in an unfulfilling relationship to begin with.

I really desire sort of a mindmate/soulmate. It's not enough for me to just have a strong mental connection. I have that with lots of my friends. But if I met the right person and the connection was undeniable, then yes, I could see myself moving every obstacle that stood in our way.

Oh, yes--definitely. I've seen this happen to too many people and they usually seem pretty shocked when that they can actually scratch the gold paint off.

I don't have a strong mental connection with anyone and I feel the lack of it. I find myself probing people to see if they would "fit" as a mindmate. I shouldn't but I do find myself doing it anyway.

I especially shouldn't do it because it seems like an impossible fantasy--something highly desired and ultimately unattainable.