[MBTI General] Mindmates - how far will you go?

[Chemgrl82]

Well, but there wasn't. One almost precludes the other. I find it hard enough to figure out what I'm going to do IRL, without trying to consider hypotheticals!

Where's your N?

Do you want a fight?

 

[Salomé]

make silly faces, not war, babe magnet.

Of course, I retract all of the above in Ina's case.

Where's your N?

Ina stole it for her new username.

 

[Economica]

For those of you that have had a mindmate (in real life or long distance) how far have or would you be willing to go? Given that your attraction lies within the gender that they are (i.e. you're not a hetero female with another female mm), what have you thought about doing or have done to be with a mm?

If you or the other person has been in a serious relationship or marriage, would you end it?

Would you travel far distances or move?

Are there things you'd be willing to compromise on? If so, what are they?

Have you ever had a mindmate long distance only to find the connection diminish in person upon meeting?

And finally, if circumstances were hard to overcome, how long did you wait to see if it could be duplicated with someone else? Or do you just accept the way things are and let it go?

I'm just basically curious to what extremes such a connection has taken you, be it in thought or action.

Normally I'm fine with OPs like this, but for the life of me I can't stop wondering what's motivating this one. Are you contemplating whether to try to break up the LTR of a mindmate who lives far away and whom you haven't yet met, but for whom you know you'll have to (move and) compromise on something - assuming your connection translates to RL - or cut your losses and look elsewhere/let it go? If you get more personal about this, I'm sure the thread will generate more responses.

 

[Chemgrl82]

Normally I'm fine with OPs like this, but for the life of me I can't stop wondering what's motivating this one. Are you contemplating whether to try to break up the LTR of a mindmate who lives far away and whom you haven't yet met, but for whom you know you'll have to (move and) compromise on something - assuming your connection translates to RL - or cut your losses and look elsewhere/let it go? If you get more personal about this, I'm sure the thread will generate more responses.

Thanks for your response. While I appreciate the sentiment, there are various things motivating my post - none of which I care to really detail here. I was simply curious about other people's experiences with this matter. Not everything that I mentioned directly relates to one certain circumstance in my life.

 

[pippi]

Thanks for your response. While I appreciate the sentiment, there are various things motivating my post - none of which I care to really detail here. I was simply curious about other people's experiences with this matter. Not everything that I mentioned directly relates to one certain circumstance in my life.

That doesn't jive with what you've been posting on the thread at INTPc so I'm reluctant to contribute. My experience is probably not what you are interested in, but I'll post it for anyone else interested in this.

I'm married to an SJ and I love my life. A few years ago I discovered the deep, intimate mind connection that I can have with INTs or INFs by interacting online. Crawling into someone's head and connecting with them as a mindmate is intense and creates a strong bond. I crave spending time with them and no subject is taboo. They have been of the opposite sex because the sexual tension is part of the bond for me.

It is an intense relationship that is not for everyone. The internet provides an environment for a mindmate connection to develop for me. Online I can meet exponentially more people than in real life and as an introvert I'm comfortable online so intimacy develops much faster.

But I'm married and they have been too, so there are boundaries. I have no intention of ever crossing those boundaries so they are friends, not lovers. It is a very, very fine line and most people would say I am cheating emotionally on my husband. Good thing I'm an INTJ and don't care what others think.

 

[Synarch]

It is an intense relationship that is not for everyone. The internet provides an environment for a mindmate connection to develop for me. Online I can meet exponentially more people than in real life and as an introvert I'm comfortable online so intimacy develops much faster.

But I'm married and they have been too, so there are boundaries. I have no intention of ever crossing those boundaries so they are friends, not lovers. It is a very, very fine line and most people would say I am cheating emotionally on my husband. Good thing I'm an INTJ and don't care what others think.

Does your husband know the full extent of your feelings and intimacies with others? That's the problem. It's hard to do this and be honest with the one you're with.

 

[entropie]

My mindmate is Scubba Jack

For those of you that have had a mindmate (in real life or long distance) how far have or would you be willing to go? Given that your attraction lies within the gender that they are (i.e. you're not a hetero female with another female mm), what have you thought about doing or have done to be with a mm?

You should see him in his scuba gear, damn sexy

If you or the other person has been in a serious relationship or marriage, would you end it?

You mean end it by force ? That means see to it that Jack's girlfriend has an accident ? Absolutely

 

[pippi]

Does your husband know the full extent of your feelings and intimacies with others? That's the problem. It's hard to do this and be honest with the one you're with.

He knows that I have strong friendships with people of the opposite sex that I've met online. He knows that I discuss anything and everything with my friends online. He doesn't understand the concept of mindmates per se. He is not an NT, it is not something he needs or wants. He trusts that I would never do anything to hurt him.

 

[Synarch]

Would you ever mind him reading anything that you wrote or discussed? (Trying to gauge)

 

[pippi]

Of course I'd mind, those are private thoughts discussed between me and someone else. Mostly he'd be bored though.

Would you want your family to read what you discussed with your friends?

 

[Salomé]

He knows that I have strong friendships with people of the opposite sex that I've met online. He knows that I discuss anything and everything with my friends online. He doesn't understand the concept of mindmates per se. He is not an NT, it is not something he needs or wants. He trusts that I would never do anything to hurt him.

Well I am one and I don't really understand it either.
Can someone please explain exactly what it is in unambiguous terms?

 

[Synarch]

Someone you are intimate with mentally and emotionally despite the lack of physical intimacy. Somehow this is okay if you never meet.

 

[Synarch]

Of course I'd mind, those are private thoughts discussed between me and someone else. Mostly he's be bored though.

Would you want your family to read what you discussed with your friends?

With my friends? Probably would not mind. With someone I'm emotionally intimate with and flirting with, yes, I would mind.

 

[pippi]

Well I am one and I don't really understand it either.
Can someone please explain exactly what it is in unambiguous terms?

Someone you are intimate with mentally and emotionally despite the lack of physical intimacy. Somehow this is okay if you never meet.

Not all NTs are open to having or being a mindmate (or any relationship for that matter). It is intense and scary for most people to let someone into their mind.

It's not always devoid of physical intimacy, some people are fortunate enough to find and marry their mindmate.

It is explained much better than I can in the thread at INTPc. If you didn't grasp the concept from reading that then all I can say is that maybe you have to experience the intense connection to 'get it'.

 

[Salomé]

Someone you are intimate with mentally and emotionally despite the lack of physical intimacy. Somehow this is okay if you never meet.

Is that your explanation?
How is that different from friendship?

What can you talk to a mindmate about that you couldn't discuss with a partner or friend? Why is the internet a factor in this? Merely opportunity? Or artificial boundaries?

 

[Chemgrl82]

A mindmate will know you without you having to explain yourself or qualify things. They know your thoughts and there's an innate understanding on things you've never communicated. Suddenly, there's this new person there, in your mind... and you can't really get them out. It's intense, freaky, and seductive all at the same time.

 

[booyalab]

Is that your explanation?
How is that different from friendship?

Obviously it would be different if he's not mentally and/or emotionally intimate with friends.

I would say a mindmate is someone who acts like they have a map to your brain.

 

[Synarch]

But she did say there was an element of sexual attraction. Not the same as being friends, therefore.

 

[Salomé]

Obviously it would be different if he's not mentally and/or emotionally intimate with friends.

Oh. OK, our definition of friendship must be quite different then.
I'd call those acquaintances.

A mindmate will know you without you having to explain yourself or qualify things. They know your thoughts and there's an innate understanding on things you've never communicated. Suddenly, there's this new person there, in your mind... and you can't really get them out. It's intense, freaky, and seductive all at the same time.

Sounds like an ENFP.
I don't like it.

 

[miss fortune]

Sounds like an ENFP.
I don't like it.

See why I said that they're scary?!

All I have to really say, without incriminating myself here, is that I'll do a lot for a really good conversation.