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  1. #1
    Junior Member
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    Question What is my INTJ thinking?? Help.

    I [ENFJ] started to fall in love with my INTJ friend when I was engaged to another man. It confused me at the time, but out of loyalty and respect to my ISFP partner I ignored my feelings. Right before I did, I found out my fiancee cheated on me at his bachelor party. I married him anyway... the money was spent, he promised me we would go to therapy, and I still felt a deep obligation to the commitment and our history. The next year and a half of marriage have been horrible for me. Our marriage started collapsing into itself (slowly) since day one of marriage. That said, my love for my INTJ has just grown stronger. I have fallen so deeply for him that I sometimes imagine myself raising his children. I would never tell him this. A few months ago after a particularly bad fight with my husband, I asked my friend if he's ever been attracted to me. I told him I needed to hear him say no so I could move on. He said no and I did my best to accept it as truth. Recently he approached me via text regarding his attraction for me and that he has "wanted me ever since he knew I wanted him". He said and did so many things to make me think otherwise prior to this, but I have always known deep down that it wasn't true. After some very vulnerable exchanges over messaging my INTJ friend has come back and said he decided that he never sees us together but that we could be best friends. We have "sexual attraction, a great friendship" but that the "romantic" part is missing. Every time we talk about it, my heart hurts. I know that I should continue with therapy and trying to make my marriage work, but I also know that out of all the people I have ever met- I have ever loved anybody as much as I love my INTJ. Can somebody with INTJ rationale please help me understand what I am dealing with?

  2. #2
    Senior Member Lia_kat's Avatar
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    I don't have any advice - I'm currently trying to get into the mind of an INTJ myself and sorta lost - but I'm wondering why there are no replies.
    "..But my dreaming self refuses to be consoled."- M.Atwood
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  3. #3
    Administrator highlander's Avatar
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    That description makes no sense to me. The foundation for a good relationship is simple - being best friends and meeting each others needs. You can delve into the needs part I guess. Obviously physical attraction plays a role especially initially. I think INTJs know when something isnt going to work instinctively for whatever reason and when they know it is usually for a good reason though they may not be able to explain it.
    Likes Lia_kat, Abcdenfp liked this post

  4. #4
    Terpsichore Abcdenfp's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by highlander View Post
    That description makes no sense to me. The foundation for a good relationship is simple - being best friends and meeting each others needs. You can delve into the needs part I guess. Obviously physical attraction plays a role especially initially. I think INTJs know when something isnt going to work instinctively for whatever reason and when they know it is usually for a good reason though they may not be able to explain it.
    I think that Highlander has given you some great insight . I definetly it is a case of your INTJ has given this relationship some thought and doesn't see any future. So he will acknowledge the attraction and the friendship but all his criterias for a relationship are not being checked off.

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