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  1. #1
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    Default INFJ here - I need help with this INTJ guy....

    Hey everyone! So I need your help with this INTJ guy...sorry this may be long but I really need some advice here

    So I'm an INFJ girl, and I'm recently using this dating app (coffee meets bagel, to be specific), because...well as an introvert it's been really difficult to meet new people. My friends told me about this app so I was thinking why not. So I matched with this INTJ guy on the app. It went pretty well and we really hit it off, and he gave me his number after like 3 days. We texted each other almost everyday. We shared bits of our lives, talked about Myers-Briggs, what we look for in relationships, our likes and dislikes, etc. We both enjoy deep and intellectual conversations. We both love documentaries, so we sometimes share what we've been watching and then have late-night discussions on those issues. I've never met a guy who can talk about these issues with me on such a deep level. Most guys I met before either brushed me off or said they agree with me and changed the subject.

    He gives me nicknames, asks me about my day, and asks about my opinions on things. We flirted occasionally, and he's usually the one initiated it. He mentioned one night how it makes him happy chatting with me every night...and when he said that it makes me so happy. We've been texting for around 1 month. He mentioned a few times about meeting in person but never got far enough to actually set a date. Every time he mentioned it I said I'm looking forward to it, and then that's it. (maybe that's my bad too I'm not very good at flirting, but I tried my best lol) I feel like I'm having a crush on him...I'm so looking forward to receiving his texts, every day. But the thing is he seldom initiates conversation...like, if I don't text him first, he's usually not going to text me first (he did text me first around 2-3 times throughout the month). Well as an INFJ I really hate bothering people...so sometimes I can't help thinking I'm bothering him by texting first. I was hurt before (basically the guy I was in love with only treated me as a "potential" and a 2nd/3rd choice, and breadcrumbed me for 4 months), so I'm terrified of assuming anything. I read some posts saying if an INTJ is ever texting back it's already a good sign...but I'm not sure about this. He did mention that he is very introverted and a very typical INTJ. I'd never dated an INTJ before so I have no idea how it works...so here I am.

    I'm not sure how I should proceed with this...like, should I keep being the one who text him first? Will you be bothered? Do INTJ guys do such thing as breadcrumbing? (sorry for asking this but I was treated like that before so I'm kinda oversensitive...) Is he into me at all? How do I know if he's serious or just playing around? I'm so lost here really appreciate your help...

  2. #2
    A Bittersweet Symphony... The Cat's Avatar
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    Dont over think it. Just have fun.
    With all due respect,
    The Cat.

    I am the Cat who walks by himself; and all places are alike to me...
    I let the melody shine, let it cleanse my mind, I feel free now.
    Who knows what goes on in the mind of a cat?


  3. #3
    ฬᎥɬⲥhฯ ฬ๏ოᥑռ Luminous's Avatar
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    I don't have any experience dating INTJs, but if I were you, I think I'd set a date to meet in person. Maybe he's shy. Maybe he's unsure of how you or he feels. But meeting in person will likely help move things along, one way or another. Suggest a specific time and a specific activity. Like "are you free for coffee Saturday at 2?" or "let's go see that new documentary Sunday at 8"... whatever. But with a specific time and activity, it'll be easier to actually make it happen. If he's busy, ask when is good for him.
    aka Janet Beattitudes, woman about town. Kicking ass and taking names meekly, with love and respect for her fellow humans.

  4. #4
    Now with less salt. Methylene's Avatar
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    First of all, any type could potentially do breadcrumbing. It's not type related. Anyways, since he doesn't text you first, I'd try to understand what's going on. Ask him out, meet him, and see what happens.
    Since you two met online, don't forget to set the date in a safe, public place.
    I don't think that it's so personal
    Anymore
    I don't think that it's irreversible
    Anymore
    Sometimes I feel like I'm a sentimental trooper.

    6w5 - 3w4 - 9w8 so/sp
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    LII-Ne.

  5. #5
    Senior Member StrawberryBoots's Avatar
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    @FullMoon,

    I think he's Mr. Wrong, if he's even a 'he.' The timing is off. His behavior is off. I don't think his behavior is INTJ type-specific either.

    Personally, I'd avoid wasting time and emotional energy in following an awkward order and pace of dating that can't work, such as what you're describing. When we're with the right person at the wrong time, or the wrong person at the right time, the relationship will inevitably stall and fail. My suggestion isn't to be defeated by this, but rather, learn what's acceptable to you and move on quickly from the wrong guys.

    If it's taking many weeks to build attraction with someone that hasn't made it a priority to meet you yet, then you may just be an interesting friend or conquest to have a fling with.

  6. #6
    Iron Maiden Fidelia's Avatar
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    I think it would be important to meet before your feelings deepen further. I have found that you can feel very close to someone in text and in person and not be attracted to them when you meet. There's a lot you find out about a person just from those initial bits of information - facial expressions, body language, how they relate to you and others, etc and while it's sometimes fun to bypass all that and get straight to understanding them emotionally/mentally, it can be rather jarring if you meet and realize that you don't even like being anywhere near them. I think it's why there is a sequential progression, even as babies, in how we learn to attach to another person, and it starts out with physical senses and just being near them, moves on to wanting to be samesies, then you want to be loyal to and take the side of one another, then you give your heart to that person, etc, etc. The last stage is being understood by the person and not having secrets from them. Anyway, I don't really know if he's not making it a priority to text you, or if him getting to texting you at all is a sign of interest. You'll be able to gauge it much better after you meet him.
    Likes StrawberryBoots liked this post

  7. #7
    Senior Member StrawberryBoots's Avatar
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    @FullMoon, don't tell me you've texted a stranger on the internet for a month, never spoken on the phone, never met in person, and you have a crush. This is fantasy, girl, wake up!

    Quote Originally Posted by The Cat View Post
    Dont over think it. Just have fun.
    Check out the emojis on FullMoon's post. Doesn't look like she's having fun. No worries about her over thinking because she's not in her head at all; she's in her heart.

    Quote Originally Posted by Luminous View Post
    Maybe he's shy. Maybe he's unsure of how you or he feels.
    My intuition says, "no, no!" He's calling her pet names and flirting in text for a month.

    Quote Originally Posted by Methylene View Post
    First of all, any type could potentially do breadcrumbing. It's not type related. Anyways, since he doesn't text you first, I'd try to understand what's going on. Ask him out, meet him, and see what happens.
    Since you two met online, don't forget to set the date in a safe, public place.
    I agree; although, I wouldn't ask him out. I can't speak for INTJ men here, but I'll speculate that they know what they want and how to get it.

    No phone calls reported in a month. No face-to-face in a month.

    He's not moving the relationship forward, the end.

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