[NF] Plight of the NF male.

[Atomic Fiend]

She was kidding. Read after the period.

 

[Silent Stars]

I figured somebody would miss it.

 

[jtanSis1]

NF's are the most passionate but it's seen as being soft or weak.

 

[Silence11]

In the real world, it sucks to have high N because I would rather be gang raped in prison (Dramatization) than watch the whole of NFL Fox Sunday with the guys. I don't mind playing football, I do enjoy it, but watching it, holy shit! I much rather have a nice intellectual conversation with someone than play football also. This is how we are alienated from 50+% of the guys already.

I love watching football. I had season tickets for ASU this year... too bad they sucked this season.

It also sucks to have high F, and be open about it, because I get to hear girl after girl bitch to me about guys not being sensitive and all that crap, yet they always go off with another douchebag who wines and dines them for no other reason than to use them as a sperm receptacle. Well hell, I am tired of being your straight friend you that you treat like your gay friend (Dramatization). It's like a company that interviews you for a position, after they look at your stats they tell you how awsome you are and just because you are so awsome and fit everything they are looking for, they won't hire you. What they will do is hire some one much less qualified, and when he quits on them and leaves them in the shitter, they will call you and tell you how much of a douche the person they hired was. Still they will then hire someone less qualified than you again, and tell you all about them, until he screws them over, and the cycle repeats.

You know, I hear this kind of thing from men who I suspect are NF's all the time, and I've felt that way before too honestly, so I can relate. But when you see it in other men, you gain a bit of a different perspective.

First and foremost, straight, warm-blooded women are attracted to men. They may complain about the men that they date, but they're attracted to them because they act like men and not like little girls. I think these women wish that their man had a pinch of NF in them occasionally - but the NF men who typcially make this complaint are a bit to the extreme in the NF catagory. They act more like women... and at the end of the day, a women wants a man who acts like a man, not another women.

 

[Silent Stars]

Here we go with the dumb stereotyping again...

Being a strong NF does not make you any less of a man, nor does it make you weak.

People need to stop being so damn obsessed with what is considered 'manly' anyways....it's rather ridiculous. There are many, far more important things you should be concerning yourself about.

Saying that women only want men who fit the stereotype is just plain stupid, not to mention absurdly wrong.

 

[Anja]

Silent Stars, I'm laffin'. It was so INFJ of you!

I think the basic problem lies in a complete misunderstanding of the true meaning of the words "weak" and "strong" by males.

True, being in the sense in which those attributes play out in one's life. I've watched "strong" men repeatedly go down as they age because their definition of strength lies in the material world which is a world of change and loss.

Edit:

More. So it strikes me as a mistake for NFs to feel that they are somehow perceived as less than. They generally are those who learn early that the true strength of a man is internal and can be strengthened with time.

 

[Silent Stars]

Agreed on all points.

 

[Silence11]

Here we go with the dumb stereotyping again...

Being a strong NF does not make you any less of a man, nor does it make you weak.

People need to stop being so damn obsessed with what is considered 'manly' anyways....it's rather ridiculous. There are many, far more important things you should be concerning yourself about.

Saying that women only want men who fit the stereotype is just plain stupid, not to mention absurdly wrong.

C'mon, don't sugarcoat it - tell me what you really think.

 

[Silent Stars]

Sugarcoat what? I have no idea what you're talking about.

 

[Silence11]

It was sarcasm... I'll try to write more concretely from now on.

 

[Silent Stars]

Oh...never mind, then.

 

[Skyward]

Stereotypical 'Strong' and 'Weak' were defined a bajilion years ago by our pre-genitors and we haven't evolved out of it yet. Thus most men are stuck in the prehistoric rut of 'Rrr me am buff and mean and gets what me wants grrr me am manly strong guy! Where my beer!?' D)

NFs dont necessarily have those ESTJ attributes, but when we get latched onto an idea we love. We LATCH and work hard! well maybe you guys do, I'm still working on getting out of bed

 

[Silence11]

I'm not sure how the "strong" versus "weak" discussion got brought into this. When I was writing about "acting like a man", I was refering to being a self-assured, confident leader versus being needy and dependant. I don't believe that most women are naturally attracted to needy and dependant guys. This has noting to do with physical characteristics.

GENERALLY speaking... call it stereotyping if you will, but NF males by virtue of their naturally more feminine personality are likely to have the most difficulty with this principle. That's NOT to say that NF males can't be attractive to women, but instead that they need to develop a heightened sense of awareness of their personality and how to effectively conduct themselves.

 

[runvardh]

Na, I just need to do more of my outdoor stuff. I can talk about my abilities till I'm blue in the face, but being able to run an effective plan through a senario seems to draw more attention.

 

[Skyward]

I'm not sure how the "strong" versus "weak" discussion got brought into this. When I was writing about "acting like a man", I was refering to being a self-assured, confident leader versus being needy and dependant. I don't believe that most women are naturally attracted to needy and dependant guys. This has noting to do with physical characteristics.

Oh, okay. Of course women, at least in the long run, arent attracted to the needy guy. The 'Needy' vs 'Self Confident' decision, I think, is almost universal among women. Its what the woman sees as Needy or Confident that matters in the end. Some find femininity as 'needy' (Which, I suppose, a yearning to be close to someone could be seen as clingy, for example).

You could relate it to type and say: SJs theoretically follow what society thinks is Needy vs Confident (Which happens to be Weak vs Strong if you follow stereotypes). SPs (Esp. ESxPs) follow the people who do the the things they associate with confidence: Following through with big plans, being boistrous, being a go-getter, et c, because thats what their Se shows them. NFs could look for a person who won't cling to them in the end (Some fall into the rut of going for 'sick' individuals, though) so could go for any type if the person respects them and their values. NTs are probably similar to NFs but seeing what would be the best choice (F is still there so they have their preferences)

The able is all speculation and theory, I'm sill young so I dont know what it ACTUALLY is in practice :B

 

[KLessard]

The only NF male I ever met was my own dad and he's dead now.
He was highly sensitive about certain things and would start sobbing sometimes as he told us something that was very spiritual to him. I loved his way and turned out to be very much like him. He was INFP and I am INFX.
He REALLY loved watching footbal, though.

One thing that puzzles me is that he married my my ESTJ (!!!) mom because she was pretty. He often said he was a very different man before he became a Christian, but still, I find strange that an NF would choose a spouse on such a superficial criterion as physical beauty, while NFs generally love to look at inner beauty (I do). I suppose physical beauty still appeals to Idealists who love perfect things.

I was wondering: what is a NF male like when in love? How does he investigate into the girl's soul and what is it that truly attracts him in a girl?

For myself as a girl, I have always been distrustful of good-looking guys and always had a thing for the humble, upright, but not-so-handsome guy.

 

[Silence11]

I was wondering: what is a NF male like when in love? How does he investigate into the girl's soul and what is it that truly attracts him in a girl?

For myself as a girl, I have always been distrustful of good-looking guys and always had a thing for the humble, upright, but not-so-handsome guy.

I think physical beauty is important to most men in general, including NF's, however I think that you bring up an interesting point. I wonder if & how attraction works differently based on personality. My gut feeling is that NF's would likely be the most picky due to their perfectionist tendancies, and therefore would have the highest standards on physical beauty.

 

[Desperado44]

I think physical beauty is important to most men in general, including NF's, however I think that you bring up an interesting point. I wonder if & how attraction works differently based on personality. My gut feeling is that NF's would likely be the most picky due to their perfectionist tendancies, and therefore would have the highest standards on physical beauty.

'

I've never thought of that as being an ENFJ thing. I'm definitely picky in who I date, etc. Most men have to be physically attracted on some level....but as we age, there is no question that personality plays a HUGE role in a successful relationship.

I've gotten pickier about my relationships as I've matured. I know that goes without saying...but its still interesting to me. A girl has to have that "something" that I am never able to describe to someone else.....is that an ENFJ thing? Not sure......

 

[quietmusician]

I think physical beauty is important to most men in general, including NF's, however I think that you bring up an interesting point. I wonder if & how attraction works differently based on personality. My gut feeling is that NF's would likely be the most picky due to their perfectionist tendancies, and therefore would have the highest standards on physical beauty.

I don't think I quite fit that mold. I'm not picky when it comes to physical beauty. Probably because I realize that I'm average looking myself and I don't try to chat up the top notch beauties. I do think that I have higher standards for personalities, I'll cave to that. There's nothing worse that could ruin my day than someone who seemed to be something they really are not in the end.

 

[Silence11]

NF's are charactarized as idealists but the MBTI doesn't presume to tell you what you're idealistic about - I imagine that it is individually specific. Attraction could be much the same way. I'm leaning toward the idea that what you find attractive probably isn't a function of your type.