[INFP] Do people like you?

[mgbradsh]

I have some close friends, but for the majority of my life I’ve found that people either really like me or really hate me. The hate seems to stem from a few areas, but the two main ones are a conflict in values or their inability to read what I’m feeling or thinking causing an amount of fear.

The values one is interesting because it’s an area in my life where I can be extremely vocal and am willing to use that voice to defend my beliefs, which can often come at the expense of someone else. That’s usually very specific.

More broadly, I am tough to read. It’s on purpose and is certainly a defense mechanism I’ve developed over time. I think it leaves people feeling frustrated and I might not always know exactly who I’m leaving frustrated or angry, it could be someone I’m interacting with or someone watching. It becomes a fear of the unknown and that’s a strong fear.

I wonder if other INFPs have had similar experiences? It could be from other factors, but are you polarizing? Do people like you or do you feel like there is s pretty big group that might not?

 

[Mole]

Oddly enough in real life I am generally liked. I am entertaining and humorous. I tune into the other's present feelings. I enjoy life and share my enjoyment with others. Yes, I am a mature INFP who has learnt to be comfortable in my own skin and to share my enjoyment of life with others. I love intimacy, and I am enjoying my high response to stimulae. I like others and others tend to respond in kind. Why not? Love life, and life loves you.

 

[Luminous]

This is somewhat difficult for me to answer.

When I was younger, I think I was harder to read because I was shy and quiet, the kid who was told to smile more, and ended up feeling quite alienated in a cycle of loneliness and depression. I didn't feel well liked; didn't necessarily feel strongly disliked generally; but felt invisible. It was surprising to me to find out that different people did like me, that even people who ran with the popular crowd in high school had high opinions of me. I suppose it felt a bit useless to find that out when I did-the end of senior year.

I was also shy and pretty quiet in college, but several professors had online activities that helped me make more friends. I didn't feel so invisible there; more like I didn't fit in with most students.

Now I continue to be surprised when people like me a lot. I'm sure there are people who don't like me, but I don't pick up on it very often. I'm lucky in that I don't have to spend a lot of time with people I don't like, and I'm sure that's a big part of it. I've been in contact with people from the past who cared more about me than I probably would have guessed, but would have hoped for.

I'm not sure I really answered your question.

 

[senza tema]

Yes.

It's always struck me as odd that withdrawn as I am, it's never been particularly difficult for me to make friends in new environments. I've only recently come to terms with the fact that I'm likable for reasons that surpass my understanding given that I'm aloof, prickly, dismissive, and not particularly nice. By this measure, far fewer people should like me than is actually the case. Strangely enough, a lot of people tend to inflate my positive qualities while ignoring the negative ones.

None of this is to say that I'm universally liked. if I were that would be a problem for me since I have no desire to be liked by people I personally dislike.

 

[I Tonya]

I haven't experienced being hated by ppl that much, I'm more of the one to hate ppl tho (lowkey). If someone disliked me, its usually because they are the problem or don't understand the situation at play. Like, one of my coworkers was very manipulative with his words; he wanted my bank information and would use negative connotations when he didn't get what he wanted. I for one do not put up with users and abusers, even if I wasn't that nice to him, he ended up telling my manager he likes working with me. So idk ppl just like me, the good and the bad.

Ppl do like me, I think its because I radiate understanding, warmth, patience; which I have made up my social standards. I talk more to ppl when I know what to say, and they appreciate it and wanna be around me. Only when I like making friends, some days I don't feel obligated and stressed... And my insecurities get to me so I'll stay quiet; even still they like me.

As for what you are saying about "being read" I'm an open book and allow ppl to read me, which benefits me in the long run. The more transparent I am, the more they trust me and/or we connect. Connections are very important in understanding life more and sharing missing pieces in other ppl's life; it especially helps with communications and for getting to a place faster (they might know someome or have infomation regarding something you are interested in).

Idk if this is relevant but you come off as a hurt individual therefore defensive/aggressive... Most ppl would be offset by that, at least when you're trying to make friends. That's my imput...not that it matters tho, as you seem to understand your situation a great deal. Ik a few INFPs that are harsh or just difficult to swallow what they say. Lmao but I stuck through it and they became softer and loving/accepting of me.

 

[Peter Deadpan]

I find that the dynamic for me is more along the lines of people wanting me to like them. It's like that both "irl" and on social media, but I have more haters online than "irl", and especially here.

People misread me online all the time, and some are just predatory large cats looking for a small ball of yarn to destroy, to pass the time. It's best to practice not being bothered by the latter.

It's interesting really: Once you truly get the psychology of someone, everyone suddenly exists on an even playing field. The predators will refute that, but they don't know that they're looking into a 2-way mirror with the reflective side on their end and the window in the other end where those who figure out the above stand.

I digress.
Yes, plenty of people like me, and plenty of people don't, but most want me to like them, and thus that must mean they like me.

I'm overrated and think people need more hobbies.

 

[Lib]

NF don't respond well to criticism. Otherwise, they are not bad people for the most part.

 

[cascadeco]

Irl I can put up a wall that I think essentially 'blocks' people and doesn't even welcome them into the possibility of 'liking' me or not - thus I basically choose for them to not like me.

But I don't always do that and that reference there has more to do with how I've been recently in an interfacing-with-customer setting.

In group social settings (read: more than 3 or 4 people) I'm usually so quiet that I don't think people who don't know me have much to go off of - thus it's probably not a matter of 'like' or 'not like'. I think that's why in junior high and high school, though I had withdrawn from everyone and didn't interact and thought I was disliked, it was surprising to me years later to hear things like 'Oh you were just so quiet' or 'Oh he kind of had a crush on you but you were so quiet'. etc.

BUT... if I consciously put forth effort to engage and not wall myself off, yes, I think I'm pretty likable. I do know that values/interest-wise I'm not going to hit it off with a huge set of people (and to be fair, I'm not going to be interested in them), there would be just too much of a lifestyle and values clash, but that's more being close to someone - not just your surface-level 'likable' or 'not likable'.

 

[1487610420]

I'm lkd af

 

[Lady Lazarus]

 

[Ghost]

I feel pretty invisible most of the time, like people don't notice me much less have an opinion of me. It's not true; it's how I perceive my place socially. I certainly don't get the sense that people feel strongly one way or another. I guess I feel tolerated.

I might be tough to read, which is funny because I can be unintentionally expressive. People know I'm feeling something, they just get the what and the why wrong. I can't hide that I'm judging and weighing things. The conclusions are what's not apparent.

 

[mgbradsh]

This is somewhat difficult for me to answer.

When I was younger, I think I was harder to read because I was shy and quiet, the kid who was told to smile more, and ended up feeling quite alienated in a cycle of loneliness and depression. I didn't feel well liked; didn't necessarily feel strongly disliked generally; but felt invisible. It was surprising to me to find out that different people did like me, that even people who ran with the popular crowd in high school had high opinions of me. I suppose it felt a bit useless to find that out when I did-the end of senior year.

I was also shy and pretty quiet in college, but several professors had online activities that helped me make more friends. I didn't feel so invisible there; more like I didn't fit in with most students.

Now I continue to be surprised when people like me a lot. I'm sure there are people who don't like me, but I don't pick up on it very often. I'm lucky in that I don't have to spend a lot of time with people I don't like, and I'm sure that's a big part of it. I've been in contact with people from the past who cared more about me than I probably would have guessed, but would have hoped for.

I'm not sure I really answered your question.

You answered it.

The part about you as youngster is really interesting. I was more open, but grew more closed as I got older.

I can really relate to your experience with people from the past. It was actually something I struggled with for a long time, my perception of negative experiences and other people having positive opinions of me.

Yes.

It's always struck me as odd that withdrawn as I am, it's never been particularly difficult for me to make friends in new environments. I've only recently come to terms with the fact that I'm likable for reasons that surpass my understanding given that I'm aloof, prickly, dismissive, and not particularly nice. By this measure, far fewer people should like me than is actually the case. Strangely enough, a lot of people tend to inflate my positive qualities while ignoring the negative ones.

None of this is to say that I'm universally liked. if I were that would be a problem for me since I have no desire to be liked by people I personally dislike.

People are weird and sort of unpredictable. I’m sometimes surprised by people liking me when I don’t think they should or have a reason to. I think maybe some people have a more positive view of the world than I think they do.

I haven't experienced being hated by ppl that much, I'm more of the one to hate ppl tho (lowkey). If someone disliked me, its usually because they are the problem or don't understand the situation at play. Like, one of my coworkers was very manipulative with his words; he wanted my bank information and would use negative connotations when he didn't get what he wanted. I for one do not put up with users and abusers, even if I wasn't that nice to him, he ended up telling my manager he likes working with me. So idk ppl just like me, the good and the bad.

Ppl do like me, I think its because I radiate understanding, warmth, patience; which I have made up my social standards. I talk more to ppl when I know what to say, and they appreciate it and wanna be around me. Only when I like making friends, some days I don't feel obligated and stressed... And my insecurities get to me so I'll stay quiet; even still they like me.

As for what you are saying about "being read" I'm an open book and allow ppl to read me, which benefits me in the long run. The more transparent I am, the more they trust me and/or we connect. Connections are very important in understanding life more and sharing missing pieces in other ppl's life; it especially helps with communications and for getting to a place faster (they might know someome or have infomation regarding something you are interested in).

Idk if this is relevant but you come off as a hurt individual therefore defensive/aggressive... Most ppl would be offset by that, at least when you're trying to make friends. That's my imput...not that it matters tho, as you seem to understand your situation a great deal. Ik a few INFPs that are harsh or just difficult to swallow what they say. Lmao but I stuck through it and they became softer and loving/accepting of me.

Fine then, I hate you. Feel better?

You’re probably right about the hurt individual part.

I wish I could afford openness. This place is honestly a stretch for me.

I find that the dynamic for me is more along the lines of people wanting me to like them. It's like that both "irl" and on social media, but I have more haters online than "irl", and especially here.

People misread me online all the time, and some are just predatory large cats looking for a small ball of yarn to destroy, to pass the time. It's best to practice not being bothered by the latter.

It's interesting really: Once you truly get the psychology of someone, everyone suddenly exists on an even playing field. The predators will refute that, but they don't know that they're looking into a 2-way mirror with the reflective side on their end and the window in the other end where those who figure out the above stand.

I digress.
Yes, plenty of people like me, and plenty of people don't, but most want me to like them, and thus that must mean they like me.

I'm overrated and think people need more hobbies.

You remind of the idea of seeing through people. My quietness combined with my facial expression give the impression that I am looking right through people. Occasionally that can be unsettling for people and they don’t like that.

FWIW I think you’re funny. When you put your mind to it you can be insightful. You seem to get frustrated at times.

NF don't respond well to criticism. Otherwise, they are not bad people for the most part.

Okay.

Irl I can put up a wall that I think essentially 'blocks' people and doesn't even welcome them into the possibility of 'liking' me or not - thus I basically choose for them to not like me.

But I don't always do that and that reference there has more to do with how I've been recently in an interfacing-with-customer setting.

In group social settings (read: more than 3 or 4 people) I'm usually so quiet that I don't think people who don't know me have much to go off of - thus it's probably not a matter of 'like' or 'not like'. I think that's why in junior high and high school, though I had withdrawn from everyone and didn't interact and thought I was disliked, it was surprising to me years later to hear things like 'Oh you were just so quiet' or 'Oh he kind of had a crush on you but you were so quiet'. etc.

BUT... if I consciously put forth effort to engage and not wall myself off, yes, I think I'm pretty likable. I do know that values/interest-wise I'm not going to hit it off with a huge set of people (and to be fair, I'm not going to be interested in them), there would be just too much of a lifestyle and values clash, but that's more being close to someone - not just your surface-level 'likable' or 'not likable'.

I'm lkd af

I, uhh, okay.

Not an answer Lady.

I feel pretty invisible most of the time, like people don't notice me much less have an opinion of me. It's not true; it's how I perceive my place socially. I certainly don't get the sense that people feel strongly one way or another. I guess I feel tolerated.

I might be tough to read, which is funny because I can be unintentionally expressive. People know I'm feeling something, they just get the what and the why wrong. I can't hide that I'm judging and weighing things. The conclusions are what's not apparent.

I get it. If I had to guess there are some strong opinions about you out there and they are generally positive. That cloak of invisibility feels like a security blanket, but I don’t think it’s real.

 

[Lady Lazarus]

Not an answer Lady.

Okay.

 

[Peter Deadpan]

You remind of the idea of seeing through people. My quietness combined with my facial expression give the impression that I am looking right through people. Occasionally that can be unsettling for people and they don’t like that.

FWIW I think you’re funny. When you put your mind to it you can be insightful. You seem to get frustrated at times.

Yes, I am but a ball of frustrate.

 

[mgbradsh]

Now I’m just more curious Lady Lazarus.

 

[Hiraeth]

A general pattern I notice is that I tend to attract people who I normally wouldn't have much in common with and then they end up getting bored at some point, while it's the opposite with people who I would likely find common ground with, so it's not often for them to take interest based on first impressions. I'm usually the "wallflower" and that super shy and quiet person in the corner, so many never really get a chance to know me at a deeper level, which I suppose is my fault for being so closed off naturally. There's also a bit of insecurity left over from negative experiences with people during my childhood and adolescence that I'm sure has colored my perception to some degree where I can never really be sure. Overall, I'd presume on average it's more of a "meh" than anything else, but mostly I can never really tell if someone truly likes me or not once we become pretty good acquaintances. I'm usually surprised if people show interest at all.

 

[mgbradsh]

Yes, I am but a ball of frustrate.

I think my response was unfairly reductive. I enjoy your posts and they often make me think.

 

[I Tonya]

I feel pretty invisible most of the time, like people don't notice me much less have an opinion of me. It's not true; it's how I perceive my place socially. I certainly don't get the sense that people feel strongly one way or another. I guess I feel tolerated.

I might be tough to read, which is funny because I can be unintentionally expressive. People know I'm feeling something, they just get the what and the why wrong. I can't hide that I'm judging and weighing things. The conclusions are what's not apparent.

I get the invisible thing.

"I guess I feel tolerated." LMFAO

 

[Forever]

Yes and no. I am far too changeable to others moods and feelings and thus people think I am rather incomprehensible. I need lots of alone time frequently throughout the day that people mistake me as antisocial. Unfortunately no one wants to hear a disclaimer from you and expect you abide to their subtle social guidelines. I know that I’m different in a way of my physical, emotional, and spiritual needs far from everybody else’s and that can give off a bad impression of that I am too weak, when in reality I’m not.

I experience through so much internal shit, no one understands. I’d appreciate if people would ask me for clarification than assuming they always know what I mean. I sometimes don’t throw in the most articulate words or if I throw too many big words, I just come off as too rarefied to speak to lol 🤐

 

[Stigmata]

I find it quite easy to make acquaintances but very hard to make actual friends. I know how to be a social chameleon enough and read people enough to be likable on a superficial level, yet forging actual friendships where others are actually emotionally invested seems quite difficult. Not helping is that I'm highly introverted and often enjoy chillin' in my brain versus trying to shuffle through awkward conversational situations.