[NF] Being oversensitive

[animenagai]

yes, i'm in that camp. i find myself getting upset over the smallest things people say. the thing is that a lot of the time i know that it is either a misunderstanding or that i'm right. but even then i feel i little cramp in my chest when really i should just be able to brush it off. no matter how much i rationalize and try and talk myself out of it, there's still that knee-jerk reaction. wtf do i do? do i just have to live with it?

 

[disregard]

What sort of things do people say that you often find yourself getting upset over? You don't have to give specific examples, but what sort of comments are they?

I think that as you gain life experience, acquire a more accurate and stable sense of identity, and begin to accomplish things that are important to you, your confidence will become more impenetrable.

 

[animenagai]

What sort of things do people say that you often find yourself getting upset over? You don't have to give specific examples, but what sort of comments are they?

I think that as you gain life experience, acquire a more accurate and stable sense of identity, and begin to accomplish things that are important to you, your confidence will become more impenetrable.

genuinely racist comments really get me even if i know they're the ones who are blind. short remarks on the net get me too, because in real life i can at least explain myself. comments such as "he's all talk" or "he's a pussy" get to me too, because these aren't things where i can try and disprove through simple evidence, whereas i could with a misunderstanding. as i said, i don't really think that these guys are correct when they make claims against me, but that's besides the point as i feel crappy anyways.

 

[disregard]

Why don't you just completely ignore toxic remarks? Don't give them the power that they seek to have over you with their words.

 

[animenagai]

Why don't you just completely ignore toxic remarks? Don't give them the power that they seek to have over you with their words.

that's exactly what i've been telling myself. that's pretty much what i tell myself every time. problem is, even before i can calm down and rationalized, i feel sad already. therefore, the comment has already dampened my day before i can attend to it. i envy the strong, individualistic T's that just don't care (at all) about what other people say. i try to do the same, but somehow, it still gets to me and then i can't get it out of my head.

 

[disregard]

Why don't you get away from these toxic people? What is possibly keeping you in such an environment?

 

[animenagai]

Why don't you get away from these toxic people? What is possibly keeping you in such an environment?

lol because it's just impossible to hide from all of them. honestly, most of the problem isn't on them, it's on me. i'm just too sensitive. i don't show it and i try to get over things but i get these negative feelings and though i try, i still end up dwelling on the negativity. i tell myself things like 'stop thinking about x'. but then what happens of course is i end up thinking about it inadvertently.

i wonder if there's some secret to hardening yourself up. i dunno, maybe i should be more dogmatic in my mind and that can help my rationality trump my negative emotions.

 

[Chris_in_Orbit]

Just wondering, how is your self esteem? I only ask because when mine was low I would get upset about those things too. Now its just great to laugh at remarks like the ones you've mentioned.

If you take things too seriously you are bound to get your feelings hurt more often than not. Also, its ok to be sensitive, but look in yourself and ask yourself if any negative remark is true or not. If it isn't you can just laugh at their ignorance of who you are. Not sure if this will help...it certainly works for me.

 

[Glycerine]

on reading something like a sign or a book. Hope that helps!

lol because it's just impossible to hide from all of them. honestly, most of the problem isn't on them, it's on me. i'm just too sensitive. i don't show it and i try to get over things but i get these negative feelings and though i try, i still end up dwelling on the negativity. i tell myself things like 'stop thinking about x'. but then what happens of course is i end up thinking about it inadvertently.

i wonder if there's some secret to hardening yourself up. i dunno, maybe i should be more dogmatic in my mind and that can help my rationality trump my negative emotions.

Well, honestly, I don't believe you are being oversensitive. You have the right to feel offended because those examples seem rather insensitive. The reason you are probably reacting strongly is because they are violating your values. You can try to ask them politely to stop and if they don't respect your wishes, then remove yourself from the situation. However, if you can't get out, you can try "zoning out" by concentrating on reading something like a sign or a book. Hope that helps!

A quick fix to hardening yourself up is to feign apathy or make a friendly comeback that acts like a joke but also gets your message across.

 

[animenagai]

Just wondering, how is your self esteem? I only ask because when mine was low I would get upset about those things too. Now its just great to laugh at remarks like the ones you've mentioned.

If you take things too seriously you are bound to get your feelings hurt more often than not. Also, its ok to be sensitive, but look in yourself and ask yourself if any negative remark is true or not. If it isn't you can just laugh at their ignorance of who you are. Not sure if this will help...it certainly works for me.

i only get offended if i really feel wronged. about stuff like racism, if it's a friend who's just poking fun at me via race, i just laugh it off. i don't feel offended because i know their intentions are good. what gets me are the people who don't even know what they're talking about. random ignorant insults offend me, and i wish i could just brush it off because that's the logical thing to do. for whatever reason, i find it hard. i ask if the insults are true, but if they're not, i just end up shaking my head asking myself 'why does it have to be this way?'. giving so many people the benefit of the doubt also hurts, because some people take advantage of it. maybe learning to laugh at things more would be the answer. i've learned to laugh at more things as i've matured. maybe i just need to do more of it.

o my self-confidence is pretty high actually, though it used to be pretty low. i saw myself as smart and creative, but that was about it. i was a socially awkward guy for a lot of my life. it was through learning to care less that i've opened up and matured. i probably need to care even less, but i don't want to lose my compassion in the process.

anyways, thanks guys.

 

[Colors]

If it's genuinely hurtful and ignorant, why should you ignore/brush it off? Your values are being violated. Confront it. Communicate your distress. You can give benefit of the doubt while also asking the offender why they said such things.

Maybe you'll find you misread the situations. Or you'll find that they didn't mean ill at all. Or maybe they did because they're ignorant and you can help them learn.

 

[Glycerine]

i only get offended if i really feel wronged. about stuff like racism, if it's a friend who's just poking fun at me via race, i just laugh it off. i don't feel offended because i know their intentions are good. what gets me are the people who don't even know what they're talking about. random ignorant insults offend me, and i wish i could just brush it off because that's the logical thing to do. for whatever reason, i find it hard. i ask if the insults are true, but if they're not, i just end up shaking my head asking myself 'why does it have to be this way?'. giving so many people the benefit of the doubt also hurts, because some people take advantage of it. maybe learning to laugh at things more would be the answer. i've learned to laugh at more things as i've matured. maybe i just need to do more of it.

anyways, thanks guys.

I can definitely relate to this. When someone says something and automatic "disgust" response emerges, i think I am being totally uptight. However, looking back at the situations and recounting the stories to other people made me realize that most of the time the situations were pretty inappropriate. So,you probably were being a bit too hard on yourself if it only occurs when you feel wronged. It just means you have some personal morals that you want to live by. (not to say, that the other people don't have any morals)

 

[Xander]

Based on my friend, it's an ENFP thing. Something like over empathy would be more to the point than over sensitive... well at least that's how the explanaition reads.

Perhaps you are sensitive to negativity? That would make me think that perhaps you are lacking in positive feedback from an important area in your life or history. Maybe, were that true, it would give you more comfort and better resolution to this problem were you to find and patch this underlying problem... if it ain't true then heck perhaps it'll fire those synapses and help you find an answer that does work.

 

[Dom]

...

Hey there! :hi:

So then, how old are you?

You see I'm an ENFP, probably the one XAnder mentioned. I used to get very very very anry very easily over all kinds of things, I remember giving my primary school head teacher a problem as he had to discipline me for beat another boys head agaisnt a wall (I was about 9 years old). You see I was doign it becasue he refered to black people as 'niggers' I knew it was racist and wrong and ignorant. I told him to stop he wouldnt', told me IO didn't know wha tI was talkign abotu because there was no blacks ilviing in our vilalge (he'd moved there from a large city) So I did what my 8 year old brain told me would obviously solve the problem.. lol

Excesive empathy is a problem for us ENFP (I'm white lol) but thisis exactly what I recognise you describing. You react when people hit certain buttons, either hard enough or often enough. I'm sorry to say that the truth is they probably find your reactions entertaining, I know people did/do mine. SO they like to wind you up and watch you blast off. It is annoying. You say you try to brush it off especially when it's someone you know is actually afriend, but it's hard at times and sometimes you don't understand why you have to put upo with people being mean all the time. I don't either, I do know that 30 years into this world and those peopel are still doing it. They think it's funny, they find the reactions, if/when they get them ammusing, it annoys and hurts us really. It took a new spouse, from outside the country, to coem in and observe before I could accept that I wasn't merely beign silly an dunable to brush off what I thought was just a little fun teasing. She observed that everyone who has known me longer than a few months, teases me unmercilessly, even my lognest servign friends, and she watched and noticed hwo I honestly didnt' find it funny, she has no idea why I allow it or why my oldest friends still do it!! (I don't either on that point)

I'm not sure I have much help for you, but I do know that new peopel you meet wont try it deliberately if you dont' explode like you really want to the first time. The old ones, that know you can get wound up, they will do it forever it seems to me....

 

[kiddykat]

I know how you feel. Even if comments are not targeted at my own race or gender, I still get hurt when I hear/see racism and prejudice. Sometimes I think, "Aren't we more evolved than that?" That's what's kind of tough about being ENFP. We have certain ideals that we ascribe to/live by. When we don't see that in others, it bothers us, because it touches the core part of who we are.

It's like the yin/yang, give/take of our existence.

It's tough for me, because where I live, it's literally like this 24/7. I see how others act/treat other people who are at the lower class strata. It ESPECIALLY hurts me when I see people talking down on migrant workers when all they ever do is work back-breaking jobs/have to hide/live in bushes/dug up holes just to make a living as they work lower-than minimum waged jobs. It's like a method of modern slavery, yet, they still get shit for trying their best. it hurts! That's why, in response to their actions, I want to be a human rights advocate in my own career.

Instead of giving ignorant/racist people the time of day, I tend to engage in things that make me happy/define who I really am. It's a positive way to reinforce my own identity/behavior in response to their negativity. It makes me a better person, and makes my day lighter. Set your goals/reach for what you really want in life. Every time you meet these people, keep on reminding yourself about who you are/what you will and will not stand for. Envision the lifestyle you want for yourself, & live by it- day in/day out. Make yourself a BETTER person from the experience! Hang in there!

 

[GinKuusouka]

lol because it's just impossible to hide from all of them. honestly, most of the problem isn't on them, it's on me. i'm just too sensitive. i don't show it and i try to get over things but i get these negative feelings and though i try, i still end up dwelling on the negativity. i tell myself things like 'stop thinking about x'. but then what happens of course is i end up thinking about it inadvertently.

i wonder if there's some secret to hardening yourself up. i dunno, maybe i should be more dogmatic in my mind and that can help my rationality trump my negative emotions.

Make that a firm yet gentle one. It sounds to me like you need it. Honestly, I do hope that you start feeling better. I don't have a magic cure for what you're feeling. I can at least understand a little bit of where you're coming from. I don't know how often throughout my life I've been called overlysensitive and that I need to toughen up, be more like a man, and things like that. It makes me mad and it hurts me deeply. I actually hated that I was so sensitive for the longest time, and it made me so depressed because I didn't think others could understand where I was coming from. I felt so completely isolated. Finally someone told me that he loved me because of my sensitivity. It took a little bit of time, but I could finally see the good points of being sensitive. And, because he saw the goodness in it, the negative remarks didn't hurt so much. They still hurt me, and I believe they always will. If they didn't, then I wouldn't be sensitive. But I do care. Being sensitive means that I can listen to another and be a shoulder, give advice, or do whatever they need. As much pain as it's brought to me, it has also given me quite a few gifts and tons of happy moments. And I hope that you can find the same.

 

[Simplexity]

Hey, embrace it don't try and change it. I wish I could give you some tips or hints but I only do mad, angry, and furious and that is usually after a series of things occur. It's not all fun and games though being pretty static. Sometimes the best feeling is to truly care about something positive or negative, it sucks sometimes not being able to will yourself to feel something strongly. It's only rare instances where I get to feel that and it isn't even under my control.

 

[Colors]

Yeah. I mean, sometimes I feel pretty silly after a particularly "sensitive" moment. (An instance where an INTJ acquaintance was just winding me up with some sort of comment about fat Buddhas comes to mind.)

But hey. You are someone with values! Meaning. You're putting yourself out there. Interacting with the world. You should be proud of that, not ashamed. Even if you might find yourself wrong later. There's nothing shameful about giving a shit.

Sometimes the best feeling is to truly care about something positive or negative, it sucks sometimes not being able to will yourself to feel something strongly. It's only rare instances where I get to feel that and it isn't even under my control.

+3

 

[kiddykat]

Great point, people! If we look at it that way, it's not bad to feel strongly sensitive about certain things. In essence, the passion ignites sparks, something that says much about our value system. It may even work for personal goal setting- reassessing what we truly want in our lives & really going for it.

Other than that, how I try to combat oversensitivity is to think of the situational causes- not necessarily the person who said the things to get us angry, but the big picture.. It helps to re-frame the situation a bit. Then afterwards, there's room for forgiveness.

 

[Colors]

Yes. I mean, I think I fear being that one really irritating person who completely blows things out of proportion and is completely noncooperative. But really, even if you have a "sensitive" reaction and express such, if you're a reasonable person and still keep an open ear to other viewpoints... and have an audience equally respectful- you can really reach a basic understanding of the other side, even if you don't agree.