[NF] Values in Relationships

[nolla]

Oh, yeah, I see the difference between us now: I go to the store and I never know what I want.

 

[kyuuei]

LOL!! That IS the difference. I HATE shopping unless I have something in mind.

 

[nolla]

I wonder how the other people think about this... To me it's like.. well, I don't have huge amount of friends as it is so if I go around with list in my hand, there will be even less. When I go around the aisles I see stuff I have tasted before and I remember I don't like it, but if I haven't tasted something then why not. Some taste good even if you don't know the ingredients.

 

[violaine]

I don't like the idea of a 'list' either tbh. But in reality we're not compatible with everyone. As Kyuuei said, my 'list' is based on things I've found hard in previous relationships and don't want to repeat. I don't want a relationship to take a lot of work just to keep on track. Rather put that into pursuing my goals and supporting him in whatever he wants to do.

 

[disregard]

You people have long lists... Don't you think that maybe it makes you very critical or narrow-minded?

This is not directed to anyone, just something that popped in my mind. I dunno, it's just that I guess I wouldn't want to think that when I meet someone they're seeing if I match all of their list or not. You know, people are different and sometimes even the imperfect folks are great

This reminds me of the dilemma in the N+N N+S S+S thread.

It is like when someone says, my romantic relationships with Ns are more successful than those with Ss.

Someone (such as yourself in this thread) jumps in with "That is so shallow to not even give sensors a chance."

Persons X, Y, and Z respond with "I'm afraid you're mistaken. It is not that I judge people on whether or not they are a sensor, but my relationships tend to be more successful with those that are intuitive."

Subtle difference. As the musical artist you claim to be, you should have an appreciation for nuance, no?

 

[nolla]

I know, yeah. It's just that to me it has been like, I make a list and then find out there's something outside that list that is worth checking out. If people really believe in those lists, it'll get lonely.

What do you mean by the artist?

 

[disregard]

I did, but I'm not sure of your being Jim James.

you'll never know that...

I cannot allow you to derail this thread any further with your personal feelings.

 

[nolla]

Wait, what? Are you serious? I am confused now. Either I don't get what you are saying or ... I don't get the joke...

 

[disregard]

Unless you want to contribute with something like, I value people that aren't shallow, specifically people that do not make lists of values, please stop meta-discussing this thread.

 

[nolla]

Aha. Well, ok. I wasn't trying to sound like I am judging anyone, just wanted to raise a question which in my point of view was related. Ok, I'll stay out.

But, as far as me claiming to be a musician, here, the original place where that line came from:

2nd pic could be mistaken for Neil Young.

Nolla looks just like Jim James of My Morning Jacket...a little TOO much...hmmm....

Cool. I am like all the music people and can't play anything.

I did not claim to be a musical artist. I don't see how it might bother you if I hadn't denied being one, though.

 

[disregard]

I didn't know who Jim James was and I've never listened to My Morning Jacket, but the interest your pictures aroused in others sparked a little intrigue within myself, so I saved two of the pictures you posted. They saved with the titles "me jim james cropped" (a picture of Jim James an a woman) and "MMJ-Jim-James[1]". I don't care who you are IRL, but I do not like phonies. Especially when they preach in my threads.

 

[runvardh]

Needs:
- good hygene/healthy
- interesting
- cares about me
- willing to match my effort in the relationship
- not out to shoot down my interests or faith
- would like sex more often than once a month
- willing to let me participate in my interests whether she shares them or not
- no substance abusing

Wants:
- intelligent
- willing to have sex more often than once every 2 weeks
- doesn't think I'm evil when I'm trying to be rational about something
- does not feel the need to share ALL of my interests
- non-smoking

Nice to have:
- willing/desiring to head outside with me
- shares some of my interests
- wants sex more often than once a week
- willingness and ability to have children
- pretty
- better memory for dates and appointments than I do


Edit: Grocery lists help me remember the things I want; that doesn't mean those are the only things I'll pick up at the store.

 

[kyuuei]

Damn!! You have that broken down into a whole system!!

 

[runvardh]

Damn!! You have that broken down into a whole system!!

It's called priorities

 

[Desperado44]

I was hoping more people would respond to this.....especially for us single people who are picky

 

[The Third Rider]

Needs:
- good hygene/healthy
- interesting
- cares about me
- willing to match my effort in the relationship
- not out to shoot down my interests or faith
- would like sex more often than once a month
- willing to let me participate in my interests whether she shares them or not
- no substance abusing

Wants:
- intelligent
- willing to have sex more often than once every 2 weeks
- doesn't think I'm evil when I'm trying to be rational about something
- does not feel the need to share ALL of my interests
- non-smoking

Nice to have:
- willing/desiring to head outside with me
- shares some of my interests
- wants sex more often than once a week
- willingness and ability to have children
- pretty
- better memory for dates and appointments than I do


Edit: Grocery lists help me remember the things I want; that doesn't mean those are the only things I'll pick up at the store.

I was waiting for you to make the push for "wants sex more often than once a day"

 

[runvardh]

I was waiting for you to make the push for "wants sex more often than once a day"

would be nice, but experience tells me pushing past more often than once a week is asking too much.

 

[Lauren Ashley]

would be nice, but experience tells me pushing past more often than once a week is asking too much.

It is? For whom?

 

[Desperado44]

It is? For whom?

The majority of today's female. Especially married females.

 

[briochick]

The majority of today's female. Especially married females.

I'm a 25 year old virgin. If I ever have the pleasure of finding someone I'll marry (and who'll marry me back) we're having sex at least every two days for *decades*. This is my decision.

As for what's important, I agree with a lot of what's been said before:

(please understand that the "you"s in the next few sentences are hypothetical you's)
Honesty is a must, and if you lie about the little things I'm going to assume you lie about the bigger things. It's ok to have your own opinions or disappoint me with your behavior. I'll get over that. I don't get over deception.

Showing consistent personal growth. This is a big big one. It's not enough that you believe right and wrong or have passions, if you're not improving as a person you can forget it.

Intelligence (this is because I cannot see myself holding daily conversations with someone who I have to explain my vocabulary to)

I have to be comfortable with you.

Good hygiene. Also a big deal. Leave you socks in the floor, whatever, but don't smell funky, try not to wear a shirt covered in ketchup stains, and work-out every once in a while.