[INFP] INFP Anger?

[BerberElla]

For instance, if someone who's cocky thinks they're ultra good looking, buff, drives a monster-truck talks like they're the shit sent from above. If I'm mad/get into a fight with them, I could not just flat out say, "I'm sorry. Small packages come in big cars, don't they??" I just for the life of me, cannot blurt out anything cruel like that. Boundaries are important- some lines we just really shouldn't cross, no matter how angry we are, especially when it comes to a person's physical or mental attributes. It could really hurt.

I know exactly what you mean there, I'm the same, for example I'm admin at another forum and a member I had been "friends" with for a few years and who knew alot about me, things that could really hurt, went all apeshit because he couldn't do what he wanted and get away with it based on being friends with us in charge, he didn't react well to being told to behave (in the nicest possible way lol) and really ripped into me.

Things that I had only told him became public knowledge and onto public mockery, he was so nasty and full of venom. And even though I knew just as many things about him that I could have used to insult him equally I just couldn't bring myself to cross that line. I couldn't say anything to him that would linger in the hurt it can cause (sad thing is it probably would have bounced off his thick skin if I had said it all, whereas of course everything he said to me really did hurt my feelings).

IRL I would have lashed out, to me physical pain doesn't hurt as much as emotional pain, so I find it easier to smack someone who is hurting my feelings than trying to hurt their feelings too. It's silly I know because violence also hurts, but I grew up in a violent household so physical pain doesn't hold the same ability to hurt me.

I would rather fight you than rip into your soul with words no amount of saying sorry can change.

 

[kiddykat]

even though I knew just as many things about him that I could have used to insult him equally I just couldn't bring myself to cross that line. I couldn't say anything to him that would linger in the hurt it can cause (sad thing is it probably would have bounced off his thick skin if I had said it all, whereas of course everything he said to me really did hurt my feelings).

Probably would have. I guess it's more about personal integrity. If we can really live with ourselves with the choices we make.

Yeah.. I think having a Bozo-the-clown & a shredder would help. Bop it upside the head a few times. Print his pix..Shred like hell.. LoL!! I grew up in a physically abusive household, too. Emotional wounds last longer than physical. Sorry to hear about the fall out. His loss. We always learn something new with each experience. Think of it as a new starting point. G'Luck..

 

[quietmusician]

I had to grow up around one overly negative kid. And I'm sure he was in for a surprise when this quiet kid began to kick the crap out of him. I was taunted. Period. I didn't want to fight, I was driven to it.

 

[r0wo1]

I had to grow up around one overly negative kid. And I'm sure he was in for a surprise when this quiet kid began to kick the crap out of him. I was taunted. Period. I didn't want to fight, I was driven to it.

I personally hate disagreements (real/serious ones at any rate), and I've never been in a fight, because I think its stupid.

But when I spend a lot of time around somebody, in class or etc, who tend to be very brash or cocky (or negative ), I'll put up with it for a good long while and then lash out suddenly to shut them down. It takes a long time to work me up to that point, and even then it depends on the day. I think the majority of INFPs do a very good job of keeping a hold on their anger until they are pushed over the edge and it finally just bursts out. Is that your experience too?

 

[Chris_in_Orbit]

I personally hate disagreements (real/serious ones at any rate), and I've never been in a fight, because I think its stupid.

But when I spend a lot of time around somebody, in class or etc, who tend to be very brash or cocky (or negative ), I'll put up with it for a good long while and then lash out suddenly to shut them down. It takes a long time to work me up to that point, and even then it depends on the day. I think the majority of INFPs do a very good job of keeping a hold on their anger until they are pushed over the edge and it finally just bursts out. Is that your experience too?

I was not aware that bottling up your irritation until you explode could be considered a good way of handling anger.

 

[r0wo1]

I was not aware that bottling up your irritation until you explode could be considered a good way of handling anger.

Mmm, I dont mean that it is a good way to handle anger. Just because we are good at doing it, doesn't mean it is nessecarily a good thing to do...

In my case, I know for sure that I bottle it up until it explodes... maybe not the best way of dealing with it but there you are.

 

[placebo]

I get mad at everyone. I'm pretty terrible. I can definitely say mean things. It depends to what degree a person irritates me--some people are very difficult to be mad at and some aren't. Kind of depends on my mood :\

 

[sgman]

Its freaky, but they say everyone has a breaking point, and for the INFP, I guess this comes sometimes at surprising times. INFPs internalize a lot of anger from daily life, instead of letting them out, or letting them go. At least for me, when I really get angry, its the straw that broke the camel's back.

I usually manage to keep it down, but sometimes the stimulus is to much for me to bear. Especially when someone is attacking my core. Yes, I know, very abstract and hard to describe. But there are certain things people criticize that are rooted too deeply in my value system, and I can get really angry.

Of course, mood is also a major factor. If I'm already in a really lousy mood, starving, exhausted, and someone does something that completely overwhelms me, I'm much more likely to let out my anger somehow.

 

[Oaky]

I had once experimented on an INFP to see how far I could go to 'break' him. He broke. I assured him it was all just an experiment although I'm sure he's still a bit shaken from it. Poor soul...

 

[runvardh]

If I don't say it I, at times regret not saying it. When I do say it they typically deserved it and I haven't felt guilty about it in the last two years now. Before that time though, the above would describe me.

 

[Bubbles]

I'm not good at fighting.

But you piss me off, I will fight back. Maybe not well, but I'll fight.

I'm more prone to being irritated than angry though. Anger comes from someone stepping on my boundaries, or on the boundaries of those around me.

Problem is I get emotional, and I feel every word I say loses an ounce of credibility with each rise in emotion. I try very hard to keep my cool so that doesn't happen, but it can happen. And has. Enough for me to be annoyed about it.

 

[mockingbird]

Conflict really stresses me out but after ten years of being married to an INTJ, his more agressive attitude has worn off on me a bit. He never let's me get away with saying "I'm fine" when he asks me what's wrong. He just prods until I tell him the truth. That's gotten me in the habit of expressing my anger before it blows up and though Im still a lot more tactful than he is Im a lot less passive agressive.

My mom is an INFP. When she finally blows up, it's actually pretty comical. She gets really melodramatic and goes into these florid speeches like she's some kind of tragic wounded heroine. I swear I can hear a choir humming His Truth is Marching on in the background! Lol!

 

[SciVo]

I think it's interesting to compare and contrast different personality theories. At one enneagram site, INFP, INFJ, ISFP and ISFJ all had 9 for the second-most-common enneagram type; INFP and INFJ both had 4 for the most common, while ISFP and ISFJ had 6 for the most common. Those three are all in different centers, so they're very distinctive.

9s are the one in the Instinctive Center, where anger is the dominant emotion (in terms of the unconscious response to the forgetting of self, if I understand correctly). However, what characterizes 9s is the suppression and denial of our anger. 4s are in the feeling center, where the dominant emotion is shame, which they deal with by focusing on what makes them special. So, I'd expect that a thread about INFPs and anger could be divided into two parts: one about its paradoxical centrality and suppression that would be applicable to a significant minority of all IFs, and one about... however 4s experience anger... that would be applicable to a larger portion of both INFs.

 

[Bubbles]

SciVo, that's interesting. I'm a 4, but my stress point is two, and also 4s tend to dramatize their emotions to an extent. Stress point being two means when stressed I fall into people pleasing, aka I take on the traits of an unhealthy 2. I also score very close to a 9, so I definitely think there's some correlation between that, but I also know for a fact I'm 4.

But a 4's dramatic tirade and a 9's explosion of bottled anger, I believe, would seem quite similar to the untrained eye.

 

[Tropics]

INFP's angry? NEVER. Well almost never in my case, that's why when it does happen it's an emotional explosion, somebody gets hurt, mostly me, I feel so BAD even if the person deserved it and most of these people really had it coming. I went off on my supervisor at work a few months ago, (after months of holding it in)the woman walks on everybody and I was trying to find some good in her but I realized she was just MEAN because she was given power. One of my coworkers said she was shaking when I was done, she was so terrified. Strangely, the supervisor is so nice to me now. I guess she realized I have some backbone. I hate bullies. Yep, INFP's do get angry for a CAUSE.

 

[OrangeAppled]

INFP's angry? NEVER. Well almost never in my case, that's why when it does happen it's an emotional explosion, somebody gets hurt, mostly me, I feel so BAD even if the person deserved it and most of these people really had it coming. I went off on my supervisor at work a few months ago, (after months of holding it in)the woman walks on everybody and I was trying to find some good in her but I realized she was just MEAN because she was given power. One of my coworkers said she was shaking when I was done, she was so terrified. Strangely, the supervisor is so nice to me now. I guess she realized I have some backbone. I hate bullies. Yep, INFP's do get angry for a CAUSE.

This is my experience....when I do actually blow up (after being pushed & pushed & pushed), it strikes fear into the hearts of the people witnessing it

 

[mockingbird]

SciVo, that's really interesting. You know I'm familiar with MBTI, but the enneagram is very new to me. Most of my knowledge about it comes from the conversations of ladies in my painting group. Not extreamly helpful. And I have no idea what a stress point is. Very curious though...
About expressions of anger, though, I have observed that other INFPs are nothing like my mother in this sense. Maybe the enneagram has more to say about how differrent types express anger? I don't know enough about that to say myself.
I have noticed that my INFP mom doesn't seem to really get how others percieve her angry outbursts and that it ruins her credibility no matter how right she often is. Maybe she doesn't care and just wants to give the unfortunate recipient of her tirade a bad day. She often succeeds! Me on the other hand, I am so obsessed with proving myself right that Ill shut myself away for hours writing out my thoughts and organize them as though I were preparing for a highschool debate. Does anyone else do that?

 

[mockingbird]

....but then, I usually end up feeling guilty after asserting how right I am. It often sucks to be right.

 

[BlackCat]

I'm an enneagram 9w8 sx/so, and my dominant emotion is indeed anger. To prevent myself from exploding onto people I try to vent as much as I possibly can, when I don't like someone they will know it. If I don't vent my anger in some way then I WILL explode at them. Or my attitude toward them will get worse and worse, and then eventually something will trigger me.

I tend to enjoy disagreements. It feels good. It's gets the blood flowing in a relationship.

Nothing like the bad kind of tension. The vague, buzzing, anxious tension... Yech.

I like to say what needs to be said. I don't really keep things in the back of my mind. If I choose not to bring something up, it's because I've gotten over it, or am at least trying to.

I pretty much agree with this whole post, I'm pretty sure disregard is also a 9w8 INFP. It's really weird... I enjoy conflict yet not really bad conflict. Non bad conflict is integral for me to have with someone.

When I get mad or I disagree with something someone is doing, I pretty much make these feelings clear so that they don't bog down my psyche. If I don't assert them they will just get worse and will build up more and more.

If I get more steadily angry, then I reach my limit. I get physical, get very verbally aggressive, and just generally very, very mad.

And along with all of this I do harbor things that would be hurtful that annoy me about people within me. I do this with people I respect, since the positives much outweigh the negatives, and as I said non bad conflict is integral for me. If it's someone I don't respect I just simply don't associate myself with them so I don't get more annoyed with them.

 

[BlackCat]

But a 4's dramatic tirade and a 9's explosion of bottled anger, I believe, would seem quite similar to the untrained eye.

Indeed.