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  1. #1
    Junior Member mickey1955's Avatar
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    Jul 2018
    INFj Ni

    Default NF's Attracted to SJ Types?

    A lot of us NF's share one dream: finding our soulmate. However, it veritably takes a lot of time and effort to fully accomplish that dream; more so for the reason that we wanna find someone who understands us on all levels and dimensions. Someone who will love us unconditionally and bring out the best in us, no matter what adversities we encounter with that special someone. Ironically enough, us NF's would find our soulmates in our own subgroup (or NT's for that matter). Problem is, it can be hard to easily identify and intuitively call out the potential for a future with someone in today's society where so many people resort to judging on a materialistic level. We are guilty of doing this as well, especially when falling for an SJ type.

    Ah yes, SJ's...they definitely are labeled as the 'Guardians' for a reason. Stable, driven, goal-oriented, and secure...all the qualities you'd want in a partner that'd be deemed as your safe space. They may not emotionally comprehend us as cohesively as an NF or NT would, but they sure as hell have this charisma and boldness to them that you compels you to believe you'd have somebody to protect your heart. Us NF's harbor this idealistic mentality that strongly contradicts itself. We yearn for somebody to understand and be understood by them, alongside having our romantic expectations that derived from growing up watching Disney/fairytales as well. We turn to the SJ's and suddenly believe we've found the closest thing to a knight in shining armor. Although it needs to be known that a knight in broken armor should be the one to go after, because shiny armor denotes strength that hasn't been tested yet. I currently feel this way with an ISTJ I've fallen head over heels for since the past two years. He may struggle to keep up with my enigmatic way of seeing the world, but I know that he still means well. He may not fully understand me, but I know he wants to understand. His attributes of coming to my rescue whenever I felt threatened by somebody else is what had my heart stolen. I was his damsel in distress. Even if he wasn't fully aware of that. Even if things don't turn out the way I want them to between us, I'd wanna thank him for being there as I don't regret meeting somebody who instilled hope within the idea of stable, chivalrous love.

  2. #2
    Dream without Hesitation Dreamer's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2015
    974 so/sp
    IEE Ne


    I don’t date or approach people by type, but funny enough, I’ve found over the years that the friends I tend to keep around are more often than not, SJs. That tells me there is something on a deeper level that attracts me towards these fine people. I half jokingly tell people that I am so often with my head in the clouds and disconnected from reality in a sense with the sort of idealism NFs are known for, that the more grounded SJs in my life help keep me closer to home, otherwise I might just float off into space! But, I think that might actually be a large reason why I do naturally seem to find myself around these sorts of personalities because as much as I love my perspective and vision towards life, something subconsciously within, must know that I must find balance in life by surrounding myself with SJs. Who knows? I find it interesting how I tend to befriend and find SJs without actively trying.
    The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams
    -Eleanor Roosevelt

    ~Always, an Enthusiastic_Dreamer

  3. #3
    Senior Member notmyapples's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2017
    9w1 sx/so
    EII Ne


    Quote Originally Posted by mickey1955 View Post
    A lot of us NF's share one dream: finding our soulmate. However, it veritably takes a lot of time and effort to fully accomplish that dream; more so for the reason that we wanna find someone who understands us on all levels and dimensions. Someone who will love us unconditionally and bring out the best in us, no matter what adversities we encounter with that special someone.
    Gag. But XSTJ types with decent Fi are my kryptonite.

  4. #4


    I guess after a certain point in life stability turns from boring to attractive, makes sense, given that after a certain age when people finally have to learn to live on their own they realize how hard it is and learn to appreciate the people they probably considered boring before.
    Johari | Nohari

    Moving forward, put aside all unnecessary preconceptions, eliminate all biases, analyze all the facts without letting external influences cloud your better judgement and put together a coherent picture of the truth like a jigsaw puzzle, you have the pieces you need, the only thing left to do is to learn how to put them together properly.

  5. #5
    Senior Member RedAmazoneFriendZone's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2014
    7w8 sp/sx
    EEI Fi


    Interesting question (well all questions are of course, but this one I'll try to answer it...).

    Most of the time I have felt attracted emotionally by NF types but we finish to focus to much on our ideals, or SP types for fun and a short term relationship. Most of my friends are NT. SJ were until here quite boring and viewed by my cares
    as "too conventional". So I avoided them, mainly a few ESTJ who seemed far too much materialistic to me, and in a sense they were (one of them asked me to marry him after 6 months whereas he didn't even try to know who I am deep down).

    But life is amazing and full of ups and down, full of flaws but also of discoveries you'll make for yourself, depending on the intention you have and which doors you allow (yourself and) others to open...

    I had a tough relation last year that I broke up due to a lack of positivity and finally it became a burden in my life. Well, we all have breaks up. Some are really tough...
    Most people see the NF or SP as very flighty or seeking several partners, or even as "unstable" as they seem to seek a greener grass once they have been mowing a brand new one.
    That is only what is viewed from outside, from a lense that can't see what's happening deep inside.
    The reason why I tend to change my relations isn't because I wanna have fun, or I feel bored. Unless you take into account this : that Fi of mine which I probably feel not taken into account.

    To go straight to the point, a few months ago I met this ISTJ and wow, here is an interesting meeting.
    So you may think yes but wait it is new, you'll get fed up in a while. That is possible of course but I'll try to answer this OP.

    I saw several descriptions of ISTJ about their dominant functions
    (some say Si some others I read say Ti anyway followed by Se).

    After this experiment in the SJ laboratory of that guy (we write each other every single day) I can say he probably views me like an extraterrestre but at least he is full of depth (and doubts also),
    he is interesting and shows his interest intellectually (which wasn't the case with the SP or other SJ I met). He is also extremely precise about what he thinks, open about his feelings, is able to show his vulnerability (which I love and respect because to me he his willing to show his honesty).

    Maybe this apply to you(other NF or SP,)but my meeting with him looks like this :

    I propose him to do something (enthusiasm), I tell him so.
    He refuses most of the time thinking of something negative
    I know deep down it is not a lack of appreciation (if not he would not take time to justify himself).
    I point out the positive aspect of the situation, I insist on freedom and creativity.
    He gets very attracted by my state of mind but feels he needs time by his own
    He tells it to me and knows my independance strike will probably make me understand his needs for some loneliness.

    Then I don't contact him because he needs that space
    But then he starts getting worried and intend to hide it (I can say by reading the energy through his words when he writes or phone),
    I will tell him my new plans for the following weeks,
    He will take some distance because he probably think it is what I need, not making plans with him (instead of communicating with me and being direct, that happens with all introverts in my opinion)

    I take some distance myself because I think he has to take more things and hands, and come over his fears (of the unknown for example)
    He won't plan anything . Enjoy the silence dear NF !

    He will ask me in a subtle way after a while : "You could have contacted me at such or such time, that day, I was in my office". Whereas I was enjoying the silence
    He will never ask me "Why didn't you call me". He knows very well I could interpret this sentence as a kind of way to control me.

    Finally we do communicate every single day but rarely meet (maybe that will change but there is a push and pull stuff in the air).

    The relationship I have with him looks like this until now :

    I don't know if this one is 6 or 4, but what I know is he has a deep 5 side, which helps me connecting to my 5 positive and calm side.
    Of course he doesn't know this. But what I am conscious of is that this guy didn't believe in happiness for years and is now attracted by different kinds of relationships as well (more positive, even if he is really careful and I can sense this miles away).

    I know he admires my tendency to take in hands new ideas and adventures and to explore them, but he is more at home in a familiar atmosphere.

    One day we had to meet in a city he knows very well. Finally I had a problem this day and could not go so far by my own. So I simply phoned him and said :
    "Hey, Wait we will meet but I'll be in Y instead of being in X".
    And suddenly the anxiety came out "Why Y?" (I took this like "it's not a good idea")
    Suddenly I said "Ok if you don't wanna come let it drop", and at this point only he said
    "No wait, I am only trying to figure out which road I will take to join you, of course I will be pleased "

    Very often NF and SP needs a sprinkle, a sign of enthusiasm, right ? It makes me sick when others only see the negative. But I try to see this as I grow as a warning, as something which is useful and not only "boring".
    Because I did also many mistakes in my life by only viewing at the positive side and took this way USELESS RISKS (and that is maybe the why NF are attracted by SJ).

    I am an intuitive person so I won't always measure like a Ti person (which probably this guy is) or Si person
    "Is that the right thing to do". I just do them, encourage, follow my ideas or instinct due to my past good/bad experiments and the pleasure/positive experiment I felt. And if it is "bad" or something goes wrong, I will learn something from it.
    Because anyway I believe in destiny (so let's take risks like in the link down bellow)


    So to conclude about SJ/NF attraction (whether friendship, romantic etc),
    I think once the NF is ready to be more grounded, to calm down, to relax, to feel and think and not be afraid of conventionalism...

    The question towards SJ types would be how do you feel the NF types in your decisions process ? Do you feel we are dangerous beasts with strange ideas ?

  6. #6
    Can't be satisfied. Peter Deadpan's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2016


    I don't agree that you can't find a well-matched supportive partner in an NF or NT. Imagine an INFJ 6 with a strong sense of loyalty and duty, or an INTP 9 Sx whose primary concern would be keeping harmony and intimacy in tact, or an INTJ 5w4 who appreciates the deeper more complex parts of you and wants to help you work toward your goals.

    Personality theory is fascinating and oftentimes pretty accurate/helpful, but it certainly doesn't cover the entire spectrum of human nuance.

    I do wholeheartedly agree that as we mature, we begin to appreciate stability and characteristics we may have previously considered boring, and no... I do not think of that as settling, but rather as growing.
    adjective: deliberately impassive or expressionless.


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  7. #7
    Senior Member SD45T-2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    1w2 so/sp


    Must be a mistake. Nobody likes SJs.
    1w2-6w5-3w2 so/sp

    "I took one those personality tests. It came back negative." - Dan Mintz
    Likes tinker683 liked this post

  8. #8
    Time-OverLord Norexan's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2017
    8 so/sp
    LIE Te


    Only if they are males - searching for perfectly stable SJ woman.
    True Neutral 8 1 3 7 5 Teexcellent>Niexcellent>Figood>Tigood>>>>Siaverage>Fe unused
    "There is no intellectualism in faith. Both atheist and theist choose their belief system based on ego and self-preservation." by 2017
    === Challenger Perfectionist Motivator Inventor===

    "They teach you how to conquer and rule the world
    The towers that you built so strong, no man can touch
    They tell you how to find and raise the fears
    And let them grow inside of your heart, they need no walls"

  9. #9
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2017
    6w7 sp/so


    I've never been attracted to or in a romantic relationship with an SJ. But I can tell you that when you find an SJ that you just sort of "gel" with, they are wonderful companions and friends. There are exceptions, but a lot of the people who have been my biggest supporters in my life have been SJs. I have a lot of appreciation for what they bring to the world.

    Now, SJs are probably the temperament I also clash the most with. But I find that's usually because I think my strong Ne and very weak Si can come across as very tiring, alarming, and/or obnoxious. If the SJ has a repeated, negative reaction to my cognitive processes and manner of presenting myself, we're less likely to get along.

    A very dear ESFJ friend has basically described me as an "acquired taste" (those were actually my words, I was trying to help her figure out words to put to what she was thinking) and another long time friend of mine who is an ISTJ has admitted that my those of type (ENFP) tend to rub him the wrong way at times.

    All in all, if it's the right combination of people who truly love each other and want to make a relationship work, I think an SJ and NF in a romantic relationship could really work out well.

  10. #10
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    1w2 so/sx


    I don't think there's any one type that's impossible to make things work with and in some ways, the things that matter to infjs are often compatible with the SJ tendancy towards stability, family, work etc. I dated an estj for a long time and appreciated his gregariousness, curiosity, competence, and found that what he naturally paid attention to and what I did were very complementary when we worked together. He also was a good teacher and made me feel very comfortable trying new foods and hobbies and experiences that I wouldn't have on my own. I also have many sj friends that like to take care of practical considerations when we hang out together that I wouldn't normally pay attention to.

    One area where things aren't so good was communication and conflict resolution, and I've observed the same between my enfj mother and istj father. With maturity on both sides, I think that can be addressed, but it is not as natural and easy as with some other type combinations. I think both sides would need to do some work to make communications device in a relationship. SJs also tend to take things at face value, whereas infjs read between the lines, even when there is nothing to read. Infjs I think need more ongoing reassurance about the health and status of the relationship and regular bits of data about the other person's feelings or they will incorrectly fill in the blanks. For stjs at least, they may feel quite uncomfortable sharing their emotional state, particularly when they are upset, and they may find infjs oversensitive or intrusive in that regard.
    Likes SurrealisticSlumbers liked this post

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