[INFP] INFP b****es?

[placebo]

Sorry, I didn't want to use the word in the title, but you know what I'm talking about and I will be saying it now in the following rant/post.

I've been called a 'bitch' as well as 'mean' countless times by (so-called) friends and family. Ouch. I've also been called a 'moody bitch' a couple times.

I hate being called a bitch and I hate feeling like one, but most of the time I feel like I'm just 'being myself'. So what does that mean?

Are these just unhealthy or immature traits of a person in general or is it common to see INFPs as sort of 'bitchy'? I had a male INFP friend who some people called 'cocky' and he didn't think he was until people insisted he was. Why are INFPs sort of stereotyped as really nice and sweet or whatever when there are some that act like this?

I don't know if I'm wording any of this the way I want to, but what I kind of want from this is maybe an explanation as to why I behave like this. I'm really sensitive as it is, so why do I act 'insensitively' towards others so often? And how do I stop being a bitch!?

 

[Harmonic]

I can certainly relate to being moody, I've even given a good friend a black eye (not a proud moment). The best way to deal with these gaffes is to apologize ASAP with sincerity. Otherwise you're gonna get remembered for your actions and not for who you are, which is something you certainly want to avoid (it helps to have a track record of being nice though, helps the sincerity). Usually isn't that hard of a problem for me to recognize because I usually hit a terrible emotional low after I've done something like that.

But if you want to know why this is, it's simple. We're imperfect people, just like everybody else. But for me, it always is because of something that started getting on my nerves and instead of confronting the problem head-on, I kept it inside, letting it build until it just exploded. So that makes the key to preventing the outbursts to identifying the problem and finding a suitable outlet for the frustration.

From what I've seen, it seems pretty typical of IXXP's. (Yes, I know this is a broad generalization and that I should be lynched for such)

 

[Neo Genesis]

Sorry, I didn't want to use the word in the title, but you know what I'm talking about and I will be saying it now in the following rant/post.

I've been called a 'bitch' as well as 'mean' countless times by (so-called) friends and family. Ouch. I've also been called a 'moody bitch' a couple times.

I hate being called a bitch and I hate feeling like one, but most of the time I feel like I'm just 'being myself'. So what does that mean?

Are these just unhealthy or immature traits of a person in general or is it common to see INFPs as sort of 'bitchy'? I had a male INFP friend who some people called 'cocky' and he didn't think he was until people insisted he was. Why are INFPs sort of stereotyped as really nice and sweet or whatever when there are some that act like this?

I don't know if I'm wording any of this the way I want to, but what I kind of want from this is maybe an explanation as to why I behave like this. I'm really sensitive as it is, so why do I act 'insensitively' towards others so often? And how do I stop being a bitch!?

I really doubt you're acting "bitchy". Honestly, its just how people perceive our intentions, and since we typically just watch other interactions without really giving our input, I believe it gives off an "indifferent" attitude, which can be seen as cocky, bitchy, mean, etc.

I can totally relate with your friend. Everybody's been saying that to me for years, and thus far this ^ is the best that I've been able to come up with.

Perhaps you should try smiling more often when you listen, or try to visualize a "softer" look on your face. Nonverbal cues like these are crucial on an unconcious level. Its worth a shot, right?

 

[Synarch]

INFP's can be touchy when uncomfortable and this can come off as rather snappish at times. Otherwise, they're just sometimes misunderstood. I find them likeable.

 

[ajblaise]

I think INFP's are one of the least bitchy types.

 

[heart]

Can you (OP) be more specific, like give an example of a recent interaction where someone responded unfavorably?

 

[Anja]

It's been my experience, placebo, that some men are apt to lable a woman a bitch when she is in some way interferring with him achieving something he wants.

Does he feel less powerful then and attempt to put her at a lower level? I think so.

It certainly has less to do with her and more to do with some feeling state he is experiencing and is unable to deal with without trying to project it upon another person.
In other words acting out his sense of powerlessness.

For others it may be a way of trying to make someone else look bad for whatever reason he may have. Somehow he may be trying to make himself look or feel better.

I imagine some women do the same.

 

[nolla]

I really doubt you're acting "bitchy". Honestly, its just how people perceive our intentions, and since we typically just watch other interactions without really giving our input, I believe it gives off an "indifferent" attitude, which can be seen as cocky, bitchy, mean, etc.

Yeah, I think this is why. I can understand if people sometimes see me "cocky" or self-inflated. It's not what I am, but I guess people expect a lot more feedback than I am giving. For me there's also the "disappearing". I can see how it may look like if someone expects me to go to a party or something and I never show up, don't answer my phone and reappear after a week or so. For me this is normal, but for someone who doesn't know me very well, it might seem odd. And besides these two things, I guess it doesn't help that I usually am quite self-confident in J-situations like work. If I know how to do the job and they are doing it wrong, I will tell my opinion to just about anyone.

Actually, now that I think about it, maybe I am cocky. At least to not-so-close-friends and acquaintances. Well, I don't know how to change this except by not listening to myself and not doing what I feel is good for me.

 

[disregard]

It takes effort to develop the aspects of your behavior that are lacking in the grace department. Practice. Like mathematics. You have to congnisantly decide that during this moment, even though you're inclined to act like a seeming bitch, you're going to be sensitive and polite and generous! It's no different than doing sit-ups really. You have to focus. And then one day, you will realise that you've developed a habit of being a not-bitch.

The end.

 

[Anja]

I can't go along with the gang on this one, placebo.

You may have "bitchy" aspects of your personality - most everyone does. But to accept that kind of a confrontation from someone - labling who you are by observing a few unpleasant habits - is a mistake I think. Bad for your self-esteem.

If you have charactaristics which you see are bothering you and others, you'll need to stick with people who are supportive, instead of tearing down, in order to change them.

Don't buy into the "You're a bitch!" stuff. It's either meant to make you feel even worse about yourself or to invite a fight where you'll end up feeling even more of a "bitch" and perhaps giving others reason to say, "See! I told you so."

That stuff is poisonous interaction. A lie.

 

[Anja]

Guess I'm echoing disregard.

It's the people you hang with that help or hurt your development.

 

[LadyJaye]

It's never acceptable for anyone to call you a bitch, no matter how you're behaving. I can't tolerate that word.

 

[disregard]

I don't think you were echoing me with your post Anja, but I agree with you that it is important to either put toxic people in their place or get them out of your life.

 

[nolla]

It's never acceptable for anyone to call you a bitch, no matter how you're behaving. I can't tolerate that word.

Why not? Surely, if someone's a bitch, they should be told so.

 

[LadyJaye]

Why not? Surely, if someone's a bitch, they should be told so.

Because there are many other words you could call a woman to get the point across without using her gender as an insult. I don't appreciate being called a bitch because the reason I'm snapping at someone isn't because I'm a woman. It's because I'm being a jerk.

 

[runvardh]

I've been called cold and insensitive... *shrugs*

 

[nolla]

Because there are many other words you could call a woman to get the point across without using her gender as an insult. I don't appreciate being called a bitch because the reason I'm snapping at someone isn't because I'm a woman. It's because I'm being a jerk.

Oh, I didn't even think about that. But what if someone calls me a bitch? What would the appropriate word be for the male-bitch meaning? What I am trying to say is that the female-male differences between words don't mean anything. If I beat my wife, you are welcome to call me wife-beater, even though this word is for males only.

 

[Anja]

All negative labels, in my book, are applied for the psychological satisfaction of the user.

All negative labels reduce a human being to the sum of their behavior without insight into what may be going on under the surface.

Who has the right to label another? It's arrogant from my perspective. And deliberately hurtful to some.

What if the perceived bitch is really lonely, angry and frightened? Which she probably is.

 

[nolla]

What if the perceived bitch is really lonely, angry and frightened? Which she probably is.

Well, if you tell her that she is lonely angry and frightened, you will possibly break her spine and she'll cry at home and see what a jerk she was. I am now talking about people who should be stopped, not about something like "Oh, she has so expensive dress, I envy her, such a bitch!" I never use these words seriously, but sometimes there really is the need to stop someone causing pain to other people, and in that case one of the possible reactions is to insult the bitch as much as possible.

 

[colmena]

Has this exact same conversation not happened before?

Even down to the 'what's the male version of a bitch?' despite gender based insults having been established as rude and unnecessary.