[ENFP] staying on track as an ENFP

[lovefool21]

Hi all

I have a major recurring problem as an ENFP in my 30s. I have gained tremendous insight into my weaknesses, and the things that i need to do to improve my life and move forward.

My problem is not lack of insight, but one of application. I know what I need to do to progress in life, but consistently implementing these things is the problem. I even keep a written list of these 'rules' and tips, yet I struggle to regularly look at it and even if I do, I fail to apply these things during the day. Things that could make me worry less, achieve my goals more and generally be happier in the long-term.

It's like I have the knowledge, but not the will or presence of mind to put that knowledge into practice.

So for you other NFP types, what is the answer to staying on track and implementing what we know to be healthy for ourselves?

 

[lovefool21]

....bump.....

I guess this is really a self-help post for ENFPs (possibly applicable to INFPs, i.e. floaty NF types suffering from P weaknesses!)

 

[Luminous]

I'd respond, but I have no good advice, except the obvious Focus on one change/step at a time.

 

[Dreamer]

Hi all

I have a major recurring problem as an ENFP in my 30s. I have gained tremendous insight into my weaknesses, and the things that i need to do to improve my life and move forward.

My problem is not lack of insight, but one of application. I know what I need to do to progress in life, but consistently implementing these things is the problem. I even keep a written list of these 'rules' and tips, yet I struggle to regularly look at it and even if I do, I fail to apply these things during the day. Things that could make me worry less, achieve my goals more and generally be happier in the long-term.

It's like I have the knowledge, but not the will or presence of mind to put that knowledge into practice.

So for you other NFP types, what is the answer to staying on track and implementing what we know to be healthy for ourselves?

This may actually be a great idea to implement across all the 16 personality types, having some dumping ground for support and self-improvement concerning those that share your type. I’m sure some form of this sort of thing does exist, but nothing standardized.

Anyways! Oh! Welcome to the forum fellow ENFP, btw I’m also in my 30’s, male, like long walks on the beach and hiking...haha couldn’t resist, my train of thought instantly veered towards the realm of online dating once I started typing my age. (Ignore all that above)

I can’t say I’ve overcome what you describe, at least not to a point where I feel I no longer miss opportunities and such, but I’d say I’ve gotten to a point where I am at least making progress towards my goals consistently. Not at a consistent level mind you, but nevertheless, on an upward trend. I’m the same way though, where putting the plan together and coming up with practical solutions to obtaining my visions isn’t so much the problem, but it’s the bit of staying focused on those goals and not finding myself stray too far onto other tempting distractions. For instance, I’ve always loved language, not my own, but learning other languages haha, and I honestly must’ve started maybe 4 languages at this point? And when I say start, I mean that I dove head first and hit the ground running, FAST. I was on the track to becoming fluent in a new language each and every time, until some other new hobby or interest came along and stole me away. I’ll get to those languages, eventually, but now I’m focused on developing my career.

So, what’s worked for me, is yes, keeping notes and to-do lists, but thee trick for me is, to ALWAYS ensure those things are plainly in site. The term “out of site, out of mind” is sorely understated as it is absolutely true with everything I do. I don’t do well with keeping in touch with long distance friends because of this. But ya, I keep post-its on a wall where I can then categorize them into “personal”, “goals”, “career”, stuff like that, and depending on the category, I’ll use a particular color post-it.

These notes are also stuck onto a giant white board, I forgot to mention, so that way I can also add commentary to the notes, circle notes to “highlight” them, draw diagrams and such. And, you can bet I also have a color-code system to my markers as well. To complement this giant board of notes, I also keep a calendar so those notes are tied to dates and some sort of time frame, since, well time is almost NEVER in my favor it seems, I always run out

Oh yes! And intermingling with all this, I throw in pictures I’ll print out that I can associate with my post-its and larger goals in life. Many times, all I need to do is to glance at my board and see an image or two, to remind myself what everything I’m doing is even for, what it all means.

If I didn’t do any of this, if I kept all of that in my head, I’d lose it and be distracted by the next squirrel that crosses my path. Seeing the web of goals, ideas, where I want to go, what I know of myself, etc. helps to keep me grounded in that particular reality. I swear, sometimes I can find myself in someone else’s reality and think it’s my own for a short while. Not really, but I like to role-play

 

[PumpkinMayCare]

I guess that's a very popular problem amongst ENFPs. The thing is, I've been working on this for basically my whole life and it only works at times because ENFPs tend to always think about what comes next, so we tend to forget certain insights or rules or even that we've written them down, and our feelings also like to lead us astray. It's a combination of both, you could say it's part of our nature to not stick to certain rules. Of course you can go against that with full force, which I did for two years, but I can tell you, it was a pretty horrible experience. I always felt trapped and suffocated and also felt very overwhelmed and as if too much responsibility was hanging around my neck. In general I'd say, ENFP or not, most struggle with staying on track, from what I've experienced. There are only very few who don't. So my advice is, try working on it, make it a habit to go through these rules every morning after waking up, so you're reminded of them. That's what I've been doing and I only occassionally forget about my rules and don't get everything done I have written on my To-Do-List for the day. Don't expect immediate change, it's unrealistic. Patience is a virtue.

Long story short, discipline. That's how you stay on track.

 

[Starry]

I saw this and hesitated responding because like Luminous...I basically have nothing for ya. But I did wonder as I read your OP over and over if you were viewing implementation as something separate or not as opposed to just “another weakness” or perhaps your “primary weakness” of all.

IOW it seemed to me that you believe yourself to be enlightened as far as your weaknesses go...but “implementation” has yet to receive the same consideration. You are merely questioning here why what appears to work for others does not work for you. And if this is accurate I would encourage you to alter your understanding and give this weakness the most consideration of all.

Don’t allow yourself to confuse “thinking” and “doing”...(like in the back of your mind) or allow yourself to believe one should naturally follow the other. Don’t allow yourself to imagine any of this will ever be easy.

 

[Abcdenfp]

I find staying on track is a disipline.. its a matter of picking one goal and conquering it. because completing a goal was always my challenge, i loved having many goals at the same time and completing one would be a miracle. but when i started running i understood the satifaction of focus and the same thing with my books which lead to my restuarant, singular focus teaches us discipline and to trust ourselves. one thing at a time
steady as she goes.

 

[Merced]

Hi all

I have a major recurring problem as an ENFP in my 30s. I have gained tremendous insight into my weaknesses, and the things that i need to do to improve my life and move forward.

My problem is not lack of insight, but one of application. I know what I need to do to progress in life, but consistently implementing these things is the problem. I even keep a written list of these 'rules' and tips, yet I struggle to regularly look at it and even if I do, I fail to apply these things during the day. Things that could make me worry less, achieve my goals more and generally be happier in the long-term.

It's like I have the knowledge, but not the will or presence of mind to put that knowledge into practice.

So for you other NFP types, what is the answer to staying on track and implementing what we know to be healthy for ourselves?

I'm not an ENFP, but establishing some accountability goes a long way. I'm likely to procrastinate if no one else is depending on me, but if my procrastination will negatively affect someone else, I tend not to disappoint. This isn't to say put the burden of keeping you on task to someone else, but instead give the goal of completion more external rewards.

 

[Avocado]

I saw this and hesitated responding because like Luminous...I basically have nothing for ya. But I did wonder as I read your OP over and over if you were viewing implementation as something separate or not as opposed to just “another weakness” or perhaps your “primary weakness” of all.

IOW it seemed to me that you believe yourself to be enlightened as far as your weaknesses go...but “implementation” has yet to receive the same consideration. You are merely questioning here why what appears to work for others does not work for you. And if this is accurate I would encourage you to alter your understanding and give this weakness the most consideration of all.

Don’t allow yourself to confuse “thinking” and “doing”...(like in the back of your mind) or allow yourself to believe one should naturally follow the other. Don’t allow yourself to imagine any of this will ever be easy.

It is hard isn’t it? For me, I love to eat, even though I know its slowly killing me. Also, I am constantly misplacing the lists I make for myself that are like what the OP writes.

 

[lovefool21]

Thanks all. Yes perhaps acceptance is part of the picture - accepting that this will always be a tendency, and a constant challenge to reduce it (not eradicate!)

I agree that accountability does help, but the difficulty is that trying to plan accountability into everything you do day today is difficult. You can't always have an important engagement in the evening which makes you work harder/smarter in the day, you can't always have a friend that will pull you up on your progress for the day, etc.

 

[Lord Lavender]

As an ENFP I find that I just have to try and find passion somewhere in my work. Even the most boring of things have sparks of passion. Its like even a super dark room will probably have light photons and a super boring task will have those mini sparks of fun. Like for instance when doing say the leg work of a project I tend to try and incorporate other topics into the work that relate to it and are far more interesting.

 

[Luminous]

As an ENFP I find that I just have to try and find passion somewhere in my work. Even the most boring of things have sparks of passion. Its like even a super dark room will probably have light photons and a super boring task will have those mini sparks of fun. Like for instance when doing say the leg work of a project I tend to try and incorporate other topics into the work that relate to it and are far more interesting.

In every job that must be done
There is an element of fun
You find the fun and snap!
The job's a game.


In terms of keeping yourself on track, how about setting your phone or computer to remind you at certain times everyday to do a certain task?

 

[lovefool21]

In terms of keeping yourself on track, how about setting your phone or computer to remind you at certain times everyday to do a certain task?

I used to do this, had reminders to check my life rules (i.e. the broad rules, not the individual tasks as that would be a full-time job in itself putting all of them in the calendar) but I just became de-sensitised to them over time!

 

[Snow as White]

i basically make rube goldberg machines in an effort to create self checking reminders and accountabilities built within the system.

i can't not fail.

---

actually what does sort of work for me is keeping things visual and colorful. basically it's my excuse to get more art supplies and pens. i make calendars with endlessly reproducing goals on them like the perpetual motion machine of enthusiastic self discipline that descends into the abyss of unfinished goals and dreams.

 

[Seeker33]

Hi all

I have a major recurring problem as an ENFP in my 30s. I have gained tremendous insight into my weaknesses, and the things that i need to do to improve my life and move forward.

My problem is not lack of insight, but one of application. I know what I need to do to progress in life, but consistently implementing these things is the problem. I even keep a written list of these 'rules' and tips, yet I struggle to regularly look at it and even if I do, I fail to apply these things during the day. Things that could make me worry less, achieve my goals more and generally be happier in the long-term.

It's like I have the knowledge, but not the will or presence of mind to put that knowledge into practice.

So for you other NFP types, what is the answer to staying on track and implementing what we know to be healthy for ourselves?

I an ENFP in my 30s and have gotten pretty good at my personal implementation, so maybe i can throw in my own experiences with this. But i guess to start, you mention knowing what you need to do to "progress in life". What types of things are you trying to consistently implement and follow through on? My advice would differ based on what you are aiming for. Te is awesome.

 

[Seeker33]

I guess I'll say for me a key starting point is desire. I am very passion driven, and so the things that I am constantly chasing after and implementing are things I care a lot about. That is an important step for me. Things that i "Should" do aren't going to become implemented as well as things that i WANT to do. Going to the gym because i should be healthy isn't going ot motivate me. I go because i LOVE the stress relief and REALLY WANT to be stronger and look and feel better.

In my early to mid twenties i realized that i had big dreams but serious focus problems and lacked any follow through to make things happen. Unfortunately most real progress comes from taking CONSISTENT action. As a Dom Ne, we of course love to day dream and get excited by ideas, but the thing that is even more exciting than just the idea itself is actually achieving it. Because not only does it give this amazing sense of self confidence and satisfaction, but it also unlocks levels for even bigger and wilder dreams.

Because of this, I spend a LOT of time planning, tracking, and reviewing my personal goals. I mean... i aim to do this twice daily. It sounds ridiculous, and very much a J person tendency. I'm still very much a P, love to just go with the flow of life, but going with the flow wont help me reach those big dreams that i WANT so badly! I plan my goals for the month, goals for the week, for each day. It's a habit.

Thats the challenge. So much of it is just taking the time and persistence to develop habits. Once you do, they become automatic and you don't have to fight for them or put much effort to do them. But it takes a lot of focused effort over time to initially develop them. A lot of habits I attach to other habits. I floss in the shower. I go the gym on the way home from work. I create new habits one at a time. Habits and routine are the nemesis of Ne, but once you develop them, they become so natural that Ne doesnt mind.

Unfortunately, with something like habits and consistency, there is no secret formula. It takes work, motivation, and consistency. In short, you have to really WANT it bad enough to just keep doing it, and to start trying again once you inevitably fall off and lose focus. You need to do what it takes to develop the self control to achieve what you want. If you cant, then you don't really want it bad enough.

Its still hard for me. I have become really good at application, but there are SO many things I am trying to do, I have SO many interests, my Ne runs out of control. Fortunately my Te has grown strong and i love to reach goals and get things done.

Figure out what you want most. Start with that ONE thing. Work to obsessively make it a habit. That's what works for me. Your mileage may vary..... Good Luck

 

[Seeker33]

So, what’s worked for me, is yes, keeping notes and to-do lists, but thee trick for me is, to ALWAYS ensure those things are plainly in site. The term “out of site, out of mind” is sorely understated as it is absolutely true with everything I do. I don’t do well with keeping in touch with long distance friends because of this. But ya, I keep post-its on a wall where I can then categorize them into “personal”, “goals”, “career”, stuff like that, and depending on the category, I’ll use a particular color post-it.

These notes are also stuck onto a giant white board, I forgot to mention, so that way I can also add commentary to the notes, circle notes to “highlight” them, draw diagrams and such. And, you can bet I also have a color-code system to my markers as well. To complement this giant board of notes, I also keep a calendar so those notes are tied to dates and some sort of time frame, since, well time is almost NEVER in my favor it seems, I always run out

Oh yes! And intermingling with all this, I throw in pictures I’ll print out that I can associate with my post-its and larger goals in life. Many times, all I need to do is to glance at my board and see an image or two, to remind myself what everything I’m doing is even for, what it all means.

If I didn’t do any of this, if I kept all of that in my head, I’d lose it and be distracted by the next squirrel that crosses my path. Seeing the web of goals, ideas, where I want to go, what I know of myself, etc. helps to keep me grounded in that particular reality.

Hahah omg. I feel like we would really get along LOL

 

[lovefool21]

Hi all

As an update to this thread, some great replies and much appreciated.

I should have been more clear that what I was talking about was less the broader life goals (e.g. social, career, financial, hobbies, etc) and more getting out of bad day to day habits by using the 'rules' already learnt.

An example would be with worrying - I'm in quite a stressful job right now (running own business, a very risky/tough sector) and am worried about the financial ramifications over the next year to year and a half. I have lots of 'rules' that can help me with this - for example worry slots so the worry isn't 24/7, certain mindfulness/presence exercises which take less than a minute to do and can really help de-stress, certain mantras to remind myself of; things I would be so much happier for, if I could just remember to do them during the day!

I know one suggestion here was pop-ups on the computerm and visual aids like post-its - the former is more practical (the latter difficult as I'm a laptop warrior, so on the move a lot). Another suggestion was reviewing the 'rules' each morning. I have tried both pop-ups and morning read throughts, with limited success.

Is there anything else people can suggest to help?

Many Thanks!

 

[Peter Deadpan]

I'm told and firmly believe that the answer lies in the SMALLEST THINGS YOU CAN DO.

If you can manage to clean for 15 minutes a day, check your mail at least twice a week, and write all your appointments down on a calendar and pay your bills on time, you will feel significantly less stressed out and ridiculously productive, which will enable you to have the confidence to up your game on a gradual scale.

ENFPs have big dreams and goals but are just too floaty and bouncy and hard on themselves, so the victories really are in the little things.

I am of course saying this from my couch after having wasted half my day doing nothing but exploring the internet when there are 287 things I should be focusing on.