I've gotten along in the deepest sense with only a few people, most people, from my experience, either don't have the capacity, don't bother, or lack the capacity nor bother with understanding many things beyond a very superficial level. They seem to be content living on the surface out of choice. A lot of it is fear. They fear that if they didn't have all these things to keep them busy, that if they actually had time to contemplate many things, they'd eventually come to the conclusion that most things in life are.... in one way or another, meaningless. The quest for socially "prestigious" forms of success such as wealth, power, status etc. do not bring genuine happiness, and often come at destructive costs. We put on too many masks and facades to deceive ourselves and each other, that in the end it all becomes one big game that people are trapped in, yet are too afraid and too ignorant to look outside. Sure I can maintain a basic level of courtesy, I can talk about video games, pop music etc., but these subjects are not the ones I'd have ultimately fulfilling conversations in. My low to zero tolerance for gossip is one of the reasons why I have trouble relating to most people. I've also come to the conclusion that in this mess of a world, most people simply do not care about the depths of my heart / mind / soul because knowing it would not result in any practical value (as defined by money and "prestige") and perhaps even cause lots of discomfort to be confronted by someone that actually tries to go more deeply, someone that is NOT satisfied being fed a bunch of lies and half-truths.
I have often wondered whether I would trade my insight and ability to understand for a much simpler and down-to-earth form of happiness. I don't know, perhaps I would. If I were living in a better world with a better state of things (as envisioned by my Fi), I would have much less of a need, perhaps no need at all to contemplate so much. I am sure that even in the modern world, there are still some people who are perfectly fine, perfectly happy not going so deep, it's because they don't need to (ex: people living in small, closely knit communities or some other non-mainstream arrangement) and it would be selfish to challenge their simplicity and ask them to adopt more "sophistication." However, back in the "mainstream" world, many people are actually miserable or deeply unsatisfied with their lives, yet are too afraid to confront the reality of their unhappiness. They try to build defenses and conceal it to the greatest extent possible, while thinking that they can get away with it. It deeply pains me when I try to help someone and sympathize with their existential angst, I'm often rejected because they think I'm too young, too naive etc. to understand them, that I have no right to even TRY. On my end, I also have a tendency to "overestimate" the extent of people's unhappiness, thinking it to be someone having an existential crisis when fact is it's something much simpler and temporary. In that case, I often feel.... somewhat disappointed.
Regarding my feelings for humanity as a whole, it wavers between compassion, indifference, and detest. That's how I truly feel. If I were to assign percentages, I'd say compassion would take up 55-60%, with the other two equally divided.
