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  1. #1
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    Default INFPs, have people ever said you were "out of touch with your emotions"?

    When I was a little girl of sixteen, a professor was doing "let's all introduce ourselves" and asking people "and how are you feeling right now?"

    When he asked me, I didn't know, because frankly I didn't really see anything to be feeling any one way or another about, and I simply had no answer. So I said, "I don't know."

    He said ironically, "Well, you're very in touch with your emotions," or something to that effect.

    While I hadn't really received comments like that regularly, that was a pretty regular frame of mind for me to be in. It's not that I didn't feel anything; it's just that I didn't go around thinking about it.

    I wouldn't agree with his suggestion that I was out of touch with my emotions, though. I just didn't think in terms of how I felt at any given moment, in general.



    However, in retrospect, and also upon reflection of more recent and current self-observation, I think I'm driven much more by how I feel about things than not. On tests that ask things like, "Do you base your decisions more on feelings or logic?" -- honestly, feelings are often the logical thing to base decisions on. I mean, do you say, "Well, it's logical to go to Boring Ass Movie because it's cheaper and it's playing at a closer theatre? Or do you say, "Let's go see Awesome Movie even though it's a longer drive and more expensive?" The logical thing to do is either to see the movie you're feeling excited about and interested in, or just stay in or do something else. It would be totally illogical to go see the movie that you think sucks.



    My point is, can you be an INFP and not be hyperaware of how you "feel" all the time? What do you think? Just because you're not thinking, "I feel a pale pastel peach shade of ennui right now" or "I feel slightly exuberant with a dash of apprehension," and things like that constantly, it doesn't mean that you're not pretty much fully 100% driven by feelings and values, rather than "well, it just makes sense, logically." I'm pretty sure I am, actually.

  2. #2

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    I feel indifferent about quite a lot of things. In fact the older I’ve become, the more episodes of indifference I’ve had. I think it’s a stereotype that INFPs are gushing with emotions anyway. These descriptions constantly portray us as barely contained mania in human form. I can’t say I’ve ever felt like a rainbow of feelings waiting to burst forth in an explosion of expression. Yeah no.
    ”The Future’s So Bright, I Gotta Wear Joo Janta 200 Super-Chromatic Peril Sensitive Sunglasses.”
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  3. #3
    perfect person chickpea's Avatar
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    i think i'm in touch with my emotions, but mostly choose not to share them with others.

    i've had a lot of people irl tell me that i am extremely chill, and that they can't imagine me ever getting angry, etc. meanwhile i feel like a crazy person on the inside and have a thousand mood swings per day . maybe they're not very perceptive!

  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by Population: 1 View Post
    I feel indifferent about quite a lot of things. In fact the older I’ve become, the more episodes of indifference I’ve had. I think it’s a stereotype that INFPs are gushing with emotions anyway. These descriptions constantly portray us as barely contained mania in human form. I can’t say I’ve ever felt like a rainbow of feelings waiting to burst forth in an explosion of expression. Yeah no.
    I think the descriptions usually paint you more as very deep, with very nuanced shades of feeling, and aware of them to the point that you see the world through a fog of diverse shades of emotion that most of us don't have access to. As in, "It's not that other types don't feel; it's just that INFPs experience a richer world of emotions." That's the sort of thing I usually see in INFP descriptions.

    But you usually would have an answer if someone asked you how you felt? You wouldn't think, "Huh? Am I supposed to be feeling something right now? I didn't think anything important enough to have a feeling about was going on here right now." Or would you? And do you really have a broad range of emotions, or do you default to a few regulars? You don't just sit on the couch and "feel" the way an introverted thinking type might sit and get lost in thought, do you? Like I sometimes imagine, from INFP descriptions, that they're sitting there "feeling". As though feeling in and of itself were an activity, like thinking can be. LOL Or do you...?

  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by chickpea View Post
    i think i'm in touch with my emotions, but mostly choose not to share them with others.

    i've had a lot of people irl tell me that i am extremely chill, and that they can't imagine me ever getting angry, etc. meanwhile i feel like a crazy person on the inside and have a thousand mood swings per day . maybe they're not very perceptive!
    Thanks chickpea.





    That sounds like a totally different "inner landscape" from Population: 1.

  6. #6
    Senior Member wildmoon's Avatar
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    Personally I've been emotionally aware at times and disconnected at other times.

    I think the descriptions of INFPs are extremely misleading - we don't sit around just 'feeling', lol. The MBTI is pretty detached from real psychology and spreads so much misinformation. In actuality, thoughts and emotions are inherently linked. The way the INFP 'feelings' motive actually works goes like this: I'm walking in the park, I see a flower that I like and want to look at, so I go and look at the flower. It's all perfectly logical. I enjoy the flower for a while and then move on. I'm probably more elated by the flower than other types would be, and I suppose that's where the emotion comes into it. That's why I like to spend time alone, because other people might be annoyed when I do that, and it's like, just let me enjoy the damn flower for a moment. It just seems logical to us to do what we want (as long as it's not hurting anybody) y'know?
    Ne Ti Si Fe

  7. #7

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    Quote Originally Posted by Metis View Post
    I think the descriptions usually paint you more as very deep, with very nuanced shades of feeling, and aware of them to the point that you see the world through a fog of diverse shades of emotion that most of us don't have access to. As in, "It's not that other types don't feel; it's just that INFPs experience a richer world of emotions." That's the sort of thing I usually see in INFP descriptions.

    But you usually would have an answer if someone asked you how you felt? You wouldn't think, "Huh? Am I supposed to be feeling something right now? I didn't think anything important enough to have a feeling about was going on here right now." Or would you? And do you really have a broad range of emotions, or do you default to a few regulars? You don't just sit on the couch and "feel" the way an introverted thinking type might sit and get lost in thought, do you? Like I sometimes imagine, from INFP descriptions, that they're sitting there "feeling". As though feeling in and of itself were an activity, like thinking can be. LOL Or do you...?
    When I was really young I was a raw nerve of feelings. I definitely could tell you in a descriptive fashion exactly what I felt, well descriptive for a child. Perhaps being a man makes it somewhat different because as you rise out of childhood that emotional rawness is tempered by others and yourself consciously and subconsciously. Boys aren’t supposed to cry, boys aren’t supposed to show vulnerabilities of any kind (societies philosophy not necessarily mine). It isn’t just verbally taught, it’s ingrained in you far more frequently through unspoken messages. You watch how the older boys and men act, you watch how your peers act in response and you follow suit.

    Anyway, years of that coupled with my own desensitization to most events have left me outwardly indifferent to lots of things and only slightly less indifferent inside. It really depends entirely on subject matter. Certain things still evoke emotions in me but again a lot of those won’t register externally. I hate seeing children hurt and animals and if I really let myself be put in someone else’s shoes I can still empathize. I’m not that conduit of raw emotions that I was as a child.

    Sometimes I do just sit and ponder things on the couch in a very clinical and emotionally detached way. Again subject matter determines my settings. I do not sit and bask in an emotion like it’s a thought though. I don’t ponder sadness for instance by wearing it for an hour. I do sometimes find beauty in something that’s sad but I’ll still analyze why I find it so.

    Hopefully that makes sense.
    ”The Future’s So Bright, I Gotta Wear Joo Janta 200 Super-Chromatic Peril Sensitive Sunglasses.”
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  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by wildmoon View Post
    Personally I've been emotionally aware at times and disconnected at other times.

    I think the descriptions of INFPs are extremely misleading - we don't sit around just 'feeling', lol. The MBTI is pretty detached from real psychology and spreads so much misinformation. In actuality, thoughts and emotions are inherently linked. The way the INFP 'feelings' motive actually works goes like this: I'm walking in the park, I see a flower that I like and want to look at, so I go and look at the flower. It's all perfectly logical. I enjoy the flower for a while and then move on. I'm probably more elated by the flower than other types would be, and I suppose that's where the emotion comes into it. That's why I like to spend time alone, because other people might be annoyed when I do that, and it's like, just let me enjoy the damn flower for a moment. It just seems logical to us to do what we want (as long as it's not hurting anybody) y'know?
    "In actuality, thoughts and emotions are inherently linked." Yeah, that's what I'm thinking. Usually I don't "think" one thing and "feel" another.

    Usually, when someone asks me how I feel, or how I feel about such-and-such, my answer is more along the lines of "I feel like I should do A instead of B" or something in a motivation-to-action sense, or a motivation to make a particular decision on something. Not "I feel quite touched by the inherent dichotomy of A vs. B, and it brings meaning to life" kind of thing. I hear other people give responses like that all the time, and then they ask me, and I go, "Oh, well, um, I felt like... um..." (I guess in this case, the initial question in the example would have been something like, "How did you feel about the passage we read, or about the show we watched and the characters in it?")

    But I knew a guy who would always want to stop and savor the moment. It was really annoying! Not that I don't ever do that. Sometimes I'll want to go check something out and enjoy the smell of the roses or the look of a flower or something; I just don't want someone else dragging me around according to his own spontaneous interests. It feels suffocating.
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  9. #9
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    That's interesting. Well people have strange opinions sometimes. I don't think being out of touch with your feelings is something that comes about because you are not sure how you are feeling.

    Then again, one of the many many psychiatrists I was dragged to in my early adolescence claimed I didn't have empathy. Maybe it was because when asked to make up a story, it got really dark. Hey I was just going based off the pictures I was given. I'm an ENFP, and ENFPs are commonly associated with empathy. My parents both thought that was ridiculous. So do I.

    Sometimes people come to strange conclusions. Another of these pscychiatrists said I had some sort of learning disability that couldn't be specified. His only evidence was that I was really strong in some areas and then really bad in others, more than one would expect to see. Everyone else who has ever examined me had never thought that or broke it up. It was later flat out dismissed by several people as ridiculous. But I'm pretty sure this dude was a quack anyway, he also destroyed a big part of my self esteem. But that's another story.
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  10. #10
    Senior Member wildmoon's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Metis View Post
    "In actuality, thoughts and emotions are inherently linked." Yeah, that's what I'm thinking. Usually I don't "think" one thing and "feel" another.

    Usually, when someone asks me how I feel, or how I feel about such-and-such, my answer is more along the lines of "I feel like I should do A instead of B" or something in a motivation-to-action sense, or a motivation to make a particular decision on something. Not "I feel quite touched by the inherent dichotomy of A vs. B, and it brings meaning to life" kind of thing. I hear other people give responses like that all the time, and then they ask me, and I go, "Oh, well, um, I felt like... um..." (I guess in this case, the initial question in the example would have been something like, "How did you feel about the passage we read, or about the show we watched and the characters in it?")

    But I knew a guy who would always want to stop and savor the moment. It was really annoying! Not that I don't ever do that. Sometimes I'll want to go check something out and enjoy the smell of the roses or the look of a flower or something; I just don't want someone else dragging me around according to his own spontaneous interests. It feels suffocating.
    Yeah, I respond to questions about how I feel with answers about what I think as well. I guess it's a common experience.
    Haha! Spontaneous interests are my thing, but I try to reign it in around others unless they're interested too.
    Ne Ti Si Fe
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