[INFP] Loops, grips, and using functions

[Luminous]

Hi, I am new here and am finally posting after lurking for quite some time. I'm an INFP who unsurprisingly sometimes tests as an INFJ on online tests. (I'm pretty sure I'm an INFP because if I had to choose between my values and group harmony, I would choose my values and because I sometimes have a terrible time making decisions. I do not have the INFJ's ability to-get-things-done.)

I'm wondering if you all might have specific examples of how you use functions when you are in a loop or grip to try to get yourself out of your unhealthy behavior? For INFPs, what do you do to engage your Ne? Do you make a conscious effort to do healthy Te activities?

Other NFs are welcome to comment! Thanks for any responses!

It's probably worth mentioning that I have OCD, which thankfully is being fairly well controlled. But when things get stressful, I find myself having to resist unhealthy Te behaviors.

 

[notmyapples]

I've never had to make a conscious effort to engage my Ne. If I was depressed, it'd stop working. If I wasn't, it'd work again. As long as I kept the entirety of my health in check, it was never a problem. I can't say I've ever fallen too deep into the introverted loop outside of younger years.

I do have to consciously engage my Te. Less so now that it's fairly developed, but I was relying far too much on Fi and I needed to learn to stand my ground, set some boundaries and keep them set. Te is probably my favorite function to consciously practice because it's so foreign, but everything else is just natural. I can't imagine looking at the world in any other way.

On the subject of your type, INFJ vs INFP is a huge difference. We don't have a function the same. I recommend reading deeper into individual functions before making the decision based on J vs P divides. I deeply value harmony as a 9w1 but there's no way I'm a INFJ.

 

[Luminous]

Thanks, notmyapples. Is there anything specific you do to consciously practice your Te?

I'm pretty sure of my INFP type. I relate to Fi far more than to Fe. And I understand the idea of and seeing myself using Ne, but Ni, though I've read quite a bit about it, still feels elusive. I do think I'm pretty strong at Ti, though. And I think I test as a J simply because I prefer to have a schedule, list, etc when I have to get something done, because it makes it so much easier for me to actually do it and have it done. When it's completely up to me, I prefer not having the pressure of having to get something done.

 

[VRose]

Hi! I'm an INFP and new to this forum. From my limited understanding the easiest way to tell a P from a J is time management. Are you always on time or early for appointments? Does it drive you insane to be late for a meeting? Or is time a bit more fluid to you? Does 5 or 10 min late count as close enough? In my experience, J's hate tardiness of any sort whereas P's are much more flexible about schedules.
To engage my Ne, I give myself the freedom and flexibility to follow my whims. In the past, I stuggled to stay focused and be a responsible adult. I always felt like a failure for being a bit scatterbrained and unorganized, constantly struggling to fit the "perfect mom/wife" mould. As I studied more about personality type, I learned that the most personal growth for INFP's actually occurs when we explore our Ne rather than fight it. I began allowing myself to daydream more, follow random searches online that peaked my interest, try new experiences and restaurants, or introduce myself to strangers (a real challange for introverts!). Now, if I'm driving down the road and I see a steet I've never been on, I give myself the freedom to explore and see where the road leads me. When my kids are playing tag in the yard, I give myself permission to leave the dishes in the sink and play outside a bit instead. It's been a lot of small changes over time but I've learned to be more forgiving of myself and I've rediscovered my playful/spontaneous side. It's helped me to be a better and more relaxed mom, wife, and woman. Overall, I just made a more concentrated effort to follow my whims and try new things from time to time. I can't tell what a difference it has made for me!

 

[VRose]

Ps- I constantly struggle with Te! If its any consolation, I've read that most people don't fully incorporate their weakest function until their 40s/50s or later. When things are really important or when I'm very stressed, lists, plans and schedules are my life savers. As I've become more familiar with personality type, I've learned to recognize when I'm giving in to my Ne rather than engaging my Te. When I have a million things to get done and instead I find myself lost in a google search about Victorian freak shows or Egyptian embalming practices I'm able (usually) call myself back to reality by recognizing that I'm lost in Ne rather than opperating in Te where I should be. It's certainly not fool proof and I often worry that I'll never master Te (let's face it, I probably won't) but it's a vast improvement from where I was a year ago.

 

[Luminous]

Hi VRose! Thanks for your response! I can really relate with what you've said. It's great that you've been able to make your life happier this way! I am doing most of what you said with engagement of Ne, with the exception of introducing myself to very many strangers, being an introvert and not seeing new people very often. I neglected my Ne for too long, and have been indulging it now for quite some time. Now I know I should work on balancing in some more Te.

 

[VRose]

I completely understand what you mean. I was a stay-at-home mom for years so I was able to bask in my intoverted ways. I could do things alone with the kids or take them to places so crowded (like zoos) that I wouldn't be expected to talk to anyone. Other than arts and crafts with toddlers, my Ne was completely neglected. I was forced to step outside my comfort zone last year when my kids started school. I had to talk with teachers and other parents all the time. There were school activities, play dates, birthday parties... basically my worst nightmare. When I realized that my social anxiety was starting to effect my quality of life and my kids' lives, I sought treatment from my dr. I'll always be an introvert but at least I can function like a normal adult now. Talking to strangers is hard. Sometimes it feels like a mild form of torture. But it is so worth it. We're INFP's so we definitely won't click with every person we meet. But every so often you'll come across someone who sees the best in you and understands your good intentions despite your blushing and akward stammering (maybe you don't blush and stammer, I do). One good friend is worth a hundred akward conversations with strangers. And it really does get easier over time or maybe you just start to care less wether you made a good impression on a person you barely know or may never see again. Chances are most people will really like you. INFP's are great listeners and our calm demeanor puts people at ease. Plus we're very non-judgemental. That's one thing people always say they appreciate about me. Also it's a great way to engage your Ne.

Do you have a favorite hobby like writing or art or music? In my opinion, that's the absolute best and easiest way to explore your Ne. After discovering Myers-briggs, I started writing again and it was like a part of me woke up that had been asleep so long I'd forgotten it was there. I can get so lost in writing a story that half the day goes by like the blink of an eye. Which is great unless I was actually supposed to be productive that day.

I'm sorry I don't have any advice about strengthening Te. If you come up with any good tips let me know because I sure could use them!

 

[VRose]

Sorry, I forgot to mention that personalityhacker.com is a great site for personal growth and develpment using the Myers-briggs framework. You may want to check out their site and youtube videos if you haven't already.

 

[Bullseye]

Ni Ti grip is hardest for me to break. I tend to sit frozen and ineffectual when it comes over me. My best strategy is to remove myself from the situation whenever possible.
I have better good control of Se grip, and use it as a defense mechanism when I'm being trampled. I think I exhibit unusually good control over Se grip because I lived years of my youth drunk on Se. I was the prototypical INFJ acting out ESTP impulses that everyone loathes. These days, it is only dysfunctional ESTPs who get to see glimpses of this dark side of my persona.

 

[Lily Bart]

Thanks, notmyapples. Is there anything specific you do to consciously practice your Te?

I'm pretty sure of my INFP type. I relate to Fi far more than to Fe. And I understand the idea of and seeing myself using Ne, but Ni, though I've read quite a bit about it, still feels elusive. I do think I'm pretty strong at Ti, though. And I think I test as a J simply because I prefer to have a schedule, list, etc when I have to get something done, because it makes it so much easier for me to actually do it and have it done. When it's completely up to me, I prefer not having the pressure of having to get something done.

You are an INFP. J/P refers to which function is extroverted. P means you extrovert your perceiving function, but as an introvert, it is not your dominant function. Your dominant function is judging, which is why you test as a J on J/P questions -- you'd think the geniuses that make up these tests would know enough to score these questions correctly for introverts, but they never do.

 

[giorgos.pyros]

Lily Bart I couldn't agree more