Do you feel weird in conflict/standing up for yourself?

[Melodrama]

I guess the two are different things; standing up for yourself doesn't always have to be conflicting. I hate conflict, I hate being assertive and I struggle to do so (might be a confidence thing.) I had a few issues, spoke calmly of them with the person, all was resolved. There was no fight. So why do I still feel weird? Why do I even feel bad?

Does anyone else struggle with this? Is it cognitive functions at play or is it conscience or what?

[Amethyst Archon]

I have the kinda same issue as you do with conflict. I think in general its a 9 thing as nines fear separation from others so they can struggle to stand up to others which is a way to get separated from others. I think it could link to many cognitive functions but a main one is hmmmm id say Fe as Fe wants outer emotional harmony as that would be the main one.

[Tiger Owl]

No.

[Totenkindly]

I have a pretty strong Nine component and yeah, I hate conflict. I'd rather have a mutual discussion, share ideas / be informational, and reach a consensus together.

If you see me getting harsh and taking really strong stances, they are things I have come to believe in ... but inside I'm still kind of cringing and I feel unsettled and out of sorts regardless. It's not my preferred engagement mode to just fight.

However, I've learned in life sometimes scrapping is necessary. And I have definitely had to learn to be direct and make clear-cut decisions and stick to them, simply to get things done that I have responsibility over.

[Cassandra]

Not anymore.

[Lark]

No, never did, I just wish I had it to do less often, its become extremely wearing.

[Melodrama]

I have the kinda same issue as you do with conflict. I think in general its a 9 thing as nines fear separation from others so they can struggle to stand up to others which is a way to get separated from others. I think it could link to many cognitive functions but a main one is hmmmm id say Fe as Fe wants outer emotional harmony as that would be the main one.

That sounds accurate. I'm all about harmony, I like it when things are calm and everyone is getting along. And even if you need to talk about things, you know.. you don't want to rock the boat. I feel better using my voice, honestly, and I think I need to really get used to that. But it's so weird.

[Melodrama]

I have a pretty strong Nine component and yeah, I hate conflict. I'd rather have a mutual discussion, share ideas / be informational, and reach a consensus together.

If you see me getting harsh and taking really strong stances, they are things I have come to believe in ... but inside I'm still kind of cringing and I feel unsettled and out of sorts regardless. It's not my preferred engagement mode to just fight.

However, I've learned in life sometimes scrapping is necessary. And I have definitely had to learn to be direct and make clear-cut decisions and stick to them, simply to get things done that I have responsibility over.

I think I am the same way. And I have a 9 in my enneagram too! I definitely need to get used to speaking my mind, and I don't really go for it unless I feel like I need to, if there's something I strongly believe in. But beyond that, I don't speak up, unless something is really bothering me. Even then it's hard, but I guess I need to get used to that. I was told I wasn't wrong/didn't hurt anyone's feelings (and I made it clear I wasn't trying to hurt anyone, and I would never go out and hurt someone's feelings just because, either.)

[Virtual ghost]

To be honest life without any conflict is often quite boring to me, from what I gathered I can even get depressed if thing are constantly too nice. Therefore quite often I hear that I should be nicer to people or less opinioned. To some degree I can do that but eventually you have to give me some place to unleash all the energy.

[ceecee]

No.