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  1. #1
    Senior Member Melodrama's Avatar
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    Default Do you feel weird in conflict/standing up for yourself?

    I guess the two are different things; standing up for yourself doesn't always have to be conflicting. I hate conflict, I hate being assertive and I struggle to do so (might be a confidence thing.) I had a few issues, spoke calmly of them with the person, all was resolved. There was no fight. So why do I still feel weird? Why do I even feel bad?

    Does anyone else struggle with this? Is it cognitive functions at play or is it conscience or what?

  2. #2
    Destroyer of Souls
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    I have the kinda same issue as you do with conflict. I think in general its a 9 thing as nines fear separation from others so they can struggle to stand up to others which is a way to get separated from others. I think it could link to many cognitive functions but a main one is hmmmm id say Fe as Fe wants outer emotional harmony as that would be the main one.
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    Senior Member Tiger Owl's Avatar
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    No.
    INTJ 5w4 sx/sp 584 ILI-Ni

  4. #4
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    I have a pretty strong Nine component and yeah, I hate conflict. I'd rather have a mutual discussion, share ideas / be informational, and reach a consensus together.

    If you see me getting harsh and taking really strong stances, they are things I have come to believe in ... but inside I'm still kind of cringing and I feel unsettled and out of sorts regardless. It's not my preferred engagement mode to just fight.

    However, I've learned in life sometimes scrapping is necessary. And I have definitely had to learn to be direct and make clear-cut decisions and stick to them, simply to get things done that I have responsibility over.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  5. #5
    Its time. Cassandra's Avatar
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    Not anymore.

  6. #6
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    No, never did, I just wish I had it to do less often, its become extremely wearing.

  7. #7
    Senior Member Melodrama's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cat Brainz View Post
    I have the kinda same issue as you do with conflict. I think in general its a 9 thing as nines fear separation from others so they can struggle to stand up to others which is a way to get separated from others. I think it could link to many cognitive functions but a main one is hmmmm id say Fe as Fe wants outer emotional harmony as that would be the main one.
    That sounds accurate. I'm all about harmony, I like it when things are calm and everyone is getting along. And even if you need to talk about things, you know.. you don't want to rock the boat. I feel better using my voice, honestly, and I think I need to really get used to that. But it's so weird.
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  8. #8
    Senior Member Melodrama's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Totenkindly View Post
    I have a pretty strong Nine component and yeah, I hate conflict. I'd rather have a mutual discussion, share ideas / be informational, and reach a consensus together.

    If you see me getting harsh and taking really strong stances, they are things I have come to believe in ... but inside I'm still kind of cringing and I feel unsettled and out of sorts regardless. It's not my preferred engagement mode to just fight.

    However, I've learned in life sometimes scrapping is necessary. And I have definitely had to learn to be direct and make clear-cut decisions and stick to them, simply to get things done that I have responsibility over.
    I think I am the same way. And I have a 9 in my enneagram too! I definitely need to get used to speaking my mind, and I don't really go for it unless I feel like I need to, if there's something I strongly believe in. But beyond that, I don't speak up, unless something is really bothering me. Even then it's hard, but I guess I need to get used to that. I was told I wasn't wrong/didn't hurt anyone's feelings (and I made it clear I wasn't trying to hurt anyone, and I would never go out and hurt someone's feelings just because, either.)

  9. #9
    Digital ambition Virtual ghost's Avatar
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    To be honest life without any conflict is often quite boring to me, from what I gathered I can even get depressed if thing are constantly too nice. Therefore quite often I hear that I should be nicer to people or less opinioned. To some degree I can do that but eventually you have to give me some place to unleash all the energy.

  10. #10
    Senior Member ceecee's Avatar
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    No.
    I like to rock n' roll all night and *part* of every day. I usually have errands... I can only rock from like 1-3.

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