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  1. #41
    Senior Member Zhaylin's Avatar
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    I despise conflict (CHAOS!), so I avoid it at all costs unless absolutely necessary.
    When I was a kid, I stepped in front of a bully and took the knife he was threatening my little brother with. Another time, I stood in between a bully and my best friend and I told the bully off lol. When my kids were teens, I jumped between my eldest son and one of my daughters when they were scrapping, and he spat on me (intended for her).

    As for *myself* though... I've gotten into 2 fist fights my entire life. I was pummeled by one (when I was a kid), and I defended myself from the other (adult). I've vocally defended myself, enraged, only 3 times my entire life (my child molesting Uncle, my obnoxious brother-in-law, a friend of my ex-husband).
    I've calmly defended myself a number of times. I tend to be accommodating or just brush things off.
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  2. #42
    Senior Member Jaguar's Avatar
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    Conflict is merely part of life. Shit happens.

  3. #43
    幽霊||๏ sᴇxʏ ʜᴇxʏ Hexcoder's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Melodrama View Post
    I guess the two are different things; standing up for yourself doesn't always have to be conflicting. I hate conflict, I hate being assertive and I struggle to do so (might be a confidence thing.) I had a few issues, spoke calmly of them with the person, all was resolved. There was no fight. So why do I still feel weird? Why do I even feel bad?

    Does anyone else struggle with this? Is it cognitive functions at play or is it conscience or what?


    Enneagram: E9
    Big 5: Low Assertiveness (an Extroversion Facet), High Agreeableness (especially its Cooperation Facet)

    You're probably just afraid of it causing friction between you and the other person.

  4. #44
    H Y P E R B E A M Earl Grey's Avatar
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    If I am in a situation I cannot bring up conflict or stand up for myself, that would feel way weirder and icky down to the core.
    S K Y K I N G
    It is said to have lived for hundreds of millions of years in the earth's ozone layer, above the clouds.
    Its existence had been completely unknown because it lived so high in the sky.

  5. #45
    幽霊||๏ sᴇxʏ ʜᴇxʏ Hexcoder's Avatar
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    I was editing and then my PC died for a minute, I'll just make another post

    I was going to say that SOMETIMES confronting things in a calm, cool, collected, and rational manner does not bother me personally. It bothers me not to, and confronting (fixing, resolving, etc.) returns me to a state of equilibrium. I don't enjoy feeling states, so for me "fix the problem = 'fix' the feeling" (I want it gone).
    Last edited by Hexcoder; 03-20-2019 at 09:16 AM. Reason: accuracy

  6. #46
    Primal evil Sung Jin-Woo's Avatar
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    It all depends for me. I am way too self aware of my flaws, so if I am being attacked because of them I tend to buckle and apologise. If I know it is not true, I get aggressive and defensive. I grew up in an environment where "peaceful negotiations" didn't exist, so my first reaction to anyone challenging me is defensive rage. Which I have had to learn to control as I got older. I've also become more humble and open to negotiation over the years. But sometimes I regress if someone gets under my skin or disrespects me. Even though I am withdrawn triad, my upbringing made this behavior essential for survival. So emotionally its pretty stormy for me. I cry when I get angry and confrontational as a result, because two sides of me are in conflict when I am in conflict.
    “An intellectual says a simple thing in a hard way. An artist says a hard thing in a simple way.”
    Charles Bukowski
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  7. #47
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jaguar View Post
    Conflict is merely part of life. Shit happens.
    I agree with the first part, not the second.

    Conflict isnt necessarily even a bad thing, provided its managed, operates within limits.

    I'd prefer it to an echo chamber.

    Although that view's not held by everyone. Not even everyone on this forum.

    Its not hard to find more than one thread that goes something like this:-

    "Isnt it awful..."

    "I know right?!"

    /End Thread.

    And, you know, there's a lot of people like it that way.

    Ironically they're also the people who'd set out their stall as being courageously open minded, critical, thinking types. Whose opinions havent changed in twenty years or more. You got to be good at avoiding any fresh information to be able to say that now. I've seen as much of it as there ever was, lurking on the forum, though you get to the point its pretty tedious bothering to point it out to anyone. Its not like its going to give anyone a pause for thought.

  8. #48
    Senior Member Jaguar's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lark View Post
    I agree with the first part, not the second.

    Conflict isnt necessarily even a bad thing, provided its managed, operates within limits.

    I'd prefer it to an echo chamber.

    Although that view's not held by everyone. Not even everyone on this forum.

    Its not hard to find more than one thread that goes something like this:-

    "Isnt it awful..."

    "I know right?!"

    /End Thread.

    And, you know, there's a lot of people like it that way.

    Ironically they're also the people who'd set out their stall as being courageously open minded, critical, thinking types. Whose opinions havent changed in twenty years or more. You got to be good at avoiding any fresh information to be able to say that now. I've seen as much of it as there ever was, lurking on the forum, though you get to the point its pretty tedious bothering to point it out to anyone. Its not like its going to give anyone a pause for thought.

    Shit happens, Lark. It's merely an expression.

  9. #49
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jaguar View Post
    Shit happens, Lark. It's merely an expression.
    Oh right.

    I see.

    Keep it short then.

  10. #50
    Senior Member Jaguar's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lark View Post
    Oh right.

    I see.

    Keep it short then.

    Seriously, what the fuck has gotten into you? Chill out.

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