[ENFP] This ENFP is confusing me

[Starry]

Thank you for explaining. But still shouldn't there be a reason for them to even want to "impress" you? Or it doesn't matter because everyone is improtatnt to impress? Is there a test for this? I want to do it as well.

Well the last time we met he actually pulled me in for a hug when saying goodbye. And our hugs are getting tighter each time.
And he also turns away when something "emotional" happens. I don't know how to explain. For example when laughing hard about something, he turns away because he has tears in his eyes and he's controlling his laughter. Or after I gave him a peck on the cheek to congratulate him on something. I guess he didnt expect it. He immediately turned around but he kept talking and I could hear in his voice that he was smiling. Could it be because he didn't want me to see him smile or blush? There was this other instance where he showed me something and at certain points moved his head around for me to not see his face.

I called him yetsreday and he told me he was happy I called him.
I adressed the problem with him always promising things and not doing them and he told me that yeah he needs to change his ways and get better at it.
He asked about my family (names etc) and told me the names of his siblings randomly.
He asked about what I did over the span of the week and specifically and event I went to. He was like I know you went there. And I was like how? He said I KNOWWW. It was on my fb. He's always checking it!!! Why??
I don't even check my friends facebooks or ask them about everything. And he always does this.
And he always tells me to text him or send something to him etc. He will always find a reason. Feels like he wants me to write to him. I don't get it. Why do that if you're not interested and it's just your working style or whatever the excuse. It honestly feels like an excuse. It's still the same problem why I started this topic. And I told him to call me sometimes as well and he said he will. But I said that I would be surprised since he is always promising but not actually doing it. Why not just say goodbye until the next time? It feels like he want sto keep me hanging... but he's not putting in the same effort. Is it just to boost his ego or is he testing me this way or what on earth?

It's interesting because you actually seem convinced he does like you. Not that I'm necessarily saying "No"...but you won't take my "not necessarily saying No but still..." for an answer. So help me help you...

If he is not gay....
If dating you will not threaten his career...
If he is relatively mentally and emotionally healthy...
If he has good morals, is religious and is perhaps somewhat gender-role-traditional because of it...
And if he is interested in you and knows you do not have a SO...

Why hasn't he asked you out?


I mean, if we were discussing an ENFP female things might be a little different because while we...ourselves...are generally non-traditional and assertive/aggressive...many of us were raised to behave more traditionally. IOW some of us have been taught that the dude should make the first move...

But here we're talking about a dude.

If all of those things are in place...why do you think he hasn't asked you out?

 

[OrangeAppled]

I can't sift through all the he-said, she-said details.

Have you told him you find him romantically attractive?
How does he tell you to call/text him? Is it specific or just a general "call me sometime"?
Is there any real obstacle to him not pursuing you?
By that I mean he is stranded on an island with no phone/internet, in a relationship, or not heterosexual.
Everything else is excuses.

Next....he hasn't claimed you in anyway. He is not actively pursuing you. You are putting in more effort, yes. So stop chasing him, even in your mind.
What he thinks, how he feels, what he may or may not do, what it means when he does or doesn't do something - let it go. Focus on yourself. What do you want (beyond him)? How do you feel (about other things besides him)? When it comes to a relationship, imagine what you want and how it would make you feel (but not with him - because that is a fantasy and instead you need to weigh the REAL him against your needs). When you interact with him, note how you feel in the moment - not how you feel about a fantasy of him. When he is not around, you are refining who you are and your needs, because you cannot gauge how you feel about him when he isn't there (that's a fantasy!). If you are operating from a mentality of strategy to "get him" when interacting with him, then you're not actually experiencing him and cannot determine how you really feel in that moment. I am not saying play aloof - be warm and friendly and whatever, but not sold on him yet.

Don't contact him first. If he tells you to call/text him, and you don't want to, then say so. "I honestly don't feel good having to call you first, but I do like talking to you." If he says he will call/text you, then don't get cynical, just express , "It will feel nice to talk to you. I look forward to it!". Then let him show what kind of guy he is. The ball is in his court - leave it there.

Basically, this stops you from investing too much emotionally into someone who is still ambivalent about you (at best). His ambivalence doesn't mean he has no interest in you, but it's just not enough to motivate him to give anything but crumbs. If he was really into you, then he wouldn't risk some other guy swooping you up at any moment. You don't want him to merely think that could happen - that needs to be the reality because it's not about what he thinks but how you feel right now. The reality should be that you are still open to other men and you need to live it. Everywhere you go, you have that "open house - for sale sign" up. You are not sold on this guy yet.

I am awful at this stuff, obviously, due to my perpetual singleness, so take it all with a grain of salt.

 

[strangecat]

It's interesting because you actually seem convinced he does like you. Not that I'm necessarily saying "No"...but you won't take my "not necessarily saying No but still..." for an answer. So help me help you... If he is not gay.... If dating you will not threaten his career... If he is relatively mentally and emotionally healthy... If he has good morals, is religious and is perhaps somewhat gender-role-traditional because of it... And if he is interested in you and knows you do not have a SO... Why hasn't he asked you out? I mean, if we were discussing an ENFP female things might be a little different because while we...ourselves...are generally non-traditional and assertive/aggressive...many of us were raised to behave more traditionally. IOW some of us have been taught that the dude should make the first move... But here we're talking about a dude. If all of those things are in place...why do you think he hasn't asked you out?

That's why I'm asking. I realize it. I just don't get why is he doing this
I feel like I should let go. It makes me so sad though because I really tried to be completely open as he wanted even though it was really hard for me. And now I feel like I'm just not good enough.

 

[Tilt]

ENFP man is telling me to call and text him but doesn't text or call first.

He probably doesn't know what he wants... A guy who I used to date still regularly gives me a hard time about the exact same thing... And he basically admitted that he doesn't know what he wants. You are investing way too much effort and energy into this guy. I am guessing that he likes you... Just not enough. Part of it is that he most likely enjoys the attention and ego boost because everyone wants to feel desired to some extent. Explore your options.

 

[Poki]

ENFPs confuse themselves...LMAO

 

[Starry]

That's why I'm asking. I realize it. I just don't get why is he doing this
I feel like I should let go. It makes me so sad though because I really tried to be completely open as he wanted even though it was really hard for me. And now I feel like I'm just not good enough.

You think you are not good enough? Fuck that. He's obviously not good enough for you.