[INFJ] Growing Older & Growing Colder?

[Littleclaypot]

Alright, my fellow INFJ's, and anyone else really.. I'll try to put this into words but I may not explain it correctly.

I feel like I used to be much more sensitive and affectionate. I don't know if it's just that I'm growing older or if I'm being conditioned to be like this since I'm with a pretty serious/not outwardly affectionate person (ISTJ).

For example, I used to cry really easily.. I can't even remember that last time I cried. Maybe I'm just more emotionally mature now than I was in my younger years. I'm not saying it's a bad thing, but just something I've realized lately.

Can anyone else relate? Am I crazy?

 

[Pionart]

If we spend a lot of time around a person, it does indeed change us. It is both a temporary change from our natural state as well as lessons which stay with us.

We become more balanced as we age, so if you were perhaps overly sensitive before, then this would be tempered with age.

There's nothing crazy about it. Myself, I'm becoming more realistic, I believe and less tempted to dwell on my speculations.

As for emotions, I became less emotional around high school age, with perhaps some emotional-ness added in within the last few years.

 

[Taibreah]

You're not crazy, unless I'm crazy too, because I get what you're saying. I also used to be much more affectionate and romantic, maybe 10 years ago. I wouldn't say that as I got older I got jaded or anything, but I felt less emotionally expressive and more realistic about my life, instead of all starry-eyed about the future. Most of my emotions and thinking are handled inwardly, too, but I think they always were. Nowadays, I feel I am more serious and cautious, and I think it mostly has to do with life experience rather than getting older and colder. Heh

I guess it could also be that you're with the ISTJ person and it's rubbing off on you. I have a feeling that my last bf was ISTJ, but instead of having an unaffectionate reaction from him, I felt quite bored in the relationship probably because it wasn't as exciting as I was hoping it would be. He actually was somewhat affectionate in a somewhat awkward manner.

 

[1487610420]

always been pretty cold

 

[WatchlessThyme]

Interesting, I feel the opposite. In the past I was more cold/aloof, but as I've gotten older the wall I built around the Mexico of my emotions has toppled. I mean, I cried at a Campbell soup commercial the other day. WTH?!

 

[Littleclaypot]

You're not crazy, unless I'm crazy too, because I get what you're saying. I also used to be much more affectionate and romantic, maybe 10 years ago. I wouldn't say that as I got older I got jaded or anything, but I felt less emotionally expressive and more realistic about my life, instead of all starry-eyed about the future. Most of my emotions and thinking are handled inwardly, too, but I think they always were. Nowadays, I feel I am more serious and cautious, and I think it mostly has to do with life experience rather than getting older and colder. Heh

I guess it could also be that you're with the ISTJ person and it's rubbing off on you. I have a feeling that my last bf was ISTJ, but instead of having an unaffectionate reaction from him, I felt quite bored in the relationship probably because it wasn't as exciting as I was hoping it would be. He actually was somewhat affectionate in a somewhat awkward manner.

I like what you said about becoming less romantic and more realistic.. maybe that's it.

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Interesting, I feel the opposite. In the past I was more cold/aloof, but as I've gotten older the wall I built around the Mexico of my emotions has toppled. I mean, I cried at a Campbell soup commercial the other day. WTH?!

Hahahaha. Must have been one hell of a commercial.
Sometimes i get teary-eyed at stupid things like that but I have a hard time being emotional during the appropriate times.

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always been pretty cold

But we're supposed to be "feelers"... ?

 

[Littleclaypot]

If we spend a lot of time around a person, it does indeed change us. It is both a temporary change from our natural state as well as lessons which stay with us.

We become more balanced as we age, so if you were perhaps overly sensitive before, then this would be tempered with age.

There's nothing crazy about it. Myself, I'm becoming more realistic, I believe and less tempted to dwell on my speculations.

As for emotions, I became less emotional around high school age, with perhaps some emotional-ness added in within the last few years.

I guess this is just part of maturing and experiences shaping me. I'm glad you relate.
I was definitely over the top stupid sensitive, hahahaha. I like this better.

 

[Norrsken]

It's part of growing up, sadly. The veil has been lifted.

 

[VILLANELLE]

Tears, or lack there of, doesn't mean you're emotionally mature or immature. I'm sure you are very mature. I too, can't remember the last time I cried. I remember crying way more as a kid than I have as an adult. Usually only if I get yelled at/confronted, which I can get emotional, depending on the circumstances. But I haven't had a good cry in a long time.

I don't think you're conditioned to do anything, but perhaps you're coming more into your functions and your own emotions and you might react more accordingly. Of course, we can't always control our emotions/reactions. You're perfectly normal, IMO.

I find myself getting colder towards people, though. I think it just.. you get older and you realize your relationships aren't what they were. You maintain them, but secretly try and keep people like they seem to do you -- at arm's length. This is my experience, anyways. It's upsetting but maybe I need to close my heart, sometimes. It's hard, though. And I don't want to. I wish people would wake up and realize.

 

[Butze]

I feel like my INTJ boyfriend has influenced me but I was happy to, because my emotionality had gone out of control and I needed someone to give me a rational crutch to hold on to. I feel we choose our partner also for what they can bring into our life. He gave me a lot more stability and self-love and awareness, I give him that touch of emotionality and silliness he loves but is unable to bring out by himself.
And also, aging helps