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[INFJ] Why do INFJs struggle with language and expression so much?

unconnectedmind

New member
Joined
Feb 11, 2017
Messages
18
MBTI Type
INFP
This is really bothering me.

I don't mean this post to be insulting of any INFJs out there.

INFJs sometimes seem extremely deep, but it's almost like their depth is just related to emotional connectedness. In other words, INFJs can connect with someone emotionally on a very deep level from the INFJ's point of view. However, they don't seem able to connect with someone on a deep level regarding a shared interest. Is that just because they lack the active vocabulary for expressing a deeply felt connection in relation to a shared interest or activity? Or is it because INFJs just lack the ability to go into a subject or interest with the extreme depth and broadness of which INFPs and INTPs, for example, are capable? Or maybe INFJs are too intellectually lazy to ever go very far into anything?

Is what I am describing making sense?

If I'm wrong on anything, I'd really like to be because I'm dating an INFJ female, and I'm trying to determine why she sometimes seems to be able to connect with me on a mental/intellectual level, but most of the time I feel like I'm somewhat by myself.

Is this just because her Ni feels overwhelmed by my Ne? Or has she avoided complexity on purpose in her life because she doesn't quite know how to manage it?
 

ChocolateMoose123

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5,278
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sx/sp
This is really bothering me.

I don't mean this post to be insulting of any INFJs out there.

INFJs sometimes seem extremely deep, but it's almost like their depth is just related to emotional connectedness. In other words, INFJs can connect with someone emotionally on a very deep level from the INFJ's point of view. However, they don't seem able to connect with someone on a deep level regarding a shared interest. Is that just because they lack the active vocabulary for expressing a deeply felt connection in relation to a shared interest or activity? Or is it because INFJs just lack the ability to go into a subject or interest with the extreme depth and broadness of which INFPs and INTPs, for example, are capable? Or maybe INFJs are too intellectually lazy to ever go very far into anything?

Is what I am describing making sense?

If I'm wrong on anything, I'd really like to be because I'm dating an INFJ female, and I'm trying to determine why she sometimes seems to be able to connect with me on a mental/intellectual level, but most of the time I feel like I'm somewhat by myself.

Is this just because her Ni feels overwhelmed by my Ne? Or has she avoided complexity on purpose in her life because she doesn't quite know how to manage it?

INFJ's avoiding complexity....:rofl1:
 

SearchingforPeace

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 9, 2015
Messages
5,711
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ENFJ
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9w8
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sx/so
You are probably just both mistyped, so any problems you experience are likely to be

:notype:

If you are experiencing communication issues, you might first look to yourself. What unexpressed expectations are you bringing to the table? How are your communication skills? What are you looking for her to do differently?
 

Pionart

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 17, 2014
Messages
4,039
MBTI Type
NiFe
Can't connect based on shared interest? Tell that to me and my INFJ friend who I can talk endlessly about MBTI with :p

I (INFJ) certainly struggle with language and expression - I didn't realise it was a common thing for INFJs, beyond being a common thing for introverts.

I would guess that maybe it is due to the seriousness that can be associated with a J preference - perhaps therefore seeing subjects of interest as less important.
 

Norrsken

self murderer
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Sounds more like incompatibility to me.
 

Fidelia

Iron Maiden
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May 31, 2009
Messages
14,497
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INFJ
I actually think I am more likely to connect with someone intellectually than emotionally. I actually love having people's interests serving as a catalyst for me to explore new subjects, books or ideas that I would initiate doing on my own. I need that. Most of what I do or pursue does have to have a human element to it to keep me engaged with it, but I definitely like connecting with people in that way. Not that I have no emotional capacity. But it takes me awhile to warm up and open up and I'm not given to huge bursts of emotional highs and lows. As far as trying new things activity wise, I have to feel very safe with someone to try new things in front of them, but greatly value someone who can pull me out of the familiar and make me want to try something different, whether it's how to spend a night out, or eating new food etc.

I don't feel like I have much time trouble with language and expression other than maybe knowing what I am feeling and articulating it in a timely manner sometimes.
 

EJCC

The Devil of TypoC
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All the hypotheses in the OP are completely incorrect IME with INFJs. In fact, the opposite is usually true: INFJs seek out complexity more than they avoid it, they are the opposite of intellectually lazy, and they are VERY capable of going into subjects in-depth. What's more likely is that either 1) this person isn't an INFJ, 2) they aren't interested in going in-depth re: the particular subjects of interest to you, or 3) both.
 

Tilt

Active member
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All the hypotheses in the OP are completely incorrect IME with INFJs. In fact, the opposite is usually true: INFJs seek out complexity more than they avoid it, they are the opposite of intellectually lazy, and they are VERY capable of going into subjects in-depth. What's more likely is that either 1) this person isn't an INFJ, 2) they aren't interested in going in-depth re: the particular subjects of interest to you, or 3) both.

Also, not to be a jerk, but the INFJ may just not be interested in engaging with the person. I know that I don't go deep with a person if I just want to keep it on the surface.
 

Novella

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INFP
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Having two very good infj friends I would have to disagree also. Never had or have issues connecting to either one of them. Both speak articulately and expressively irrespective of subject matter. They tend to be very honest about not knowing something and will either show an interest in learning or admit the subject bores them to tears. They are witty and upfront about their intentions IF they trust and respect you. Please remember this is purely anecdotal and each may vary depending on what model you buy 😉
 

JLiew

New member
Joined
Feb 6, 2017
Messages
11
MBTI Type
INFJ
This is really bothering me.

I don't mean this post to be insulting of any INFJs out there.

INFJs sometimes seem extremely deep, but it's almost like their depth is just related to emotional connectedness. In other words, INFJs can connect with someone emotionally on a very deep level from the INFJ's point of view. However, they don't seem able to connect with someone on a deep level regarding a shared interest. Is that just because they lack the active vocabulary for expressing a deeply felt connection in relation to a shared interest or activity? Or is it because INFJs just lack the ability to go into a subject or interest with the extreme depth and broadness of which INFPs and INTPs, for example, are capable? Or maybe INFJs are too intellectually lazy to ever go very far into anything?

Is what I am describing making sense?

If I'm wrong on anything, I'd really like to be because I'm dating an INFJ female, and I'm trying to determine why she sometimes seems to be able to connect with me on a mental/intellectual level, but most of the time I feel like I'm somewhat by myself.

Is this just because her Ni feels overwhelmed by my Ne? Or has she avoided complexity on purpose in her life because she doesn't quite know how to manage it?

Mind if you elaborate "shared interest"?
 

Siúil a Rúin

when the colors fade
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[MENTION=32220]unconnectedmind[/MENTION]
It sounds like you are describing a specific person more than an entire type. Your description doesn't sound like it hits the target mark for defining INFJs in general.

From what I understand, it can be difficult for a Ni-dom to express verbally on the spot. It takes time to process, but once processed, INFJs have been described as being very good at putting their thoughts down in writing.
 

Agent Washington

Softserve Ice Cream
Joined
Jan 24, 2017
Messages
2,053
This is really bothering me.

I don't mean this post to be insulting of any INFJs out there.

INFJs sometimes seem extremely deep, but it's almost like their depth is just related to emotional connectedness. In other words, INFJs can connect with someone emotionally on a very deep level from the INFJ's point of view. However, they don't seem able to connect with someone on a deep level regarding a shared interest. Is that just because they lack the active vocabulary for expressing a deeply felt connection in relation to a shared interest or activity? Or is it because INFJs just lack the ability to go into a subject or interest with the extreme depth and broadness of which INFPs and INTPs, for example, are capable? Or maybe INFJs are too intellectually lazy to ever go very far into anything?

Is what I am describing making sense?

If I'm wrong on anything, I'd really like to be because I'm dating an INFJ female, and I'm trying to determine why she sometimes seems to be able to connect with me on a mental/intellectual level, but most of the time I feel like I'm somewhat by myself.

Is this just because her Ni feels overwhelmed by my Ne? Or has she avoided complexity on purpose in her life because she doesn't quite know how to manage it?

That is extremely condescending, bro (Sis? sibling? Likelihood analysis suggests bro). You gotta think of her as a person with her own preferences. Maybe she's just plain not interested. Or maybe she is complex and just plain doesn't want to share it with you because you're being condescending to her and she can feel it.

OR

maybe she's just not THAT into you... or the topic. ;)
 

complexa46

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Nov 27, 2016
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sx
Tbh I have to feel strongly/be totally interested in the subject for me to go in-depth about it. So if someone's talking to me about a shared interest but at that moment in time I don't really care about it I probably won't want to go any further into the conversation.
 

ktk1995

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Sep 19, 2018
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sp
I know that I tend to struggle with language verbally. I can articulate things well through writing and in my head, but once I try to say the same thing out loud, it's like I stutter over my words. Too many thoughts and ideas at once for me.
 

Siúil a Rúin

when the colors fade
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Most type descriptions say that INFJs specifically excel at language. I will note that some strong Ni-doms can use extremely cryptic language, but it isn't a deficit, but a highly personalized, complex way of using language. I think in those cases they aren't attempting to be understood, but are perhaps creating a filter so that only the people internally calibrated to understand them can respond. I interpret it as a way of weeding out unwanted communication from others. It is a sophisticated use of language, though.

INFJ Profile
typelogic.com said:
INFJs have a knack for fluency in language and facility in communication. In addition, nonverbal sensitivity enables the INFJ to know and be known by others intimately.
 

Froody Blue Gem

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I am a huge fan of the English language, studying it, and expanding my vocabulary. I always have been, words can be powerful tools that you can use as weapons. My vocab and language is something I take great pride in and I also love the different potential meanings of words, breaking it down, exploring what people can possibly mean with word usage. I also obsessively pay attention to how other people use language.

However, I do have a huge problem with word retrieval and am slower than the average person at stringing my sentences together and thinking of what I want to say. For this reason, conversations go by quickly and I don't contribute nearly as much as I would like. It's probably just the way my brain is wired. With facial expression and expressing myself in general, on a conversational level, I struggle with that too but have gotten better. With the emotional connecting, I want to get along with everyone and get to know people but when it comes to my own personal emotions, I'm more or less keep to myself unless I get to know you. Talking about them or forcing them out of me is like pulling teeth. :dry:
 
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