Litsnob
New member
- Joined
- Jan 22, 2016
- Messages
- 301
I am very willing to admit that I might just be venting my frustrations here more than anything but I am interested in what anyone can add to my understanding of how my friend thinks.
I have two INFPs and one ENFP in my life. One INFP is my son and we really get each other. The ENFP is a friend I've had for decades and while we are very different in many ways we tend to get each other too. I have an INFP friend I am not as close to and while I really like her she also drives me nuts. One of her favourite things to say is that she doesn't like boxes, can't be put in a box, doesn't believe in boxes. What I hear is ignorance speaking, refusal to admit that boxes do exist and a challenge to put her in a box and tape the lid shut. I try to explain that for instance if you had a box in which all mathematical equations that equal 4 are to be put or a box for all words that have soft C in them, those are valid boxes. She basically refuses to categorise anything or admit that there might be a best category choice for something and any time I mention something in a sense of categorising it she gives an irritating little smile and says, 'You know I don't like boxes.'
I don't care if you don't like them, that is like saying you don't like dogs so you refuse to believe dogs exist or have any use. I find this irritatingly blind and stupid and while I am aware that the best thing to do is avoid such conversations with her, the fact that I think in terms of systems and categorising and organising things means it tends to inevitably come up somehow. She seems to live her life defining and categorising nothing. I don't even know how she can function.
My second admission is that I will probably never actually think she is correct in her thinking, only that she is entitled to her inaccurate opinion.
I would like to know how typical this is of INFP or is it perhaps some other aspect of her personality such as being dropped on her head as an infant. If you are someone who also thinks in this way, please tell me how this works for you.
UPDATE: I was trying to keep this generic -ish, and not reveal any specifics which might possibly be interfering with my ability to explain myself or exactly the behaviour I am objecting to in my friend. This friend is repeatedly convinced I have criticised her, tried to fix her, or somehow interfered with her ability to just enjoy life. This is the response to anytime I express my own view, opinion or understanding of reality, in response to her expressing her own. IN other words, unless I just agree and tell her how wonderful she is, I am attacking and undermining her. She has written long and public diatribes at me about all my faults and how horrible I am, all very passive aggressive and addressing me as 'dear friend' while saying that I am wrong and mean and bad. I have attempted twice already to clear up what seemed to be misunderstandings. I have graciously accepted an apology from her once for overreacting. It is now at a point where if she says oh look at that nice blue flower and I say did you know that flower variety also comes in purple? This is somehow offensive to her. She is not emotionally stable and I am done attempting to understand, forgive and sort out.
This is much more than disagreeing over whether things should be open ended or who is armed with the best list of facts. We have mutual acquaintances and can't quite escape each other online but definitely can in offline life.
I have two INFPs and one ENFP in my life. One INFP is my son and we really get each other. The ENFP is a friend I've had for decades and while we are very different in many ways we tend to get each other too. I have an INFP friend I am not as close to and while I really like her she also drives me nuts. One of her favourite things to say is that she doesn't like boxes, can't be put in a box, doesn't believe in boxes. What I hear is ignorance speaking, refusal to admit that boxes do exist and a challenge to put her in a box and tape the lid shut. I try to explain that for instance if you had a box in which all mathematical equations that equal 4 are to be put or a box for all words that have soft C in them, those are valid boxes. She basically refuses to categorise anything or admit that there might be a best category choice for something and any time I mention something in a sense of categorising it she gives an irritating little smile and says, 'You know I don't like boxes.'
I don't care if you don't like them, that is like saying you don't like dogs so you refuse to believe dogs exist or have any use. I find this irritatingly blind and stupid and while I am aware that the best thing to do is avoid such conversations with her, the fact that I think in terms of systems and categorising and organising things means it tends to inevitably come up somehow. She seems to live her life defining and categorising nothing. I don't even know how she can function.
My second admission is that I will probably never actually think she is correct in her thinking, only that she is entitled to her inaccurate opinion.
I would like to know how typical this is of INFP or is it perhaps some other aspect of her personality such as being dropped on her head as an infant. If you are someone who also thinks in this way, please tell me how this works for you.
UPDATE: I was trying to keep this generic -ish, and not reveal any specifics which might possibly be interfering with my ability to explain myself or exactly the behaviour I am objecting to in my friend. This friend is repeatedly convinced I have criticised her, tried to fix her, or somehow interfered with her ability to just enjoy life. This is the response to anytime I express my own view, opinion or understanding of reality, in response to her expressing her own. IN other words, unless I just agree and tell her how wonderful she is, I am attacking and undermining her. She has written long and public diatribes at me about all my faults and how horrible I am, all very passive aggressive and addressing me as 'dear friend' while saying that I am wrong and mean and bad. I have attempted twice already to clear up what seemed to be misunderstandings. I have graciously accepted an apology from her once for overreacting. It is now at a point where if she says oh look at that nice blue flower and I say did you know that flower variety also comes in purple? This is somehow offensive to her. She is not emotionally stable and I am done attempting to understand, forgive and sort out.
This is much more than disagreeing over whether things should be open ended or who is armed with the best list of facts. We have mutual acquaintances and can't quite escape each other online but definitely can in offline life.
