astalafiesta
New member
- Joined
- Feb 4, 2017
- Messages
- 1
- MBTI Type
- INFJ
:hi:
Im new here, fairly new to the world of MBTI but I'm doing copious amount of reading so far and ninety percent of my knowledge has been built pretty much on the basis of this amazing forum.
Back to the topic at hand, I'm an INFJ. I've known this since years since I've always been retaking the test and always getting the same but only really gotten into this elusive and exciting world now. In the brink of graduation in the Design Major, it wasn't unsual to bump into an ENFP. Only, he is an instructor. And then the rest is a rollercoaster ride as you all can imagine!
Now I want to preface by saying that there is no label to my relationship with him and I am first and foremost his student, so romantic interest is out of the way.
The story is very long so those who are not into long tales can go by their day, hehe but keep in mind, you ENFPS love stories so, oh well
He is a bit less than twenty years older to me, although his actions give the illusion to a number of girls that he could be our age even though he's not. We are a females only university so he gets a lot of attention from the girls (he is good looking as well). So much of it being unintentional. Last year, I took my first class with him-which was very hands-on in nature. I was initially very wary of him since he is VERY CONTROVERSIAL or so I'd heard before taking the class. This is probably the first thing I'd told him anyway in a very upfront manner and him being controversial amused me (and amused him as well when I told him so) so that I could figure out myself who he really is.
PART 1:
Our first class activity was to sketch people, four volunteers each week from our class and the rest of the class would draw them. He kept no rules and just asked us to sketch as what we wanted. I realized all the girls were doing the same and the first thing that struck me what I needed to stand out in my implementation; so I used my natural strength which is reading into people. As more of a fun activity, I tried to read them in a lighthearted way and annotated a lot in my sketches about how their external appearance gives clues to their personality (the colors they wore, the pose they adopted, etc.) He was taking a round of the class and when he came to me, he was blown away. This embarrassed me to no end because since then on, he would always highlight me to the rest of the class. I'm someone who always tries to stay away from the spotlight and more like an underdog? I kind of like doing my own thing and enjoy being individualistic without getting attention while at it, so this was out of the blue for me. He would use very elevated terms to compliment me as well which again would perplex me because I have never believed myself to be as special as he made me out to be for the rest of the class. This in turn caused all the other girls to constantly be around me as well which was overwhelming. This was all in a matter of two weeks through which this same activity continued until all of us had volunteered to pose. At the end he asked me why he's never seen me around before and if I maintain a low-profile. At that point he had been teaching there for two years. I said that I did indeed keep a low profile. The second activity was to paint a mural on a blank big wall.
Each student was assigned a section of the wall and again there were no rules except that all of them should be portraits. I took him aside and told him I didn't want to do a portrait and wanted to do a city skyline. I explained by saying that portraits are very naturally interesting. I wanted to do a skyline and we were supposed to paint with greys, blacks and whites and I loved the challenge of taking something inanimate and breathing life into it through my art. He said he loved the way I think and made an exception for me. Consequently I needed to have a bigger section to paint now. He asked another girl to give up her section for me (I did not know this until later) and found an earlier friend (that same girl) behaving very rudely towards me until I knew the truth. She stopped attending thereon. A lot of girls in the class had started showing animosity towards me and this too hurt me. He began to frequently intrude my physical personal space too and eventually I found him to be so smothering even though I had slowly come to drop my reservations and somehow like him that one day I walked out during a class (we were allowed to go in and out) because of being overwhelmed by him. Since that day he stopped talking to me until the next month. I could NOT FIGURE OUT WHY. He pretended as if I didn't exist and stopped helping me or guiding me through the activities when I became stuck while at the same time helping every other student. I tried asking him directly and he would pretend he didn't hear and walk away. One day I personally went up to him out of class time and stated I need help with my project (another activity by now) and he agreed. Since it was out of class time I asked him if he had come to hate me while we both sat down to work. He said "NO! On the contrary. I share things with you that I rarely share with others!" Keep in mind, that he is married and we live in a very conservative environment so I was taken aback. Yes, he had shared with me but I didn't know to what depth. I asked him right up to explain his weird behaviour with me in class and he denied it at first then himself said that he realized I needed space that day alluding to my non-verbal walking out of class. It had been almost a month and a half since this incident so I was shocked and asked him if all his treatment was because of this one day! He said yes and laughed. At that point I could not process him anymore so we fell silent. He said I was a very special student and his usual praise of me and even though he knew he didn't help me he trusted me that I would find my way.
Another key point is that I am already in a serious relationship with someone and often talk to this person in the class since a lot of times his classes ran full day and even outside of uni hours. I had once overheard him asking my friend who is it I keep talking to again and again on the phone. After me confronting him for similar avoidant behaviour again, he was fine for a few days but again started acting like I didn't exist. I waited out again very hurt for him to become normal while also successfully completing each class project until one day with his back facing me he told the other class students how I could read through him like no one else and could see the beyond. He also said that I just know when he feels sad and when he's happy without even him saying anything. The whole class was staring at me and I was embarrassed...again. I had once written a letter to him during this course that I feel he's not been himself lately and I hope things get better because he is someone who exudes amazing energy that can light up a room. He had pinned it to his office wall (against my pleas).
In a field trip for our class, I was as usual off doing my own thing and as was his habit whenever he would find me missing he would ask several girls about where I was and they would always come and tell me. This was a guy who kept no rules so it wasn't a big deal if anyone wandered or did what they wanted. In fact this was something I loved about him since I detest working in controlled environments.He asked me during that trip that he didn't know as compared to my initial bubbly disposition (which was very cocky, not shy and self assured, hey I can be quite a chameleon!) in the first activity that I was actually a quiet person and I accidentally blurted I can be very extroverted and open to only those who I trust and am close to. I think it may have come across as arrogant or stand-offish but that is not how I meant it at all.
I later told him in a letter about my social awkwardness (again he pinned it to his wall to my retaliation) and he said he found it sweet. I always found that while he was so open t everyone and had an aura of being quite vulnerable that he had a more melancholic and serious side to him. I found his multi-dimensionality very attractive and the only person whom he used to share very deep sad feelings with was me. He told another friend of mine that I have a way of drawing him out that only I can do and he cannot help it.
The end of that course had almost come and he continued his habit of occasionally being very, scarily close to me and acting as if i didn't exist.This frustrated me to no end and again I had to confront him because it would cause me pain. I was in tears when I talked to him and exploded at him since I had kept it in for so long. I told him I am only his student so why does he stop to guide me and never help me when I run into problems with work. We would do a lot of large-scale construction activity as well, everything i learnt, I learnt myself eventually due to him intentionally avoiding me. He said that he had forgotten I am "only his student". I didn't know what this meant. He furthur told me that he knew from the first day I was different and even perfect (!!!), that he sees something in me and he said I am so independent that I didn't need him. I pleaded to him that I did, at least in this last project and that I am not perfect in any sense. We argued on this point a lot until he finally agreed. He did help me and then started his usual hot-cold routine. I eventually gave up and ignored him as well. In a few days he stopped me, lashed at me and asked why I don't pay any attention to him and said that I should at least tell hi when I see him and it was the least I could do.
Our last project was to make a gypsum sculpture and explain the concept behind our creation. I had such a complex concept that I wasn't sure he would understand but he did and was floored and went around telling everyone about it. He would occasionally quote my words to various people (I found this very flattering). My concept was called "Layers of secrets" pretty much describing me and my view of life and people. He later in private told me, that he recognized that I am the person who is "layers of secrets" and told me he found me very fascinating. As we came to a close and since I had started becoming more and more introverted around him, he would pester me to tell him what was going on in my mind. I told him at the end, that everything I did, even my silence was intentional. He would later stage come uncomfortably close to me during my silent working on the project's last stages that he knew I was being "intentionally silent" with him in a very I dunno, mischievous (?) tone. He would occasionally linger around me and become very shy around me (often stuttering) like he wanted to say something but never did which I found very confusing. This would happen a LOT, on other days he wouldn't even look at me in the eyes.
At the end though, i grew so tired of his antics and outbursts that after the course ended (I got full marks and the highest grade), I did no talk to or meet him. He later told his other class ( I had friends in that class as well who told me that his obsession with me was out of order but I found it to be very perplexing tbh) as he took them on another optional field trip (that I would have loved to go to as well had I not been in another country) telling those students that he became very close to me and I stabbed him in the heart to his dismay. Needless to say, I couldn't make head or tail of this. Months down the line I once met him while he was taking another amazing modelling class and was going round praising the work his students had done. He came up beside me and told me in third person describing that he knew of someone that taught him that even if a student is very high in calibre, that he should not give up on them and he really liked her a lot and she is standing next to him right now. So, me.
I pretty much didn't know how to respond- I'm very weird and withheld in these situations unfortunately due to my nature *_* but I ended us leaving on good terms.
Whew, so that is part 1. His wife used to work in the same uni but he would never mention her in our class while in his other classes he would frequently invite her. I know it's a huge tale but I needed to fill in all the details so my friends here could get a precise picture.
My dearest lovable ENFPs, could you help me place his behaviour and what it meant?? I just finished taking another class with him so that will be in part 2, the story is entirely different and even more mysterious and puzzling there. I will very honestly admit that I do care and platonic-ally love him and admire him a lot but he just frustrates me to no end with his highs and lows. I would be so grateful if you could explain to me why he did the things he did in part 1 and a better way to react to him in the future. I still have a few months left before I graduate
Im new here, fairly new to the world of MBTI but I'm doing copious amount of reading so far and ninety percent of my knowledge has been built pretty much on the basis of this amazing forum.
Back to the topic at hand, I'm an INFJ. I've known this since years since I've always been retaking the test and always getting the same but only really gotten into this elusive and exciting world now. In the brink of graduation in the Design Major, it wasn't unsual to bump into an ENFP. Only, he is an instructor. And then the rest is a rollercoaster ride as you all can imagine!
Now I want to preface by saying that there is no label to my relationship with him and I am first and foremost his student, so romantic interest is out of the way.
The story is very long so those who are not into long tales can go by their day, hehe but keep in mind, you ENFPS love stories so, oh well
He is a bit less than twenty years older to me, although his actions give the illusion to a number of girls that he could be our age even though he's not. We are a females only university so he gets a lot of attention from the girls (he is good looking as well). So much of it being unintentional. Last year, I took my first class with him-which was very hands-on in nature. I was initially very wary of him since he is VERY CONTROVERSIAL or so I'd heard before taking the class. This is probably the first thing I'd told him anyway in a very upfront manner and him being controversial amused me (and amused him as well when I told him so) so that I could figure out myself who he really is.
PART 1:
Our first class activity was to sketch people, four volunteers each week from our class and the rest of the class would draw them. He kept no rules and just asked us to sketch as what we wanted. I realized all the girls were doing the same and the first thing that struck me what I needed to stand out in my implementation; so I used my natural strength which is reading into people. As more of a fun activity, I tried to read them in a lighthearted way and annotated a lot in my sketches about how their external appearance gives clues to their personality (the colors they wore, the pose they adopted, etc.) He was taking a round of the class and when he came to me, he was blown away. This embarrassed me to no end because since then on, he would always highlight me to the rest of the class. I'm someone who always tries to stay away from the spotlight and more like an underdog? I kind of like doing my own thing and enjoy being individualistic without getting attention while at it, so this was out of the blue for me. He would use very elevated terms to compliment me as well which again would perplex me because I have never believed myself to be as special as he made me out to be for the rest of the class. This in turn caused all the other girls to constantly be around me as well which was overwhelming. This was all in a matter of two weeks through which this same activity continued until all of us had volunteered to pose. At the end he asked me why he's never seen me around before and if I maintain a low-profile. At that point he had been teaching there for two years. I said that I did indeed keep a low profile. The second activity was to paint a mural on a blank big wall.
Each student was assigned a section of the wall and again there were no rules except that all of them should be portraits. I took him aside and told him I didn't want to do a portrait and wanted to do a city skyline. I explained by saying that portraits are very naturally interesting. I wanted to do a skyline and we were supposed to paint with greys, blacks and whites and I loved the challenge of taking something inanimate and breathing life into it through my art. He said he loved the way I think and made an exception for me. Consequently I needed to have a bigger section to paint now. He asked another girl to give up her section for me (I did not know this until later) and found an earlier friend (that same girl) behaving very rudely towards me until I knew the truth. She stopped attending thereon. A lot of girls in the class had started showing animosity towards me and this too hurt me. He began to frequently intrude my physical personal space too and eventually I found him to be so smothering even though I had slowly come to drop my reservations and somehow like him that one day I walked out during a class (we were allowed to go in and out) because of being overwhelmed by him. Since that day he stopped talking to me until the next month. I could NOT FIGURE OUT WHY. He pretended as if I didn't exist and stopped helping me or guiding me through the activities when I became stuck while at the same time helping every other student. I tried asking him directly and he would pretend he didn't hear and walk away. One day I personally went up to him out of class time and stated I need help with my project (another activity by now) and he agreed. Since it was out of class time I asked him if he had come to hate me while we both sat down to work. He said "NO! On the contrary. I share things with you that I rarely share with others!" Keep in mind, that he is married and we live in a very conservative environment so I was taken aback. Yes, he had shared with me but I didn't know to what depth. I asked him right up to explain his weird behaviour with me in class and he denied it at first then himself said that he realized I needed space that day alluding to my non-verbal walking out of class. It had been almost a month and a half since this incident so I was shocked and asked him if all his treatment was because of this one day! He said yes and laughed. At that point I could not process him anymore so we fell silent. He said I was a very special student and his usual praise of me and even though he knew he didn't help me he trusted me that I would find my way.
Another key point is that I am already in a serious relationship with someone and often talk to this person in the class since a lot of times his classes ran full day and even outside of uni hours. I had once overheard him asking my friend who is it I keep talking to again and again on the phone. After me confronting him for similar avoidant behaviour again, he was fine for a few days but again started acting like I didn't exist. I waited out again very hurt for him to become normal while also successfully completing each class project until one day with his back facing me he told the other class students how I could read through him like no one else and could see the beyond. He also said that I just know when he feels sad and when he's happy without even him saying anything. The whole class was staring at me and I was embarrassed...again. I had once written a letter to him during this course that I feel he's not been himself lately and I hope things get better because he is someone who exudes amazing energy that can light up a room. He had pinned it to his office wall (against my pleas).
In a field trip for our class, I was as usual off doing my own thing and as was his habit whenever he would find me missing he would ask several girls about where I was and they would always come and tell me. This was a guy who kept no rules so it wasn't a big deal if anyone wandered or did what they wanted. In fact this was something I loved about him since I detest working in controlled environments.He asked me during that trip that he didn't know as compared to my initial bubbly disposition (which was very cocky, not shy and self assured, hey I can be quite a chameleon!) in the first activity that I was actually a quiet person and I accidentally blurted I can be very extroverted and open to only those who I trust and am close to. I think it may have come across as arrogant or stand-offish but that is not how I meant it at all.
I later told him in a letter about my social awkwardness (again he pinned it to his wall to my retaliation) and he said he found it sweet. I always found that while he was so open t everyone and had an aura of being quite vulnerable that he had a more melancholic and serious side to him. I found his multi-dimensionality very attractive and the only person whom he used to share very deep sad feelings with was me. He told another friend of mine that I have a way of drawing him out that only I can do and he cannot help it.
The end of that course had almost come and he continued his habit of occasionally being very, scarily close to me and acting as if i didn't exist.This frustrated me to no end and again I had to confront him because it would cause me pain. I was in tears when I talked to him and exploded at him since I had kept it in for so long. I told him I am only his student so why does he stop to guide me and never help me when I run into problems with work. We would do a lot of large-scale construction activity as well, everything i learnt, I learnt myself eventually due to him intentionally avoiding me. He said that he had forgotten I am "only his student". I didn't know what this meant. He furthur told me that he knew from the first day I was different and even perfect (!!!), that he sees something in me and he said I am so independent that I didn't need him. I pleaded to him that I did, at least in this last project and that I am not perfect in any sense. We argued on this point a lot until he finally agreed. He did help me and then started his usual hot-cold routine. I eventually gave up and ignored him as well. In a few days he stopped me, lashed at me and asked why I don't pay any attention to him and said that I should at least tell hi when I see him and it was the least I could do.
Our last project was to make a gypsum sculpture and explain the concept behind our creation. I had such a complex concept that I wasn't sure he would understand but he did and was floored and went around telling everyone about it. He would occasionally quote my words to various people (I found this very flattering). My concept was called "Layers of secrets" pretty much describing me and my view of life and people. He later in private told me, that he recognized that I am the person who is "layers of secrets" and told me he found me very fascinating. As we came to a close and since I had started becoming more and more introverted around him, he would pester me to tell him what was going on in my mind. I told him at the end, that everything I did, even my silence was intentional. He would later stage come uncomfortably close to me during my silent working on the project's last stages that he knew I was being "intentionally silent" with him in a very I dunno, mischievous (?) tone. He would occasionally linger around me and become very shy around me (often stuttering) like he wanted to say something but never did which I found very confusing. This would happen a LOT, on other days he wouldn't even look at me in the eyes.
At the end though, i grew so tired of his antics and outbursts that after the course ended (I got full marks and the highest grade), I did no talk to or meet him. He later told his other class ( I had friends in that class as well who told me that his obsession with me was out of order but I found it to be very perplexing tbh) as he took them on another optional field trip (that I would have loved to go to as well had I not been in another country) telling those students that he became very close to me and I stabbed him in the heart to his dismay. Needless to say, I couldn't make head or tail of this. Months down the line I once met him while he was taking another amazing modelling class and was going round praising the work his students had done. He came up beside me and told me in third person describing that he knew of someone that taught him that even if a student is very high in calibre, that he should not give up on them and he really liked her a lot and she is standing next to him right now. So, me.
I pretty much didn't know how to respond- I'm very weird and withheld in these situations unfortunately due to my nature *_* but I ended us leaving on good terms.
Whew, so that is part 1. His wife used to work in the same uni but he would never mention her in our class while in his other classes he would frequently invite her. I know it's a huge tale but I needed to fill in all the details so my friends here could get a precise picture.
My dearest lovable ENFPs, could you help me place his behaviour and what it meant?? I just finished taking another class with him so that will be in part 2, the story is entirely different and even more mysterious and puzzling there. I will very honestly admit that I do care and platonic-ally love him and admire him a lot but he just frustrates me to no end with his highs and lows. I would be so grateful if you could explain to me why he did the things he did in part 1 and a better way to react to him in the future. I still have a few months left before I graduate
