[ENFJ] ENFJ Crush Tells/Signs

[Jonneh]

Hello amazing ENFJs! I was wondering if you would be so kind as to reveal some ways to tell if an ENFJ has a crush on someone. Bonus points if it is tells/signs that are unique to ENFJs! Thanks a bunch

 

[SearchingforPeace]

They pay attention to the person. They listen to what they have to say. They want to be around the person. They may engage in innocent "accidental" touching.

They may be less talkative them normal around the person.

ENFJs repress their personal feelings and so these are unconscious to them. As such, they often do not consciously know what they like or want. They are pulled by the attraction others have for them.

 

[balloongod]

While I'm quite confident that I'm an ENFJ, I feel like I may be a deviant in this area-- so I'll just say that this is what I do.

I will immediately elevate my game. I love the chase, and will start with becoming very aware of how I am being perceived by my subject. All ENFJs do this naturally (in regards to attention to how they're perceived), but I become much more deliberate in tailoring how I'm seen. ENFJs often do this so well that it's near impossible to tell if they're altering themselves for you. This is indeed manipulation, although I don't necessarily do this to attract them to me-- I do it to weed out people who aren't compatible. For instance, I usually talk more about things that are seen as taboo. Back when I was 'Tinder dating', I included things like 'I write gay fan-fiction' in my profile. While I may not write gay fan-fiction regularly, it shows something that either will repulse the masses or attract a small pool or better aligned people. So, instead of attracting a mass of people who like the same general things (writing, hot chocolate on cold days, windsurfing), I attracted a small group of people who were much more open to weird people and out-of-the-ordinary things by weeding out the ones who wouldn't be compatible with me. I won over my current boyfriend by openly talking about kinks in front of all of our friends. (I don't mean I just become a raunchy creeper, I just mean sharing my opinions on it and some of the things I like.) I also appear much more confident than I am, and will very casually show off things I love about myself without bragging, drawing excessive attention, or becoming cocky.

TL;DR: I become ENFJ 2.0 when I'm on the chase. Look for signs of a leveled up ENFJ that's more on the adventurous or daring side. (That is, if I'm like the other ENFJs...)

The toughest thing may be that ENFJs often come across as if they're flirting when they're just being kind, or are simply just very interested in you or the topic. I doesn't always necessarily mean they're into you.

See if you can observe the ENFJ in question interact with other people without you there so you can compare and contrast how they act and appear around you. It may not be cut and dry, but it can be a good start to figuring out the puzzle.

Best of luck to you!

 

[Rebeka]

My best friend is an ENFJ. He makes a fool of himself idealyzing the person too much, devotes too high to that person, up until the unrealistic. Then when things turn down ( as usual, it does happen so when one idealizes feelings) he becomes a melancholic, writer in love. And then he returns to his usual behaviour XD

 

[geedoenfj]

Hello amazing ENFJs! I was wondering if you would be so kind as to reveal some ways to tell if an ENFJ has a crush on someone. Bonus points if it is tells/signs that are unique to ENFJs! Thanks a bunch

As an ENFJ it's hard for me to realize what I want or what I feel, unless it is too obvious or intense..
I think the signs are pretty much like any other person, except that caring etc. I mean that's our nature, we care about others sometimes too much so I wouldn't suggest that you depend on that too much, however, body language and facial expressions can never lie, specially with ENFJs (since we usually have quite expressive faces) once you make sure that he/she likes you, then I would suggest that you're the one who make the advances..

 

[Taibreah]

As an ENFJ it's hard for me to realize what I want or what I feel, unless it is too obvious or intense..
I think the signs are pretty much like any other person, except that caring etc. I mean that's our nature, we care about others sometimes too much so I wouldn't suggest that you depend on that too much, however, body language and facial expressions can never lie, specially with ENFJs (since we usually have quite expressive faces) once you make sure that he/she likes you, then I would suggest that you're the one who make the advances..

Hmm, it must be extremely difficult to form an INFJ/ENFJ relationship then. Who would make the advances?

The toughest thing may be that ENFJs often come across as if they're flirting when they're just being kind, or are simply just very interested in you or the topic. I doesn't always necessarily mean they're into you.

This kind of reminds me of the movie "He's just not that into you". The interaction between Gigi and Alex. With Alex being the ENFJ dude, and Gigi is maybe the INFP girl. Alex is being very friendly, but also playful with Gigi, and she thinks he likes her romantically, but he's just being nice. He ends up getting flustered and offended with Gigi saying something along the lines of "Why do girls always do this? Why do they automatically assume a guy being friendly equates to them being into you (romantically)?"

 

[Unkindloving]

I crush like a Mac Truck.
It's beyond just being generally pleasant. It's like a gravitational pull to who I'm interested it. Light shoulder touch every now and then. You'll know I'm flirting, but its not obnoxious or too forward. If we share any interests, I'm referencing them. If I can make you laugh, I'ma do it . The unintentional game is very strong.
It's been a while, considering that I have my ESFP , so I can't recall exact tells otherwise. It's just very much more focused crushing/flirting/attention than what happens when people misinterpret signals and think we are into them.

 

[Riverfairy]

I'd say just wait a little most llikely if they like you they'll make a move ... I think tis hard to keep these things in for an enfj

Having said that I have learnt seeing as I seem to get with or be attracted to introverts - I have learnt to keep it in more. As in before I wouldn't realise and even if I didn't want to show it I would just end up doing it and be like 'gone and dun it' but usually I'd have to be pretty sure the other person likes me first.

Sooo maybe show it a lil in an authentic way and chances are they'll percieve it and go for it if they want it.

There's an insightful vid I saw yesterday about this by Meghan LeVota: YouTube

she does ramble a lil so I'll summarise what I thought were useful points:

if they are going out of their way to do something for you - they might like you. She suggests asking 'did they have to do that?' As in 'Is that almost overly nice?'

if they are very 'on top of you' (excuse the french ) as in texting a lot wanting to hang out etc they might like you too

hope that helps

 

[Riverfairy]

Hmm, it must be extremely difficult to form an INFJ/ENFJ relationship then. Who would make the advances?


This kind of reminds me of the movie "He's just not that into you". The interaction between Gigi and Alex. With Alex being the ENFJ dude, and Gigi is maybe the INFP girl. Alex is being very friendly, but also playful with Gigi, and she thinks he likes her romantically, but he's just being nice. He ends up getting flustered and offended with Gigi saying something along the lines of "Why do girls always do this? Why do they automatically assume a guy being friendly equates to them being into you (romantically)?"

I'd say the enfj with extroverted feeling at a certain point they might not be able to help it. I literally chatted an someone who I can't help but think is an infj up and ended up in bed with him relatively quickly, and fell in love with him, 10 years later I'm still in love with him. But I guess that was more obvious as it is when you chat someone up.

From what I've heard infj's and enfj's can learn soooo muchh from each other as their secondary functions Fe (Infj) or Ni (Enfj) are inverted. They say if you develop your secondary function your primary and thus most important to you becomes stronger - so we all want to do that and need to do that.

 

[Forever]

I could echo SfP with INFJ's too although, I think attraction really starts to solidify when you validate or tickle their Ni's fancy more.

Which in a non-Ni valuing world, relationships are hard to come by that aren't by obligation (Fe)

 

[Riverfairy]

I could echo SfP with INFJ's too although, I think attraction really starts to solidify when you validate or tickle their Ni's fancy more.

Which in a non-Ni valuing world, relationships are hard to come by that aren't by obligation (Fe)

"I think attraction really starts to solidify when you validate or tickle their Ni's fancy more."

Interesting... how is this done?

 

[gracia]

Hello! I am an ENFJ girl. I agree that Ni being tickled secures the relationship. To me, it's almost as if having someone understand my depth gives the relationship its depth. Engaging the Ni means being able to appreciate concepts, ideas, songs or videos that have alot of meaning (including but not limited to emotional value). I personally love poetry, art work and short films. I think all ENFJs have dark sides, that manifest differently. (; Being caring, mature & unique can help too. If you're unsure of how to engage Ni, just open up and share your vulnerability. ENFJs love that.

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Hello! I am an ENFJ girl. I agree that Ni being tickled secures the relationship. To me, it's almost as if having someone understand my depth gives the relationship its depth. Engaging the Ni means being able to appreciate concepts, ideas, songs or videos that have alot of meaning (including but not limited to emotional value). I personally love poetry, art work and short films. I think all ENFJs have dark sides, that manifest differently. (; Being caring, mature & unique can help too. If you're unsure of how to engage Ni, just open up and share your vulnerability. ENFJs love that.

- - - Updated - - -

Hello! I am an ENFJ girl. I agree that Ni being tickled secures the relationship. To me, it's almost as if having someone understand my depth gives the relationship its depth. Engaging the Ni means being able to appreciate concepts, ideas, songs or videos that have alot of meaning (including but not limited to emotional value). I personally love poetry, art work and short films. I think all ENFJs have dark sides, that manifest differently. (; Being caring, mature & unique can help too. If you're unsure of how to engage Ni, just open up and share your vulnerability. ENFJs love that.

 

[Mozzie610]

My best friend is an ENFJ. He makes a fool of himself idealyzing the person too much, devotes too high to that person, up until the unrealistic. Then when things turn down ( as usual, it does happen so when one idealizes feelings) he becomes a melancholic, writer in love. And then he returns to his usual behaviour XD

I 100% do this lol

 

[AStrange~Nostalgia]

Hello amazing ENFJs! I was wondering if you would be so kind as to reveal some ways to tell if an ENFJ has a crush on someone. Bonus points if it is tells/signs that are unique to ENFJs! Thanks a bunch

If it's a consrvative ENFJ they would avoid eye contact because they know that it's written all over their faces. So they might end up sending wrong signals.

If a conservative ENFJ is looking into your eyes they probably don't have any special feelings for you. Because ENFJ, at least some, can be very shy personally, but in serious or professional matters they show up strong and confident.

It's an observation of mine, but I find that ENFJs hate direct eye contect when speaking, regardless of who they are talking to. Even family or friends.

They will continuously break the eye contact. They would look again to show they're listening or to tell a point.

If an ENFJ think that they sent the wrong messege, they would show some clear signs that they're not interested personally in you. They're good at body language you know. At least voluntarily.

 

[SearchingforPeace]

Direct eye contact can be a problem. The full intensity of the ENFJ is difficult for many and easily misunderstood.

At no time in my life did direct eye contact mean I was interested in a person, but, throughout my life, I have had a lot of misunderstandings from it.

I remember one in particular. One day at college, one of my classmates came up to me and told me they knew I had a new girlfriend.

I was a bit perplexed, as I had just started dating my wife, but we were not public with it yet (and really were at the beginning of the relationship).

After a few minutes, I got it out of her. The previous weekend, I and my GF (now wife) met at a mutual friend's apartment for a group activity. The friend did not know we were dating.

One of our friend's roommates was there when I arrived and before my wife did. I started chatting her up to be polite. I was really excited to see my GF and didn't have my normal guard up.

This roommate, who was not someone I would date under almost any circumstances, decided that she wanted to marry me and was going to actively pursue me. She went and told all her friends that SfP was going to be her new boyfriend and that I was madly in love with her.

All from a 15 minute conversation when my guard was down and I had direct eye contact.

I have had other similar episodes at other times.

I did avoid direct eye contact of those I was really interested in dating, at least before we started dating.