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[INFP] INFP disappearing acts.

ixquic_creation

New member
Joined
Jun 3, 2008
Messages
31
MBTI Type
INFP
How many INFP's go on a mini hermit hiatus, every now and then?

I have a bad habit of dropping off the face of the planet, only to reemerge as if nothing happened. I love my friends, but sometimes being social gets to be a bit too exhausting and I take a month or so to not-talk-to-anyone. Eventually, I feel like shit for blowing people off, and pop back n the social scene.

There are those who understand (other introverts, or NF's) to the fullest extent possible.
Other people who don't understand either get hurt, pissed, or feel as though I don't value their friendship. And I feel horrible, because even though I get hermit-ish, its because I need to realign my headspace, not from lack of love.

I guess its the idealist in me, but I don't see why I can't pick up where I left off. as i've gotten older, I've tried harder to maintain my friendships. There's a few people that I care about dearly that have dropped me completely, and while it hurts quite terribly, I DO understand what an unreliable flake I've been over the past few years.

Any others who have the same issue? Any other type's who've had problems with my type doing this? Feedback would be helpful.

(I've rushed through this, typing rather fast. I hope my writing makes sense.)



Much love.
 
Joined
Jul 3, 2008
Messages
1,858
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
54
Instinctual Variant
so/sp
Yes, I frequently play the part of hermit. Day and night, night and day, and most of whatever is inbetween.

What do you mean by "blowing people off"?

My best friends are those who have similar desires to remain at a distance to develop ideas so that when we do see each other, hanging out is fun and/or intellectually stimulating. Most time is spent with an INTJ, an INFJ and a few INTPs. We are comfortable with not seeing each other for longer stretches.

Maybe you need to look for other hermits.
 

Dwigie

New member
Joined
Aug 25, 2008
Messages
658
MBTI Type
INFP
I tend to do that too, one party a month is more than enough for me :).
But really, it's not limited to INFPs, I think it's just an introversion trait?Not entirely sure. My friend is supposedly ISFP, so you know we understand each other, other people don't really, like me extroverted sister who is too "energetic?" for me.
 

Nonsensical

New member
Joined
Aug 2, 2008
Messages
4,006
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
7
Sometimes I get "in the zone" as I like to call it, and I completely blank out for a period of time..isolated from every centimeter of the outside world..It really soothes all of my problems, whether it be when I read, listen to music, sit and stare, or whatever.
 

nolla

Senor Membrane
Joined
May 22, 2008
Messages
3,166
MBTI Type
INFP
I don't see why I can't pick up where I left off.

Yeah, this is a question I'd like to be answered. Why do people think that absence means that I don't care about them? If I am gone for a month (even if it means I am not physically gone) why should that change anything?
 

disregard

mrs
Joined
Apr 23, 2007
Messages
7,826
MBTI Type
INFP
I don't disappear IRL, but online I feel the urge to disappear a lot. It's because being "on call" socially often proves to be too burdensome for me. Sometimes I don't want to be available.
 

SuperFob

New member
Joined
Aug 7, 2008
Messages
264
MBTI Type
INFJ
INFJ's like me seem kinda prone to those disappearing acts, too. We're known to alienate everyone we know during tough/stressful times. I definitely do that. I can sometimes go for weeks avoiding everyone I know if my mind isn't in the right place.
 

Anja

New member
Joined
May 2, 2008
Messages
2,967
MBTI Type
INFP
About once every three months I get on the computer, find a place I'd like to go, usually not too far from home, pack a suitcase and go by myself just to have a little down time. It's more of an energy-level thing than it is an avoidance thing.

I've learned to give the people in my life a heads up so that they understand I'm not abandoning them or am indifferent to their needs. Then when I come back, I've found them less in bad sorts about my sudden split from the scene. More supportive of my self care if they understand what's going on.

When I was in my teens and twenties it was more of a running-away thing when I was on emotional overload. Back then it was fight or flight stuff and given the day I could only think to choose one or the other. Neither were healthy or worked to sustain my relationhips with others.

I've come up now with a long list of ways to deal with my intense feelings to retreat -communication skills, soothing techniques, rethinking, frequenting places that give me rest and renewal, friends who help me catch my perspective back.

And I strongly resist any unhealthy urges to run away from any situation which isn't life-threatening. I still step back, based on how much energy I am willing to expend so it's a matter of evaluating my priorities. How important is it to me to try to "fix" this? Mostly I try to keep it about me and not about others. Works for me.
 

snowflurri

New member
Joined
Jul 5, 2008
Messages
40
MBTI Type
INFP
Well, I usually disappear from social events that I have to attend because I don't like mixing around with people I don't know.

But I sometimes I go into this dreamy state and I feel detatched from the world.
 

Jaded

New member
Joined
Oct 2, 2008
Messages
8
MBTI Type
INFP
yeah i totally understand what you mean, sometimes i dont feel like i wana be alone, or any negative feelings towards the gathering, say its a party or whatever, im jst not 'THERE'
i look at everything around me and i feel removed from it,,,i go off in my head with my lil thoughts and it makes me feel more comfortable than havin to make small talk with people when i really don't care to know them lol..id rather jst sit there and watch them , its quite fun actually=P ....other times however, when i do exert myself in a social situation i need alot of time to decompress...it gets anoyin sometimes, especially when i have a hectic scedule and i need to do alot of things in a week or so...my energy levels go crazy high highs and low lows....(i guess i rely on caffiene alot coz of it...) anywayz so people never seem to understand than i REALLY need to go home and recharge and be left alone, they keep thinkin im lazy and wish it wasnt the case,i wish i could just go on and on and on...but it realy takes a toll on me=/...can anyone share any method/ways they found helpful in dealin with this? coz its really gettin to be a problem now that im a junior in college and am usualy very busy...=/
 

staygold

New member
Joined
Jan 28, 2009
Messages
5
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4
i do this a few times a year, totally disapear from pretty much everyone i can minus 1 or 2 select people. Most of my other friends are extroverts so they get offended
 

tibby

New member
Joined
Nov 22, 2008
Messages
682
MBTI Type
fool
An INFP I know is like this, and for the very first time when this happened he'd just shut off completely, I didn't know what it was. Later he explained that he needs this time to process something in his mind (he needed stimulus for his imagination).

Sometimes he'd just stay inside his house for days and not go out literally at all.
 
Joined
Mar 18, 2008
Messages
76
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
5w4
I am like that. I disappear for months, because having to keep up with my social life drains everything in me. And then when I do that, the Es friends complain.
 

Ardea

o edward cullen!
Joined
Dec 3, 2008
Messages
729
MBTI Type
enfp
Enneagram
7
How does one CAUSE a INFP to disappear?

Other than murder, that is...
 

scantilyclad

almost nekkid
Joined
Jul 31, 2007
Messages
2,106
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w5
Instinctual Variant
so/sp
I go on a hermit hiatus every few months it seems. I think it scares my friends/family, because i don't answer the phone/emails so they think i'm dead.

I just get fed up with dealing with people, and the emotions that they bring me. I spend a lot of time at home. Of course its not true hermitism (i made up a word!) because i do have to be around my boyfriend and son because i live with them. i can't really hermit (i used hermit as a verb!) my way out of that one.
 

placebo

New member
Joined
May 11, 2008
Messages
492
MBTI Type
INFP
I definitely definitely go into hermit mode once in a while. I wonder why I do, but it happens. It's a good explanation for why I have difficulty maintaining friendships with people. I feel very comfortable isolated with just myself, and the desire to seek out other people (online or in real life) is really not there sometimes. I don't know if this is exactly a 'problem', because I do get out of hermit status and can still maintain normal social interaction and keep close friends, but it's unknown to me why exactly it happens. It probably appears inconsistent to other people--how I seem to disappear for weeks--and then I'm back on again, with no real explanation.
 
Joined
Jul 3, 2008
Messages
1,858
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
54
Instinctual Variant
so/sp
There is no one to disappear from!
 
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