[INFP] Craving Attention/Validation? Not sure which.

[JCC1990]

Hello everyone

So my life has been in somewhat of an emotional roller coaster the past year or so. The good news is that I have found my self-worth (worked at a Mcdonalds inside of a Walmart, got stuck there and felt so worthless) but now I'm out and have found a much better job that's far more fulfilling as well as a renewed interest in my martial arts. The problem I'm facing now, is that when I see other people around me getting attention, I feel as though no one notices or even cares that I'm around. At my new job, which is in another restaurant, people speak quite bluntly and with little regard for emotions, a trial by fire of sorts. I am becoming super sensitive to other peoples stress all the while I have this 'look at me' syndrome going on. Today, I apologized to my boss for doing a lousy job at work, because my boss was acting all down and irritable. He responded with almost disbelief saying 'What are you talking about, you did great today bro.'

In another instance, also today I was in my martial arts class. There was me and another student. He has been there for a couple months while I have been there a few weeks. The teacher spent the greater deal of time with the other student while only occasionally checking up on me. I felt jealous and neglected, until I was able to look at it through hindsight and realized I was just being silly and overemotional, that its normal for someone who is more advanced to get more in-depth training.

I'm sorry if I'm rambling a bit. But has any other INFP's had similar situations happen to them? Personally I was feeling really great before about a week ago. It's almost as if I was walking around, full of the self-confidence I have been trying to build since puberty, but no one notices or even really cares (or at least that's how I perceive it). Do I just have a big head? I kinda remember feeling this way as an isolated, awkward teenager.

Thank you for you time and help

 

[Galaxy Gazer]

I'm not sure if this is an INFP thing, but it definitely happens to me a lot. Like all the time. I think a lot of people have this assumption that quiet/introverted people prefer to be left alone, and that attention makes us uncomfortable, but this doesn't seem to really be true for INFPs. For a while, I was convinced that I had some sort of personality issue because it seemed like I was ALWAYS the person in the group who didn't really matter. I was never recognized for anything in school regardless of how hard I worked, I wasn't really included in any of my social circles, etc. Honestly, I'm not sure of the reason for this. But you're not alone. I know it sucks.

 

[Cellmold]

This is a basic human thing.

You'll experience it your entire life, so it's a good idea to stay aware of it so it doesn't become too invasive.

It's also the reason Facebook became so powerful and successful; instant validation without any real effort at all.

But it's not unhealthy, just stay abreast of it's intensity/need, where and who it is coming from and why.

 

[Hypatia]

I'm curious about you INFPs. Please respond.

 

[JCC1990]

I'm curious about you INFPs. Please respond.

Well, I can only speak for myself. I'm pretty hypersensitive to the emotions around me. This isn't necessarily a bad thing but when I'm not being particularly aware or I don't know the people that well I can pick up the emotion pretty accurately. But frequently I misdiagnose the cause. I'm very self critical, so if anything in the environment is wrong, I must have done it I feel like. I'm a perfectionist, I'm typically really good at dealing with people, and when I don't get the reception I normally get, I feel I've let them down, and that I've failed in my mission so to say. Now obviously, the world doesn't revolve around me. I know this objectively and most of the time, I'm pretty relaxed and carefree. Outside of my social groups, I could careless of what people think of me. However, when I'm doing something that involves my focus, such as work or practicing a hobby I really care about, I feel like it does, because after all I can't perceive anything outside of my own senses. I want to say I fly into panic mode (that's really too strong of a word, but its the best i can come up with), where my brain cannot process all the decisions I have to make at a given time, so I begin to make decisions on impulse. I'm pretty intuitive so it usually ends well, with a good job, heartfelt conversation, or just a simple good job. But when I try to interpret the emotions of say my boss, I'll sense a certain level of frustration and anger that I would interpret as being disappointed or hurt. Now, I'm not sure how it works with other types, and other people, but I experience a wide palate of emotions. They usually always occur together in different patterns and combinations. It's fairly rare to experience something pure, like just anger, I discovered I'd black out and repressed most of my anger, and I'd either just forget it happen, or I'd change the memory. Aside from experiencing those 'pure emotions', I'd say its also fairly rare for the 'combination' kinds of emotion to ever occur the same way.

Since my emotions dictate my decision making, I have to figure what I'm feeling, and why I'm feeling that way. Once I've done that , a decision can be reached. This process can be fast, or it can be extremely slow. If I were offered a promotion, I would always think about it so long it goes to somebody else. So when say, I'm concentrating on a task I judge a situation as quickly as possible. The fastest route to say its my fault, usually sorry and feel like an ass for the rest of the day.

Is that what you were curious about?

 

[Hypatia]

Well, I can only speak for myself. I'm pretty hypersensitive to the emotions around me. This isn't necessarily a bad thing but when I'm not being particularly aware or I don't know the people that well I can pick up the emotion pretty accurately. But frequently I misdiagnose the cause. I'm very self critical, so if anything in the environment is wrong, I must have done it I feel like. I'm a perfectionist, I'm typically really good at dealing with people, and when I don't get the reception I normally get, I feel I've let them down, and that I've failed in my mission so to say. Now obviously, the world doesn't revolve around me. I know this objectively and most of the time, I'm pretty relaxed and carefree. Outside of my social groups, I could careless of what people think of me. However, when I'm doing something that involves my focus, such as work or practicing a hobby I really care about, I feel like it does, because after all I can't perceive anything outside of my own senses. I want to say I fly into panic mode (that's really too strong of a word, but its the best i can come up with), where my brain cannot process all the decisions I have to make at a given time, so I begin to make decisions on impulse. I'm pretty intuitive so it usually ends well, with a good job, heartfelt conversation, or just a simple good job. But when I try to interpret the emotions of say my boss, I'll sense a certain level of frustration and anger that I would interpret as being disappointed or hurt. Now, I'm not sure how it works with other types, and other people, but I experience a wide palate of emotions. They usually always occur together in different patterns and combinations. It's fairly rare to experience something pure, like just anger, I discovered I'd black out and repressed most of my anger, and I'd either just forget it happen, or I'd change the memory. Aside from experiencing those 'pure emotions', I'd say its also fairly rare for the 'combination' kinds of emotion to ever occur the same way.

Since my emotions dictate my decision making, I have to figure what I'm feeling, and why I'm feeling that way. Once I've done that , a decision can be reached. This process can be fast, or it can be extremely slow. If I were offered a promotion, I would always think about it so long it goes to somebody else. So when say, I'm concentrating on a task I judge a situation as quickly as possible. The fastest route to say its my fault, usually sorry and feel like an ass for the rest of the day.

Is that what you were curious about?

That was very interesting. Thanks for the insight.