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[ENFJ] Where are all of the topics about ENFJ's? (why I'm here)

dee

New member
Joined
Dec 14, 2008
Messages
136
MBTI Type
Enfj
Enneagram
2+1
2 ENFJs? Sounds interesting.

Yeah, wouldn't it be?
Imagine how much love would be flowing between those two people, total intuition types, I think it would be amazing. Well obviously it's gotta be an enfj that is pretty healthy emotionally or otherwise it could be hell.

I once met an enfj male, and I'm telling you, it was just too weird and amazing at the same time. It was like a twin soul! ( but I decided maybe in another life, yknow married etc.)
Anyway, we connected on an emotional level, not even on purpose, he was just so like me and vice versa that I just felt very connected to him.

Cause what do us enfjs really yearn for so much all the time???

as chris said:
They've just given up trying to understand me.

to my point:

We just want to be understood and loved and want to give that genuine love back to the one that loves and understands us...

I think to us enfjs, love = understanding

So as I said before, imagine the flow of love between them!

So try to find one and tell me if it works! :)

Cheers!, dee
 

dee

New member
Joined
Dec 14, 2008
Messages
136
MBTI Type
Enfj
Enneagram
2+1
sorry for kinda digressing off the OP.

If nothing else enfjs are talking, right? ;)

and that can be insightful, I hope. :huh:
 

The Third Rider

New member
Joined
Sep 12, 2007
Messages
763
MBTI Type
ENFj
Yeah, wouldn't it be?
Imagine how much love would be flowing between those two people, total intuition types, I think it would be amazing. Well obviously it's gotta be an enfj that is pretty healthy emotionally or otherwise it could be hell.

I once met an enfj male, and I'm telling you, it was just too weird and amazing at the same time. It was like a twin soul! ( but I decided maybe in another life, yknow married etc.)
Anyway, we connected on an emotional level, not even on purpose, he was just so like me and vice versa that I just felt very connected to him.

Cause what do us enfjs really yearn for so much all the time???

as chris said:


to my point:

We just want to be understood and loved and want to give that genuine love back to the one that loves and understands us...

I think to us enfjs, love = understanding

So as I said before, imagine the flow of love between them!

So try to find one and tell me if it works! :)

Cheers!, dee

Ah yes, I definitely see what you are saying, it does sound rather intriging indeed. *strokes chin* I will see if can conduct that little experiment for you than.lol Now to find one.....
 

dee

New member
Joined
Dec 14, 2008
Messages
136
MBTI Type
Enfj
Enneagram
2+1
Ah yes, I definitely see what you are saying, it does sound rather intriging indeed. *strokes chin* I will see if can conduct that little experiment for you than.lol Now to find one.....

:cheers:


I will be waiting for updates...;)

As far as finding one, that is tricky.. I have only met one of the male species in my entire life, but maybe you can put up an add on craigslist, or maybe we can ask the mods to start a new subject title-
the love adds wanted list for mbti aware people...:woot:
 

SpottingTrains

New member
Joined
Jan 21, 2009
Messages
444
MBTI Type
ENFJ
Enneagram
3w2
I mean, come on, we're pretty awesome! We're massively underrepresented here in the forums (5-10 truly active ENFJ posters) I know but that must mean that there are more out there that you guys are interacting with, I think. I'm just here because I'm an introverted extravert. Can any of you relate?

I want to be social but I've never really been social for most of my life. I definitely was as a kid but come adolescence and the awkwardness started. (Just a warning to parents out there, even a couple years of homeschooling can ruin an E.) Fe just goes around building up walls and Ni comes up with excuses for why people wouldn't want to hang out with me and why I wouldn't want to hang out with them.

In the end, I'm so preoccupied, with why I'm antisocial or why others have such biting criticisms of me that I find I have no real interests beyond maintaining order and working towards idealistic goals. E.g. I spent over ten hours last week reseaching headphones with no clear purpose, just reading a bunch of yays or nays, mostly nays.

Anyone ever been in a rut like this and if so how did you "get out" and start to enjoy life?

I just wanted to say that I know exactly how you feel. It is a very twisted circle. I think for us it is extremely important that we have very strong, trustworthy friendships but at the same token it is very hard for us (males at least) to actually open ourselves up enough to actually gain solid friendships like that, especially if you have been hurt in the past.

Personally, I wouldn't call myself anti-social but more along the lines of anti-commital, if that makes sense. I will talk to anyone but I will rarely ever divulge anything about myself but I will still manage to have a great conversation with people.

As far as your point about being an introverted extrovert, I know exactly what you mean. I love to dance, goto parties, have a great time but if a group of people are talking I find myself engaged but not actually adding anything to the conversation. I find it more much fulfilling to sit back and and soak it all in. If someone engages me in a one on one conversation that is completely different.

What you need is for someone to take you by the hand and thrust you into crazy ass situations and you will never look back. The trick is finding someone you can trust completely which from what I have experienced is very, very hard.
 

Brendan

Guerilla Urbanist
Joined
Apr 23, 2007
Messages
911
MBTI Type
ENFJ
I mean, come on, we're pretty awesome! We're massively underrepresented here in the forums (5-10 truly active ENFJ posters) I know but that must mean that there are more out there that you guys are interacting with, I think. I'm just here because I'm an introverted extravert. Can any of you relate?

I want to be social but I've never really been social for most of my life. I definitely was as a kid but come adolescence and the awkwardness started. (Just a warning to parents out there, even a couple years of homeschooling can ruin an E.) Fe just goes around building up walls and Ni comes up with excuses for why people wouldn't want to hang out with me and why I wouldn't want to hang out with them.

In the end, I'm so preoccupied, with why I'm antisocial or why others have such biting criticisms of me that I find I have no real interests beyond maintaining order and working towards idealistic goals. E.g. I spent over ten hours last week reseaching headphones with no clear purpose, just reading a bunch of yays or nays, mostly nays.

Anyone ever been in a rut like this and if so how did you "get out" and start to enjoy life?
At INTP Central, in a thread entitled "College sucks," a wise man once said:

Idiom said:
Hair's guide to not feeling so bad about being a loser :

Step #1 Acquire shrooms.

Step #2 Ingest shrooms.

Step #3 Wait...

Step #4 After awhile, you'll be happy & optimistic about everything. This is the time to jot down your thoughts. Answer the typical self-help questions: What do I want to be doing in the future? What makes me happy now? How do I plan on solving my immediate problems? Make note of anything positive that comes to mind during this state, because you'll be back to being a suckfag in a few hours. That is, unless you're a quick learner.

I believe that this guide is helpful with most adolescent woes (all of them at once, don't go trippin' balls every time it's overcast).
 

Nihilen

Permabanned
Joined
Oct 27, 2008
Messages
977
MBTI Type
ISTP
I mean, come on, we're pretty awesome! We're massively underrepresented here in the forums (5-10 truly active ENFJ posters) I know but that must mean that there are more out there that you guys are interacting with, I think. I'm just here because I'm an introverted extravert. Can any of you relate?

I want to be social but I've never really been social for most of my life. I definitely was as a kid but come adolescence and the awkwardness started. (Just a warning to parents out there, even a couple years of homeschooling can ruin an E.) Fe just goes around building up walls and Ni comes up with excuses for why people wouldn't want to hang out with me and why I wouldn't want to hang out with them.

In the end, I'm so preoccupied, with why I'm antisocial or why others have such biting criticisms of me that I find I have no real interests beyond maintaining order and working towards idealistic goals. E.g. I spent over ten hours last week reseaching headphones with no clear purpose, just reading a bunch of yays or nays, mostly nays.

Anyone ever been in a rut like this and if so how did you "get out" and start to enjoy life?

I know an ENFJ artist. He's the biggest extrovert I have ever met.
 

ENFJ_Catholic

New member
Joined
May 23, 2009
Messages
136
MBTI Type
ENFJ
The whole question of "introverted" or "extraverted" ENFJs boils down to the question of exactly that—whether the person is being smothered or embraced in the present environment.

I can relate as a kid being hindered in this respect. I felt I was forced into introversion but craved that other-person connection. As it stands, realizing who you are and what pleases you is half the battle. The other half is trusting yourself and your judgements enough to go on ledge and damn the consequences. We have to trust ourselves enough to be open to the Other.

To love for ENFJs is to be understood. I agree with this completely. Without understanding, without harmony love has a hard time existing. The environment must be under the right condiditons for an ENFJ to flourish.

That's why I think, from my perspective as an ENFJ male, why a INFP-ENFJ romantic relationship would work so well. It's that symbiotic relationship with a common understanding that we ENFJs yearn for. Even in an INFP's introvertedness, we ENFJs could learn a great deal about being open to changes in past decided decisions. It becomes quite liberating actually.

However, meeting and getting to know a female ENFJ would be interesting and fun, too... From the experiences I have had with this other half of the ENFJ type, it's magical. They do get you. Magical... :wubbie:
 

nynesneg

New member
Joined
Oct 18, 2009
Messages
357
MBTI Type
ENFJ
Enneagram
3w2
I want to be social but I've never really been social for most of my life. I definitely was as a kid but come adolescence and the awkwardness started. (Just a warning to parents out there, even a couple years of homeschooling can ruin an E.)

Wow! You were homeschooled too? Another fellow ENFJ with that experience. I was HSed until 10th grade. I too can relate to spending endless hours researching things and always being busy. haha.

I am naturally friendly, I can talk to anyone and enjoy great conversations. However just like you, I don't actually have that much of a social life. My closest friends don't live anywhere near me. I am always busy, but enjoy it that way. Thankfully I grew out of alot of my insecurities over the past 4 years, so I don't go through the mental dialog of thinking people might not want to talk to me.


In the end, I'm so preoccupied, with why I'm antisocial or why others have such biting criticisms of me that I find I have no real interests beyond maintaining order and working towards idealistic goals.
Aw... That sounds like how I become if I don't get enough social time. :( I get highly introspective and almost anti-social when I'm feeling down sometimes. Perhaps you need to talk to some random people or friends, or busy in social settings to feel more comfortable?
 

Venom

Babylon Candle
Joined
Feb 10, 2008
Messages
2,126
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
1w9
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
I am naturally friendly, I can talk to anyone and enjoy great conversations. However just like you, I don't actually have that much of a social life. My closest friends don't live anywhere near me. I am always busy, but enjoy it that way. Thankfully I grew out of alot of my insecurities over the past 4 years, so I don't go through the mental dialog of thinking people might not want to talk to me.

Aw... That sounds like how I become if I don't get enough social time. :( I get highly introspective and almost anti-social when I'm feeling down sometimes. Perhaps you need to talk to some random people or friends, or busy in social settings to feel more comfortable?

The whole question of "introverted" or "extraverted" ENFJs boils down to the question of exactly that—whether the person is being smothered or embraced in the present environment.

I can relate as a kid being hindered in this respect. I felt I was forced into introversion but craved that other-person connection. As it stands, realizing who you are and what pleases you is half the battle. The other half is trusting yourself and your judgements enough to go on ledge and damn the consequences. We have to trust ourselves enough to be open to the Other.

I think this has a lot to do with whether your extroverted feeling has been smothered or embraced.

I just wanted to say that I know exactly how you feel. It is a very twisted circle. I think for us it is extremely important that we have very strong, trustworthy friendships but at the same token it is very hard for us (males at least) to actually open ourselves up enough to actually gain solid friendships like that, especially if you have been hurt in the past.

Personally, I wouldn't call myself anti-social but more along the lines of anti-commital, if that makes sense. I will talk to anyone but I will rarely ever divulge anything about myself but I will still manage to have a great conversation with people.

As far as your point about being an introverted extrovert, I know exactly what you mean. I love to dance, goto parties, have a great time but if a group of people are talking I find myself engaged but not actually adding anything to the conversation. I find it more much fulfilling to sit back and and soak it all in. If someone engages me in a one on one conversation that is completely different.

What you need is for someone to take you by the hand and thrust you into crazy ass situations and you will never look back. The trick is finding someone you can trust completely which from what I have experienced is very, very hard.

OMG, I could have written all of that word for word, wow. I mean all of it, this is why I am on this forum too, kind of sad really. It all started when I was a kid and my parents wouldn't let me out so I spent a lot of time being depressed and was put down for years and years and not having a stable home killed me, so I found forums and talked to people there. I had a lot of friends but not being able to hang out with them and moving so much over time really made me lose myself and became deeply depressed. Well after a few years and taking a hold of my life and sanity I feel A LOT better and so is my confidence, but I do feel like I was robbed of some years of my life. My job is boring as well, sitting in my cube or a good part of the day so I spend a lot of time on the net browsing it too. Now I feel like I need to connect with more people and be more sociable as well but all those years I spent acting like an introvert have stayed on me as well, but even when I am in a group of people I sometimes feel alone too, weird really.

I like to think that the secret to living now is learning to take life one day at a time. You just gotta learn to not try to control everything and just follow your gut. Honestly, I think the outlook is quite good for us. We do have Se as our tertiary function, which according to "Do what you are!" is a function we should be developing between the ages of 25 and 40. Sure we might miss some years but Se is really excellent at being more spontaneous. We'll see.

I tell ya, some of the problems we've encountered might have something to do with the fact that ENFJ's just aren't that common and people don't know how to deal with us. I mean come on 2.4 %-ish is pretty low. My whole family's very SJ BTW. Dad - ISTJ, Mom - ESFJ, and Sister - ESTJ so you can see how I'd run into problems being the odd man out. They've just given up trying to understand me. Things have been decent as of late though. I decided I would come to their level and we at least don't have a massive barrier between us anymore.

Good thread. Some very "non-stereotypical ENFJ" issues. I relate to a lot of the issues of feeling alone, even when among a group. I think its the issue of intimacy vs pure socializing. I think how things go as you grow up can strongly affect how you choose to form relationships as you get older (i'd guess any peer teasing, parental socialization or other factors).

Ironically (because Se is always portrayed as being shallow), I think developing a healthy Se can be effective. Having ESFP friends (who aren't too crazy), can help push you to into those crazy situations that bring out the best in you.
 
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