ENFJs tend to have a lack of self-love, a deficit that will need to be addressed at some point. It is pretty simple.
Unless they grew up in an extremely emotional supporting environment (and I have never met one that did), they grow up very scarred from being a Fe dom in a troubled situation. They are tied into the emotional matrix of everyone around them and often not aware that the waves of difficult emotions they experience are not even theirs.
This can play out in many ways, depending upon enneagram. And ENFJs have the tools to really do some crazy manipulations, if they are badly damaged enough. And it will not even be that conscious.
Every ENFJ likely needs to hit therapy to help them find themselves in the mess of pain they have taken on from everyone else. Many construct tremendous defenses to prevent themselves from feeling their own feelings or letting the feelings of others impact them.
But self-love is the way of our this mess. Finding their own feelings and accepting their own emotions.
As to the OP's pattern, I can relate, a bit.
As a teenager and young adult, I found it very easy to get a girl to fall in love with me. And it was fun to play the "love them and leave them" game for a little bit. One reason for the "leave them" side of things was not really pursuing girls I actually liked, but rather taking what was available to easy. In many ways, I didn't feel I was worth the girls I really wanted to date.
For me, this all changed with a college girl friend, who saw me and pursued me rather quickly. A INFP, she felt strongly pulled to me. And it scared me, because she saw right through all my layers of defenses, all my bravado and arrogance, and saw the person I was underneath, the one I hid from the world and from myself, and accepted me. She saw those places and things I avoided. I had no defenses to her.
I broke up with her because it was way too uncomfortable. And changed how I dated after that.
Maybe there is an ENFJ out there that grew up in a healthy environment, but I have yet to find one.
