[ENFP] Would you let someone you like (romantically) walk away?

[tangledupinlines]

First of all: sorry to bring this subect on and vent my problems to you.
Hey, I'm new here. I've been through this situation and I can't understand what really happened. So I'm asking, please, someone help me.

I've met an ENFP on Tinder and we really connected on our first date. I went home with him and we couldn't even stop talking to each other to do other things (you know..). Just a few days after he said he liked me and talked about how it had been a long time since he felt something like this for someone. He made plans, we hang out on my birthday and he took me to see this place he loves going to, across our town. He said he was falling in love. We were seeing each other for a month or so, and he was still on Tinder. So, last week I said how much I liked him (mostly because he made me feel comfortable enough to open up after saying he was falling) and he said he liked me, but didn't want anything serious. So I said it would be better if we stopped seeing each other. Let me explain: I would keep falling in love with him and he would keep searching for other girls. I feel like I can't "kind of" like someone. If I'm into someone, I really am. I couldn't keep seeing him and pretend like "ok, so probably I should search for other guys too" because I would (even if unconsciously) be devoted to him. I would keep hurting myself, you know? Expecting things to be different. I think that if you like someone (how he said he liked me) you don't treat them like an option. I mean, it's ok wanting to be the only one for him, right? But he said it was ok, that it was my call if I wanted to walk away.

So yeah, I'm just sad because he said things to me but his actions are just the opposite. He let me go. It's been a week. We don't talk anymore. End.

It's been a long time since I've opened up and let someone in... And now I feel insignificant, like he was just trying to make me fall for him. But then I think about how he said all those things looking me in the eyes, and the way he looked me in the eyes, and how he said he liked me so much and the way he talked about the gift he would give me for my graduation.. I feel deep down that he couldn't be lying. It's driving me crazy. I'm moving on and taking care of myself, I'm painting, writing, exercising, loving myself... But I just can't understand this. I keep thinking if he misses me. I hope you understand my actions though. I'm sorry about the subject.

 

[Yama]

Well, you can't control other people's actions, so you can't control whether someone else walks away or not.

You made your decision because you knew it would hurt if you stayed. The only thing left is to give yourself some time and then move on.

 

[Forever]

First of all tinder is tinder. It's known more for a place to hook up rather than to have a serious committed relationship. Sometimes guys just say they really like you so they can have (you know..). You only knew each other for a month. Just keep searching.

It's not easy I know.

 

[xenaprincess]

That sucks.
You're not letting someone walk away, though. It matters how you frame how you see this. Knowing yourself, you were protecting yourself and pre-empting more hurt.

He was not right for saying that he was falling for you. Or maybe not wrong, but kind of irresponsible.

You're really good to be focusing on yourself right now. Good for you, and give it some time. But please don't think you're insignificant. You are all there is for you. Stay strong!!

hugs!!!!

 

[Merced]

Just because he doesn't know what he wants and you do, doesn't mean you should change what you want until he figures it out. Don't settle and don't point fingers. You two just didn't meet each other's needs. No one is at fault for that. It's good that you stood your ground. You should keep dating other people and find someone who also wants a committed relationship.

 

[Jayce]

I wanted to say something in defense of (male) ENFPs... Or shed some light on our actions, rather. We are very flighty creatures. Sometimes we might go from place to place, flower to flower. Then we might fall in love very fast, like here. I doubt many ENFPs would lie they're falling with someone just to get them to love them, although we crave attention. Probably he was sincere. Sometimes we fall out of it as fast and realize later that we still think of that person. I don't know how old you guys are, but we don't tend to settle down (or settle) early. We are very loyal and devoted when we get there but it can be a long process. Even if some of us found THE ONE, we might still keep going on dates with other people. This is, I think, due to fear of being hurt by the one in particular and also the grass is greener effect. Must always have something going on and scanning the whole world for something better. Even if we already found the best. But we just can't know it for sure until we've tried every option.

All that said I don't approve of what he did and commend you for putting an end to an unfavorable situation. That is not easy to do. But it probably has nothing against you, just the workings of a flighty individual vs a more steady one. The INFJ ENFP dynamic can be complicated especially if the ENFP is not mature/has problems. But it is great in the end, I tell you that.

PS. I suggest going on okcupid or something else. I guess more serious ENFPs could be found there.

PPS. You're very welcome on the forum to discuss anything.

 

[Rebeka]

if he's kind of "don't know how to lead my life and want" it's better for you to give up and look for something that emotionally nurtures you instead of waiting something you don't know if you'll reach and losing your energy... be practical and focus on a thing that brings you comfort and happiness

 

[Qwho]

Without even touching on them being ENFP, or condone their actions, I always like to suggest everyone be mindful of their own cognitive functions. While its perfectly fine to want a committed relationship, its helpful to ask yourself why that is--why (Fe) you invest yourself so heavily toward others. Here, it may just be the case to move on, yet don't focus on their actions to the point of neglecting your own growth and future relationships moving forward.