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[INFP] Looking for some advice from INFPs

Fine_21

New member
Joined
Aug 11, 2016
Messages
17
Hi guys.

I have a question regarding INFPs females

I had a 3 months kinda on and off relationship with one.I found the whole thing quite difficult to be honest. The last time we had contact was after i got back from ibiza and messaged asking if she would like to meet up. She agreed and said she would like to. The day of the meet didn't go as i wanted. Some of it was maybe due to the fact i asked if she would like to bring her dog, so we could get out somewhere. I think i was trying to just keep it laid back and casual. It was a bad idea, as i never really got chance to talk properly. Anyway, since the meet i asked if she would like to meet up and go bowling sometime. She replied saying that it sounds good. I replied asking her when she would like to do it, when shes free, and got no reply. I since sent another message around 4 days later, and no reply. At this point im thinking she doesn't feel the same anymore, so ive left it. I've been really beating myself up over the meet, as i was not on form, tired and just not in a great mood. Its been about 9 days now.

The whole things hit me hard. I've hit a major depression, not been going into work, not eating, sleeping 16 hours and i don't know why. I guess its something to do with the fact there was this connection, and im sad it didn't work out. I'm also beating myself over mistakes i made. Also, i don't feel like i have closure. There were some strange behavour from her towards some of the relationship, and especially towards the end that sent me off in a whirlwind. I reacted from this in a kind of in the moment outburst and said something that eat away at me for ages and that i regretted. After i said what i said, she told me she never felt the same because of this but proceeded to message me a week later asking to meet up. We never got chance to arrange anything (This was a few weeks before paragraph 1)

Now im feeling really bad over the chance i had to maybe get some closer on the last meet, but i didn't get chance. I'm beating myself, saying to myself i should of done it one to one, over a drink, and got some closure and got things out that i wanted to ask. Now shes going no contact and feeling theirs no options.

I'm wondering if any female INFPs can maybe give me some advice on this, am i chasing a dead end or is there something i could say? Would a complete honest text work saying how i feel and i need closure and could we meet? Is it best leaving it some more time then message? Or am i at a complete dead end here? I don't want to cause any negativity to her by trying to talking, but i also feel this is maybe what i need to move forward, as ive been in this slump now for 2 weeks

I'm an INFJ male if that helps

Thank you
 

PeaceBaby

reborn
Joined
Jan 7, 2009
Messages
5,950
MBTI Type
N/A
Enneagram
N/A
:hug: to start.

Next, please eat. Please don't lose your job. As hard as it feels, help yourself make the effort to reestablish routine. The routine will help you feel better and more like you have some control and your feet on the ground.

What I'm hearing you say is that you need some closure and some sense of forgiveness in order to move on. When I say forgiveness, what I mean by that is being ok with yourself for things not working out the way you hoped they would, forgiving yourself. What you're seeking is forgiveness for making what you perceived as mistakes, and there's only one person who can help you with that level of forgiveness -- yourself, it comes from within. What I heard from your last thread were some very human misunderstandings that simply happen from time to time when we try to establish relationship. You are young and so is she and connecting with others happens on a learning curve, you don't get born into it knowing all this stuff - it's a process. So please try to go easier on yourself, with the awareness that on reflection you can see how you might have done things differently, and that's how literally everyone feels from time to time.

If you were to get together:

What are you looking for if you were to meet one last time to talk? What would you like to say? What are you hoping she might say? These are the questions to examine in order to know if getting together is the right thing for you to do at this time.

My best wishes to you.
 

radneim

New member
Joined
Oct 4, 2016
Messages
5
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w5
Hello buddy, just made an account to answer this because that's my life (?)
You said that she didn't reply to your message.
I'm guessing that maybe she doesn't feel the same way or she's going through a dark time, avoiding even the things/people she cares about.
My advice would be, give it time. She'll contact you if she cares about you. If you're the one reaching out again, do not sound clingy, that doesn't work.
Whenever both of you get to talk, make sure to mention whatever you've said/did before that you think was wrong and why you said/did those things. She'll be likely to not mention it but you might be able to make things up by acklowledging your mistakes and telling her how you intend to fix the situation.

I don't know if you're chasing a dead-end. I think it's better if you tell her that you want to meet her over a coffee or something quiet like that. I don't recommend the letter thing so much. Have patience, if you're feeling shaky on the inside just wait until you can calm down, even if it takes you like two weeks or so. You've already tried reaching out, it's not like you're ignoring her, focus on you own well being first. Pick yourself up, be selfish. Infps can be very selfish, don't let your happiness depend on someone else and be comfortable with yourself, then you can call up someone to join you on the ride.


Cheers, I really hope this ↑ wasn't a mess and that you get to feel better soon :)
 

Norrsken

self murderer
Joined
Nov 27, 2015
Messages
3,633
MBTI Type
ENFJ
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
Hey, I remember you!

Like the others have stated, give it time. If she's like most women, she's going NC to emotionally get over what's happened between the two of you. She may have realized on her own that there's just no point to keeping a relationship that has a shaky foundation from day one, even if she likes you a whole lot. Of course, there may be many other reasons that she's no longer talking to you. Regardless, you can't beat yourself up forever over this. It's over. It's done. Break ups happen, they suck, yes, but you take it as a learning experience for the next one that'll come along.

Best of luck.
 

rainydaichick

New member
Joined
Oct 7, 2016
Messages
4
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w5
Instinctual Variant
sx
I am maybe guilty of ignoring people like that. If someone just sends me "hey, what's up?" or asks me to get together when I'm not wanting to for whatever reason I may ignore, but I'm far less likely to ignore it if you say something like "hey, haven't heard from you in a while, is everything ok?" or some other variation of that, you could even ask if you did something that upset her, or if she'd like you to back off and give her some space. I may not want to talk about my feelings, but if you ask me something direct like that, especially if I get the sense I may be hurting you in some way by not responding, I'll be honest. Suggesting we meet up to talk about it would probably just make me squirm, it's a lot easier for me to express myself in writing, especially if it's a subject I feel emotional on.

Hope that helps.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
 

jcloudz

Yup
Joined
Nov 5, 2009
Messages
1,525
MBTI Type
Istj
sometimes people just dont feel that connection or spark. does not mean you done anything wrong or something is wrong with you. on the other hand, a simple geasture of her not responding to you and it bringing your world down to rubble and cutting you super deeply? does make think you have some things going on with the confidence, aside with your approach to dating. you just became too invested in this one person, hyper focusing on only them. im certain most people who you date will not be doing the same. people usually have another one or two maybe even three other people they are talking to and feeling out to see if they are the person.
 

Justmeonhere

New member
Joined
Nov 6, 2016
Messages
57
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
5w4
Instinctual Variant
sp/so
I agree with gasoline. You were too invested in the matter. Probably she wasn't so interested in you or maybe lacked chemistry. The important thing is go on. Don't waste your time in a failed idea. It may be that she'll write you back but if won't happen don't worry. Go on and be happy! Maybe she'll write you back for excuse herself and provide an explanation for her behavior. But go on and look on the bright side of life!
 

Qwho

New member
Joined
Nov 3, 2016
Messages
5
MBTI Type
FiNe
While it can be useful to come and try and get an idea of her perspective here, it is also very telling of the potential problem: you might be projecting yourelf to extensively onto others--you are (Fe)ing too hard. As others have mentioned, this kind of experience shouldn't 'create' such a substantial depressive episode. More importantly, it is wrong to think that this is the cause of your depression--outward experiences may trigger such a thing, but not cause it. Rather than trying to ask what questions you should be asking her, you might need to wonder what questions you need to ask yourself. It may be you need to orient yourself a little better, as to not feel as dependent on connections with people.
 
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