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[INFJ] INFJ in love - do they fall in love fast?

Lauren Ashley

Revelation
Joined
Aug 19, 2008
Messages
3,067
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
4
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
I crush easily, but I don't think I've ever been in love.

I also would never enter any old relationship just for closeness. I have to feel that the person is special and that being with them is worth my time.
 

ladypinkington

Rubber Nipple Salesperson
Joined
Jul 19, 2007
Messages
1,126
MBTI Type
INFJ
"Loving

For INFJs, 'still waters run deep.' They tend to become attracted to someone special and prefer this one deep relationship over many superficial ones. The depth of involvement and feeling that the INFJ has toward loved ones is only partially communicated outward. At times, when alone, INFJs become truly in touch with the depth of the love they have for their partner. They may not openly demonstrate or even verbalize their intense feelings. INFJs often have an ideal standard of what love is. They hold to their ideal and are disappointed when, inevitably, their relationship and/or mate reveals flaws. INFJs enjoy sharing activities like a regular 'date,' revisiting the place where they first met their mates, or doing other symbolic things that help to continue and confirm the existence of the bond that they feel for their partner.

INFJs want to give love and to be loved. They enter into relationships just to be cared for, even when the person is not right for them and they suspect it. However, when they meet that special person, they are quick to get into the relationship and make it a serious one. They will end their other relationships in order to pursue their loved one. They become very focused, intense, and direct in that pursuit.

INFJs, when scorned, take it personally and retreat inward. They may obsess about the relationship and their role in its failure. One INFJ explained, 'people can do the most outrageous things, yet I blame myself for triggering their behaviour or not recognizing it. I see myself as responsible for relationships. Other people can dismiss them --- I'm not able to.' INFJs may blame themselves and experience a period of mourning. If they do not marshall their resources, externalized their feelings, and take risks to move on, they may experience a long periods of self-examination."


Oh my freaking gosh this is freakily right on target with me,lol. There was so much that fit me to a T that I had to put in bold that which did not fit me,lol.
I am the type of person who can be alone but not be lonely - so I don't have to be with someone just be with someone- if that makes sense. To be with someone just to be cared for while knowing it is isn't right would be just a waste of time for both parties in my opinion. I am very verbal and poor my heart out about my feelings- I say it- write it- sing it-profess to the whole world- you name it.

Every single thing not in bold is exactly me- I mean everything. I cannot even begin to comment the way I want to because there is so much that I feel overwhelmed to even try. Thank you sanveane for posting this description.
 

MrRandom

New member
Joined
Jul 19, 2008
Messages
151
MBTI Type
INFJ
I easily get all kinds of crushes. My intuition plays a big role as I tend to get interested in people others wouldn't even look twice. It's as if I see into people's personality whereas others only see their outer shell. Of course looks matter to me too, but it's not that important. Personality is.

I never enter into relationships just to be cared for. That description doesn't quite fit me. However, I'm quite sure I would be a happier human being if I did.
 

Tigerlily

unscannable
Joined
Jun 21, 2007
Messages
5,942
MBTI Type
TIGR
Enneagram
3w4
The only man I've ever loved is the man I married so maybe there's something to the OP.

edit: as in no "INFJ's" don't fall in love fast. The idea that feelers are emotional train wrecks is ridiculous.
 

cafe

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 19, 2007
Messages
9,827
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
9w1
Entering a relationship just to be cared for goes against my values in a major way and I also think it's stupid. If I can't have a very satisfying relationship, I'd rather be free to pursue my other interests and not be burdened with having to think about someone else and their feelings. I'm happier in a good relationship than I would be alone, but I can make my own happiness, thank you.
 

betterthandead

New member
Joined
Oct 6, 2007
Messages
35
MBTI Type
ENFP
INFJs are freaks. when i mean freaks, not freaks in bed. but they got this massive cruxification of jesus kind of romance deal. its kind of like if you get involved with an infj you must be able to withstand them impaling themselves on a cross while marching with you bleeding out in agony kind of cruxification.

tiny tim that ukelule player was an infj, even his face and mannerisms was infj. on the outside he seemed like a weird hippie kind of person. but on the inside he was religiously serious, had a strong ethic on what a relationship between a man and woman should be, etc. very surprising to find out that he was one damn conservative traditional person despite his appearance.

as much as you are freaky with your emotions and it is incredibly outpouring you do not want someone who you may be your friend/lover to perceive you as this "freak" that I mention. This is why ESTJ would be your dual as the ESTJ will direct you to the right course of action (keep in mind that ESTJs while not practical nor realistic they got a big ass mouth on what is right or wrong)
 

Tigerlily

unscannable
Joined
Jun 21, 2007
Messages
5,942
MBTI Type
TIGR
Enneagram
3w4
INFJs are freaks. when i mean freaks, not freaks in bed. but they got this massive cruxification of jesus kind of romance deal. its kind of like if you get involved with an infj you must be able to withstand them impaling themselves on a cross while marching with you bleeding out in agony kind of cruxification.

tiny tim that ukelule player was an infj, even his face and mannerisms was infj. on the outside he seemed like a weird hippie kind of person. but on the inside he was religiously serious, had a strong ethic on what a relationship between a man and woman should be, etc. very surprising to find out that he was one damn conservative traditional person despite his appearance.

as much as you are freaky with your emotions and it is incredibly outpouring you do not want someone who you may be your friend/lover to perceive you as this "freak" that I mention. This is why ESTJ would be your dual as the ESTJ will direct you to the right course of action (keep in mind that ESTJs while not practical nor realistic they got a big ass mouth on what is right or wrong)
all this coming from an ENFP. :laugh: Seriously though your analysis of the INFJ is illogical. You do realize MBTI is an indicator right? and Tiny Tim? wtf? :huh:
 

Kyrielle

New member
Joined
Apr 26, 2007
Messages
1,294
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
4w5
INFJs are freaks.

Mmm'kay, but only if I get to be the "Wild Woman of Borneo Who Gets Stabbed and Then Bleeds on Everybody Saying 'Woa-ez me, oh woa-ez me' " in the freak show! :D Ooh, the subtitle at the bottom of the poster could be, "Horrifyingly Dangerous and Stain-Inducing!"

Really though, what/who are you using to form this opinion? Because from the first sentence, I couldn't take you seriously. I understand the potential for martyrdom, but I fail to see how that makes one a "freak." Care to explain further?
 

batumi

New member
Joined
Jan 31, 2008
Messages
177
MBTI Type
infj
I easily get all kinds of crushes. My intuition plays a big role as I tend to get interested in people others wouldn't even look twice. It's as if I see into people's personality whereas others only see their outer shell. Of course looks matter to me too, but it's not that important. Personality is.

Me too. Exactly. Especially the part about people other wouldn't look at a second time.
 

01011010

New member
Joined
Jun 22, 2008
Messages
3,916
MBTI Type
INxJ
I don't know about love, but general romantic feelings sure. I know an INFJ that moved in with a woman only after a month of knowing her and another time where she dated someone for only a month and already started making married couple statements of endearment.

She throws herself in until she finds faults in the other person.
 

animenagai

New member
Joined
Aug 22, 2008
Messages
1,569
MBTI Type
NeFi
Enneagram
4w3
wow really? this is interesting stuff as this seems quite impulsive. i do have a friend who's an INFJ and she like's things structured (no crap right?). it doesn't sound like her to just throw herself at something like that. guess that's a side i don't know. would INFP's do similar things? does the J want to get things moving in terms of relationship milestones?
 

Mondo

Welcome to Sunnyside
Joined
Mar 1, 2008
Messages
1,992
MBTI Type
EsTP
Enneagram
6w7
This is likely a difference between the INFJ and INFP.
It takes a long time before I fall in love with someone.
I have had a few crushes here and there.
I recognize it for what it really is: sexual attraction, that is it.
I may hook up with a crush at a bar or something and possibly engage in a one-night stand but if we have nothing in common, why the hell would I want to actually date her?

The XXFJs I know are often way too confident in their prospects with their crushes. (To be fair.. I know more XSFJs like this but I just know more XSFJs in general but some of the SFJs probably would test as iNtuitve- they just aren't iNtuitive.)
They often gain a crush on someone, talk about that person incessantly, and then think- Oh I think that person likes me!!!!! EEEE!!! HE SAID HI TO ME AND MADE A JOKE WHICH I THOUGHT WAS FUNNY-EEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!
I'm like: Ask him out if you're so damn confident!
Most of them never go that far.. those with Fe (dominant or auxiliary) I think have the tendency to project their own feelings onto others.
 

Martoon

perdu fleur par bologne
Joined
Apr 23, 2007
Messages
1,361
MBTI Type
INTP
People are people so any type is capable of "falling in love fast". If the chemistry is there, it can happen.
Mmmm, possibly capable of, but I think maybe some types aren't very likely to.

I can't speak for INTPs in general, but I will say that I don't. It would take me a while to get to that. As with most things, I always feel like there's so much I don't know, and it's hard to fall in love with a void. I think INFJs (and Js in general) are more likely to fill in a void with best guesses, whereas a P is more likely to leave something as a void until they're convinced it can be accurately filled. Pros and cons to both, of course.
 

edcoaching

New member
Joined
Jun 30, 2008
Messages
752
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
7
Mmmm, possibly capable of, but I think maybe some types aren't very likely to.

I can't speak for INTPs in general, but I will say that I don't. It would take me a while to get to that. As with most things, I always feel like there's so much I don't know, and it's hard to fall in love with a void. I think INFJs (and Js in general) are more likely to fill in a void with best guesses, whereas a P is more likely to leave something as a void until they're convinced it can be accurately filled. Pros and cons to both, of course.

I'm not so sure that it was a best guess. I'd nuance it that I knew what I was looking for--my dating pattern was to only go out a few times with someone and then end it if there was no point in being serious whereas my friends of many, many types seemed to want to have a boyfriend at all times so they always had someone to go to dances, etc. with. So it was easy to know when "Mr. Right"came along.

That said, an INFJ could of course have the wrong image in mind and make a mistake just like any other type...
 

karenk

New member
Joined
Apr 19, 2008
Messages
160
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
4w5
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
I think INFJs (and Js in general) are more likely to fill in a void with best guesses, whereas a P is more likely to leave something as a void until they're convinced it can be accurately filled. Pros and cons to both, of course.


INFJs know more about the person faster (intuition). I think INFJs' strongest trait is being intuitive with people. It's not filling in any voids with guesses imo.
 

the state i am in

Active member
Joined
Feb 12, 2009
Messages
2,475
MBTI Type
infj
Enneagram
5w4
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
crush easily and always. jeff tweedy wrote a song about it called i'm always in love (why i wonder is my heart full of holes, and the feeling goes but my hair keeps growing)

definitely understand the relationship of comfort thing- i can never bring myself to do it, but i want to SOOOOO BADLY.

i imagine i am torn too bc i feel like if my Ni ever KNOWS knows, it's over, and i need more experience and to be healthier and more expansive than i am now, especially in regards to sexuality and gender, than i am now, to feel at all complete and satisfied in my expression of that aspect of myself (thinking anima/animus).

nonetheless, while i've deeply loved different people (or so i think), i've never been in love. i've never had my Ni just KNOW. and it will at some point, unless i use all of the Ti i have to prevent it from happening (or just stay a hermit like i've been too much of my life). the more Ti i use, the more i feel like an intp. maybe i should read about intp in relationships, altho those don't seem to have the same religious fervor lingering in the background.
 
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