Every time I take time out to read about an infj I just sit there thinking that one minute I should attempt to reach out in one direction only to get to the bottom or the middle of the page to find out that my first idea won't work and that I should try another or that in reality they don't care about anything you have said so you pretty much mean nothing at all to them.
I am not sure if this is what you are referring to....but possibly it applies...
My experience with INFJs is typical of most Fe types in this way. They listen to the opinions, views, etc of people they admire and trust, perhaps based on long-terms impressions of who that person (or even an organization) is. This doesn't mean paranoia cannot enter the picture (ie they suspect someone of being bad, then become hypervigilant to signs that support this; yes that is an unhealthy pattern that does not define the type). But what it means is they may focus more on the source than the info itself, which flies against Ti logic. Even Fi types, being introverted rationals, will consider the reasoning in itself, independent of the source, and the idea of something being dismissed because of who it comes from is maddening.
But there is validity in the FJ way, although like all type preferences, it ends up giving you a sliver of truth and not the whole picture (the problem every individial faces). The validity I see is they are, in a way, questioning the premise. Why bother considering the reasoning if the premise is off?
As NPs, we can pride ourselves in seeing many perspectives, but in doing so, we lose out on the focused view, which ironically, is the more common mentality (ie mostly SJs).
There is also the danger in going down the rabbit hole because of using reasoning to try and make sense of every premise. Questioning the premise is a valuable tool I have learned from other types.
Young INFPs can learn that....if you made a thread asking, "How come INFPs smell like peanut butter?", then too many young INFPs may start exploring
why that
could be, just taking it for granted, instead of recognizing the premise is nuts and considering what motivated the OP to present that premise.
So to us, INFJs may seem too dismissive to outside input or overly suspicious of motive, whereas INFPs can be too susceptible to alternate views and give too much benefit of the doubt to others (which can then trigger self-esteem issues and a feeling of being criticized all the time; doesn't necessarily look nice or naive). These opposite styles may create frustration between the types.
What I always walk away with is that if youre not 100 percent perfect in their mindset of perfection, you aren't deserving if their time. In short, nothing in this world is going to make them happy.
This sort of thing happens with people when they don't want to see their own flaws, and yeah, that is a major flaw I see in INFJs - not wanting to face their own imperfections. To accept imperfections in others, you often have to face and accept your own.
Everyone, regardless of type, will have a tendency to project their own flaws onto others and be hyper critical of what they fear is in themselves. I notice INFJs can be sensitive to suggestions they are selfish and arrogant, and they tend to paint their "flaw" as being too giving, too caring, too unselfish, and if only others would be humbled and listen to them. Yet, that isn't what others are seeing....
Using INFPs as an example of how this works in another type.... We may complain about others being too critical and unable to see other veiws, and we may dismiss their values (ie often as "shallow"), but this really shows our own critical side, inability to really see their view, and a feeling of having our own values dismissed.
Also, just curious, do INFJs have a sense of humor at all? Does anything truly make them laugh? Do they react carefree of anything in the world?
If you know someone like this, then that is sad (not pathetic, but I truly feel sorry for them), because it seems like they must be in a really bad place to have lost all humor.
I almost never meet anyone with no sense of humor. All of the INFJs I've yet to meet have a sense of humor, although they tend to be more appreciative of it then generating it.
And for those who aren't an INFJ... have you ever felt yourself trying to take everything they say or don't say (you've read about it and applied it to someone you know ) about themselves and work with it or work with them to try to help them along -- only to find out you've failed? And that your good intentions were just met with constant annoyance or igorance?
I try not to give advice or input unless solicited explicitly. Otherwise it will annoy people and be met with obstinance.
If someone wants to vent a lot and never hear any outside input or always dismissed my input (when sought out), then honestly, I may reevaluate the relationship. I may realize I haven't set good boundaries, for the benefit of us both (see comment about codependency below). Basically, I stop being their free therapist. It can pain me to feel like I am giving up on someone because I don't want to be a fairweather friend. I don't want to be a person who runs from the broken and hurting when they are in a time they may need people the most. But some sort of
codependency can begin if you are not careful.
I don't write people off as toxic, but I start to think of setting the firm boundaries as a kind of needed tough love (which I mostly loathe!) as well as respect for
myself.
And if the greatest or one of the greatest things with INFJ is feeling so hard, why is it that they never seem to have the ability to feel outside if their own feelings?
Meaning do they truly care about other people's feelings more than their own?
People who are not emotionally healthy generally do not truly care about or understand others feelings, although they may put on a great show about it. Strong empathy is usually something that goes out the window when people disintegrate.
A lot of what you describe may be how it goes down for some INFJs, but other types have their own way of breaking down and not really caring about others (however they appear) is almost always a part of it (egocentric).
