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  1. #11
    Earth Exalted Thursday's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    8w9 sp/sx


    Quote Originally Posted by cafe View Post
    I don't control my jumping to conclusions very well. What I do is control myself from acting on my conclusions until I have some kind of concrete evidence and/or I have run it by a few people I respect and trust.
    I N V I C T U S

  2. #12
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2007


    Oohh... I think I understand better now. Correct me if I'm wrong:

    When you did all the stuff you enjoyed and "fed your inner self", you felt disconnected from others and ultimately discovered how loneliness feels. So you tried to do stuff to be like others--things you didn't particularly enjoy or benefit from--so that you could connect with others and wouldn't be lonely. When you finally figured out that it was possible to do what you love and be yourself and still connect to others, you felt as though you'd lost touch with that inner self.

    To use a metaphor, it sounds a bit like when I'm too busy to eat. I get hungry, but I can't be bothered with food at the moment, so I ignore it and keep going. If I ignore it long enough, I start to feel sick and get a headache. I get frustrated at every little thing and feel as though the day is a failure and I should just go to bed. Paradoxically, though, I no longer feel hungry. My appetite is gone and I just feel sick; I don't want to eat and nothing sounds tasty. Usually, all I feel like doing is going to sleep. Is that kind of like how it is with your inner self?

    When I feel that way physically, I have learned that I need to eat a little bit to stimulate my appetite. Drink some juice or eat a cracker. Just something to remind my stomach of why it's there and what it needs. Even though it's not what I want at first, my body soon readjusts and gives me correct signals again--my appetite returns and I can eat a meal.

    It sounds to me like your inner self is hungry because you haven't been "feeding" it. As a result, the rest of you is thrown off-kilter--like how I feel sick and angry when I'm hungry. You say you don't trust others, and apparently you don't trust yourself. Your emotions feel "raw" and you have trouble managing your time. I can often trace those kinds of feelings in myelf back to not having spent enough time (or energy, effort) taking care of myself.

    If this is true, then you may need to stir up your appetites again. Let go of judging whether you've grown or stagnated over the past few years. Let go of a evaluating self development. Give yourself a "bite to eat" of the things you love, and give yourself time for your appetite to return. Then just relax and enjoy eating.

    Of course it's different with everyone, as cascademn says. For me, one of the primary components of recouperative time is to be alone in a place where I feel safe. Not a location that carries implicit expectations of others or a fear of being interrupted; rather, a place that feels comforting and secure. Sometimes the best thing to do is just to be. Watch the clouds and dream; play with puppies or kittens; walk slowly and observe your surroundings; lose yourself in music. Don't analyze self or think too much about the Big Questions. Just let go and enjoy existing. (Maybe this is the kind of thing cascademn referred to as "getting out of your inner world"? Not sure...) That kind of thing alone usually isn't enough for me, but it often serves to "readjust my appetites" and center myself enough to know what I want.

    After that, what? If you could do anything you wanted to do, that's within your power to do (not sprout wings and fly), what would it be? Imagine you're a kid on summer vacation again and your time is your own with no strings attached: what will you do? How will you enjoy yourself? Give yourself a "summer vacation" afternoon and be your own friend again.

    Golly, I'm sounding mushy and cheesy. Is all this resonating with you at all, or am I still off-key?

  3. #13


    @Faith, yes exactly!!!

    thanks everyone this has been a really big help (although i apologize for making the thread look like some cheesy diary entry). I think I need to shift my priorities and relax my inner control freak.
    Introverted (I) 57.14% Extroverted (E) 42.86%
    Intuitive (N) 66.67% Sensing (S) 33.33%
    Feeling (F) 61.54% Thinking (T) 38.46%
    Judging (J) 51.22% Perceiving (P) 48.78%

    Your type is: INFJ

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